Our Sir Ian McKellen-Drew Carey Buddy Movie pitch contest produced many excellent entries, potential blockbusters one and all.
And now Billy Corgan and I have chosen a winner.
Many things went into making this decision: originality; humor; adherence to Le Genre Buddy Movie, as the French call it, when drunk; brevity (I can only read for about three seconds straight); wise use of Donny Most; and whether or not I was hungry when I read yours.
And the winner is…
Kyle S., for this excellent pitch:
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“Title: The Bowler
Ian McKellen coaches the world’s worst cricket team. On the brink of losing his job, he discovers Drew Carey, a former U.S. bowling champion. If Carey can learn enough about wickets, perhaps he can save both their careers. Donny Most co-stars as McKellen’s archrival, who has never lost a game.”
That, my friends, is called printing money. Short and sweet, sounds plausible as a mismatched-buddy movie, and Hollywood clowns lunching at Madeo will commit ritual seppuku with their butter knives when they hear they didn’t bid on it.
So Kyle S., if you’re so inclined, email an address where we can reach you to:
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support@rifftrax.com
Put “Bill’s Blog Contest” in the subject line, and we’ll send you your piece of the big action in the next week. (And if you want to be left alone, we understand.)
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There were lots of other great entries, too. Among them:
The Stig:
“A lonely, yet successful British writer, Melvin (McKellan) has a lay over in New York, when funny, overweight, happy-go-lucky, ex-heroin addict named Phillip (Carrey) tries to snatch his bag. Instead he gets his latest manuscript. A little white lie spins out of control as Phillip becomes famous for his new book. Like most comedies, this will not pertain to reality at all, and will have a happy conclusion with no disappointments.”
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Dallas:
“Lord Gendorf (McKellan) thought he was booking a trip to an exclusive Caribbean resort, but he’s in for a surprise when he arrives on Isla de las Pulgas, a tiny island with one run-down hotel, owned by Roy (Drew Carey). Initially, they clash, but eventually they see past their differences and together they thwart the evil bad guys who want to demolish the island to open a new route for cruise ships.
Costarring Danny Most as the wise islander, and Bea Arthur as the love interest.”
[Extra credit to Dallas for a bilingual joke. “Islas de las Puglas” means “Island of the Fleas,” right?]
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Miron:
“This is a dance/love story. Carey plays a programmer whose life has spiralled downwards after his great love left him for Don Most at a dancing competition in his early twenties. (We’re talking seventies flashbacks here!) Now he finds a mentor in Sir Ian, who teaches him how to dance.”
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Gordon:
“Sir Ian McKellen plays Roscoe Montague, a wealthy, independent British brewer who is aggressively seeking the American Market. Drew Carey plays Steve Miles, who works for a large American brewer, and who wants to hold on to the American market.
Both men decide, as a business model, to aggressively market to American youth…and by “youth”, I mean, “kids”. And so who do they both try to recruit?
Scottie “The Big Pony” Marsden, played by Donnie Most, a washed-up child star whose sitcom, “Name That Stain”, has its best days behind him.
So, I propose a mega-multi-million dollar opus which has it all: big stars, big plot, and lots of stuff exploding.
Mr. Corbett, I humbly give you…BEER KNIGHT!”
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And a special mention to Edgewriter, whose entry was really long for an addled old fart like me, but had me laughing out loud:
Edgewriter:
“It’s a collision course for wackiness as the oldest kid in the orphanage, Bobby Nickels (Drew Carey) can’t seem to get adopted. Bobby even though in his thirties still acts and dresses like a twelve year old.
But across the pond in England, the wealthy British Prime Minister (Sir Ian) is having a public relations nightmare. He is seen as too big of a hard ass and needs to soften his image. The last straw comes when he angrily spits in the tea of the visiting Vice President of the United States. The incident is caught on camera and all hell breaks lose. He tells his bumbling assistant, (Donny Most) to fix the situation and it is suggested that he adopt a poor American Child.
This sparks an adoption lottery televised on BBC. The names of thousands of US-born orphans are put in a big basket and guess whose name is drawn?
That’s right, our boy Bobby. Hilarious hijinks ensue as Bobby goes over to England and generally makes a mess of things. The biggest embarrassment comes when he accidently slips at a banquet, grabs at the nearest object to stop himself, and gives the Queen of England a “wardrobe malfunction”.
Eventually, The Prime Minister’s heart is soften towards Bobby and the two develop a true and deep father/son relationship that will hold them through to many more life experiences despite the meddling by the guy that wants the Prime Minister’s job, Sir Benny Potts (Alan Cumming)
Future films could consist of Bobby and the prime minister going on a Roman Holiday, Bobby Taking the Prime Minister back to his orphanage, and a wacky Aspen Ski Trip.
What do you say Bill? I thinks it’s the idea of the century.”
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One final bit of thanks, to JaeWelch… for giving us the Sir Ian / Drew image below which ends this post.
Thanks to everyone for playing, and being such good sports. (I dearly hope so, anyway.)
On behalf of Billy Corgan and myself, good night.
24 responses so far ↓
1 Kei on Jan 4, 2008 at 8:50 pm
First to dole out congratulations!
And to ask for a low-paying production job in the winning movie idea. No one gets lattes like I do. Here’s my card.
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2 Ninjew on Jan 4, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Hey, that’s not BINGO night at the VFW!
That’s Drew and Ian in costume - waiting in line for $7.00 hotdogs at ComicCon!
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Reply from Onil on January 5, 2008:
Seven dollars?! Seriously? Are they rotisserie movie theater hot dogs or the much more superior dirty water dogs?
3 Dallas on Jan 4, 2008 at 9:47 pm
You got it on the translation, but I can’t take much credit for originality– Alameda de las Pulgas makes up part of my jogging route.
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4 Neb on Jan 4, 2008 at 10:33 pm
I, too, want in if this puppy is green lit. My last movie job was working for Extras Casting wrangling upwards of 75 zombies for a horror film. Cricketers should be easy sailing: much more civilized and less, er, sticky.
Resume on request.
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5 Kyle S. on Jan 4, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I won? Wow! Thanks Bill!
And thank Mr. Corgan for me too. (In fact, I think I can now forgive him for the album Mellon Collie, which played no small part in producing the brain damage that allows me to think like a Hollywood pitch man.)
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Reply from Bill Corbett on January 5, 2008:
Ah, so it all evens out.
Congrats.
6 Thad on Jan 4, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I hear Drew Carey actually IS a great bowler, too. A college buddy of mine claimed to have seen him at a bowling alley scoring 200+.
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7 Onil on Jan 5, 2008 at 6:34 am
Congratulations, Kyle. Frame your one dollar and take pictures, please.
On a more practical note, who’s going to write this future Oscar nominee? There’s still a strike on. You don’t wanna scab up the place.
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8 Mr. Slick on Jan 5, 2008 at 9:14 am
Now how about movie with Anson Williams, Ian Holms (Bilbo) & Diedrich Bader?!
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Reply from Bill Corbett on January 5, 2008:
Even better!
9 The Stig on Jan 5, 2008 at 10:54 am
I would gladly pay to see a cricket movie with Carey.
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10 wurwolf on Jan 5, 2008 at 11:38 am
Glad to see you gave honorable mention to Edgewriter’s hilarious pitch.
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Reply from Bill Corbett on January 5, 2008:
Yup. Huge careers have been built on much less than what Edgerwriter wrote. Nice additional casting, too:
“despite the meddling by the guy that wants the Prime Minister’s job, Sir Benny Potts (Alan Cumming)”
11 Brian O. on Jan 5, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I dunno about you guys, but I think the world is FINALLY ready for Earth Vs. Soup.
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12 chris s on Jan 5, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Really looking forward the movie. Maybe Uwe Boll for the director.
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Reply from Kei on January 5, 2008:
All jokes aside, I think I’ve lost faith in all that is good in the world.
Reply from Kyle S. on January 5, 2008:
I’m actually targeting Uwe for my next buddy comedy project, the Patrick Swayze/Damon Wayans epic “Major Payne Don’t Hurt!”
13 Edgewriter on Jan 5, 2008 at 10:06 pm
As soon as I finished it I knew it was a masterpiece even if it was too long for the contest.
Damn.
That seems to be my lot in life. Too long winded. Thanks for the honorable mention though, Bill.
But wait, I have another idea that is gold. It stars Bill Corbett and Colin Mochrie as fraternal twin brothers with a love for . . . love.
They have spent the last decade as poolboys in a retirement village living off of the pocketbooks of the multitude of old ladies that they are able to seduce since they are the youngest and most attractive guys around.
Life is good until a new guy (played by the always affable Kevin Murphy) moves into the neighborhood and horns in on their deal. Matters become complicated as two hot physical therapists (played by Karen Allen and Ally Sheedy.)take our heroes minds off of the old ladies.
Hilarity ensues and our heroes get the girls while learning a major life lesson.
Mike Nelson Guest stars as the Owner of the retirement village that takes a cut of our heroes earnings in exchange for looking the other way.
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Reply from Bill Corbett on January 6, 2008:
Nicely done, Edgewriter. As for this:
“since they are the youngest and most attractive guys around.”
…well, maybe the youngest, if this is set in a retirement village. But most attractive? No one will ever buy that crazy premise.
Reply from Edgewriter on January 6, 2008:
Part of Mike’s character’s job is to make sure no attractive old men are allowed to move in. Just wheelchair dudes and butt uglies.
14 Eddie Colton on Jan 6, 2008 at 12:34 am
Oh, Bill. I know it’s how you make your living, but do you really have to encourage more bad movies? REALLY?
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15 Drewsolo "lunchpail" on Jan 6, 2008 at 3:45 am
They do a full motion picture of “charlie the horse”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybeJM9c9Hh4
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16 chris s on Jan 6, 2008 at 11:51 am
If this was all about bad movies Bill would never have suggested Drew and Ian. These guys have STAR POWER. Besides, it’s all abut the writing anyway. With good writing “Battlefield Earth” could have been a HUGE hit–right?
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