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You…shall not…PASS!

December 29th, 2007 by Bill Corbett · 19 Comments

…Unless you’re on a Segway.

The brilliant Sir Ian McKellen, a wonderful actor and our very own Gandalf / Magneto — NOT Cerebro — this can’t be stressed enough* — was recently in Minneapolis performing the title role in KING LEAR at the Guthrie Theater.

(Yours truly has been an acting company member at the Guthrie, so I guess you could say that Sir Ian and I are professional peers. In a sense. If you ignore my lack of fame and talent, and the fact that the only sort of Knight I could ever hope to be is “of Columbus.”)

Anyway, while in the Twin Cities his Sir-ness took a little Segway tour of downtown Minneapolis, and someone snapped this picture below. It’s reprinted with permission of the website whose name is splayed across Sir Ian:


Personally, I think the Segway would have been a tactical advantage on the Bridge of Khazad Dum. It might have temporarily flummoxed the Balrog, giving Gandalf time to summon more of the power of the Flame of Anor, which could have allowed him to —

Oh dear god, what have I become?


(* Or perhaps it can be stressed enough, and has been stressed darn well enough already. Ah, but this has never stopped us from pile-driving a joke deep, deep into the ground, approaching the molten core of the earth….)

Tags: RiffTrax

19 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Eniena on Dec 29, 2007 at 8:09 pm

    I can just image General Montgomery and his forcing advancing to the rhine on segways.

    Now I’ve just imagined Jimmy “Popeye” Doyle from “The French Connection” using a segway instead of a car during the train chase scene.

    My goodness, the sky’s the limit when it comes to replacing established vehicles with segways!

  • 2 Tim on Dec 29, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    It begs the question as to whether Gandalf would have traded in his noble steed Shadowfax in favor of a Segway.

    My guess is a Segway would be great if Gandalf were zipping down a couple of blocks to get a cup of French Roast at Starbucks, but not as usefull when traversing the uneven ground of the rolling hills of Rohan.

  • 3 Hugh on Dec 29, 2007 at 9:02 pm

    Give in to it, Bill. The only people who are afraid of becoming geeks are boring people. And you’re not boring, are you? Join us.

  • 4 Rufus T. on Dec 29, 2007 at 9:23 pm

    This picture would be one thousand times better if there was a little word bubble that said, “I have so many gifts to deliver!” I may be mistaken. But if I’m wrong then I don’t want to be right.

  • 5 PatrickS on Dec 29, 2007 at 9:33 pm

    Hey Bill, I”m not sure how to say this…. but being a Knight of Columbus myself; I checked and well… it’s funny, you know, but it seems there’s a list of names that… Well, it’s not really a list… more like 3 or 4 names mentioned….. now that I think of it… it’s just one name listed with several variations in spelling of a guy that might be considered…. uhhhh… well…. perhaps not as honorable… no, I think the phrase was not respectable, no wait, not desirable? ?… Well, no matter… I’m sure William, Willy, Will, Bill Corbett\Corbit\Korbett\Corbet\Quarbut wasn’t referring to you….. probably some other Corbett(or variation therein). I”m sure there’s hundreds, thousands even with a similar name up your way. I just don’t think you should get your hopes up too high about the whole Knight thing…. that’s all…. Best of luck though.

  • 6 Ty on Dec 29, 2007 at 11:04 pm


  • 7 mrbasehart on Dec 30, 2007 at 8:01 am

    Clearly, Sir Ian McKellen is a method actor and as such, as decided to be stark-raving mad for his role as the ancient King.

  • 8 Bill Corbett on Dec 30, 2007 at 10:59 am

    “And you’re not boring, are you?

    Well…(chokes back tears)

    YES! Yes I am!

    There, I’ve finally admitted it. Ah, feels good to get that off my chest.

    Now I’m going to sit and watch some wallpaper peel. (<—- Boring people activity. Even SLOWER than watching paint dry, which is a little too hectic for us.)

  • 9 Bill Corbett on Dec 30, 2007 at 11:03 am

    I knew there was a reason my many applications were coming back with big red skull-n-crossbones stamps on them.

    My one last hope of being a knight might be to work cleaning rooms at one of these joints:

  • 10 Amy on Dec 30, 2007 at 1:03 pm

    I think this is the new test look for the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. the horses just aren’t working out anymore.

  • 11 Judith on Dec 30, 2007 at 1:31 pm

    This picture should inspire another over-the-top film of “Richard III”, this time with Sir Ian yelling “My kingdom for a Segway!”

    Well, why not?

  • 12 Edgewriter on Dec 30, 2007 at 4:10 pm

    When you think of it, what is a method actor anyway but someone who goes about methodically acting? I mean, trudging about from film to film or stage to stage, just doing his or her job, saying their lines, collecting their paychecks, sipping earl grey tea with Patrick Stewart. I mean really, what the big deal.

  • 13 killeroo on Dec 30, 2007 at 4:13 pm

    Ah, think of how much more dramatic ben-hur would have been if the epic chariot race was replaced by spike-wheeled segways?

  • 14 killeroo on Dec 30, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    Now can you get us some pics of Patrick Stewart tooling around a Walmart in one of those rascal scooter things?

  • 15 Mr. Slick on Dec 30, 2007 at 7:34 pm

    I think the whole mutants/human issue could of been decided if Magneto had raced Prof. X. His segway Vs. the prof.’s wheelchair. Am I wrong??

  • 16 John H. on Dec 30, 2007 at 7:52 pm

    It’s almost as difficult to be dignified riding a Segway as it is by hanging out with bunches of tiny hobbity people….

  • 17 Kyle on Dec 31, 2007 at 8:27 am

    Bill, when will you guys riff Red Dawn? Inquiring minds want to know. Thanks!

  • 18 euphoriafish on Aug 29, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    Yet, wallpaper is not as slow as the old standard of linoleum. YESSS! I WIN THE BOREDOM RACES!!!! OMG!!!1!

    By the way, I think this just might be my favorite Rifftrax blog post ever. It outdoes even the Crispin Glover music videos and the flight from bacon overlords…

  • 19 web development on Dec 6, 2010 at 11:17 am

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