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Weather Macho

January 29th, 2008 by Kevin Murphy · 74 Comments

this morningYesterday in Minnesota it was forty degrees. The crusty gray snow languished into slushy gray porridge. Last night freezing rain sprayed an Oklahoma-style ice glaze over the road, sending cars spinning friction-free into each other like a bumper pool table populated by sport-utes. All day today snow will polish the ice to a mirrored luster, then the mercury will plummet, resulting in a sixty-degree temperature swing in two days. Like Icarus, Minnesota got too close to the sun, and now we must pay.

Am I complaining? Pah. It violates Minnesota state code to complain about the weather. I’m just noting, as part of my winter meditation practice, that tonight when I head out for a walk (it will be too hard on the dog’s paws to bring him along), my nostrils will cling to themselves; the mucus membrane will freeze as I breathe in. By the time I get back to the house tonightI’ll resemble Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining, and that echoey popping and cracking in the air will be the sound of the timber frames of neighborhood houses freezing.

But I’m not complaining. There isn’t a corner of the world that doesn’t have it’s own annoying climatological taunt, whether it’s swampy humidity, brick-oven desert dry, tornadoes, floods or snow measured in meters. San Diego may come closest to an idyllic clime, which is why God recently tried to burn it to a cinder. Our brutal winter is part of why the summer in Minnesota is achingly beautiful and we can grow vegetables the size of Mini-Coopers without the help of Miracle-Gro. If we have to put up with a few scant weeks when our cars die, our water pipes become bombs and our faces blacken with frostbite, then so be it.

Okay, maybe I am complaining. It feels great. Screw the Garrison Keillor whimsy and the Jon Hassler stoicism. Complaining warms the soul, bonds one to one’s fellow complainers and creates the camraderie of the dissatisfied. Hell, if the New Hampshire primary was in June, they’d vote for a puppy or a bag of marshmallows.

So come on, folks, let’s do some e-griping! Tell us about how crappy it is to live where you live during any season. Exaggerate like mad, and I want to see a lot of posts prefaced with “You think you have it bad?” Spring’s coming soon, and we’ll lose the whining window. Let’s get out there and cathart!

Tags: Kevin · RiffTrax · Riffer Blogs · Trends

74 responses so far ↓

  • 1 NotMerrittStone on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:14 am

    Yesterday, when I left the house for the airport at 6AM, it was -39 celsius (-38 fahrenheit), with a wind-chill of -50 (-58 fahrenheit).

    Fortunately, I was heading out of town to warmer climes, where it was a mere -20 with he wind-chill. Downright tropical by comparison!

  • 2 Fran in the Pan on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:24 am

    As a fellow Minnesotan I feel your pain (or maybe that’s just frostbite?). The best part about this thaw and freeze is that the large puddle that formed in our backyard has now transformed into a fun ice rink for the dog! We thinking about getting him a nice sequined spandex outfit to trapse about in. He’ll be a regular Puppy Boitano!

  • 3 Steve on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:41 am

    You think YOU have it bad? I live just south of Minnesota in Iowa. Normally that could stand on its own, however, the summers in the midwest are humidity-laden chunks of hell. There is nothing more fun than having 85 degree weather with a heat index of 679 degrees. I may be the only person who wants to visit northern Greenland during the summers.

  • 4 MikeP on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:51 am

    Howdy, neighbour! At least, I assume so: it was -39 C here yesterday morning, so if not geographically, we’re at very least weather neighbours.

    Today’s weather is much nicer. -35 C and no wind-chill.

    But what makes winter here especially nice is the slurry of sand, rocks, dirt, salt, quicklime, blood pudding, paint, grit, grime, grunge, sludge, muck, mire, mud, silt, and puppy-chow they put on the roads here to provide “grip”. Makes the pristine, gleaming snow and turns it into a horror-show of filth.

  • 5 The Professor on Jan 29, 2008 at 7:54 am

    Pah! That’s nothing. I live in the Pacific Northwest. We got two inches of snow and they canceled school. (Yes, two inches.)

  • 6 Solonor on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:01 am

    You think YOU have it bad? I live in Florida, and this morning it was down below 50!! My God! Why I moved from Maine, I’ll never know.

  • 7 Kevin Murphy on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:07 am

    Nothing quite like blinding your friends with a loosely packed ice-and-cinderball.

  • 8 Jef on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:12 am

    “You think you have it bad?”

    I work in an open parking lot in Chicago, two blocks shy of the lake, in the middle of a manmade wind tunnel of alleyways and side streets. I have experienced no stronger winds anywhere else in the city.

    With wind gusts up to 55 MPH on a meteorologist proclaimed “slightly windy” day, I saw a man carrying a sign across the lot stager slightly as the wind grabbed hold of his aerodynamically-challenged, five-foot slab of sheet metal and launch him into the air and ten feet across the lot! He slammed into the booth I sit in and lay pinned underneath his sign, kicking like a beetle.

    Okay, so maybe this isn’t a complaint. The wind sucks here but it provided me with the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

  • 9 Bill Corbett on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:17 am

    You think you have it bad, Kevin?

    We live a full six miles further north than you and Jane. Six more miles of icy, skin-peeling tundra!

    Oh, and here’s something for conspiracy theorists: Garrison Keillor has never set foot in Minnesota in his life. His show has always been done from Miami Beach.

  • 10 AmandaGal on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:31 am

    Well, I live in Arkansas where. . . ok, it’s not that bad here and I can’t even make up complaint.

    It gets hot in the summer and even though it’s a “wet heat” (which sounds gross…humid heat?), I’ve been to Phoenix in the summer. Even our humidity doesn’t compare to a place where you can literally fry an egg on the sidewalk.

    It gets kind of cold in the winter. I mean, we got one whole inch of snow last year. I have a friend in MI who laughs at me when I tell her schools are closed down at the mere mention of snow or ice in the forecast or, “Well, I won’t be going to work. We have an inch of snow on the ground.” People also have the strange urge to stock up on bread and milk when the weatherman mentions ice. . . I think that’s an odd Southern tradition.

    On the other hand, I think you Northerners have a bit of weather machismo going on. Negative temperatures shouldn’t exist, I don’t care what you guys say. :)

  • 11 Werndy on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:38 am

    Lissen up! That wind outside Is PISSED! Seriously what did I do? Just de-trained at the Gov’t Center in DT Mpls and foolishly walked toward the river. Why? Because that’s where the office is. What can you do? I was trying to be all zen and say “wow this is amazing that we can have the vast differences in one day and aren’t birds so cool – they live outside” and then Wham! I turned the corner and the wind pushed me across the street, so I obligingly ran and then when I made it across the street, the wind slapped me in the face. Ow. So I continued to scoot and I’m pretty sure the wind whipped out it’s switchblade and was trying to slice my legs, seriously OW. Once inside, I checked and the slacks are intact, no knife slices, Thanks for asking.

  • 12 MikeP on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:39 am

    I thought Garrison Keillor was a pen name for a consortium of offshore ghost-writers. You know, like the one that produced the Hardy Boys stories, or Michael Crichton.

  • 13 waffen on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:39 am

    Here in the South Carolina one day it’s 35 and the next day it’s 65. let’s see anyone’s body adapt to those swings in temps.

    Oh, and the fact that society breaks down at the mear mention of snow or ice? You see people driving down our highways like the final chase scene of the movie Road warrior, The TV stations endlessly playing “Nearer our God to thee” as the snow piles up to hights of almost one inch.

  • 14 NickE on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:46 am

    Here on Long Island, the weather is never extreme enough to actually complain. We can only justify whining.

    Although winters can go long stretches in the 20s, at the first sign of snow the temps start climbing to the mid-30s and we end up getting the sleet-and-freezing-rain that we call “Long Island sleaze.” (Of course, we call everything from Long Island “sleaze,” including Buttafuoco, Lohan and Tequila. Any arguments? Mm-hmm, I didn’t think so).

    Tyoical winter weather: Al Roker tells us that snow is coming, maybe up to 2-4 inches in the mountains north and west of the city. People call other people, in the process upping the ante to “6-8 inches across Long Island.” My son comes home from school, exclaiming that “it might be a snow day tomorrow because they’re saying over a foot of snow.”

    I stop at the store on the way home from work, and it looks like the supermarket scene from (pick one: “The Day After” if you’re old, the first episode of “Jericho” if you’re young and will watch anything): people grabbing anything they can off the shelves to ward off the unavoidable post-storm cannibalism, fist fights in the parking lot, pairs of people with their left hands tied together and four-inch knives in their right hands, fighting over the last can of Spaghettios With Sliced Franks.

    That night, it drizzles a little. In the morning, the newspaper on the front lawn is a little damp.

  • 15 Courtney on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:49 am

    Here in the Chicago, it was -9 last Thursday and Friday. Cut to Saturday, suddenly it was 40 and then today it’s 50. Tonight it’s supposed to drop fifty degrees, then swing back up tomorrow morning. Satan is obviously involved. Dick Cheney too.

    I think there will be fire tornadoes.

  • 16 The Dave on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:50 am

    Of course, we had it tough…

    This past summer in Eastern Tennessee, we had a nine day stretch where the temp didn’t fall below 95 degrees. The entirety of August was like vacationing in Death Valley, except I was surrounded by sweaty rednecks.

  • 17 AmandaGal on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:52 am

    Do people do the bread and milk thing there too? I worked at a grocery one winter and seriously, the shelves were empty because people would buy 3-4 gallons and 3-4 loafs. What the hell do they do with all that?

    We get the morons driving 2 miles an hour when there’s no ice on the road but, “It’s 32 degrees. There could be slick spots.” It hasn’t rained in a month. Why is it going to be slick?

  • 18 The Elusive Robert Denby on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:01 am

    Today in St. Louis, we’ll reach a high near sixty, followed about three hours later by a low of eighteen. Stores are out of bread and milk, which means riots will follow when news gets out of shortages of milk sandwiches.

  • 19 Bill Corbett on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:16 am

    “fighting over the last can of Spaghettios With Sliced Franks.”

    I always go for the Twinkies. They’ll keep for millenia, and survive any kind of apocalypse.

    Of course, we’ll have to share them with the giant cockroaches, but… maybe we can work something out.

  • 20 Rob T Firefly on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:21 am

    You think you have it bad?

    I live on the Sun.

    It only becomes bearable at night.

  • 21 Yanni on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:23 am

    You think you’ve got it bad? I live in Ohio.

    The summers are so damn and humid you get soaked just walking out the door. Although the winters aren’t as bad as in Minnesota, we get all 12 feet of our snow in a three-week span, unless you live in Cleveland, in which case it snows until May. There’s no spring in Cleveland; winter just goes straight on into summer. And the weather changes so often around here I’ve used a winter coat, umbrella and sunglasses all in the same day (at different times). I remember one day it went from 91 degrees to 43 in a two day span. Seriously.

    And I live in Ohio for godsakes.

  • 22 Queen Bee on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Kevin’s charming “before” photograph leaves me loathe to complain about my current state of residence. I feel compelled to purchase some life insurance from him and his pullover.

  • 23 Rude on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:26 am

    Hmmmm… Still have your Christmas tree up, huh? So you’re one of those people.


  • 24 Barry on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:35 am

    I agree with Yanni (man, there’s something I never thought I’d say – here’s hoping he’s not *that* Yanni). Cleveland gets a week of spring and a week of autumn. Once winter starts, it’s nonstop gray, cold, and lake-effect snow until the lake finally freezes over (and that just means it’s been really cold for a long time, so it’s not like that really spells relief).

  • 25 Mr. Slick on Jan 29, 2008 at 9:44 am

    Kevin, I’m glad to see your transformation into George Lucas is almost complete!

  • 26 Firkon on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:05 am

    Here in Michigan, we’re getting Kevin & Bill’s big temperature drop tonight. I teach, so I’m desperately hoping for a day off tomorrow…

  • 27 Dave-o on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:26 am

    I’m from the meteorological anomoly known as Arkansas as well, and last friday the weatherman (possibly a hillbilly shaman in a suit) mentioned in passing about freezing rain. Stores closed at noon as well as schools. Traffic going 4 feet an hour. Why you ask? a six inch slab of life taking ice. Its not so bad that we dont really get snow (using the term snow for the precipitation that isnt quite rain) until february, but its that a generally decently civilized population reverts to thier animal instincts, lose a good 30-40 IQ points and attempt to hoard milk and bread (as my fellow arkansan said so aptly) as though it were the apocolypse. We also get a good dose of the “it was 32 degrees yesterday and its 75 today. What time of year is it again?”
    And i politely disagree with amandagal about the humidity. During the summer i gotta say that the constant feeling of humidity on the skin, feeling as though you took a shower and forgot to dry off…its pretty gross. try being a big guy already trying to fight off sweat and then the humidity is a 100% and its 89 degrees in the shade. Dont ask…its not pretty

  • 28 NickE on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:28 am

    “I always go for the Twinkies. They’ll keep for millenia, and survive any kind of apocalypse…”

    That’s exactly why they don’t fight over the Twinkies, Bill. Twinkies will always be there, no matter what. Twinkies will be the trilobites of tomorrow, sold to kids at the fossil museum for a quarter in lots of a hundred, except they’ll still be spongy.

    (In turn, I always thought trilobites were the styrofoam packing peanuts of the Cambrian era; whenever a really good animal would decide to fossilize, it’d stuff trilobites around itself first to protect it from breaking)

  • 29 Dallas on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Oh yeah? Well here in San Francisco it’s been raining off and on for a good couple of weeks. I even had to turn the heater on the other day, which annoyed my roommates because it smells like burning dust. Also, when I went down to Monterey last weekend to see the great white shark I forgot my umbrella, and I had to walk quickly so I didn’t get too wet!

  • 30 Veronica on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Minnesota is for lovers….

    Massachusetts is for schizos…

    The weather here in New England is nothing short of a climate identity crisis. It’s hot, it’s frigid, it’s a hurricane… The temperature is so up and down every week we have a closet that never undergoes any kind of temperature-appropriate maintenance. Tanks, shorts, down jackets, wool sweaters.. all together :)

  • 31 Tim on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:53 am

    I live in Missouri. Yesterday (Monday), it was around 60 degrees, with sunny skies.

    Today (Tuesday), it’s in the low 20’s, with snow falling and frigid wind gusts that drop the wind-chill factor in the upper single digits.

    The fact that many a serial killer has come from the heart of the Midwest should be hard proof that schizophrenic weather produces schizophrenic people.

    Yet, as the global warming fanatics continue to hew and cry, our local news reminds us daily that our record highs were set back in the 1930’s.

  • 32 Tim on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:55 am

    I live in Pennsylvania.

    We don’t have “weather”. We’re not as interesting as the hot southern states or the cold northern areas of our United States. Nay, we loll in our complete absence of humidity, dryness or even temperature.

    Or maybe I’m dead.

  • 33 Kevin Murphy on Jan 29, 2008 at 10:57 am

    Um, heh… ‘excuse me, I have a bit of, heh, seasonal housework to do…

  • 34 Shawn on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:00 am

    I lived in New Hampshire and Massachusetts my whole life until a few years ago, so I will say: yes. Yes, you are correct.

    Now I’m in Philadelphia, and here’s how it goes: We have about two weeks of hovering-around zero temperatures in the winter, normally this time of year – late Jan. to early Feb. The rest of the winter is anywhere from the upper-30s to the upper 50s, (right now it’s 38). Sounds pretty nice, right? Although I do miss a white New England Christmas.

    Then, it reaches about 130 degrees from May to late October, and the humidity is usually at around 340%. Yes, we actually walk around in ultra-saturated air, which has the consistency of gelatin, except it’s smoldering hot. Most of Philadelphia is built around a series of air-conditioned Habitrail-like structures, pressurized for underwater life. I personally have no fewer than eight A/C units going at any given moment in my home.

  • 35 dignan on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:02 am

    I live in Massachusetts. We don’t complain about the weather now that our sports teams are doing well. Yay, sports!

    Get better or go to hell (aka Rhode Island), Bruins.

  • 36 Aaron on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:07 am

    You think you have it bad? Well, I guess I’d agree. I, too, am languishing in frozen Minnesota. My hopes were utterly crushed — CRUSHED, I say — by the change from yesterday’s balmy 43 to today’s -16.

    I even had a dream last night that all the trees were covered in green leaves and butterflies, and spring had arrived. Stepping outside today was a rude awakening, as my ears quickly froze to the point where attempting to alleviate them of an itchy feeling was pointless because they had lost all feeling.


  • 37 Rob T.B. on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Snow has a purpose: it keeps you from looking out the window on Christmas morning and seeing a bleak landscpe of patchy brown grass and mangled, leafless trees. What’s that? No, there was no snow here for the entire month of December.

  • 38 Meredith on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:14 am

    I’m from South Carolina, and it’s pretty similar. Once, in 2000 I think, we had 6 inches of snow. School was closed for 3 days, then on a 3 hour delay for the next week. Bread and milk are hoarded at every snow flurry. But I really don’t think the mild winters are worth the summers. So now I live in Boston.

  • 39 Natureboy (Ken) on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:19 am

    So, I assume by Bill and Kevin comments they are not the two guys with no shirts on in January at Lambeau field screaming for their Packers.

  • 40 Clint on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:23 am

    You think you got it bad…

    I moved to Houston a couple of years ago from the Chicago/Calumet Region. I am still not used to the heavy humidity. Last summer I actually got into a car accident with some air.

  • 41 Thad on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:59 am

    “Spring’s coming soon, and we’ll lose the whining window.”

    Who’s “we”?

    I’m in Tempe, Arizona.

  • 42 Walter on Jan 29, 2008 at 12:28 pm

    Louisiana is never hot when it should be hot, or cold when it should be cold. The weather forecast is always wrong because I believe we live in a black whole. The temperature right now (in winter mind you) is 65. That doesn’t sound bad. But tomorrow morning it will feel like 80 and then it will get down super cold at night.

  • 43 Brian O. on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    I’m in Kent, East Hill, and we only had a inch or so, and of course everyone’s freaking out. Bumper to bumper traffic.

    Of course, when it isn’t snow, it’s rain, rain, rain and rain, clouds and rain. And did I mention rain? With the seasonal affective disorder syndrome and all, it’s no wonder we have such a huge Swedish population. Lutefisk anyone?

  • 44 SarahCanuck on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    Wimp. Canadians mock you.
    I live in the Okanagan valley. In the summer, it regularly reaches 120 degrees F. In the winter, it can be minus 30 for weeks at a time. That’s not counting wind chill, which can push it past minus 40. And this place, my home, is only 20 minutes from the U.S. border. Canadians are crazy. It occured to me, yesterday, as I lost all feeling in my fingers while sitting in a moving vehicle, that it is remarkable that this stupid country is populated.
    When Samuel de Champlain started a small colony in Canada, the first winter half the people froze to death. Perhaps he should have taken the hint, no? Ah, but instead stupid people continued to come, and now we are a proud, stupid, be-toqued and be-thermal-underweared people.
    Except for in the summer, when all Okanagers either run for lakes or just sort of lie motionless in front of air conditioners thinking nostalgically about frostbite warnings.
    Speaking of which, I can’t feel my feet. I need to move closer to the heater. Fare thee well, and we mock those places which think they get cold. And those places which think they get hot. HAH!
    Incidentally, this is why we invented hockey – to have SOMETHING to do during the winter.

  • 45 Tv Miller on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    But all I have ever wanted to do was to pack up from balmy Flo-duh and move to Lake Wobegon and work at the 5 and Dime.

  • 46 Bill Corbett on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    Shirts, yes.

    Pants, no.

  • 47 Slade Rockfist on Jan 29, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Here in Northeast Texas (Dallas area) we don’t even GET seasons. Last week there was about 3 days of freezing, then all in one day it jumped up to 60. This morning was around 55 or 60, then 50+mph galeforce winds (seriously) blew in, along with a 20 degree temperature drop.

    There’s a saying in Texas, “If you don’t like the weather…..wait five minutes.”

  • 48 Hannah on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    As has been stated earlier, the weather in Massachusetts changes so frequently that I usually carry an extra pair of shoes around with me (so that when it suddenly starts snowing after a morning of 40-degree weather, I won’t have to walk across campus in my ballet flats).

  • 49 SaucyRossy on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    Wow I feel soooo bad for all of you that are so cold right now. Really I do. Let’s see I am looking out my window right now and what do I see?

    Sunshine! Oh and whats that What do you say the tempature is going to be tomorrow? 76 degrees? The humanity!

    I am going to the beach this weekend and when I build sand castles and drink Corona you will all be in my hearts.

  • 50 captian phil on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    High desert FTW only thing we have is when the fire’s come, for the last 4 days its been raining and a little cold and ppl here start complaining that they will never see the sun again (old ppl who have lived here since 1901) me on the other hand love the rain nothing like plowing into puddles with my little pickup(sad to see big SUV’s swerve around puddles.

    summers are really hot (110 last summer thankfully i was in Ft Benning),_California

  • 51 LemSlaw on Jan 29, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    You think you have it bad, I might get wet waiting in line to see Hangover Square tonight.

  • 52 Kei on Jan 29, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    More reasons to avoid Canada at all costs.

  • 53 Kei on Jan 29, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    Kevin, you look like a model from a Sears catalog.

    And I do need some reasonably priced fleece pullovers.

  • 54 Eddie Colton on Jan 29, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    No, really, you’re complaining? 40 degrees? I didn’t get if by 60 degree temperature swing you mean tomorrow it will be -20. If so, you got me beat.

    However, I am guessing you don’t live in rural Colorado with a full foot of snow on a driveway literally the length of a football field. And there’s no shortcut to the road. You literally have to drive the length of a football field. And did I mention plowing with a snow blower that’s maybe 20 inches wide? I don’t know about you, but I didn’t get one of them 20 inch wide cars, so yes that means up and down the football-length gravel covered driveway several times before being able to leave. And it’s no good trying to just cut wheel tracks because the car is too low to the ground to get over the middle part.

    And also there are indigenous yetis.

  • 55 wakachiwaka on Jan 29, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    And after the clouds get done pissing all over SF, they move on down south here to LA and dump on us. And fifteen minutes later the police sirens start up and don’t stop until things dry out completely, because the freeway-hogs around here drive the treads clean off their tires ’til they’re balder than Michael Chiklis, and have never heard the word ‘hydroplane’ in their lives until it happens to them.

    As for those of you who complain about the humidity in the Midwest: I used to live in Southern Illinois, and did my share of whining about the “air you can wear”…

    Until I visited Taiwan. Imagine disembarking from a nice, air-conditioned jetliner, making your way through the moderately climate-controlled airport to the front exit, then getting hit face-first by a wall of hot, moist air, leaving you drenched in perspiration (most of it your own) from head to toe as soon as you open the door. No more complaints from me, mate.

  • 56 Kenny8 on Jan 29, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    I’m in the midst of an Australian summer here. Another 90 plus degree day after another……at least there’s plenty of cold beer to go round.

  • 57 Jon on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:34 pm

    I’ve got you all beat, I live in Buffalo. As if the weather weren’t lousy enough, we’re home to the dependably lousy Buffalo Bills. Sure, we have kickass hot wings, but we also have Johnny Rzeznik representing us to the rest of the music world.
    Eat it!

  • 58 MSTJedi on Jan 29, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    Ah, you beat me to it, fellow DFW resident. Nothing like the unpredictability of Texas weather – where Spring and Fall are but a couple of days sometime between February and June and August and December, respectively. And that’s if we’re lucky.

  • 59 Alicia on Jan 29, 2008 at 11:19 pm

    At least you’ve got snowplow service, even if you have to do it yourself. My dad works at the hospital in the next town, a dangerous 20 miles in winter, and thus far that road has seen a plow… twice, maybe. Not that it does any good, the wind sends mighty waves of snow drift back onto the road, so there’s a foot of wet, icy crapola on the road, and bare dirt hills all around.

    I spent an hour yesterday chipping ice off my car so I could drive to work. The road I drive wasn’t quite so bad, but the streets in Pullman were godawful. On top of that my battery keeps dying in the night, and I can’t keep the tires inflated.

    The pipes in the bathroom keep freezing, and the basement, which is outside the house, is iced shut and can’t be opened, so no manual thawing.

    Today was a balmy 31F, tropical compared to the single digits last week. Our first real winter in six years.

  • 60 Kleenex on Jan 30, 2008 at 5:32 am

    Let’s see, I grew up in Minnesota, spent a good part of my adult life in New England, and lived in southern New Jersey just outside of Philadelphia for a couple of years so I can understand all your weather complaints. That’s why after 35 years of snow and humidity, I moved to Las Vegas. Sure, there’s rampant crime, zero culture and a lousy education system but when we see snow it’s up in the mountains and you’d be hard pressed to find a place less humid! It’s just the three months or so of triple digit, oven-like heat that you have to deal with. But it’s a small price to pay if you ask me.

  • 61 Dim of the Yard on Jan 30, 2008 at 8:06 am

    Weather? Pah! I scoff at your foolish complaints about the snow! You Minnesotans and your Fargo and your Vikings and… and everything else that your Minnesota had. Mini-Soda. Pah!

    I’m in the Upstate New York area up here, and you know what we have? We’re like the Britain of the USA over here. We’ve got rain. April showers bring May flowers, but our showers tend to slaughter the May flowers. And the June flowers. And they continue on, even into the months when flowers typically stop growing. Winter season, sure, it turns to snow, then you have it worse than we do.

    But recently, the winters have been getting warmer. The rain that turned to snow is slowly just becoming more rain. It even HAILS every so often! That’s not right! It’s just onslaught after onslaught after onslaught of those ever-so-pleasant April showers, and believe you me, April showers stop being so charming and pleasant when you;re still stuck with them in January.

    It’s so bad up here, they don’t even teach about the sun in our schools! If Galileo came up to us and told us that the Earth revolved around the sun, he’d be placed under house arrest for the rest of his second life! There IS no such thing as the sun! That’s crazy talk! It’s just the moon. And it catches fire. A lot.

  • 62 abyssgazer on Jan 30, 2008 at 9:02 am

    So, you think you have it bad? It snowed two inches here in the DC area and they didn’t close the government offices and schools. What’s the point of snow, or winter at all for that matter, if you can’t get even one lousy snow day out it?

    I’m disgusted.

  • 63 Bruce on Jan 30, 2008 at 9:15 am

    I live in Austin, Texas, where the winters are generally balmy, and marred only by a concentration of Killer Death Mutant Pollen from Hell that frequently exceeds 10,000 parts per 10,000. My phlegm is nice and soft, though!

  • 64 MikeB on Jan 30, 2008 at 10:18 am

    That’s OK, I just took down my lights from the outside the other day. Yes, I am that person.

  • 65 MikeB on Jan 30, 2008 at 10:22 am

    Oh, come on, it’s fun to watch the weather-men get in a lather over below 20 degree weather. They practically explode if the hint of “wintry mix” even comes up on the Radar.

    Thank You RADAR!

  • 66 Brian O. on Jan 30, 2008 at 11:17 am

    Well, if you can get your hands on a decommissioned offshore oil rig, you can declare yourselves a country like Sealand, then mount some anti aircraft guns and machine guns on the sides, Mike can take the lead as Dr. Evil, Bill can control the sharks with lasers mounted on their heads, and Kevin can run Starbucks!

  • 67 Super Dragon on Jan 31, 2008 at 10:21 am

    Dear Kevin:


    That is all.


  • 68 Michael on Jan 31, 2008 at 11:30 am

    I’m in Fresno. Do I need to say anything else?

  • 69 meg on Jan 31, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    I’m a dog walker.

    In Chicago.

    I last had sensation in my toes in June of 2005.

  • 70 camcat on Jan 31, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    Well, right now in Middle Georgia I am listening to the wind gust and the rain pour. The hail has stopped and the temp will vary by about 7 degrees (50 to 43) all day; tomorrow it will drop from 61 to 27, but this is the nicest place, climate-wise, that I’ve lived in for decades. I grew up in Atlanta, where it rains for weeks or not at all, and snow sticking on the ground is a cause for celebration and mayhem. My spouse and I moved to Chicago in 1980 (missing a major blizzard, the ole codgers were fond of telling us). When we left Atlanta in our rental truck, it was 105 (dropping to 98 after dark). Two days later we were unloading the truck in a hotel parking lot to find our winter clothes, having been quite surprised by the 40 degree temps, not counting wind chill. We were wearing cut off jeans, tshirts and flip-flops and already learning to swear at the climate. Yet we stayed there for 20 years. In a fit of midlife crisis, however, we relocated to-get this-south Alabama, the Gulf coast, where the air is so thick you have to chew it. You don’t sweat there, you condensate. Not only that, but you get a monsoon every afternoon that lasts for about 45 mins. and can strike anywhere. We could get 3″ of rain at our house, and our folks, a mile up the river, would not even get cloudy. Weird! I have a list of whines about weather. 1) Chicago is the only place i’ve lived where the climate was trying to kill me. 2) Up north you can’t wear earrings in the winter because the metal posts freeze in your earlobes.
    3) The reason you wear a muffler is to breathe through to try to keep your lungs from freezing.
    4) You have to wear way too many clothes! And it is worse for kids. Kids have on so much snow gear that if they fall down, it takes three friends to get them upright again. Of course, the South has its drawbacks, too, but if you get naked and lie on the floor in front of an electric fan, you can beat most of them. I leave you with some words from Robert Heinlein (sic?) “Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get” “Never argue with the weather” “Everyone complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it!” Of course, I like what my brother told me during one of my whine fests “If you don’t like the weather, MOVE!”

  • 71 Katy on Feb 1, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    I believe that Mark Twain said about RI, “If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes.”

    But I might be wrong. May have been about New England in general.

  • 72 SharonJoy on Feb 1, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    You think YOU have it bad? I’m from Sacramento, the capital city that chooses to bore you to death with its weather extremes.

    a) Hi and welcome to Summer: 100 degrees outside for 3 months. No clouds, no breeze, just SUN. Don’t get me wrong, I’m from Australia originally and thanks to the hole in the ozone layer we’re on a first name basis with old Mr Sun…but not until I moved to Sacramento did I feel *pain* standing in the sun, where you actually RUN for shade. I hate Sacramento Summers.

    b) Here we are in delightful Winter: how about I rain for 40 days and 40 nights until my rivers burst and all the stupid people who built houses on FLOOD PLAINS starting wondering about that “flood insurance thing”. And none of the houses here have guttering and or downpipes so all the water just floods into the street and clogs the drains and my Dad’s a plumber and such a lack of efficiency just makes me so crazy I could scream.

    c) Or how about FOG. After the biblical rains…we shut off the rain altogether and give you days, nay weeks of just plain FOG. It’s not so much weather as it is the *absence* of weather.
    d)And finally, Spring…my arch nemesis. Where the weird trees that infest our city with flowers that smell like chlorine release their evil spores and make me sneeze like I have never sneezed before. I have had allergies all my life, but never have I known them Sacramento-stylee. I only pray for a brain hemorrhage to swiftly end my suffering.

    Thus endeth the lesson.

  • 73 Katy on Feb 2, 2008 at 7:10 am

    At least we have nice beaches. MA beaches are so coarse and narrow, I feel like I’m trying to swim in a crustly old drain pipe.

  • 74 KELLI on Feb 6, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Also a Tator tot hotdish eating Minnesotan here and the weather is insane which is the norm!! The below zero days were a bit harsh w/ the wind feeling like knives. I am so not complaining either-just stating! I mean I like to walk out bare foot in the snow just as much as the other crazy snow lovers but seriously-can we have a little sun?? Yes Minnesota chill-stab me again please!!