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Meat Me in St. Louis, Louis

November 29th, 2007 by Mike Nelson · 9 Comments

ribhoodThis man is wearing a hat made of lamb ribs. (Think about that for moment.)

Okay. Now, amazingly, the fact that he is wearing a hat made of lamb ribs is not, by a long chalk, the most disturbing thing about this photo [click it to enlarge]. No, that honor goes to the thicket of fur clinging to the southernmost outpost of his face. You could call it a beard, I guess, but to do so would be akin to calling his hat made of lamb ribs a “hat.” It is most certainly not. It shares characteristics with a hat, namely, that it is positioned on the top of his head, but then 8 ounces of congealed pudding can also be positioned on top of the head. But neither is it a “hat.” In the same way, the carrot-colored mess he neglected to excise from his chin cannot fairly be called a beard. I suggest “fail-proof woman repellent” or “Harry Knowles costume.”

Anyway, the point is, Christmas is coming and someone in your family might really appreciate it if you bought him a nice hat. Alternately, you could do him an even bigger favor by getting him to drop his casually anarchic and ironic outlook on the world, an outlook that causes him to post photos of himself on the internet smiling, draped in the septic ribcages of slaughtered animals.

Or you could buy him a razor.

Tags: RiffTrax

9 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Tim on Nov 29, 2007 at 10:17 pm

    I suppose I’ll hold off on sending those congealed-pudding hats I was going to send to the Rifftrax folks for Christmas. I can tell when my gifts have been insulted.

    Ribcage hat = disgusting
    Unkempt forest of orange chin whiskers = repulsive

    Ribcage hat + red beard = frothing, extremity-flailing insane

  • 2 Eddie Colton on Nov 29, 2007 at 10:41 pm

    Oh what next, Mr. Mike Nelson? Are you going to claim that Ed Gein was not in fact a maker of quality arts and crafts? Yes, you and your Armani-wearing cronies would love for all of us to believe that. I suppose that dog fighting is not really a sport, and elephant dung on canvas is not really art. I elevate what you allege is not my “beard” at you, sir. Good day.

  • 3 Neb on Nov 30, 2007 at 12:32 am

    Why did this man put a sheep carcass on his head? That’s really all I want to know. Thank you.

  • 4 yanni576 on Nov 30, 2007 at 8:34 am

    Well, what if this guy is a bilateral transhumeral amputee, and wearing his cut of lamb ribs on his head is the only way he has to get it home from the butcher’s! I’d bet you’d feel pretty bad knowing that!

  • 5 Courtney on Nov 30, 2007 at 9:11 am

    As a hat, it’s ridiculous. However, the same piece as my new lamb rib corset? It is absolutely what the kids are calling FIERCE. It really is, because the bones pick out and they’re sharp. But it looks good.

  • 6 torgosPizza on Nov 30, 2007 at 9:36 am

    “Harry Knowles Costume.” Classic.

    *makes note to trim my own goatee*

  • 7 LDT on Nov 30, 2007 at 7:01 pm

    Hey never mind the hat – Its that beard that is the problem…

    We see alot of the angry young men of the day sporting those and thus the beard have been named (in these parts anyways) the “Osama Bin Lincoln”

  • 8 Fifthrate on Dec 11, 2007 at 4:48 am

    Has no one recognized this guy? It’t the LEPRECHAN!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

  • 9 master meat on Jul 15, 2009 at 11:24 am

    you guys are going to love hats of meat.com!