… Do not like muffler bandages and neither should you.
 |
 |
| Hates muffler bandages like poison! | Will teach her child to avoid cheap exhaust system repair kits! |
I apologize for the sensational and deeply dishonest title of my post which, far from being about underage pregnancies or panty-free partying, is about the very serious shortcomings of muffler bandages. When, while traveling 70+ MPH, your exhaust system snaps and begins showering the rush hour freeway with a spectacular light show of sparks, you will be tempted (after briefly considering and then abandoning your plan to take your own life in a bid to avoid the shame) to try one of those cheap $5.99 muffler bandages and some thin metal strapping. This WILL fail. Your shame WILL increase. The bandage WILL break some 6 miles further down the road.
Do yourself a favor: buy a sturdy metal flange and a heavy duty clamp and spend the day on the cold garage floor on your back, cursing while giant chunks of rusted exhaust system detritus rain down into your eyes.
Ask me how I know this.
Go ahead. I dare you.
26 responses so far ↓
1 Brian O. on Jan 7, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I’ve found a good sized blob of JB Weld and sliced off piece of aluminum soda can works wonders, managed to put off replacing my muffler for almost a year with that method.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Mike Nelson on January 7, 2008:
Yes, there are pieces of Dr. Pepper can that are integral to my repair as well.
2 Botchinator on Jan 7, 2008 at 7:45 pm
You could always be a bit more proactive about these things and take a day out of every week to give your car a once over.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Brian O. on January 7, 2008:
Yeah Mike, what of your many minions? I’m sure one of them could take a break from peeling grapes for your pet iguana to crawl underneath the car once in a while.
3 Nerf on Jan 7, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Hey Mike….how do you know this?
[Reply to this]
Reply from Mike Nelson on January 7, 2008:
Well, it’s because not 48 hours ago I - HEY!!
4 Onil on Jan 7, 2008 at 8:15 pm
What’s a muffler and why would it need a bandage? Why did you have to be on the floor to work on your car? I thought the exhaust was in the back. Can you tell I know nothing about cars?
[Reply to this]
5 Clint on Jan 7, 2008 at 9:14 pm
You do not know shame until your 1977 Chrysler New Yorker (which you are driving in 1998), begins backfiring while you’re traveling on I-94, such that you can see the road light up behind you in the night presumably from the fireball spewing from you tailpipe. You can also see the cars behind you pass through the resulting plume of black smoke. The drivers of those vehicles, nice Chrysler Sebrings and newer Toyota Camrys, will accelerate to pull along side you with terrified looks on their faces to use non-verbal communication and impromptu sign language to tell you that your car may very well be on fire.
That’s shame, Mike. Cute story, though.
[Reply to this]
6 Cee on Jan 7, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Should have used duct tape. Duct tape fixes all!
[Reply to this]
7 Rob on Jan 7, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Try JL and Brittney style and go sans-muffler!
[Reply to this]
Reply from Brian O. on January 7, 2008:
I think the original problem is that nobody tried using duct tape on the Spears sisters to begin with.
8 ShutterBun on Jan 8, 2008 at 3:34 am
I was REALLY hoping the term “muffler bandage” was a slang term for some naughty new trend (a la “tramp stamp.”) Very disappointing to catch Mike in a rare instance of literal meaning.
On the plus side I guess this means we won’t have to endure any more “someone paid too much for his muffler!” riffs from Mike, as he now knows there is never too high a price to be paid for shame-free driving.
[Reply to this]
9 Kevin Murphy on Jan 8, 2008 at 4:37 am
Mike.
You didn’t. …D-did you?
Tell me you didn’t.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Brian O. on January 8, 2008:
Thanks Kevin, now I can’t get this image out of my head (warning, not worksafe): http://www2.b3ta.com/images/tailpipe.jpg
Reply from JaeWelch on January 8, 2008:
I think that link might need a stronger warning; it’s not just unsafe for work. It’s unsafe for your brain. I was seconds away from the sweet release of retinal detachment — but managed to rip the power cord free with my foot. It’s still inside my head, though…lurking. Waiting for me to sleep. I can feel it.
Reply from Chris Fronczak on January 8, 2008:
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Reply from Halsgoddess on January 8, 2008:
My eyes,,,MY EYES!!!!!
Reply from Dave-o on January 8, 2008:
yeah perhaps a warning like :”UNGODLY HORRIBLE” and have some waivers ready
Reply from Brian O. on January 9, 2008:
Sorry, I’m not Dethklok, I can’t issue pain waivers. Ironically enough, their “lawyers” would “sue” me for it. And by “lawyer” I mean thugs, and by “sue” I mean “Say goodbye to my kneecaps”.
10 Edgewriter on Jan 8, 2008 at 8:04 am
You know, Mike. You would have gotten more hits with some Schnappi references.
The Spears girls are like SO YESTERDAY.
[Reply to this]
11 NotMerrittStone on Jan 8, 2008 at 8:11 am
I’m pretty sure relying on a muffler bandage is exactly how Jamie Lynn ended up with her infant infestation.
Next time, trust the Midas touch.
[Reply to this]
12 Sampo on Jan 8, 2008 at 9:10 am
Hey, it’s not like your car has either a bad seal in the intake manifold ($300) or a crack in the intake manifold ($800) but they won’t know which it is until they take half the car apart….and in the meantime you have to shift into neutral and rev the engine at every stop light to keep from stalling….
Ask ME how I know THAT.
Still…Mike, you know that old saying about being your own lawyer? The same is usually true of being your own mechanic.
[Reply to this]
13 "Digits" on Jan 8, 2008 at 9:49 am
I think you are absolutely correct in saying that Britney and Jamie wouldn’t like a muffler bandage- They are both SOUTHERN GIRLS.
Southern girls use Duct Tape.
And so should you!
[Reply to this]
14 Courtney on Jan 8, 2008 at 10:17 am
Britney Spears - hated muffler bandages and then went crazy from the sounds of muffler bandages crying in the night.
Jamie Lynn Spears - too hated muffler bandages and is now carrying the evil seen of unbandaged mufflers that weep loudly in her womb.
Coincidence? Nope. Not at all. Love your muffler bandages, and they won’t kill you.
I majored in advertising. I know this campaign would work.
[Reply to this]
15 SarahCanuck on Jan 8, 2008 at 10:30 am
Oh dear.
Mufflers are evil critters. There is nothing that can make your heart sink as fast as looking out the back window to see your muffler bouncing along the asphalt.
But I still say you haven’t had fun until you’ve had to replace the head. I speak only from observation, of course - I still don’t know what the head is, aside from the fact that it’s not the grill, even though the grill has a facial expression - but I know that among my home-mechanicking folk there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
[Reply to this]
16 Dave-o on Jan 8, 2008 at 9:35 pm
hmm…so you used muffler bandage…brittney goes off the deep end and jamie lynn gets knocked up…dear God! no one use the muffler bandage! they cant take much more! you’ll get that crazy brit-fan guy on youtube screaming about using muffler bandage and how brittney doesnt deserve it
[Reply to this]
Leave a Comment