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ResembleFest Results…Fest.

February 20th, 2008 by Kevin Murphy · 24 Comments

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First of all, thanks to all of you who feel that I may or may not resemble one person or another. Without you, this exercise would merely be annoying and self-indulgent. After asking you to suggest people that, in spite of my best efforts, I look nothing like, you sent in thousands (dozens) of wonderful suggestions, represented above by the collage sent in by Mgroves (nice, don’t you think?); and though I’m flattered by the question of my resemblance to the likes of Dennis Hopper or Gurudev Rabindranath, I more closely resemble a stalk of barley. Also cleverly suggested, to name but a few, were Howard Hessman, Paul Giamatti, Hank Williams, Jr., Billy Connelly, Wolfman Jack, Dans Haggerty and Fogelberg; the Rat Guy from Beakman’s World, William H. Macy (!), ALF, A drunken beach Santa, one reader’s dad, King Christian IX of Denmark, Mick Fleetwood, Papa Hemmingway, Glenn Close in “Hook,” Harvey Fierstein, Michelangelo’s depiction of God, John Entwhistle, Conductor Krzysztof Pendrecki, Bea Arthur and, by the dozens, Kenny Rogers. I resemble none of these men in any way.scottyok8 Not even reader Adam Electric, who morphed me into a perverse version of James Doohan, could make the cut, clever as it was. However, someone has to win, and so here are my top five picks:

George Carlin (Submitted first by Ninjew)

kevin carlin 1

Several of you suggested that I don’t resemble George – sour, angry, keenly observational, and balding, with the forehead of a bottlenose dolphin. I look more like Kristy McNichol than I do George.


Francis Ford Coppola (Submitted by Dave-O)

kevin ford coppola

I once met Francis, back in 1980 when I was in college. He was then, and possibly still is, charismatic, ebullient and crazier than a shit-fight in a monkey house. I am slightly less crazy, and I look nothing like the man. In fact, for this picture I had to use Photoshop to roughly triple my lower lip size so I’d bear even a passing resemblance.


Rutherford B. Hayes (Submitted first by Jef)

kevin b hayes

It was a challenge to prove that I don’t resemble our nineteenth president and founder of the White House Easter Egg Roll, in part because I have such markedly antebellum looks in general. Luckily, while the esteemed Mr Hayes has the noble countenance of a Civil War hero and eminent statesman, I look more like an overfed member of The Band (before you ask, I look nothing like Garth Hudson).


Louis Pasteur (Submitted by Yoohoo Riffer)

kevin pasteur 2

Try as I may, this pioneer of antibiosis resembles me as much as a kiwi fruit resembles a shoehorn. Perhaps it’s the Frenchness that prompted Mr. Yoohoo Riffer to suggest such a thing, but keep in mind that I am maybe one-eighth French on my mother’s side, tops.

THE WINNER: Tom Hulce (Submitted First by Katie M.)

kevin hulce2

I looked at this picture of the versatile and accomplished Mr. Hulce and and thought I’d have to get up pretty early in the morning to resemble him. So that’s what I did, after a night of drinking 151 rum and eating fistfuls of salt plums. And it paid off: Ms. Katie M was the first to notice that even after attempting such miserable self-treatment, I still don’t look a whit like Tom Hulce.

Katie M, congratulations. Here’s your virtual autograph.

first place pic


My only regret is that nobody managed to notice the one person I feel I most resemble: Her Royal Highness The Princess Anne.

princess kevin

Look at those biceps, eh?

Tags: Events · In the Media · Kevin · People Kevin Doesn't Resemble · Randy Bachman · RiffTrax · Riffer Blogs · Trends

24 responses so far ↓

  • 1 SEISMIC on Feb 20, 2008 at 6:49 am

    You look sexy in that dress!! = )

  • 2 Rob T Firefly on Feb 20, 2008 at 6:52 am

    Not even one gumball dispenser in the running. Shameful!

  • 3 Bill Corbett on Feb 20, 2008 at 6:57 am

    Bravo, Randy Bachman! Beautifully done.

  • 4 SEISMIC on Feb 20, 2008 at 7:54 am

    Randy here needs to dress like a certain clue character to make this chic happy!!

  • 5 Adam on Feb 20, 2008 at 8:40 am

    That Rutherford B. Hayes lookalike photo is the stuff of nightmares.

    It’s all in the stare. You look for all the world like a guy who would try to reanimate dead tissue in his basement.

    Not a SCIENTIST, mind you. Just a guy.

  • 6 Michael on Feb 20, 2008 at 8:43 am

    I will never look at Princess Anne the same way. Ever again.


  • 7 Courtney on Feb 20, 2008 at 9:06 am

    My only question is: for what crime were you arrested and thusly obtained that mugshot you used for MyHeritage?

  • 8 SEISMIC on Feb 20, 2008 at 9:11 am

    Isn’t He/She yummy?!?! = P

  • 9 Kevin Murphy on Feb 20, 2008 at 9:23 am

    That’s my handy Mac camera, which makes everybody look like a page on The Smoking Gun. Thanks for noticing.

  • 10 mrbasehart on Feb 20, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Wow, the dissimilarity between you and Tom Hulce is uncanny! You’re so unalike, I could almost mistake you for unrelated strangers.

  • 11 Katie M. on Feb 20, 2008 at 10:39 am

    Ah, I knew all those years of being obsessed with “Amadeus” would pay off someday….. ;-)

    Thanks, Mr. M., this one goes on my fridge!!!

  • 12 Tim on Feb 20, 2008 at 11:03 am

    Whatever, Kevin.

    It was embezzlement. You got busted for it, and it’s time to accept that.

  • 13 Michael on Feb 20, 2008 at 11:25 am

    You know it’s starting to make me wonder just a bit about Kevin. First that Christmas video thing with the stockings, and now this.

  • 14 SEISMIC on Feb 20, 2008 at 11:39 am

    You’re right!! I think I am scared now!!!

  • 15 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Feb 20, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    Kevin, I’d wager that yours is not the only beard in the House of Windsor.

  • 16 mgroves on Feb 20, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    The collage is brought to you couresy of the MyHeritage website. I assure you I have very little to do with it.

  • 17 Tim S. Turner on Feb 20, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    I think I may have wet myself at the Coppola pic.

  • 18 Natalie on Feb 20, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    Oh no! I had no idea I was being so unoriginal with my Tom Hulce suggestion!
    Well played, Katie. Genius minds do the thinking alike and such. Congrats. :)

  • 19 Natalie on Feb 20, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    Ok, this is ridiculous. So I just developed a fever tonight, which always seems to make me incredibly emotionally irrational, and I go to tell a friend that I almost won this silly contest, and I nearly cried!
    Good grief!
    I didn’t know I was bitter, but I guess the fever got me in touch with my true feelings. :P

    …Oh, Tom Hulce, why must you always taunt me with your lack of resemblance to Kevin Murphy?…

  • 20 Jef on Feb 20, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Thanks for doing my suggestion, Kevin. Even though I didn’t win the coveted virtual autograph, your face pasted onto Rutherford B. Hayes will haunt my dreams forever. A veritable autograph in its own right.

  • 21 Showbits on Feb 21, 2008 at 10:28 am

    Separated at Birth…

    After seeing the brilliant Kevin Murphy subject himself to the face recognition software of, I decided to see which celebrities this online software would consider me to resemble:

    For those of you drawing blanks, the above eight mugs be…

  • 22 Cibernetico 2 on Feb 23, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    That rat guy from Beakman’s World…

  • 23 Dan on Mar 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    Truly Creepy… thank you, Mr. Murphy, for destroying any hope in me with your little contest.

  • 24 marty on Mar 30, 2008 at 6:35 am

    Wow you could b a stand in for George Carlin….Have you ever played a train conductor???? Thats only 2 in” tall???