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My gift: a relaxing meditation for you.

February 11th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 28 Comments

So many of us go through our days racked with stress, fear, and endless, unproductive thought-loops. A gentle, affirmative meditation can help to relax the mind, soothe the soul, and leave you feeling more connected to your body.

Out of appreciation for my friends here at Rifftrax, I’d like to share a very personal meditation. I created it myself, and it’s been a real life-saver when anxiety has overtaken me. It uses a lot of nature imagery, which I think is very comforting on the deepest subconscious levels, in terms of our primal sense of shared humanity and being-ness.

    0512-0702-0116-2357.jpg

    Meditating on images of nature can help lead one towards serenity.

This meditation is very simple: just get yourself into a quiet space, find a comfortable position for you, and repeat the following to yourself for anywhere from 10 – 20 minutes (more as needed):

    “I am relaxing.
    Waves of serenity are flowing over me.
    A soft, comforting breeze is blowing around me, through the open window.
    Birds gently chirp outside. Boll weevils munch contentedly on the crops.
    I am starting to feel at peace.
    Thoughts pass through my mind, but don’t bother me. My muscles are uncoiling; un-tensing.
    One boll weevil comes through the open window. It makes its way to me.
    It is the boll weevil of serenity.
    I let go all of the worries of the day. This is not forced; it’s a simple letting-go. Easy.
    The boll weevil crawls on my neck, urging me to relax.
    The hustle and bustle of my outer life don’t matter right now. Peace is all that matters.
    More boll weevils are soon upon me, as well. They are serene in themselves.
    “Relax,” the boll weevils say, as others join them.
    “Relax.” “Let go.”
    Be in the moment. Nowhere else. Be here. Be now. Be with the boll weevils.
    As their numbers grow, and as they cover every inch of me in their swarm of good intention, the boll weevils give me instructions.
    I receive them, becoming one with the boll weevils.
    I am relaxed.
    I am relaxed and ready.”

Just repeat this to yourself as often as you need. Read it from a piece of paper if you don’t have it memorized yet… but know that the goal is to commit this to memory eventually, so you can do this meditation anywhere.

In any case, DO NOT PARAPHRASE the text of the meditation. Not in the least. I really can’t stress that enough.

Wishing you all deep relaxation, and the warm glow of affirmative self-realization.

    250px-anthonomus_grandis.jpg

    Peace is within us all. NAMASTE, friends!

Tags: RiffTrax

28 responses so far ↓

  • 1 CireDark on Feb 11, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    May I be the first to inquire…

    LOL, WUT?

  • 2 Anon235 on Feb 11, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    I am relaxing.
    Waves of serenity are flowing over me.
    A soft, comforting breeze is blowing around me, through the open window.
    Birds gently chirp outside. Boll weevils munch contentedly on the crops.
    I am starting to feel at peace.
    Thoughts pass through my mind, but don’t bother me. My muscles are uncoiling; un-tensing.
    One boll weevil comes through the open window. It makes its way to me.
    It is the boll weevil of serenity.
    I let go all of the worries of the day. This is not forced; it’s a simple letting-go. Easy.
    The boll weevil crawls on my neck, urging me to relax.
    The hustle and bustle of my outer life don’t matter right now, but this bug on my neck is creepin me the hell out.
    More boll weevils are soon upon me, as well. They are serene in themselves.
    “Relax,” the boll weevils say, as others join them.
    “Relax, we know that you got into one little fight and your mom got scared. That’s why you’re movin in with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air.”
    As their numbers grow, and as they cover every inch of me in their swarm of Bloodlust, the boll weevils give me instructions.
    I receive them, becoming one with the borg weevils.
    I am relaxed.
    Resistance is Futile
    I am relaxed and ready,
    To Bow to the Obviously Superior Insect Overlords.

  • 3 Mike Nelson on Feb 11, 2008 at 9:20 pm

    Bill, an actual and for real spit take on this one. Thank you.

    Though I must share a variation I use involving Giant Japanese Hornets.

    http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/10/1012_051012_hornet_video.html

    The fact that the venom delivered from their more than 1/2 inch stingers can dissolve human flesh and kills 70-some people a year only increases my trust in these magnificent animals.

  • 4 Courtney on Feb 11, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    I find more solace and serenity in Boll Weevils than Uwe Boll. This is not uncommon I’m sure.

    I’m naming my first child Boll Weevil.

  • 5 Roper on Feb 11, 2008 at 9:35 pm

    Thank you for being brave enough to share something so personal. I followed your instructions to letter . In all honesty,I felt slightly ill at ease afterward .Are you supposed to feel the boll weevils sucking out your life force thru their snouts?

  • 6 Barry on Feb 11, 2008 at 9:49 pm

    Hmm, let’s try it.

    I am relaxing.
    Waves of serenity are flowing ov– bzzzzt — OW, DAMMIT!
    *THUD*

  • 7 Spectre Collie » Blog Archive » Namaste on Feb 11, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    [...] the RiffTrax blog, Bill Corbett shares a relaxing meditation with us [...]

  • 8 Dallas on Feb 11, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    Thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, for some reason I feel the need to go and scrub myself all over with steel wool.

  • 9 Adam White on Feb 11, 2008 at 11:29 pm

    I will not fear.
    Fear is the mindkiller.
    Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration…

    … I think i’m doing this wrong!

  • 10 Raistlan on Feb 12, 2008 at 12:26 am

    No, no, no:

    The Maiger is the mindkiller.

    http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_oct2003/RoyTiger.jpg

  • 11 Ninjew on Feb 12, 2008 at 4:39 am

    Bill, I refuse to read any of your cotton picking blogs anymore…

  • 12 kelli on Feb 12, 2008 at 5:23 am

    I feel relaxed-I am at ease! Thanks to you, Bill! = )

  • 13 Dr. Jane Seymour Medicine Quinn on Feb 12, 2008 at 5:27 am

    Bill, No way.

    “Hear Boll weevil, don’t you
    See boll weevil, don’t you
    Lay boll weevil down on me
    Speak boll weevil, don’t you
    Think boll weevil, don’t you
    Play boll weevil, ’cause I’m free.”

    (My brother and I sang this when we were kids. Thank you, Twisted Sister, “Burn in Hell”)

  • 14 Sue on Feb 12, 2008 at 6:41 am

    I’m confused.

  • 15 Yanni on Feb 12, 2008 at 6:57 am

    You should write a meditation guidebook, Bill. You could make millions!

  • 16 Finchstalker on Feb 12, 2008 at 7:22 am

    Those are some of the cutest bugs I have ever seen, and yet somehow I am still mildly uncomfortable after that…

  • 17 Rufus T. on Feb 12, 2008 at 8:31 am

    I’m allergic to boll weevils. :(

  • 18 Mephisto the Great on Feb 12, 2008 at 9:21 am

    So I take it that your skeletonized corpse–and hundreds of bloated, satiated weevils–is a good sign of Nirvana?

  • 19 Adam White on Feb 12, 2008 at 11:45 am

    DARN IT, why did I click!?

  • 20 kelli on Feb 12, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    I love Nirvana-they rock big time!!

  • 21 Neb on Feb 12, 2008 at 12:15 pm

    This must be the lesser of two weevils?

    *ducks and runs*

  • 22 wakachiwaka on Feb 12, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Heh – Dune. I loved it when Peter Puppy on Earthworm Jim always covered his eyes and quoted that.

  • 23 Dave-o on Feb 12, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    NICE! same here! thank you pee wee’s big adventure

  • 24 Virginia Corbett on Feb 13, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    This is what I live with, people. Every Day.

    EEeew, Bill. Eeeew.

    Now I have to go scrub the base of my neck right between my shoulder blades. It’s all creepy crawly now.

  • 25 Geena on Feb 16, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Word of advice, Bill. When you’re searching for inspiration for new meditation affirmations, maybe repeat viewings of Phase IV is not the way to go.

  • 26 kelli on Feb 18, 2008 at 9:34 am

    BILL! Look at what you did to your poor wife!!! You should be ashamed of yourself!!

  • 27 gifts on May 20, 2008 at 2:13 am

    It seems to be confusing.

  • 28 Grenville Station Gift Baskets on Jul 23, 2008 at 6:43 am

    Bill, this is certainly an interesting meditation. I tried it twice, and didn’t feel any relaxation…most confusion :) But on the third try, I guess I settled in and it was working! Thanks, James…