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Sure, You’ll Eat My Skin…

January 29th, 2008 by Mike Nelson · 44 Comments

But will you drink this!?

Poop CoffeeYes, what you see me holding is the infamous Kopi Luwak, or “Cat Poop Coffee”. A caring friend, knowing that I am something of a coffee nut, thought I might like to try some that had been passed through the digestive system of an Asian mammal. And boy, do I ever.

But far be it from me to hoard this treasure. If I am going to enjoy a hot cup of civet feces emulsion, then by golly, every member of the RiffTrax staff should have the opportunity to do so as well. So tomorrow I will brew it up in my vacuum pot, the better to retain the essential, um, oils and flavor additives courtesy of Paradoxus hermaphroditus’ anal glands. And the Rifftrax staff will be on the receiving…end. I’ll report back.

(Click the photo and you’ll get a better view of an actual civet dropping lovingly encased in Lucite. The box contains a [blessedly] small sample of the roasted final product.)

*UPDATE!!*

A-ha! Turns out my coffee made from the feces of the Asian Palm Civet contains a lot less Asian Palm Civet feces than you might expect.

The relevant quote, from University of Guelph food scientist and adjunct Prof. Massimo Marcone:

“As a food scientist, I’m skeptical that anything being in contact with feces is safe,” says Marcone. “But tests revealed that the Kopi Luwak beans had negligible amounts of enteric (pathogenic) organisms associated with feces.”

Tags: RiffTrax

44 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Casey on Jan 29, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    …. this can’t be real… can it?

  • 2 GregMcduck on Jan 29, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Oh, come on! Coffee is disgusting enough as it is!

  • 3 Brian O. on Jan 29, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    The best part of waking up, is cat poop in your cup!

  • 4 mrbasehart on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    Looks like they’ll be using their chemical toilets over-time tomorrow.

  • 5 Ninjew on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    Dude, it’s not “Cat Poop Coffee”.

    It’s “Crappuccino”!

  • 6 Casey on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    ok…. what if it happened to be the best coffee they have ever tasted…. would anyone be willing to admit it?

  • 7 Nerf on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    Watch what happens when we secretly replace Mike’s regular caffeinated coffee with cat poop….

  • 8 Kevin Murphy on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:13 pm

    Mike, I notice that it’s “hand-collected from the floor of the Sumatran jungle.” That’s really what sells it for me.

    Enjoy it tomorrow. I’ll be frozen in a snow bank with Jack Nicholson.

  • 9 Adam on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    That’s a pretty generous way of putting “some dudes head out to the woods to grab steaming fistfuls of cat feces so you can pay to drink it.”

    I feel bad for the collectors though. Making them use their hands is really the final insult. You can’t debase your employees any further than that.

  • 10 Walter on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    “a hot cup of civet feces emulsion.”

    That is beautiful sentence…or is it disgusting?

  • 11 Veronica on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    Listen, if it’s an Asian remedy we should all just shut up and try it. I’m sure it’ll catch on and people will be opening Kitty Poop Cafes & Book Stores everywhere.

  • 12 Nick on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    No problem drinking that, Mike. It’ll go great with Cheeseburger In A Can!

    http://tinyurl.com/2au9fy

  • 13 Slade Rockfist on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    Those are some expensive coffeemakers…..

    And cat poop coffee? Seriously?

    Unbelievable…..

  • 14 SaucyRossy on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    Please make Erick try it.

  • 15 Ninjew on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    “Let’s get Mikey! ”

    “He won’t try it. He hates everything.”

    “He LIKES it! Hey MIKEY!”

  • 16 Botchinator on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Oh i bet he’ll fly over just to warm you up with a hot cup of cat crap.

  • 17 MikeP on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    I’ll try it, sure. Oh wait, you mean the other Mikey. You know, the famous one. Nevermind.

  • 18 MikeP on Jan 29, 2008 at 3:02 pm

    I feel bad for the collectors though. Making them use their hands is really the final insult. You can’t debase your employees any further than that.

    Sure you can: just force them to drink Sanka on their coffee break.

  • 19 AmandaGal on Jan 29, 2008 at 3:02 pm

    I think that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard of and I work at a zoo where we try to jack tourist by selling them poo quite often (this Christmas, they actually made poo earrings to sell in the gift shop. You ask who would buy that but they quickly sold out).

    Never has it been edible though. Makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.

    Enjoy!

  • 20 LemSlaw on Jan 29, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    Sean Young could have used some of that brew on sunday.

  • 21 MikeP on Jan 29, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    True story: A friend of mine had surgery when he was in high school and had his jaw wired shut for 6 months. After a few weeks of nothing but protein shakes and the like, he got desperate and went to McDonald’s, bought a Big Mac, stuck it in a blender and tried to “drink” the burger. It was not a success.

  • 22 Mike Nelson on Jan 29, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    In fairness to Ms. Young, don’t we all want Julian Schnabel to “get on with it”?

  • 23 Steve-O on Jan 29, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    “This coffee tastes like shit!”

    Naturally!

  • 24 Chris_Fronczak on Jan 29, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    If it’s good enough for Jack Nicholson, it’s good enough for Mike Nelson,… that’s right, I saw The Bucket List.

  • 25 Roper on Jan 29, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    Mmm, good to the last dropping.

  • 26 Kenny8 on Jan 29, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    I don’t know who the guy with the container of poop is in that photo, but it clearly isn’t Mike J. Nelson!

    Only a celebrity impersonator would stoop to ingesting shit in order to boost his profile.

    I demand to know what has happened to the real Mike J. Nelson immediatly or I’ll contact the authorities.

  • 27 Chris T. on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    Well, at least they’re up front and honest about the fecal content in their coffee product, so it’s gotta be better than what they’re serving down at McDonalds.

  • 28 Dave-o on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    Wow, this is wild, because we were talking about this today at work, Working at starbucks you hear a lot of cofffee talk like this, but YIKES! I believe that stuff is really expensive too, like $100 a cup or something. One of the customers told us he tried it and that it was a great cup of coffee…better be for $100 bucks a cup! Now seeing it, it reckons back memories of Anchorman…
    “NO I WILL NOT EAT THE CAT POOP!” “YOU WILL EAT THE CAT POOP!” “OK…I’ll eat the cat poop…aaaugggh its aweful…”

  • 29 Dave-o on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    speaking of, what the hell is the deal with them starting coffee bars??? blech!

  • 30 Dave-o on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    Also Mike, Its nice to hear that you are a fellow coffee coneseur. And i take it you’re a sumatra coffee drinker…i gotta say im not so much, the sumatra we sell tastes like sh… oh wait…you already know.

  • 31 Dave-o on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    oops i meant 100 a half pound…

  • 32 Mike Nelson on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    (non coffee weens can ignore this)

    I like a nice funky Sumatra (almost as much as I like a funky cold medina), but I find that, when I’m not drinking feline spoor tinctures, I tend to gravitate toward a well balanced, fruity Kenyan (coffee, that is. Not an actual Kenyan.)

    See the tasting notes at http://www.sweetmarias.com

    I buy their green beans and roast them bi-weekly and I find their tastes to be very close to mine.

  • 33 Mr. Slick on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    Yum?

  • 34 Eddie Colton on Jan 30, 2008 at 1:08 am

    What the hell is a civet? Now, if it was coffee beans passed through the digestive system of a DINOSAUR… that would be something.

  • 35 attaturk on Jan 30, 2008 at 3:14 am

    Maybe it’s Joel?

    As we know from the internet wars, Joel’s poop coffee is as good as Mike’s, just in different ways.

  • 36 attaturk on Jan 30, 2008 at 3:15 am

    Big deal, I drink Folgers.

  • 37 Chris T. on Jan 30, 2008 at 4:35 am

    I think “Hell” may very well be part of the deal!

  • 38 Chris T. on Jan 30, 2008 at 4:40 am

    I’ve never had a Sumatra that I’ve liked.

    I agree with Mike on the Kenya, but my personal preference tends to be anything on the cocoa-ey side of Guatemalan.

    (I know, hi I’m the guy that nobody asked)

    (I just loves coffee too)

  • 39 Kleenex on Jan 30, 2008 at 5:46 am

    I love the pictures on the website of the beans in their ‘natural’ post-feline digestive system turd state. Very appealing! What amazes me is, there was actually a guy out there who thought this was a good idea and was so confident of it that he convinced his friends to try a cup. If I see an animal turd in the forest, my first thought is NOT to grind it up and make coffee out of it.

  • 40 Rob T Firefly on Jan 30, 2008 at 7:27 am

    One really must wonder about whoever it was that first came upon seed-laced animal spoor on the floor of the jungle and thought to him/herself, “Hmm, I’ll have me a cuppa THAT with some cream and sugar!”

  • 41 doggans on Jan 30, 2008 at 7:46 am

    I feel like I’m in a Coleman Francis movie all of a sudden.

  • 42 Dave-o on Jan 30, 2008 at 8:50 am

    hey, no worries, coffee is a good thing (aside from the whole “yeah its the bm of a tree dwelling cat-like creature) and i have to say im not such a fan of sumatra at all…it all tastes like dirt to me. Kenyan is good, but not my favorite, for a little darker berry flavor i prefer Tanzania or if you want a floral explosion go jamaican blue mtn. Guatamalan is always good. My favorite so far though is Puerto Rica Yauco Selecto. I havent quite graduated up to roasting my own beans though.

  • 43 BoB3K on Jan 30, 2008 at 11:48 am

    I often say, “Hmm, I’ll have me a cuppa THAT with some cream and sugar!”

    Needless to say, there is ongoing litigation.

  • 44 Bill Langhorst on Feb 19, 2008 at 4:37 am

    If anyone’s watched the movie “The Bucket List,” this very subject was covered in the movie. It seems that Jack Nicholson’s character was very much into Sumatran coffee, and when Morgan Freeman’s character did some research and revealed how it’s made, both characters got to cross off the one remaining item on their bucket list: Laugh until you cry.