State Quarter fest 2k8 continues! Check out all the previous entries here.
It would be difficult to find two more contrasting quarters than South Carolina and Wyoming. South Carolina employs the “Throw everything at your quarter and see what sticks” method of design, whereas Wyoming didn’t even bother to fill in the outline of their cowboy. South Carolina’s quarter is heavy on the Palm Tree…Oh, I’m sorry, that’s the Palmetto tree, which as everyone knows, is completely different. I mean, just look at how different it looks there on the quarter! It was foolish of me to confuse their staking their entire quarter on a tree that in no way could be so easily confused with the palm trees that grow like weeds out here in California and also Florida and Arizona. They’ve also got some bird, and maybe that’s a flower growing above his head, I don’t know, I don’t have a microscope handy. You know what South Carolina? Sometimes less is more. As in less crap cluttering up your state quarter means more victories in the Most Awesome State Quarter Tournament.
Winner: Wyoming – If it were possible to design an animated gif of the Wyoming horse kicking the South Carolina quarter off of the page, I would
On paper, the blind and deaf Helen Keller facing down the entire state of Texas seems to be, how to put this, a slightly unfair fight. Even if Texas were to elect a representative to face Ms. Keller, and that representative were deaf and blind as well, based on the Everything Being Bigger in Texas creed, one would be inclined to give the advantage to the Texan. But the Alabama State Quarter has a couple things going for it. One, it has Braille. Most of us only encounter Braille when our finger slips while pressing an elevator button. This classy tip of the hat to our blind citizens deserves kudos, as reading with your fingers is the type of thing that is never given enough credit as the amazing act that it is. The fact that the Braille spells out “Roll Tide” is questionable, but we’ll overlook it. Also, Alabama is one of the only states, if not the the only one, to feature a woman on their quarter. It’s quite possible that there are more bison depicted on state quarters than women, so it’s not a decision that goes unnoticed around these parts.
Winner: Alabama – A controversy breaks out when the tiebreaking vote is cast by Anne Sullivan’s great granddaughter, but the decision is upheld despite much firing of guns up in the air and yee-hawing from the Texan side of the court room
I don’t appreciate Missouri using the tricky to pronounce word “Corps” on their Quarter when the jury is still out on how you actually pronounce the states name. I’m not familiar with the Corps of Discovery, but assume it has something to do with Louis and Clark, who appear to be navigating the river in a rubber dinghy. I’m also pretty sure that the St. Louis arch doesn’t actually span a river. (Note: while researching this, it turns out that several pilots have successfully flown planes through the arch, which gains the quarter tons of points for being one of the most foolhardy and pointless stunts I’ve ever heard of.) The Missouri Quarter also sets the record for Number of Dates included on one quarter, with four separate years getting mentioned, (not included: 2017, the year the Rams are expected to next make the playoffs.) Fortunately for Missouri, The Horses of “The Silver State” don’t look any more relevant or dignified than they did the previous round.
Winner: Missouri – Sometimes, being nice and symmetrical is all you need to do to win.
Vermont lays it all on the line with this quarter: “Listen, our state just makes damn good syrup.” I am inclined to agree. Real maple syrup is not to be trifled with, and quite possibly edges out fresh squeezed orange juice as having the biggest difference in quality between the real thing and the normal everyday crap that people accept instead of the real thing. There’s also some ideals, regulated to the side, freedom, unity, who can be bothered really, but Syrup! Syrup people! But then we have Hawaii, with it’s looming presence. One day, we will uncover the true meaning of the secret language on the Hawaiian quarter, as well as the identity of the giant man who watches over the islands. Until then, the mysteries prove too intriguing to vote against.
Winner: Hawaii – Tiny islands, a giant man, and surprisingly low markups on quality imported syrup.