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Most Awesome State Quarter – Arnold Region Round 2

February 5th, 2008 by Conor Lastowka · 24 Comments

After a thrilling first round that put the ho-hum super bowl to shame, there is nowhere to go for the Most Awesome State Quarter competition but up! Expect great things from round 2, which due to the odd number of states in our union (let’s get 14 more added before we run this again, guys), features a whole bunch of quarters we haven’t even seen yet.

For a breakdown of all the action so far, click here for the detailed breakdowns, region by region or here for the complete bracket after Round 1.

Arnold Regional Round 1

washington vs wisconsin

Dark horse Wisconsin pairs off against Washington, who received a first round bye. Seriously, this Wisconsin quarter…If the Wisconsin chamber of commerce thinks that this thing would not sell slapped on just about anything that can be worn or used ironically, I beg them to think again. T-shirts, temporary tattoos, boxers, shot glasses, signs instructing you which way to proceed through a given area…Make ‘em all! Washington’s state quarter contains no irony, but the design clearly indicates the daily fear that Washingtonians live with that another eruption of Mount St. Helen’s will awake a huge, fearsome Godzilla-fish from the depths of the Puget Sound that will proceed to flop and gasp all over their great state. The Washington Chamber of Commerce in turn should sell little stickers of lasers or flames that you could stick coming out of the fishes eyes or mouth.

Winner: Washington – Few things are more awesome than a huge, fearsome Godzilla-fish

oregon vs kentucky

Two entries that moved on from the first round despite their very apparent second tier status. Compared to other Pacific Northwest states that feature a body of water on their state quarter that we’ve seen *ahem* recently, Oregon’s seems positively boring. The Crater Lake is now seen for what it truly is – just another place for your hackey sack to get lost in. Kentucky’s quarter features a talking horse, (note the quotes.) A talking horse doesn’t make for a visually impressive quarter, but neither does a huge lake WITHOUT ANY GIANT MUTANT FISH LEAPING OUT OF IT.

Winner: Kentucky – It had been 35 years. America was ready for another talking horse.
kansas vs louisiana

Louisiana and its “We’re pretty much the 1/3 of the country” quarter goes up for the first time against one of the states it lays claim to, Kansas. Kansas counters with the immovable object, the bison, or “Land Water Buffalo.” Bison have enjoyed quite a bit of resurgence in the public eye lately, mainly due to the fact that you can now purchase and eat them at many fine establishments, and in my mind, this only adds to their allure. The bison is a huge animal that used to roam in enormous herds over vast regions of our entire country. Then we nearly wiped them out, but they’ve climbed back to the point where you can easily obtain them in either patty or jerky form. That truly is an American success story.

Winner: Kansas – All kidding aside, during my move out to California, every time we saw a Bison was one of the highlights of the trip. They’re awesome.

illinois vs new mexico

The Land of Lincoln vs the Land of Enchantment! Our 16th President doth bestride his narrow state like a colossus, and also he was in Bill and Ted. New Mexico has…a pattern! Bear with me for a second. Imagine that that pattern is removed from the New Mexico State Quarter. The quarter now bears a topographic outline of a mostly rectangular state next to the words “Land of Enchantment.” The enchantment is where exactly? When you add the pattern back in, does that represent enough enchantment on its own to atone for the lack of enchantment on the rest of the quarter? Don’t tell me you’re the Land of Enchantment and then offer up a bland quarter! (Note: Were the quarters available in color, New Mexico would be a huge favorite. They have my favorite state flag of all time, an exciting burst of color in a sea of blandness and uniformity. Here is a picture of me wearing it in a Las Vegas hotel room.)

Winner: Illinois – Lincoln wasn’t necessarily the most enchanting man himself, (especially up close), but wins out after New Mexico fails to deliver.

Arnold Regional Round 2

Tags: RiffTrax · bracketology · currency · state quarters

24 responses so far ↓

  • 1 QuackersnCheese on Feb 5, 2008 at 10:12 am

    Yay I”m first for a change whoo hooo!!! Ok now lets see here Washington not only has a Godzilla fish but is also home of the evergreen car freshners. Next up Wisconsin apparently full of corny cheesey cow loving people who think they are moving foward. Is it me or does Oregon have a lake monster? That’s freakin awsome that Mr. Ed lives in Kentucky and has his own mansion. Well we’re not in Kansas anymore home of sunflower seeds and buffalo chips. Apparently Louisiana is trying to tell us that it would like to purchase the shaded area of the country to populate with blues playing pelican’s. Nice to see that Illinois is moving into the 21st century and has already made a portal leading to some place called the land of lincoln must be where all the old broken down lincoln continental’s wind up. Last but not least the self proclaimed land of enchantment New Mexico has apparently been visited by aliens.

  • 2 The Professor (from Oregon) on Feb 5, 2008 at 10:29 am

    I think you failed to realize that the island in Crater Lake is called “Wizard Island”. WE HAVE WIZARDS, MAN! That is so much more awesome than a talking horse.

  • 3 Dallas on Feb 5, 2008 at 10:29 am

    I’m thinking maybe I should have actually taken a look at the quarters before I put all my money on New Mexico for the win. Damn.

    Anybody want to buy a kidney?

  • 4 Veronica on Feb 5, 2008 at 10:49 am

    When you look at it long enough, and kind of squint – it looks like Lincoln is doing the Butterfly with his knees.

  • 5 Barry on Feb 5, 2008 at 10:51 am

    How can Wisconsin possibly lose? BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE!!

    P.S. Apologies to both Conor and Kevin for taking earlier rounds of the contest perhaps a bit too seriously.

  • 6 Neb on Feb 5, 2008 at 11:08 am

    (does insipid victory dance) Woooo! Let’s hear it for volcanically charged lakes! A talking horse is pretty cool, but…I own three horses and I’m pretty sure that if they could talk they would not say things like “My old (insert state here) home”. More along the lines of, “Is it 11:30 yet?” “He got more kibbles than me!” (sic: horses use bad grammar) and “Is it raining outside the other end of the barn? Can we look there? Seriously…”. How can you not like a caldera with a cone in it named Wizard Island?! I say this as a truly prejudiced Pacific Northwesterner, of course.

  • 7 Rob III on Feb 5, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Dah! First the Packers losing and now this.

    They should have put Bret Favre on the Quarter too.

  • 8 Conor Lastowka on Feb 5, 2008 at 11:15 am

    If your quarter requires a disclaimer that said “If you knew the name of this small thing that isn’t the main focus of our quarter, you would think it is really cool”, your quarter does not move on.

    That is pretty cool though.

  • 9 Conor Lastowka on Feb 5, 2008 at 11:16 am

    I once became trapped on a island in Memphis called Mud Island, famous for being near where Jeff Buckley died. Since then, it is hard to really embrace islands with cool names. But yes, that is pretty cool.

  • 10 The Professor (from Oregon) on Feb 5, 2008 at 12:07 pm

    Yeah. You’re right. I guess.

  • 11 The Professor (from Oregon) on Feb 5, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    All becomes clear now.

  • 12 Beautiful Mind on Feb 5, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    My state won! We da MAN!!!!

  • 13 Jim on Feb 5, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    If you read along your description, there’s no way that one could possibly anticipate that Wisconsin would somehow lose to Washington! How’d that happen? Chees, cow, corn and “Forward”? C’mon man …

  • 14 Mephisto the Great on Feb 5, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    Who would have thought that a quarter, now worth 26 cents in Canada, would inspire such awe-inspiring, visceral joy. And I used to think they were only good for video games and tossing at homeless people.

    The very notion that the giantic Grizzly Dear of Fang’d Doom from my home state (Alaska) might one day face off against the Slippery Coils of Salmon Fury from my current state (Washington)?

    That’s about as craptacular as Godzilla versus Gigan, BABY!

  • 15 Mephisto the Great on Feb 5, 2008 at 9:08 pm

    Uh, that should be “Grizzly BEAR of Fang’d Doom.” The other one sounds like a mutated elk.

  • 16 erichw5 on Feb 5, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    Hey I am from NM! also I am deeply, deeply offende…d.. wait I just looked outside at a yucca plant… nevermind you’re right.

  • 17 QuackersnCheese on Feb 6, 2008 at 5:01 am

    Wow so your whole state is made up of just one man? In that case should it ever be necessary to defend your state against oh I don’t know …. aliens … do you think you could tell them to stop calling me? After all 10,000 probes has got to be a record right?

  • 18 QuackersnCheese on Feb 6, 2008 at 5:08 am

    Actually upon further inspection your Wizard Island ( cool name by the way ) looks suspiciously like the lake used in Star Trek Insurrection. You know the lake that had the cloaked Federation ship sitting in the middle of it …. ok I see I’ve lost you well then….. So how bout those quarters up there huh, pretty cool am I right.

  • 19 QuackersnCheese on Feb 6, 2008 at 5:36 am

    Ah yes the ill-named Yucca but how did it get it’s name you may ask. Scholars will tell you some boring story about how it was the name of the guy who discovered it. The real truth is that while walking along a seldom used path, Old Willie Flats a prospector happend upon this plant. He nearly stepped on it when his partner James Barthews spit his snuff out right down there on it. Seeing this Old Willie imediatly said ” Well what in tha world, yuck.” So to this very day it has been called the yucca plant.

    Disclaimer follows:

    If you believe the above story you either do not know history at all or you are extremely high in either case seek imediate assistance.

    Thank You

  • 20 Alicia on Feb 6, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    Good to see Washington taking a win. With all those godzilla fish wreaking havoc, we don’t have time for much joy in our lives.

  • 21 John H. on Feb 8, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    These state quarter inspections are awesome in a Lore Sjoberg kind of way.

    That’s a compliment, in case you were wondering.

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