(Note: Periodically my dog Boomer will be offering a movie review. As you might guess, the only movies he’s remotely interested in have to do with dogs, or on occasion, squirrels. The recent Chipmunk movie flew right under his radar, thank God.)
I AM LEGEND- One Paw 
Will Smith stars in a “post-apocalyptic thriller.” I don’t know what that means, and frankly I don’t care. All I know is that there’s a dog in the movie, a damn fine dog named Sam, played the handsome German Shepherd bitch Abbey. So what do they do with this terrific actor? They kill her. They kill her and they don’t look back. In fact, Will Smith kills her. What the hell is that about?
Excuse me, I have to lick my anus. Back in a minute.
***
I’m back. I’ve been told that what I just said is apparently a “spoiler.” This means nothing to me. All I know is that a perfectly fine dog is dead so the movie gets one paw.
Gotta go. Squirrel outside.
31 responses so far ↓
1 dignan on Jan 14, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Well, judging by this entry, at least Boomer wasn’t permanently traumatized by the event. That’s something to be thankful for!
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Not traumatized, simply pissed.
-kwm
2 Sampo on Jan 14, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Hey Kevin, has Humphrey gone to that big dog park in the sky or is he still with you?
I shudder to think what Boomer would make of “Cats and Dogs.”
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Humphrey headed to Valhalla a few months ago, thanks for asking, my man.
Boomer thought “Cats and Dogs” was trite and derivative.
Reply from Sampo on January 15, 2008:
Aw, sorry to hear it. My condolences. I never met him, but he was very photogenic, he was an excellent actor (he played a werewolf VERY well) and he was the answer to my favorite extremely obscure MST3K trivia question.
Has Boomer seen Dog of Flanders?
3 Walter on Jan 14, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Is Boomer a Spaniel?
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Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Boomer’s a Cocker first, critic second, Spaniel third.
4 Rob III on Jan 14, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Ooof! Movie spoiled.
At least they didn’t kill a cat.
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5 Halsgoddess on Jan 14, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I’m with ya Boomer. I checked out as soon as Will had to kill the dog. Poor Sam didn’t have to die…it was all Will’s fault in the first place! If he hadn’t been completely mental it never would have happened! As such, why hasn’t he been brought up on charges? I say we boycott the movie!
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6 Robyn on Jan 14, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Awww, hello puppy! Who’s a good movie critic??? You are! YESYOUARE. YESYOUARE. YES - *ahem* …Sorry.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Dear Robyn:
Don’t patronize the critic–wait, is that a Snausage? Never mind, I love you.
-Boomer
7 Onil on Jan 14, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Any chance of Boomer reviewing the recent live action Underdog?
[Reply to this]
Reply from Yanni on January 14, 2008:
or how about Air Bud?
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Underdog: Half a paw. Never anthropomorphize an already-intelligent creature.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an empty nut-sack to nibble on.
-Boomer.
8 Mr. Slick on Jan 14, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I think I would rather watch Boomer “lick” his anus than to watch another Will Smith movie.
So, Boomer, when can we expect THAT movie?! Hmmmm?
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Reply from Onil on January 14, 2008:
Bill Corbett with a youtube link of Boomer licking his anus in 3…2…
Reply from Bill Corbett on January 14, 2008:
“Bill Corbett with a youtube link of Boomer licking his anus in 3…2…”
Met the real life Boomer in person (well, dog) for the first time today. Cuuuuuuuuuuuuute puppy. Friendly little guy too, despite his angry movie reviewing style.
As far as the YouTube link goes, I have nothing like that for Boomer. For Kevin, however… um, never mind.
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Boomer has no intentions to star in any movies, in any fashion, anus licking or otherwise.
Hey, it’s not my decision, it’s his.
-kwm
Reply from CireDark on January 14, 2008:
Then we’d have to deal with the dozens of YouTube hivemind copies of anus licking as per Bills’ previous entry.
Let’s spare the world, shall we?
9 LemSlaw on Jan 14, 2008 at 5:53 pm
So from this review I can assume that Boomer is not a fan of Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song?
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Boomer hasn’t seen it, and I’m afraid to show him Sweet Sweetback for fear he’ll then want to bite ay random Van Peebles that walks by.
-kwm
10 Botchinator on Jan 14, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Boomer is a bitter little dude.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
Hey, I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em.
Boomer
11 Keenster86 on Jan 14, 2008 at 9:20 pm
WARNING ANOTHER SPOILER
I would think that the particular scene that Boomer mentions should provoke certain thoughts like “if I became a terrible mindless creature with no hope in this world… would Kevin graciously end my life?”…. I just don’t think Boomer thought it through is all.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kevin Murphy on January 14, 2008:
There are no bad dogs. Only bad parts.
-Boomer
12 WaffleTron on Jan 14, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I have to guess you and Boomer can both hat Jim Carey in “Cat in the Hat” together.
[Reply to this]
Reply from WaffleTron on January 14, 2008:
woops, its Mike Myers. I was thinking of The Grinch, methinks. …still…
13 Brian O. on Jan 15, 2008 at 12:40 am
And what of the Garfield movies, or All Dogs Go To Heaven, or A Boy and his Dog?
And any thoughts on the inevitable “Dahhh, I liked the cartoon as a kid, I’m gonna make it into a live action movie!” movie version of “Peabody’s Improbable History”?
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Reply from doggans on January 15, 2008:
Starring, like (almost) all other Jay Ward adaptations, Brendan Fraser, who seeks wisdom from a former Python.
14 Fran in the Pan on Jan 16, 2008 at 9:20 am
I think Boomer would appreciate this fellow reviewers take on “I Am Legend”…
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/01/15/film.savethepuppies.ap/index.html
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15 ambitiously stupid on Jan 16, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Was this how Boomer’s review was written?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=508550&in_page_id=1811
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