The RiffTrax Blog header image 1

Confess Your Bad Taste II: THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL RIFFTRAX POST EVER.

January 27th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 108 Comments

…And I mean, EVER. For all of Rifftrax Blog history. Boggles the brain, no?

This post could ruin my authority as a riffclown, and may well jeopardize my membership in URP — the Union of Riffing Professionals. (I’m in Local 176.)

It could also get me kicked out of the band. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Mike and Kevin shunned me after this, and really, I don’t think I could blame them. Worst of all, Mike might demand that I return the Composting Toilet he gave me for Christmas. My poor solids!

But there are times that a strong, brilliant man just has to unburden himself. And like those strong, brilliant men, sometimes I have to, also.

    id4.jpg

    The White House represents Corbett’s credibility. Blue beam = this blog post.

If you missed Confess Your Bad Taste (An Occasional Series), the first of these admissions of my crappy aesthetic sense, here it is. In it, I ‘fess up to liking (no: loving) the movie BILLY JACK, as well as the 80s Norwegian band A-HA’s song + video “Take on Me.”

I write this preamble just to let you know who you’re dealing with, here: a person of inconsistent — perhaps even nonexistent — taste. So…

In this edition, which might be the last, I confess to liking a whole bunch of movies from the very Rifftrax catalogue which comprises…um…Rifftrax’s catalogue!!

Bear in mind that I’m not talking simply about enjoying particularly delicious terrible movies here. For instance, along with Mike, I love ROAD HOUSE, but I never forget that I’m watching a cheese-fest.

Some of the movies below have laughably bad moments, too. But I can also get lost in other parts, and enjoy them as a movie fan. Perhaps a distinction without a difference, but…this is a blog, not a term paper. If it was the latter, I’d be asking for my fifth extension by now.

Without further ado, and simply in the order they first appeared in the catalogue….

There you go.

Soon of these are pretty non-controversial, of course: I love the Lord of the Rings trilogy unabashedly, and almost weep like a damned hobbit at the mere mention of them. And Raiders of the Lost Ark is a great piece of moviemaking, even with its (in my humble opinion) silly face-melty ending.

Others on the list? Heh heh. Can’t really justify ‘em. I just enjoyed them, or at least big stretches of them… even when I realized that there was a lot of goofy stuff that came with the fun parts.

(NOTE: I haven’t seen every single offering in the Rifftrax catalogue,but I think it’s accurate to say I’ve seen most of them. So by and large, if it’s not on the list, I didn’t much enjoy sitting through it unriffed.)

Now: have at it, Spartans. Comment away, heap your scorn and abuse at will, make me brunch in Hell. If a riffclown can’t be mocked, then life makes no sense. I’d just like to repeat my no-cow head-sending request.

I may respond to a few comments. Or I might just hide in my coat closet… crying, hugging Paddington Bear and chugging a fifth of Scoresby.

Tags: RiffTrax

108 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Onil on Jan 27, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    I agree with you on 300, Bill. I enjoyed the La Cage Aux Folles inspired goodness of it.

  • 2 Natureboy (Ken) on Jan 27, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Thank you for your honesty Bill, it is quite alright! (Psst! Mike, I hope you didn’t lose Trace’s number!)

  • 3 Natureboy (Ken) on Jan 27, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    BTW – You forgot to include Batman and Robin!

  • 4 Drewsolo "lunchpail" on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    Thats it! !!

    I knew it! This was the great conspiracy Mel Gibson warned us all in that one movie?? Hrm what was the name of that movie….. ummm Darn!! I cant think of the name of it, but I know its message was to warn of the future impending Armageddon … Just like in the movie that starred Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis!! That movies Message was spot-on to your posting (shudders) Man I forgot the name of that movie too !!! But the scariest prophecy that has come to be is just like that Movie with Christopher Walken
    where he had those Visions… That movies message also warned us of this end of days….. man that movies name was …. ahh thats not important all I know is the end of days is here, represented in that one movie with Arnold schwarzenegger where he battles Satan ( who now we know as the Dark One who calls himself Bill Corbett) Man that was an awesome movie…. ( hits his forehead) I think that movie was called Beffy Guy battles satan… or man I forgot that movie….

    what was I talking about again…..

  • 5 Insert Coin(s) to Continue on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    How do you justify liking Reign of Fire? I found that movie to be a drudgery even with RiffTrax.

  • 6 Bill Corbett on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    Glad you agree. I’ve taken so much guff for it that I’ve almost gotten shy about wearing my leather battle panties outside the house. Almost.

  • 7 Bill Corbett on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    Er. The dragons were pretty, and the medication was kicking in?

  • 8 MikeP on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    Battlefield Earth is quite enjoyable if you watch it after viewing the Scientology Orientation video and the infamous Tom Cruise dealie.

    Nevertheless, I’m relieved it’s not on your list, Bill.

  • 9 MikeP on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    BTW, this is *not* my promised Most Controversial Rifftrax Comment. Um, in case that wasn’t obvious.

  • 10 Yanni on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:34 pm

    Bill, I’m afraid I cannot fulfill your masochistic desires, for you see, I LOVE those movies! (Except Reign of Fire, I haven’t seen that one yet). I blame this on the fact that I’m a sucker for storylines; I buy video games solely for the purpose of learning about the story. I am usually able to look past certain flaws, like the historical inaccuracies of 300 or the strangeness of The Fifth Element. As to the Holiday Special, if I may make a confession of my own, I have extracted Bea Arthur’s song from my copy of it and added it to my playlist. And I listen to it frequently.

  • 11 Mario "Asteroid" Panighetti on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    Glad to see there are other Reign of Fire fans out there. Matthew McConaughey’s grunt-based dialogue was inspiring. My friends and I quote that movie incessantly.

    “They have great vision during the day, and even better vision at NOIGHT…”

  • 12 doggans on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    I think The Matrix is tremendously overrated, though still fairly enjoyable. I’ve been very disappointed by all the Potter movies except Prisoner of Azkaban–they’re just sorta forgettable compared to the books. Haven’t seen Reign of Fire yet.

    Here’s my shameful confession: I enjoy *all* the Star Wars movies. Don’t get me wrong, the prequels were disappointing and have too much Binks. But when I watch them on DVD and skip certain scenes, they can still be fun.

    I also enjoyed the entire Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy immensely. I’m sorry, I’ll stop being positive.

  • 13 A.M.P. on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    Actually Bill, I think this is one of your most encouraging posts. If a riffer is bold enough to publicly declare his enjoyment of riffed movies, it’s ok for us too without fear of you, Kevin or Mike thinking us totally uncool.

    I think I enjoyed Casino Royale and 300 the most out of the ones on your list. Most of the rest, or at least the ones I’ve seen, are ok, but you totally lost me with Fantastic Four and Independence day.

    But we’re still cool, right?

  • 14 A.M.P. on Jan 27, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    Oh by the way Bill, I have a question for you. Now that I know which Rifftrax movies you liked somehow on their own. Were there any movies from Mystery Science Theater that could make up a similar list?

  • 15 RunJuliet on Jan 27, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    If loving Raiders and Casino Royale is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

    I saw a 25th anniversary screening of Raiders in New York, and it was even better than I remembered, face-melting and all.

    And I enjoy Reign of Fire, too. It’s the Christian Bale factor. He can do no wrong in my eyes.

  • 16 Bill Corbett on Jan 27, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    “Were there any movies from Mystery Science Theater that could make up a similar list?”

    Gosh, I’d have to think about that a while. It’s hard for me to remember anything more than a year ago.

    Off the top of my noggin, I’d say the ones I enjoyed there were more along the lines of ROAD HOUSE — just dumb as can be, but an enjoyable kind of dumb.

  • 17 SarahCanuck on Jan 27, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    Hey, I admit it, I liked X-Men. Shut up, Wolverine is Canadian. And . . . um . . . no, I can’t come up with any better reasons. But X-Men 2 is awesome because it has Nightcrawler and I want a German-accented blue acrobatic prehensile-tailed striped-pants dude!
    The Matrix was watchable. The Matrix was watchable solely for Hugo Weaving. I blame the afore-listed Lord of the Rings for my firm belief in the awesomeness of Hugo Weaving.
    Casino Royale smelled. I’m sorry. You get no pass on this. James Bond in modern times fails spectacularly. ‘Tis merely yet another spy-super-cool-technology-drool-over-girl movie, rather than a James Bond big-haired-ladies and the chauvenistic-idiots-who-kiss-them movie. If it had been set in like the 70s, fine. But in these 2000s – no. Sigh.
    And of course, Independence Day had Jeff Goldblum, and you really can’t totally, utterly hate something with Jeff Goldblum in it . . .
    Ah, and Willy Wonka. Willy Wonka, the Gene Wilder version. My Lord that terrifies me. That is the creepiest movie in the history of cinema. Gene Wilder makes you go, “Wampyr!!!” *make fingers into cross*” But, then again, it’s kind of amazing and somewhat impossible to despise, for it’s blatant disturbingness. You have to admire their chutzpah – to freak the absolute heck out of people, and call it a kids’ movie. Nay, to instate it as a classic. It’s one of those freaks of nature you simply feel compelled to see, to marvel at the bizzarreness.

  • 18 nidrian on Jan 27, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    I’ve only seen it twice but I really got a kick out of It’s Pat. “Do you want to go on a hike?”, “No! Let’s go to the Burger Barn and get some fries!”

  • 19 The elusive Robert Denby on Jan 27, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    I love The Fifth Element. How Gary Oldman didn’t win an Oscar for his lisping evil genius OF THE FUTURE! I’ll never know.

  • 20 Tv Miller on Jan 27, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    It is a near impassible quandary to dignify your further luminous existence having placed a Spielberg sculpture within a Damon and Toby rye bread sandwich lathered with a soggy noxious concoction of Emmerich mayo-nayze and Fantastic Four (even the caterer) dijon lined with an undercooked Hayden mutton. Ech, I feel nauseous already. Rather than seeing your incandescent endowment dimmed by this tragedy (Seriously, Reign of Fire?!) it is Mike’s up most responsibility not to disinvest your composting toilet, but to demand –- in a harsh Dilbert headered memo –- that your newest office responsibility is to empty these toilets on a daily basis, and thirce following any and all Mexican or Brazilian themed fiestas. Kevin’s I hear has a support brace and combination lock for such an occasion. Then, only then, may you embrace the same foulness you have divulged to us today. On my end, for this I may wait for Starship Dave to screen at the dollar theatre in a sense of memoriam. I feel so lost now that I may attempt to make sense in watching “Over The Top” on Telemundo with a fifth of McClellan in a trucker hat. Must…stay…sophisticated.

  • 21 Womanimal on Jan 27, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    I was going to ask the same about MST movies but someone beat me to it. I’ve never seen any of them without the aid of the jokes, but I imagine “A Touch of Satan” would hold it’s own on stupid hilariousity pretty well.

  • 22 MikeP on Jan 27, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    They show the uncut version of Overdrawn at the Memory Bank periodically on late night TV around here. Hoo boy… Unwatchable.

  • 23 Walter on Jan 27, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    The Fantastic Four was just to ridiculous to like. All movies have flaws, but this one had, in technical terms, ALOT OF FLAWS. Most of the rest I agree with. The Bourne Series to this day is one of favorites of all time.

  • 24 Walter on Jan 27, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    “They show the uncut version of Overdrawn at the Memory Bank periodically on late night TV around here. Hoo boy… Unwatchable.”

    I saw Prince of Space on last night.

  • 25 MikeP on Jan 27, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    Wow, that’s not one I would have expected. I don’t supposed you actually sat through the whole thing?

    The only other ones I can recall seeing on TV are the Atomic Brain (yawn) and the Screaming Skull (weird, because it was shown in a slot normally occupied by classic movies like Casablanca and the Maltese Falcon).

  • 26 Onil on Jan 27, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    Even dancing Hitler youth Christian Bale? I thought that movie was all sorts of wrong.

    Dancing newspaper boy Christian Bale was alright though, I thought.

  • 27 Rufus T. on Jan 27, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    It’s ok Bill. At least you didn’t list Transformers. I’d rather watch Overdrawn at the Memory Bank than watch that evil dreck known as Transformers.

  • 28 MikeP on Jan 27, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    Ever notice how crappy action movies feature a lot of helicopters flying along just above the ground? Godzilla (the one with Ferris Bueller) did a lot of that, but Tranformers brought it to a new level. When the choppers flew under the highway overpass — twice! — I knew we were witnessing the apogee of the art.

  • 29 Meredith on Jan 27, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    Hooray! I’m not the only one who liked 300! And Willy Wonka has been one of my favorite movies since I was a kid. (Although I never noticed the chicken-killing until Mike and Neil Patrick Harris pointed it out.) I also liked Casino Royale, but mainly because of Daniel Craig.

  • 30 Ninjew on Jan 27, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Unfortunately, RiffTrax has driven a wedge in the oh-so-sunny marriage I have. While I can see that there are plenty of good riffing moments in movies such as say – Lord of the Rings (I fell asleep the first time I saw it – sad to say), I thoroughly enjoyed all three films (it was just three, right? not 7 or 8?).

    The Mrs. can’t get past the “riffing on GOOD movies” thing, and can’t get into hearing riffs on the films that she’s enjoyed.

    Me, I can find something laughable about just about any film.

    Except those by Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider.

    But I doubt you’ll lose your seat at the RiffTrax microphone over this blog.

    However, you might end up getting duck-taped to it. After they’ve replaced the regular seat with the Composting Toilet that is.

    But look at at the bright side. Your digestive system will be processing fecal matter in such huge quantities as a result of viewing all of these films, that you may be able to single handedly provide the alternate source of natural gas required to power a small country – thus helping to reduce our dependency on fossil fuels.

    So thank you Bill.

    You might have just cured global warming.

  • 31 Botchinator on Jan 27, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Hey man, don’t feel bad. I got 10 bux says Mike and Kevin watch the entire Weekend at Bernie’s catalogue. They laugh, they cry, they debate on the fate of Bernie and what he does with his life after death.

    At least you’re not a fan of Uwe Boll movies. I mean seriously, a third bloodrayne? If any of his crapfests were on your list i may have to hire a ninja to get you or something.

  • 32 Katie M. on Jan 27, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    Your credibility is safe, Bill. Of course, this is coming from someone who loves “Con Air”…

  • 33 John H. on Jan 27, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    Fifth Element: Goofy and pointless, and Chris Rock’s voice will kill even the undead, but amiable. A viewer doesn’t feel like the people who made the movie think he’s an idiot at least.

    X-Men: Lots of people like this one. I am not one of them. Nice characterization of Wolverine in the early bits though. (Oh, and: “Magneto! Cerebro!” Sorry.)

    The Matrix: Not bad, certainly not as bad as the next two movies. Again, a lot of people like(d) it.

    LOTR, Willy Wonka, Spiderman, Raiders: These are RiffTrax “slumming” it out on the good side of the video store, so naturally you have nothing to be ashamed of here.

    Casino Royale, 300, Episode III, HP1, Bourne Identity: Not as good as above, but not terrible. They have some goofy moments, but aren’t irredeemable.

    Fantastic Four, Independence Day, Reign of Fire, and (especially) Star Wars Holiday Special: I have a failure of empathy here. I have no idea how you enjoyed them.

    More importantly, which movies are -not- guilty pleasures? Well….

    Daredevil, Batman & Robin, Battlefield Earth, Plan 9, Fantastic Four 2, Transformers, three Star Trek movies, Predator, Eragon, Terminator 3, two other Star Wars prequels, Aeon Flux and XXX. So you see folks? He’s not lacking in inverse taste after all!

  • 34 Botchinator on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    It was Chris Tucker in 5th element. And i’m not ashamed to know that either. I love that movie.

  • 35 Mr. Slick on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:08 pm

    Oh Bill, its alright to love those movies, to sleep with a picture of Bruce Willis & Chris Tucker next to your bed, to wear Mr. Freeze footy pajamas and tell your family “everybody chiiiilll!”, but a Matt Damon flick?! Tsk Tsk I say Tsk Tsk.
    Hang your head in shame.

  • 36 Eddie Colton on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    Nobody ever said the movies you do were supposed to be unlikeable, Bill. Just unfunny. Or not funny enough. Or not made into fun yet.

  • 37 A.M.P. on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    Hmm. Well ‘Space Mutiny’ is one of the first examples that comes to my mind. I saw it uncut once due to a dust-gathering VHS at a non-chain video store. I’ve gotta say, even without the MST treatment, it kinda plays like a screwball comedy, it’s so goofy. I’d go so far as to say tweak the action scenes a bit, throw in a few more jokes, and replace Cameron Mitchell with Leslie Nielsen, and you could probably have a pretty good Zucker movie, no?

  • 38 Robyn on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    Bill, I am giving you a big E-hug right now. Some folks seem to think that just because a movie ends up on RiffTrax, that automatically makes the movie crap and you’re crazy if you ever liked it for whatever reason. But your post just goes to show what I’ve always believed, that RiffTrax is all about peace, love, and making people laugh. …Okay, maybe not so much of the “peace” and “love”, but I’m fairly confident about the laughing part!

    I too am a fan of Independence Day. It’s one of those movies that make you proud to be a hu-man. Because of that movie, I firmly believe that in the event of certain doom, we as a species will rise above our petty differences, join together, and BLOW SOME CRAP UP! HELL YEAH!

    And if that isn’t a positive worldview, I don’t know what is.

  • 39 Bill Corbett on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    “Star Wars Holiday Special: I have a failure of empathy here. I have no idea how you enjoyed them.”

    Sorry… I was actually kidding about the Holiday Special, just to make a cheap Bea Arthur joke. Shame on me.

  • 40 Octavius on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    It takes a lot of guts to admit one’s peculiar tastes before millions of (well, alright maybe dozens of…) vocal critics.

    Just the other day I found myself removing several books and DVDs from the shelves prior to my guests’
    arrival. Consider the scene – a diploma on the wall, but a Steve Guttenberg movie in the bookshelf below. Surely they would take the diploma for a forgery!

    It must have taken supersized cajones to place your shameful enjoyment of wildly successful blockbusters on display where it could be scorned by
    movie snobs. Like Henry Ford’s “T”, you are a model to us all Mr. Corbett.

    Oh, and I promise to never mention your cajones in public again.

  • 41 Bill Corbett on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    “The Fantastic Four was just to ridiculous to like.”

    I am a ridiculous man, Walter.

    I hasten to add, it doesn’t mean I hold this movie close to my heart, or would even like it if I saw it again. And yes, your diagnosis of ALOT OF FLAWS is spot on.

    But what can I say? I enjoyed it. Was kinda done by the next time, though, shiny surfboarding nude man from the stars notwithstanding.

  • 42 Mary Arline on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    Bill, thank you for posting this, and in the same confessional mode, I admit that I too enjoy many of the movies on this list. In fact, that’s what I feel is so brilliant about the entire Rifftrax concept is that it’s making jokes about the movies that I love and would watch anyway.

    Don’t get me wrong; I’m a huge fan of MST3k, and all of you involved did a fantastic job of taking those nearly unwatchable movies and turning them into something that’s actually entertaining, and yet in some episodes I find that the movie is so bad that I have to struggle to focus my attention on it, and not even the riffing is enough to redeem it.

    Also, you are not alone in your regard for the A-ha song (and video) “Take On Me”. I unabashedly profess my love for that song

    (Also, may I make a tiny request of the maintainers of this blog that the required comment fields be marked with an asterisk? Thank you!)

  • 43 NotMerrittStone on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    Bill, you just made the cardinal internet sin. You admitted to actually liking a movie. Your entire credibility as a blogger (which is really the only stock and trade anyone has anymore) is ruined because you actually don’t automatically hate everything that is popular. Shame on you!

    Seriously, am I the only person left on the planet who actually watches movies for pure entertainment value, and not to be the coolest armchair ebertesque cynical nitpicking nitwit with a wordpress account?

    I’m not sure which part of the rulebook states that a love of movies and a love of movie riffing have to be mutually exclusive traits in a person. I love movies, I love riffing on them, and I love watching the people who are actually good at it riff on them. My friends and I riffed on Schindler’s List, (in a theater full of people who probably wanted to do terrible things to us by the credits) and a few years later I watched it myself, so that I could appreciate the film in its intended state. If I vehemently hated the number of films every other internet dweller seems to, I would stop watching the damned things! Why would I torture myself and waste all that time watching stuff I am bound to just bitch about afterwards?

    I know people who saw Star Wars Episode 1 FIVE TIMES during its opening week, who, a year later, decided that it was a travesty, and raped their precious childhood memories. ‘Can’t let the cool kids think I dig something they claim to hate, what would they say?’ It’s pathetic, and sadly all too common.

    I’ve ranted on this stuff many times before, so I’ll stop before I get too carried away. I don’t care if you hate a movie, if it really sits badly with you, and your not just regurgitating something clever you read on rottentomatoes, but if you only watch movies to find what’s wrong with them, maybe you should take up gardening or something that makes better use of your time.

    My name is NotMerrittStone, and I liked The Phantom Menace, Transformers, and Schindler’s List. Bite me.

  • 44 Natureboy (Ken) on Jan 27, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    It could have been worse folks, he could have said he liked Armeggedon….which would naturally lead to him being hanged in the town square.

  • 45 Bill Corbett on Jan 27, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    “admit one’s peculiar tastes before millions of (well, alright maybe dozens of…) vocal critics.”

    Threes of vocal critics, maybe?

    “Oh, and I promise to never mention your cajones in public again.”

    Much obliged.

  • 46 Shawn on Jan 27, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    I love the Spider-Man series in its entirety, even the much-maligned 3 – which might be my favorite, It’s possible I could go as far as to call it my flavorite. The Fifth Element is, if I may borrow the words of U.S. Congressman (2nd disctrict of Idaho) “awesome like Blossom”.

    But like any good 20-something manchild reared in the 80’s, I loved – nay, cherished – Transformers. It’s not really confessing anything to say I have a shelf full of the toys over my desk, as most guys I know do. But the fact that you guys did the movie was great, because it game me an excuse to watch it three times on DVD – once as a straight-up viewing, once for the official commentary, and once for the Rifftrax. Thank you, gentlemen.

  • 47 Shawn on Jan 27, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    Sorry, meant to say U.S. Congressman Mike Simpson (2nd district of Idaho). I’d have gotten it right, except I’m still a little shellshocked from the second of my twice-daily theatrical viewing of Transformers.

  • 48 Eddie Colton on Jan 27, 2008 at 10:29 pm

    Phew, for a minute there, I thought “Reign of Fire” was “Eragon.” I couldn’t quite forgive you for that.

  • 49 Ranika on Jan 27, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    I was unaware there’s something bad about liking Spiderman. I personally really enjoy that movie, even if the digital effects are obscenely so. It’s a fun movie though, all things told, and I quite like it. Also, Tobey Maguire is a good choice for a loser who becomes a superhero. I mean, just look at him. And hear his voice. If he wasn’t an actor he’d probably have been some weaselly little teacher’s assisstant who becomes an annoying and wussy as hell teacher.

    LOTR, Wonka, and Raiders are really good movies, so no issue there.

    Fifth Element, I really like this movie. Milla looks great and does a spiffy job, Bruce is pretty solidly on form as a slab of meat/action hero (and he’s a damn good action hero, so that’s okay), Ian Holm is…Ian Holm (lord of all that is damn damn awesome), and even Chris Tucker is slightly less annoying and horrible than usual (probably tempered by the fact he’s surrounded by actors I LIKE).

    Revenge of the Sith… I like this movie a fair bit really. Hayden’s acting had improved a bit (usually except when on screen with Portman…the Hell? I mean, he wasn’t stellar otherwise, but he wasn’t AS wooden as Attack of the Clones). I liked Attack of the Clones though too. I have a soft spot for Phantom Menace, but it’s not a good movie at all. Jar Jar, horrid abomination. Natalie Portman, solely fawned over for looking pretty (and she’s not that pretty to me anyway); she sucks though. You could’ve replaced her with a plank; it’d have out-acted her easily. Ewan did pretty good, I think, despite vocally saying he regrets having done the movies (much like the original Obi-Wan, Alec Guinness), got to admire that dedication.

    X-Men, kind of like Spiderman, I like it, cause it’s just kind of a fun movie. It’s not the greatest movie ever, but it could’ve been an awful lot worse, and, for what it is, it’s pretty entertaining.

    However, things I dislike here;

    300 – I just cannot enjoy this movie. Outside of the historical perspective (An age of freedom! …For the socialist militarist dictatorship of Sparta? What?), it was just silly to me. The leather man thongs. The incredibly gay capes. Xerxes and whatever the hell was his whole freaky deal. Just couldn’t make him look the slightest bit dignified, could they? I mean, could’ve at least tossed a robe on the giant bald bastard.

    The Matrix… Well, it’s not the Matrix’s fault really. However, constant imitation and obsession with it has destroyed far too much that could’ve been awesome. However, the sequels can rot in the fiery depths of Hell. I will not rest until Abaddon swallows those abominations up and is chained in the center of the city of Dis where he, and all involved (well, at least the Wachowskis) with those wretched things, are tortured for an eternity.

    Fantastic Four. Just…ew. Yeah, going to go with ew.

    Reign of Fire, good God man, what the hell? I mean, just, blah. That’s beyond ew. This movie can cause huge levels of suffering. Why man, why?

  • 50 Brian O. on Jan 27, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    Does it have to be exclusively stuff Rifftrax has done? Because I loved Space: 1999 for most of my life, despite its obvious flaws.

  • 51 Kei on Jan 27, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    I have an odd fondness for Spidey, and I’m glad that you do, too. I can’t say I feel the same about Bonesaw, though. That guy seems really cool and laid-back, but I once shared a room with him back in college, and man. Lemme’ tell ya’, no sense of personal boundaries. I often awoke to see his oily mug not two inches away from my own (minus the oily part, I hope), yelling about “3 minutes of playtime.” I won’t go into details, but I’ll never look at bones or saws the same way.

    Mostly nice guy, though.

    Also, thank you. I’m tired of having to defend Independence Day. Mainly because I don’t know how. There’s something endearing about genocide, singing fat ladies, and tearful salutes.

  • 52 Drewsolo "lunchpail" on Jan 28, 2008 at 3:26 am

    300 was a huge box office success. I think thats silly to say that you came close being part small ragtag group of misfits that secretly hide in shame in liking 300, fearing being outcast from society.

    “the epic Battle of Thermopylae shattered the record for the biggest March opening ever, and scored the 3rd biggest ‘R’-rated movie debut ever, with its $70+ million. (Or, $70.025 mil to be exact for the opening weekend)”

    I went to the theater twice to see it, along with many Millions the opening weekend;)

  • 53 Teaser on Jan 28, 2008 at 3:49 am

    I Like Suicide Commandos with Aldo Ray….how about that one?

  • 54 AmandaGal on Jan 28, 2008 at 5:23 am

    To be honest, I like most Rifftrax movies. I wouldn’t call them artful or award worthy, but they are entertaining, in a free and “mindless” manner. There’s a certain something to be said for watching something and enjoying it without analyzing and dissecting it and all it’s flaws (probably hard for you guys to do).

    It would probably be easier to list the ones I don’t like (like Crossroads, Glitter, the Treks, Wicker Man . . . a few others I’m sure).

    I will shamefully admit that Over The Top has ALWAYS been one of my favorite cheesy movies. I actually had it on VHS when the Rifftrax was released and was very happy for an excuse to buy it on DVD.

    Does that make me a loser?

  • 55 AmandaGal on Jan 28, 2008 at 5:26 am

    Oh yeah, and I actually own a Spice Girls cd . . . and I listen to it. . . and I often sing along.

    Far, far more embarrassing than “Take on Me.”

    I’m well aware I should be shot for this.

  • 56 Otomite on Jan 28, 2008 at 5:52 am

    Bonesaw made a rap CD, you know. You should give it a listen, it’s got some classics on it, for sure.

  • 57 Casey on Jan 28, 2008 at 6:17 am

    …. well I dunno about the riffers… but I think more of Bill because of this post.

  • 58 Bill Corbett on Jan 28, 2008 at 6:45 am

    “Outside of the historical perspective (An age of freedom! …For the socialist militarist dictatorship of Sparta? What?), it was just silly to me.”

    You’re completely correct, Ranika. Freedom!!!!…to throw slightly sick babies on the death-pile. Cripes.

    Again, I don’t love most of these movies en toto. In the case of 300, though, I admit to getting caught up by the flashy stuff — the look of the film, the action sequences.

    I’m not that bright.

  • 59 Ranika on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:19 am

    The action sequences were great except the speed changes really began to irk me. And it’s likely my own fault, I get far too obsessive about anything with a historical perspective, and ultimately, I hate all movies set in some bygone era, except, maybe, the mid-1800s onward (those’re typically easier to do without being inane I should imagine). For the action though, I’d give 300 a pass, if it could just pick a damn tempo at some point. Or maybe if they just threw some cloths on the Xerxes/Juggernaut/Interior Decorater.

  • 60 Kevin Murphy on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:19 am

    Bill, you are a brave soul. I need your help tough: my composting toilet is full, and I din;t know how to empty it.

  • 61 Kevin Murphy on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Also, the smell made me misspell “don’t”. Thought I’d mention that before you go all Suzanne Vega on me.

  • 62 Chris_Fronczak on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:26 am

    I like Transformers… there, I said it

  • 63 Hotbox F. Mellonhead on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:33 am

    I have always had a special place reserved in my hear for “Blood Freak” directed by nudist, chain-smoker Brad Grinter. It’s the story of a heroin addicted drifter who is turned into a were-turkey by eating tainted poultry, and then goes on a rampage attacking heroin addicts – and it has a Christian moral. Also, because of my exposure to some early MST3K, I happen to like biker movies. Put THAT in your composting toilet and smoke it!

  • 64 Hotbox F. Mellonhead on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:37 am

    Oh! And Bette Davis in “The Anniversary” is simply delicious!

    “Would you mind terribly sitting over THERE? Body odor offends me.”

  • 65 Rufus T. on Jan 28, 2008 at 8:08 am

    I cast thee out!!!!! :)

  • 66 wurwolf on Jan 28, 2008 at 8:11 am

    I was about to reply with kudos for admitting you liked 300, but my husband has beaten me to it. We had a lot of fun at 300, for which we went so far as to pay $10 a ticket.

    Bravo, Mr. Corbett. My respect for you has not diminished one iota. May I suggest a tasteful toga to cover up your leather battle panties?

  • 67 wurwolf on Jan 28, 2008 at 8:16 am

    Aw, come on. Really? Transformers was one of my top five movies of the year, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

    (Movie #1 was Walk Hard)

  • 68 Fran in the Pan on Jan 28, 2008 at 8:25 am

    Nice move, Bill, buttering us all up with your love-fest post about how great we all are and then sliding in with your shameful confession. I wonder if that was deliberate propagandizing or just a psychologically motivated coincidence. Given your taste (or lack thereof), I would tend to believe that you’re not clever enough for the propagandizing bit. Oooo…burn!

    Where is Mike to whip this pathetic group of sympathetic blogsters into shape?! Actually like Fifth Element?! Come on! Let’s all hate the majority of humanity and the bullcrap excuses for movies they make and stop simpering around like a bunch of Bea Arthur-loving tools!

    Hate bad movies and SAVE THE RIFF!

  • 69 Fran in the Pan on Jan 28, 2008 at 8:31 am

    P.S. Lord of the Rings is awesome.
    *ahem*

  • 70 Adam on Jan 28, 2008 at 8:47 am

    There is nowhere near enough vitriol in these comments for the Fifth Element. Chris Tucker’s performance alone should be reason enough to bury all copies of that awful, awful film out in the desert like they did with all those E.T. Atari games.

    To this day I can hear his horrible, shrill voice: “Corbin? Corbin? Corbin? …Corbin, my man? Corbin?” ….UGH.

    I’m fine with almost every other film on your list, Bill, but this one…well, it almost hurts a little.

  • 71 Onil on Jan 28, 2008 at 9:24 am

    I like to think of Chris Tucker’s performance as being very prescient. The histrionics he comes up with predate Billy Bush, Simon Cowell, any judge on any Bravo vote out show, the guy who talks to dogs and TMZ.

    Chris Tucker in The Fifth is a distillation of all reality tv before there was even any reality tv.

    It’s an evil and irritating kind of genius but it’s still genius.

  • 72 Onil on Jan 28, 2008 at 9:26 am

    oh crap, this was supposed to be a reply for Adam’s post above. Sorry.

  • 73 Edgewriter on Jan 28, 2008 at 9:26 am

    Dear lord, man. Put that thing away. Some things are just too indecent for public parts of the internet.

  • 74 Sampo on Jan 28, 2008 at 10:16 am

    I was with you up until “Reign of Fire”…

    But yes, a number of the movies you mentioned are genuinely good movies that are also riffable. As I have learned with my own riffing pals, a movie does not have to be bad to be riffable. We recently riff “Casablanca,” for example. Despite being a nearly perfect movie in every way, there are plenty of funny things to say about it. What we’ve learned is, as long as a movie takes itself seriously, you can puncture it.

    But Reign of Fire just sucks. :-)

  • 75 wurwolf on Jan 28, 2008 at 10:24 am

    FACE!!

  • 76 Rufus T. on Jan 28, 2008 at 10:36 am

    Bill, you are a brave soul. I need your help tough: my composting toilet is full, and I din;t know how to empty it.

    Is tough your nickname for Bill? Because that’s kind of a pretty sweet nickname.

  • 77 BoB3K on Jan 28, 2008 at 10:44 am

    I think it would have been more controversial if you would have called Mike a Ninny.

  • 78 wurwolf on Jan 28, 2008 at 10:48 am

    I think it’s Kevin’s nickname for Bill when he’s had a couple of tilts at the bottle and gets on the internet.

  • 79 Neb on Jan 28, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Whew! Bill, you were scaring me with the reserved, tentative “thumbs up” for “300″. So glad you clarified your endorsement. I myself loved the art direction and and the bravery of shooting the whole thing on a soundstage. Beyond that? Aaaaagh! I could not have survived without the Rifftrax track (is that a redundancy?) with the bonus track of my historian husband bellowing “What the heck?!” and things like “Thermopolye looked nothing like this!!!” and “Where is the armor?! They wore armor!!!!”. I myself remember saying, “That’s supposed to be the King of Persia…not some fruitcake Nephilim!”

    Confession: I love “The 5th Element”, too. Lots of goofiness, but lots of shut up and shoot moments, which I adore.

    Neb

  • 80 Darth Chimay on Jan 28, 2008 at 11:56 am

    Whew…. thank you, Bill. I have to admit, I was feeling shame, embarassment, and gassy because many of those same movies I like as well. Heck, so far as I can tell, I’m the only person in the world who loves all 3 Matrix movies.

    I have to part ways with you on The Fifth Element and Independence Day, though. I would make some snarky comment about these movies, but it just wouldn’t be right coming from someone who thought The Core was pretty enjoyable and can find artistic merit in some of the Friday the 13th movies. I would also replace Fantastic Four with its sequel, which I totally dug. It even got me into the comic again. I guess there’s just no accounting for taste.

  • 81 Ranika on Jan 28, 2008 at 12:15 pm

    Neb, your husband is awesome. If at any point he nearly throws something at the screen in anger over something most people find a minut triviality, I am so happy that some one else reacts so irrational as I.

  • 82 Bill Corbett on Jan 28, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    Heh, I thought “Reign of Fire” would try people’s patience. And I couldn’t say it’s not a stinky movie overall — just that I enjoyed it enough, here and there.

    Admittedly, my methodology here is um, imprecise.

  • 83 Ranika on Jan 28, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    In fairness, I’ve never seen my father break a television because of the Fifth Element. However, when I was little… ET destroyed our television. Or, well, led to it. As my father took the Atari and smashed it repeatedly into the screen yelling something incoherent. Fifth Element, even if you hate it…come on. It doesn’t deserve to be buried in the same way as the ET game. Perhaps just blast them into the sun or something. However, consider this; you bury ET and ANY Chris Tucker movie anywhere remotely near eachother; Lovecraftian horrors await, I’m certain.

  • 84 Darth Chimay on Jan 28, 2008 at 12:35 pm

    I also have to add Halloween to the list of good movies in the Rifftrax catalogue.

  • 85 MarkAndrew on Jan 28, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    I love a good public shaming as much as the next Puritan…er, guy. However considering I REALLY love some of the movies in your list (Matrix, LOTR, Raiders to name 3) I can’t be too hard on you.

    However, I can only assume the sight of Jessica Alba released a flood of endorphins, and in that enjoyable haze you allowed you to overlook the HUGE, UNPASSABLE kidney stones that that stinkburge is full of.

    Because if that IS the reason…then I understand. That’s the way I watched ‘Into the Blue’…I had the sound off, but I did watch and enjoy it.

  • 86 Chris T. on Jan 28, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    Hey Bill, long time reader, first time commenter.

    I can’t say that I’ve seen many of these films yet, as I am very new to the whole Rifftrax thing (I accidentally found out about and purchased all 4 of The Film Crew DVD’s and found out about Rifftrax after a wikipedia expedition to find more), but I will back you up on Reign of Fire. The movie was pure cheese, sure, but man the dragons were at least way better than the Lord of the Rings dragons.

    I also sport a shy fondness for Independence Day.

    …and 300, though only after watching The Giant Of Marathon. At least 300 had the decency to make low-rent CG horses fall over in really obviously painful ways.

    Anyways, I’m a huge fan and will probably download everything on this site eventually. Good luck!

  • 87 Walter on Jan 28, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    Yea, is the silver surfer a SAG award?

  • 88 Tim on Jan 28, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    Bill, you hurt me, man. Raiders of the Lost Ark so low on your list? Shame.

    I’ll proudly exclaim that Raiders of the Lost Ark happens to be not only my favorite of the filsm in the Rifftrax catalog, but my favorite film period. Let’s not forget my shameful revelation here in these blog comments about falling out of a tree at the age of 7 and breaking my arm…all while dressed as Indiana Jones.

  • 89 Neb on Jan 28, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    Ranika: No actual throwing of objects, although he did actually throw up his hands at a couple of junctures. Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time he said “What the heck is *that* supposed to be?!” I could have taken us out to a nice meal. He’s a historian, so I knew it would be traumatic for him.

  • 90 Bill Corbett on Jan 28, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    Duuuuuude! From post above:

    “Without further ado, and simply in the order they first appeared in the catalogue….

    Not a ranking, just a listing. Please, don’t make my shame any worse.

  • 91 Ranika on Jan 28, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    What’s his field? I’m assuming the Hellenes, or at least Greece in the iron age. I study Gaels from the late iron age to the early middle ages, but, like every other person I know of who has an occupation actually related to history in some form or another, interest extends a good chunk outside of that, so, again, just assuming.

  • 92 Jacob Gibson on Jan 28, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Well Bill, all shame aside. I am sorta like you, I either have varied taste, or none at all. Lord of the Rings is great, as are most of the movies you have on your list. While Reign of Fire blows, I shamely admit I have watched it several times, just cuz I think Gerard Butler and Christian Bale are cool. And my sister thinks they are hot. Whoa.

    But then, don’t take solace in the fact that I liked most of those movies too, when my favorite movie happens to be…”Rocketman” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120029/

  • 93 Jacob Gibson on Jan 28, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    And, I actually re-edited the Star Wars Prequels to make Anakin’s character stronger, and I took Jar Jar completely out of the trilogy. So I too, am now a fan of my edited versions of the star wars prequels…Don’t be ashamed.

  • 94 R.A. Roth on Jan 28, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    I consider Reign of Fire and The Fifth Element guilty pleasures of my own. The former works well in an actual theater, where I first saw it, and the latter has Milla Jovovich and a blue alien lady who sings funkadelic opera. What more could a misanthrope ask for?

    Randy

  • 95 Alicia on Jan 28, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    You’re not alone, Bill. Many of these are a guilty pleasure of mine as well.

    1) The Fifth Element
    3) The Matrix
    4) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
    6) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
    11) Independence Day (I just watched this yesterday!)
    13) Raiders of the Lost Ark

    Your credibility still stands.

  • 96 Cornjob on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    There are a couple films you list there that I don’t like myself, but really the only one I would take offense to anyone liking is Independence Day. I see absolutely no redeeming values in that movie what so ever, and count it as one of the worst non-Michael Bay films in the history of film (I always use a films budget as a major part of my judgment, so in my opinion an incredibly expensive film like Independence Day is worse than all the low budget dreck ever produced because it has actually damaged society as a whole by funneling so much money into such awful garbage. I mean at least you couldn’t wipe out the debt of a small third world nation with thee budget of any Ed Wood films).

    But I gave up a long time ago on having any shame about any film I like, or hiding my affection for them. I might possibly have the only shelving system in the world that holds DVDs of both “C.H.U.D.” and the G.W. Pabst’s “Pandora’s Box”. Not to mention “Cabin Boy” being just inches away from both “Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams”, and Antonioni’s “Blow Up”. The way I sees it… let your movie freak flag fly! …just as long as it doesn’t say “a Michael Bay film”. There is no forgiving a sin of that magnitude!

  • 97 Cornjob on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    P.S. the only other films I didn’t like in your list are Fantastic Four, The Fifth Element, and The Matrix (mainly because the horrible sequels killed any interest I had in it). I’ve actually never seen Reign of Fire, so I can’t comment on it. But I can see where people might like them all (except Independence Day of course). I highly enjoy all the other films, and a couple of them I consider classics, like Raiders, Willy Wonka, The Lord of the Rings. And I am an abashed Harry Potter fan.

  • 98 Alicia on Jan 28, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    “my favorite movie happens to be…”Rocketman” ”

    Best movie ever.

  • 99 darth miller on Jan 28, 2008 at 8:54 pm

    Maybe they thought they were showing Rebecca

  • 100 darth miller on Jan 28, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    i’ve heard it. it’s amazing.

  • 101 Edgewriter on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:00 am

    Sure you were kidding Bill, Suure . . .

    Oh, and Chris Rock sucks worse than 100000 Chris Tuckers.

  • 102 Bairman on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:06 am

    Just in case you thought it impossible, apparently I have even worse taste than you, Bill. There are more movies in the RiffTrax catalog I like than ones I don’t.

  • 103 Jacob Gibson on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Huzzah! Somebody finally sees the greatness in this movie.

  • 104 Nathan on Jan 29, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    And liking these movies (except for the god-forsaken Star Wars Holiday Special) is… bad?

    Okay, maybe Fantastic Four and Reign of Fire, too. But c’mon.

    Should you really feel bad for liking these movies just because they’re popular?

  • 105 Geena on Feb 2, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    Bill, as someone who evangelizes constantly for the wonder and the beauty (and, let’s face it, the incomprehensibility) of Billy Jack, I feel your pain. I’ll not judge you, for you are my brother (although my actual brother, who is a kung fu guy, loves Billy Jack without even the slightest trace of snark or irony; I admire that sort of purity).

  • 106 KELLI on Feb 6, 2008 at 7:24 am

    I loved pretty much all of those too so don’t feel bad. Is there any room in that closet??

  • 107 jonnyfrag on Apr 15, 2008 at 10:19 am

    Come on, Troll 2 rocks!

  • 108 Mr_Soapbox on Nov 16, 2008 at 11:45 am

    I’d like to chime in here… The L.A. Times ran a story today about the infamous “Star Wars Holiday Special.”
    My experience of it is rather unique: I watched a copy from the 20th Century Fox vault 10 years ago!
    Little did I realize at the time, I was witnessing true televised ‘history.’ My roommate was a Fox employee in their Sell-Through Video wing (which was responsible for such acclaimed stocking stuffers as, “Cops: Too Hot for TV” and “A WWF Smackdown Thanksgiving”…
    Anyways, his boss would occasionally ask him to review stacks of videos from Fox’s vault, with the notion that a real ‘gem’ might be found. Hence, he brought home a VHS tape of “The Star Wars Holiday Special.” …needless to say, we got a couple beers, assumed our spots in the reclining chairs, and in a matter of 5 minutes, I was laughing so hard, I was CHOKING & WEEPING at the same time! We pause the tape, and realizing what we have was DEFINITELY a diamond in the rough…. or more accurately, a diamond in a turd, we decide to round up several friends of ours in the building, and proceed to hold an impromptu ’screening’ of “TSWHS.”
    Now, our job was supposed to be, that we fill out a short “review sheet” that my roommate’s boss would give us with the screeners. Recognizing the inherent superiority of this product, we gave it a GLOWING REVIEW, complete with 5 STARS in every category… all in the hopes that this Veep would actually GREEN LIGHT the issuance of a 20th anniversary release.
    Fortunately, for the good of the Country, he didn’t see it our way.