An elementary school girl, aged 10, was arrested for attempting to cut her steak into bite-sized pieces. She now faces felony weapons charges and a 10-day suspension.
The steak escaped with minor injuries, but was clearly shaken by the encounter: “She had this crazy look in her eyes - I haven’t been that scared since being trimmed from the short loin next to the rib end. Or perhaps the moment I was seasoned with kosher salt, fresh cracked pepper and tossed into a preheated cast iron pan, only to be finished in a 450 degree oven and allowed to rest for 5 minutes to give time for my juices to redistribute.”
Let’s hope this adorable little girl does hard time. Well done, adults.
18 responses so far ↓
1 wurwolf on Dec 18, 2007 at 11:31 am
What kind of fancy school cafeteria serves steak? If the school had been doing its duty by serving tacos and tater tots, this could have all been avoided.
[Reply to this]
Reply from torgosPizza on December 18, 2007:
I’m with you on this. The best thing my school ever served was “Italian Dunkers” - English muffins topped with pizza cheese and a garlic seasoning. They were delicious, but they weren’t no steak.
2 Merat(Ginzu) on Dec 18, 2007 at 11:32 am
Yeah, she’s gonna be cell mates with the homicidal “Tweetybird Keychain” lunatic that was in all the papers a few years ago. Monsters. *Shudder*
[Reply to this]
3 doggans on Dec 18, 2007 at 11:44 am
I, for one, am glad to see more steak offenders brought to justice. Hasn’t the poor steak suffered enough already? It’s already dead, why do you feel the need to humiliate it more by slicing and dicing it? This heartless little girl obviously has no soul.
[Reply to this]
4 Tim on Dec 18, 2007 at 11:47 am
I think we’ve all felt scared when we were being trimmed from the short loin next to the rib end.
I guess this girl attends Ruth’s Chris Elementary School?
[Reply to this]
5 Ron on Dec 18, 2007 at 11:58 am
If she had properly tenderized that steak, this never would’ve happened. I blame the chef for serving such inferior beef that it couldn’t be cut with a spoon.
[Reply to this]
6 Kevin Murphy on Dec 18, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Strike a blow for the vegans!
[Reply to this]
7 Courtney on Dec 18, 2007 at 1:07 pm
…So how were the other kids eating their steaks? Just picking it up and shoving it into their mouths? Attempting to use their plastic forks, breaking them, and subsequently eating bits of sharp plastic?
I’m just filled with questions, I tell ya!
[Reply to this]
Reply from Merat(Ginzu) on December 18, 2007:
Well, in all fairness, all the other students are wolverines. Its a special school.
8 Bill Corbett on Dec 18, 2007 at 1:19 pm
That rotten kid. I warned her last month when she brought her Hello Kitty backpack to school. I was convinced that she’d start swinging it wildly at any minute, taking out eyes left and right.
Throw the book at this little terrorist.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Merat(Ginzu) on December 18, 2007:
Hello Kitty has brought a great deal of grief to this world. …. and headaches. Mostly headaches.
Reply from Courtney on December 18, 2007:
Which still wasn’t as bad as the day she brought Hilary Swank to school and she started upper-cutting all the kids. But then she took a hit and was paralyzed, and then *sniff* Clint Eastwood gave her a shot of *sniff, stifled sob* adrenaline and she, she she died… LOOK I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
9 Kei on Dec 18, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Hey, I personally think all little girls would do well to spend a little time in the slammer. They’ll learn all kinds of useful things in there, instead of wasting their time giggling, painting their nails, or serving in Miley Cyrus’s dark army.
Young girls need the life skills offered in our fine penitentiaries. Like knowing how to cut a good deal on cigarettes, bench pressing, the importance of bitchdom when it comes to safety and getting a shot at pudding* in the cafeteria… Y’know, lots of good stuff.
*I don’t actually know if prisons serve pudding. The extent of my penal knowledge is what I’ve read in Stephen King novels. And the movie Chicago, which means I’m also under the impression that “lights out” in prisons is for the purpose of adding to the tone of nightly burlesque numbers involving only the sexiest of inmates.
[Reply to this]
10 Rufus T. on Dec 18, 2007 at 5:44 pm
I smell another Michael Moore documentary in the works. I also smell pizza. But I smell the new Michael Moore documentary a little bit more.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Mike Nelson on December 18, 2007:
(*burp*small barf*) I smell it, too.
11 Mr. Slick on Dec 18, 2007 at 8:00 pm
The Beef Counsel will NOT stand for this!!
[Reply to this]
Reply from Mike Nelson on December 18, 2007:
Ya daddle da, daddle daddle daddle daddle daddle. Yum bum bum, yaddle daddle daddle daddle daddle!!*
*That’s my Copland as performed by the Beef Council Orchestra of Saint Sirloin in the Field.
12 Queen Bee on Dec 19, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Indeed, I never thought I’d say this… but she doesn’t even deserve BEEF.
[Reply to this]
Leave a Comment