Mike has offered you a vision of apocalyptic madness for future Christmases, with mutant hippopotami running amok — a few even in diapers! — as some evil drag queen (think Xerxes from the movie 300) pretends to be a little girl, and warbles horribly about the virtues of said hippo hellspawn.
It was a service Mike did us, though admittedly hard to recognize as such, because of its extremity. ‘Twas tough love.
But please, do take it as a warning. Turn from the dark side, or… it’s mutant hippos for Christmas!
(Take a second. Ponder. Shudder.)
Here’s another Christmas morality tale, which thankfully does not get into the quantum possibility of freakish bediapered hippos. There are roughly 87 million versions of this tale out there, but this is one of my favorites. It keeps the story intact while mostly leaving the treacle behind. (Plus, the music is great.)
So friends, enjoy the final act of MR. MAGOO’S CHRISTMAS CAROL, made in 1962. With any luck, it will drive those Hippos out of your head, and back into the lake of fire.