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The US Mint FAQ for the Presidential $1 Coin, Rewritten Truthfully

December 13th, 2007 by · 13 Comments

Jefferson Dollar Coin

The Presidential $1 Coin program evidently launched close to a year ago. This came a surprise to me when I discovered it today, because nobody I know has ever seen one or met anyone who has. I’ve taken the liberty of rewriting the “Answers” to the official US Mint Presidential $1 Coin FAQ to reflect the real world answers to the questions.

Q. How can I get a Presidential $1 Coin for myself?
A. This is impossible. The coins do not actually exist.

Q. Will my bank, credit union, or thrift institution have the coins?
A. In theory yes. In reality no, as they do not actually exist.

Q. How can my bank, credit union, or thrift institution order Presidential $1 Coins?
A. Your financial institution can read about the process in the February 1, 2007 issue of FedFlash. Here are a list of other magazines that we have also made up: GrantGiver, BernakeBi-Monthly and Fictional Coin Digest.

Q. How can I get Presidential $1 Coins for the business I run?
A. While you were asking this question, your direct competitor was taking steps to increase efficiency and profits.

Q. How can I get Presidential $1 Coins for the bank, credit union, or thrift institution I run?
A. Banks and credit unions, no dice, see questions 1 and 2. Since you just made up the term “Thrift Institution”, it is possible that they might be able to obtain Presidential $1 Coins in the imaginary world they exist in.

Q. “Thrift Institution” is actually just another word for Savings Bank or Credit Union, they are real.
A. Then you will not be able to find any Presidential $1 coins at one.

Q. How do I get a release schedule for the program?
A. Since you insist on making our lives difficult, a release schedule can be found here. Please note that dates are generated randomly each time you load the site and extend only thru 2008, by which time we assume everyone will have figured it out and/or lost interest.

Q. How do I get a book to hold the coins I collect?
A. Any of the books that are currently in your house or that you buy in the future are as full of Presidential $1 Coins as they will ever get.

Q. How do I order collector boards or other informational materials for the Presidential $1 Coin Program?
A. We sell these, but only accept Presidential $1 Coins as payment.

Q. I have experienced problems (incorrect quantities, damaged boxes/materials, etc.) with an order I placed for Presidential $1 Coin informational materials. What should I do?
A. Impossible. How did you pay us?

Q. I am experiencing difficulties in accessing the website ($1coin/) for Presidential $1 Coin informational materials. What should I do?
A. Please make sure that you are not attempting to connect from behind a firewall that bans websites with excessive imaginary content. Many work places have these installed to make sure that time is not wasted researching frivolous, made up things.

Q. Is the Presidential $1 Coin Program similar to the 50 States Quarter ProgramĀ®?
A. Similar in the same respect that a unicorn is similar to a horse.

Q. How do I get more information about Presidential $1 Coins?
A. You just don’t get it, do you…

Tags: RiffTrax · silly