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I… have nothing for you.

January 29th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 30 Comments


But since Kevin and Mike posted their magnificent mugs on the blog today, I was feeling a little left out.

My visage is dangerous to look upon unless tempered with a soupçon of cuteness, though. Hence I’m accompanied by my daughter Molly, Supreme Commander of the Allied Phantom Dog Armies.


Oh yeah, and it’s insanely cold here, as you can see from our Fargo-wear. And I just finished a pot of capybara poop coffee.

Tomorrow I’ll post something with an actual subject. Conor has asked me to judge Keanu Regional Round 1 in the Most Awesome State Quarter competition.

So if you’re a strong home-state partisan of Maryland, Alaska, Arkansas, Iowa, New Jersey, Arizona, Rhode Island, Michigan, or Idaho, get those bribes in pronto. (I’ll accept cash, warm clothing, and any kind of coffee that’s been excreted by an animal, real or mythical. No, New Jersey, I don’t need anyone whacked.)

Tags: RiffTrax

30 responses so far ↓

  • 1 MikeP on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    I feel left out because Canada has no state quarter to contribute to the contest.

    Beaver pelts aren’t eligible, I guess.

    (Cute kid, Bill. Must get it from her mother, etc., etc. ;) )

  • 2 Eddie Colton on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    Awesome. But seriously, what the hell is a [i]soupcon[/i]? Is that some kind of weird convention where people dress up in Campbell’s, Chef Boyardee and clam chowder costumes?

  • 3 Bill Corbett on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    “Soupçon” is a word designed to show off my pretentiousness. Mission accomplished, I’d say.

    I love the idea of a SoupCon. At least there would be fewer furries.

  • 4 Cibernetico 2 on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    Wow, that girl could not look any more like you. When I see this picture I imagine a little blonde girl sitting on the couch and deftly riffing an episode of Dora the Explorer to shreds.

  • 5 Roper on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

    You’re right, Mollys cuteness more than compensates for your visage. I’m guessing, if you’re outside for more than 5 minutes, you’re looking like Tom Coughlin on the frozen tundra.

  • 6 Yanni on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    It’s nothing personal, but I may be forced to mail you a cow head if Michigan wins…

  • 7 Kenny8 on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    “But since Kevin and Mike posted their magnificent mugs on the blog today, I was feeling a little left out.”

    Yeah, like that’s really Mike Nelson!

  • 8 Kenny8 on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    …and if it’s that cold Mr Corbett, where’s your Doctor Who scarf?

  • 9 Keenster86 on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    I don’t know how long your daughter can remain “Supreme Commander of the Allied Phantom Dog Armies”…. I mean … Adorableness does not command very much respect from the likes of phantom dogs.

    correct me if I am wrong.

  • 10 NotMerrittStone on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:08 pm

    Is that the glowing eye of one of those phantom pooches behind Molly?!

  • 11 DestyNova on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    “Twas Elaine Stritch!

  • 12 Bill Corbett on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    How many times do I have to ask…?!?!

    Ahh, I give up. Send all the cow heads you want, I’ll sign for ‘em.

  • 13 Roper on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    Are you wearing the Brain Guy line of winter apparel?

  • 14 Mr. Slick on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    You guys took a great picture but I think a couple of your daughter’s dogs were humping in the background, is that appropiate?

  • 15 Brian O. on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    Sure, I’ll just sign up for Cow Head of the Month Club and- Heyyyyy!

  • 16 Dave-o on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    so how many 1lb bags of non-pooped coffee to i needa send to ensure Arkansas making it to the finals? i can get you anything the bux sells on an unmarked plane by thursday…whatcha need to make this happen my friend.

  • 17 Cooper on Jan 30, 2008 at 1:43 am

    Hey, she is adorable! Who’s the father?

  • 18 Tim on Jan 30, 2008 at 3:11 am

    I’m assuming that Molly’s glance off to the side is directed at the mephitic hell-hound resting on its haunches, septic teeth dripping with foul substances, just to the side of the camera and out of the frame?

  • 19 Ninjew on Jan 30, 2008 at 5:40 am

    I must warn you Bill.

    Genetics WORK.

    My daughter pretty much grew up with MST3K in the house, so she already had a bit of an introduction into the genre of riffing – but I’d been doing that (unprofessionally) for years before MST came about.

    So – she inherited my rather sharp sense of humor. She’s only 14, but she’s coming up with gags WAY beyond her years. The kids don’t get her – but the teachers DO – and are the only ones laughing.

    So be prepared Bill. It’s gonna happen. Soon.
    Your daughter will suddenly get frustrated as to how dense “Dora the exporer” is, and have to make a verbal comment about it during broadcast.

    “Elmo” and his annoyingly misdiagnosed case of ADHD will grate on her nerves, and she’ll have to say something back at him.

    “Barney” will loose his purple appeal, and she’ll finally see him for what he truly is – a pedophileasaurus that somehow slipped through the educational system.

    But it’s okay Bill. It’s okay. Just try not to be to annoyed at her for talking over all the shows that YOU like (but are stupid and boring to her). It’s all a part of growing up.

    In the end however, the blame ends up falling upon YOU.

    In fact, whenever my little one ends up saying something that’s VERY funny, yet a tad inappropriate (or at least something you’d expect a person a might older would say), she points at me and says “It’s HIS fault”.

    And it’s true.

    Ah Bill. They fill your heart with joy, and make you rip your hair out at the same time.

    Enjoy the ride.

  • 20 Onil on Jan 30, 2008 at 7:06 am

    You’re not truly pretentious until you use the words “schadenfreude” and “zeitgeist” in your next post.

  • 21 Courtney on Jan 30, 2008 at 7:13 am

    I don’t want to alarm your child, but I think her shoes are alive behind her and coming to take your family down.

    Again, not to alarm you.

    (she’s adorable.)

  • 22 Bill Corbett on Jan 30, 2008 at 8:15 am

    Tony Danza.

  • 23 Bill Corbett on Jan 30, 2008 at 8:17 am

    Yes, we’ve waged many a battle with those evil sentient shoes. Luckily she has vicious invisible canines, a natural enemy of evil sentient shoes.

    (thank you!)

  • 24 Bill Corbett on Jan 30, 2008 at 8:18 am

    Thanks for the warning, Ninjew.

    She already has a bizarre and surprisingly sharp sense of humor.

    We’re doomed. But at least we’ll be entertained, in our doomed-ness.

  • 25 Virginia Corbett on Jan 30, 2008 at 10:19 am

    Hey! At least pick somebody good! Geez.

  • 26 Shawn on Jan 30, 2008 at 11:30 am

    This is a statement that cannot be refuted: that is a very adorable little girl. Who’dve thought you had it in you, Bill? Literally?

    But I kid your own self-deprecation. Did I go too far? Or not far enough? In your defense, I don’t post any pictures of me around here; at least you’ve got the stones.

  • 27 SarahCanuck on Jan 30, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    Good Lord, that’s adorable. She looks like such a little pumpkin. :)

  • 28 Alicia on Jan 30, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    As far as the Most Awesome State Quarter competition, I’ll be sending you a check shortly in support of Idaho. That state needs all the help it can get.

  • 29 Veronica on Jan 31, 2008 at 8:01 am

    I think for your next photo, Bill, you should get a matching pink parka and booties :)

    I hope you guys have enough heat in your house!

  • 30 KELLI on Feb 8, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Minnesoatans got tough skin-don’t worry too much about him! a pink parka would be a cute idea!! = )