Mary Jo Pehl, we were once friends. We had many a laugh together, and saw each other through some difficult times, didn’t we?
When I moved to a new apartment and lost my precious copy of FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE! (which is irreplaceable), you were there with words of comfort.
When you moved to New York city and needed the names of some good restaurants from a native son, I helped you by suggesting you look in the Yellow Pages.
In happier times: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs.
But now you threaten us with bodily harm?
Oh, it’s not overt. That would be too messy, wouldn’t it MJ? It might make you look bad. No, instead you send us here at Rifftrax a veiled but not-so-subtle threat in a recent blog entry on your site:
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“We actually began lessons in the art, practice, or sport in which an épée, foil, or saber is used for defense and attack. TH has been jonesing to challenge someone, anyone, to a duel.”
You’re trying to intimidate us with your new powers of the sword, aren’t you? For those who don’t know, “TH” refers to Mary Jo’s husband Ron — a nice fellow, to be sure. But a rather big guy, too…and more to the point, a Texan. When people from Texas start talking duels, they’re not kidding.
This must not stand, Ms. Pehl. I know you nautical folks are beginning a new voyage, and that emotions run high when you’re setting off for the briney deep.
But to threaten us with… stabbiness? That won’t work, Ms. Pehl. (On Mike and Kevin, and anyway. I’m terrified of being “run through,” as you blademasters call it… so I pre-surrender to you and Ron, OK?)
In any case: shame on you, Mary Jo Pehl. Lots of shame. Drink an extra-tall glass of shame on the rocks, with a shame chaser. Ride in the Shame-mobile, down interstate I-Shame, stopping only at Shameburger for a quick (and shameful!) lunch.
What I’m saying, in essence, is: shame.
40 responses so far ↓
1 wurwolf on Feb 1, 2008 at 9:38 am
You are 100% correct, Bill. When Onil and I met Mary Jo at the Blobfest in Phoenixville PA this past July, she seemed positively spoiling for a fight. I even thought I spied a foil lying on the floor behind her. Oh, she spoke nicely and did a good job of faking interest in my inane chatter, but one look in her eyes and you could easily tell that she was ready to run me through in a heartbeat.
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2 "Digits" on Feb 1, 2008 at 9:48 am
Um. Wow. Do you think you really mean shame? I’m not sure your emphasized that enough.
I’m afraid your meaning may not be clear enough.
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3 Onil on Feb 1, 2008 at 9:58 am
Don’t forget that Thibault cancels out Capa Ferro.
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Reply from Bill Corbett on February 1, 2008:
In preparation for the imminent attack of MJ and TH, I’m desperately trying to learn Bonetti’s Defense today.
Reply from Kevin Murphy on February 1, 2008:
I think it’s appropriate, considering the terrain.
Reply from Mary Arline on February 3, 2008:
Unless the enemy has studied his (or her) Agrippa.
4 Walter on Feb 1, 2008 at 9:59 am
So I can’t meet her without her trying to attack me? Should I fear for you guys’ lives?
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5 Yanni on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:18 am
Don’t worry Bill. I, a master of the foil, shall defend you. Provided you are willing to relocate to Cincinnati.
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6 Cornjob on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:18 am
Bill can I be your wrestling manager type guy who periodically interrupts you and starts yelling at the camera about how you’re going to deliver a tsunami of pain the likes of which has never been seen in the tri-county area?
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7 The Professor on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:29 am
That Mary Jo! She’s such a minx!
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8 SaucyRossy on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:32 am
Bill the invasion begins tonight at 9 p.m. eastern!
Total Husband Ron was in the Rifftrax chat room yesterday and warned us (or politely offered) that Mary Jo would be coming in the chat room tonight to be among us common folk and no doubtly try and sway our caucus over to the CT army.
So Bill I ask you, will you join us tonight in the chatroom or are you scared of Mary Jo?!?
Let the inner Bonesaw come out, sir.
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Reply from Bill Corbett on February 1, 2008:
She’s… she coming here?!?!
Run and hide, everyone! The woman’s a ninja supersoldier!
Reply from Rude on February 1, 2008:
…
“Inner Bonesaw?”
Ewwww… Bill please keep your inner Bonesaw well out of public view.
KTHXBYE
-Rude
Reply from SaucyRossy on February 1, 2008:
As Kevin described Qui Gon in the SW Ep 1 Rifftrax “STUPID NINJA!”
By the way, that line does not get the credit it deserves. I put it up there with “Magneto? Cerebro?”
So Bill are you gonna show up? You totally should! Ninja vs. Coward!
Reply from Edgewriter on February 1, 2008:
Bah! Bill is afraid of the chatroom, he would never go there even if MJP wasn’t going to run him through.
Bill, I swear it isn’t haunted. Those ghostly moans are just from the people that finished watching Batman and Robin.
9 Michael on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:36 am
Bill I took some fencing lessons so I can teach you. But you have to travel to Fresno. Not sure if it’s worth it or not.
Rifftrax forever!!!!!!
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10 Veronica on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:44 am
The Yellow Pages, haha -
But THEY don’t tell you WHICH Ray’s is really the really real ORIGINAL Ray’s!
Well, you’ll just have to borrow something of her’s and never give it back.
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11 mrbasehart on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:45 am
I think you need some sort of training montage, backed with an inspirational rock anthem.
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Reply from Michael on February 1, 2008:
Like this?
Reply from Michael on February 1, 2008:
Bah it wouldn’t let me embedd. How do you guys do that?
Anyways here’s the youtube link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fua0g13djo
12 Ninjew on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:54 am
I think I saw her driving down I-Shame the other day.
But she was in her Brain-of-Blood-mobile…
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13 SaucyRossy on Feb 1, 2008 at 11:11 am
http://forum.rifftrax.com/index.php/topic,7299.0.html
Mary Jo in the hizzhouse tonight!
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14 Courtney on Feb 1, 2008 at 11:18 am
“you’re setting off for the briney deep”
At first read I thought that said the “britney deep” and I was very concerned that MJ was shaving her head and attacking you with umbrellas.
…
Actually that would be kind of amazing. Please do carry on.
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15 Neb on Feb 1, 2008 at 11:20 am
Pardon my out-of-touch-ness, but what’s a “hizz”? Thank you.
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16 RAD on Feb 1, 2008 at 11:33 am
Bill (if that is your real name),
Your riffing powers are impressivem I’ll give you that. But make no mistake, the Fencing lessons that Mary Jo and myself have been taking are not mere ‘coincidence’. We’re coming gunning for you and the rest of the RiffTrax crew (oh, wait, I mean we’re coming SWORDING for you and the rest of the RiffTrax crew). Truth be known Bill, each lesson night I purposefully (and with the palpable waves of frustation coming from my fellow fencing students) take the time to pick a partner that has your appoximate height, weight, and body build. And carefree smile. And rugged good looks. But I digress.
Once said ‘target’ has been identified and properly outfitted (the ‘outfitting’ consists of a bright-red Bull’s-Eye over the left pectoral), we practise. And by practise, what I mean is that I spend two hours as the hapless ‘Bill’ stand-in remains in a stationary position, weaponless, with his hands behind his back, as I do this two-handed ’stabbing’ thing that the instructors have yet to label as it’s not found in any of the fencing manuels they’ve consulted. Hope we see you in Minneapolis!
Best,
Ron
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Reply from Bill Corbett on February 1, 2008:
Bill (if that is your real name),
Er… no it’s not. Would you believe my actual name is Inigo Montoya?
“Truth be known Bill, each lesson night I purposefully (and with the palpable waves of frustation coming from my fellow fencing students) take the time to pick a partner that has your appoximate height, weight, and body build.”
So you’re fencing fellow Austin resident Harry Knowles. Impressive, Ron.
“I do this two-handed ’stabbing’ thing that the instructors have yet to label as it’s not found in any of the fencing manuels they’ve consulted.”
Well… I do that, plus a third sword in my teeth. Yeah, that’s it.
See you up here on the tundra, mate.
Reply from SaucyRossy on February 1, 2008:
Bill that isn’t funny! Harry Knowles is in a wheel chair….unless you are in a wheel chair?
17 Katie M. on Feb 1, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Bill, may I be your second?
I took a fencing class in college, and although I’m clearly not good enough to jump in there in your stead should you find yourself in a pinch, I’m EXCELLENT at rooting you on from a safe distance. Think about it, won’t you?
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18 Gordon on Feb 1, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Bill,
I am no expert, but I have heard that when you start taking fencing lessons…the only swords you are allowed to use are Nerf swords.
But if that is not the case, just wear a nice, thick, foam rubber suit. That should help.
Gordon
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Reply from Bill Corbett on February 1, 2008:
“But if that is not the case, just wear a nice, thick, foam rubber suit.”
In other words, what I wear every day.
19 Natureboy (Ken) on Feb 1, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Oh Bill, are you a new product from Tyson or Perdue? This is the internet, my friend…..everyone is a tough guy. The best way to combat the threat of physical harm is to flame your opponent into submission online. After you verbal barrage, they would never dare mess with you.
Then again, as a back-up plan, you might want to start writing your grovelling apology for the iceberg post you made about a month ago…..that way he may only take an ear.
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20 Tim on Feb 1, 2008 at 2:38 pm
You being assaulted by Mary Jo appear to be nothing new, Bill.
If I’m not mistaken, even in that photograph that accompanies this blog post, it would seem that she is attacking you. Attempting to dislodge your shoulder joint, perhaps?
Meanwhile, Kevin and Mike stand by and, as usual, do nothing, grinning those upper-Midwestern grins of theirs.
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21 remedies on Feb 1, 2008 at 5:59 pm
forget the whole sword angle. mary jo will just eat your face after she ‘forgets’ to take her wolfsbane potion.
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22 Alicia on Feb 1, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Fear not, Bill, I have just what it takes to completely buy them off. And I will share this powerful defense with you… for a price.
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23 Mr. Slick on Feb 1, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Relax Bill, her foil might not even be loaded
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24 trumpysmagicsnout on Feb 2, 2008 at 6:16 am
She brought her sword Bill, she brought her sword with her!
Set the Crazy 88 on her or something!
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25 The Family Jules on Feb 2, 2008 at 12:32 pm
is it too late to suggest to run like hell?
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26 Drewsolo "lunchpail" on Feb 2, 2008 at 9:09 pm
anyone else picture Bill getting ready for the Big Battle,
Squeezing into a tiny pair of spandex pants and flowing silk shirt with the buttons open , ohhh and can’t forget the Zorro type mask and cape.
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27 Mystok on Feb 4, 2008 at 8:28 am
This just in…
Mother Nature steps into the Mary Jo Pehl-Bill Corbett conflict. She (MN) states that she is stick… and tired, must not forget that… of the millions of lives being lost in this senseless bickering. MN has released a statement saying that she will begin bombarding Mike Nelson with torrential rain and fog because she can’t find Bill or Mary Jo and Mike is just as good a target.
President Bush has said that he will give sanctions time work before sending nukular bombs somewhere tomorrow.
Mike Nelson has not returned any phone calls not yet made for comments on the situation.
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28 Neb on Feb 4, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Un-soaked lutefisk in the doublet makes an excellent trauma plate, and is bio-degradable (after soaking)!
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