Mike has offered you a vision of apocalyptic madness for future Christmases, with mutant hippopotami running amok — a few even in diapers! — as some evil drag queen (think Xerxes from the movie 300) pretends to be a little girl, and warbles horribly about the virtues of said hippo hellspawn.
It was a service Mike did us, though admittedly hard to recognize as such, because of its extremity. ‘Twas tough love.
But please, do take it as a warning. Turn from the dark side, or… it’s mutant hippos for Christmas!
(Take a second. Ponder. Shudder.)
(Now…breathe.)
Here’s another Christmas morality tale, which thankfully does not get into the quantum possibility of freakish bediapered hippos. There are roughly 87 million versions of this tale out there, but this is one of my favorites. It keeps the story intact while mostly leaving the treacle behind. (Plus, the music is great.)
So friends, enjoy the final act of MR. MAGOO’S CHRISTMAS CAROL, made in 1962. With any luck, it will drive those Hippos out of your head, and back into the lake of fire.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Bill Corbett on Dec 23, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Some razzleberry dressing, on the house.
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2 Joshua J. Slone on Dec 23, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Would that I had his eyes, the vision of a zoom-in on hippo ass would not dance in my head.
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3 Mr. Slick on Dec 23, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Come on Bill, Mutant Hippos need love too!
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4 The Family Jules on Dec 23, 2007 at 5:24 pm
I wonder if Mike is crying “No, spirit! No, don’t leave me alone with bediapered hippos!” in his sleep like Mr. Magoo. If he’s not, I am.
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5 ROPER on Dec 23, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Razzleberry dressing, brings back good memories. Goes along way in erasing thoughts of mutant hippos and Kevin Murphy in fishnet stockings. Thanks,Happy Holidays everybody!
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6 Sampo on Dec 23, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Nobody should have to go through the Christmas season without hearing the words “razzleberry dressing.” I once did a piece for the Inquirer about the comparative merits of various cartoon portrayals of Ebenezer Scrooge. Sure there’s the dreary Disney typecasting of Scrooge McDuck, and there’s the bombastic Flintstonian interpretation. But for me, the Magoovian sensibility wins, hands down. BTW, the music was written by proven Broadway tunesmiths Jule Styne and Bob Merrill, and that’s Jack Cassidy as Bob Cratchit.
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Reply from Bill Corbett on December 23, 2007:
” But for me, the Magoovian sensibility wins, hands down.”
Agreed. It retains the good stuff about A Christmas Carol, but has a lot of fun in the process. Plus: it’s short.
And yes, the music is awesome. I’m actually surprised that the score, at least, hasn’t been re-used by some enterprising producer, somewhere. But probably all for the best, as the original memory wouldn’t get sullied.
Reply from Bill Corbett on December 23, 2007:
P.S. bonus points for
“Magoovian.”
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