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Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.

February 24th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 35 Comments

    oscarlg1.jpg

My wife thinks it’s odd that I’ve been indifferent to the Academy Awards over the years, given that I’m in The Biz, at least technically.

Guess I’ve just never forgiven them for neglecting BILLY JACK. What a travesty! Billy Jack knew a LOT more karate than Dances With Wolves did. A lot more, friends. Dances With Wolves had to rely on guns, and also Billy Jack was a halfbreed Indian whereas Dances With Wolves was just a white guy pretending to be one! So… you can understand my pain.

But I’m trying to get over it. I’ll be keeping up with the proceedings this year, in order to be more conversant in things Oscar when I “take” “meetings” out in “Hollywood” this year. I’m TiVo-ing at this very moment. Science!!

Use this thread to talk about all Oscar-y things: predictions, post-mortems, fashion cattiness, bitter diatribes, cheerful diatribes, and haikus about William Hurt.

My prediction? THE ENGLISH PATIENT might just run the table this year, folks!

Tags: RiffTrax

35 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Natureboy (Ken) on Feb 24, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    I am in the same boat, Bill….I can’t bring myself to forgive the Academy for snubbing Van Helsing. I haven’t watched an Oscar telecast since.

  • 2 Casey on Feb 24, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    I really can’t stand that the awards that are apparently meant to set the standards for what is good and enjoyable, is called “The Oscars.” If you were to approach someone and call them an “Oscar” they would think it derogatory and Oscar the Grouch or the fellow from the Odd Couple would come to mind.

    Other than that… I am pretty apathetic about the whole thing.

  • 3 Yanni on Feb 24, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    That man, William Hurt,
    would do well to not screw up
    Incredible Hulk.

  • 4 Beautiful Houndstooth on Feb 24, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    Hurt has an Oscar
    Streep has two and Capra three
    Why none for Riff Clowns?

  • 5 Chris on Feb 24, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    William Hurt performed
    so well in “Lost in Space” that
    I forgot it sucked.

    (But just for a second; then I resumed punching myself in the throat.)

  • 6 Roper on Feb 24, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    They could only muster up a smattering of applause for the death reel, this year. There’s no business, like show business!

  • 7 doggans on Feb 24, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    I’m still pissed that “Hot Fuzz” wasn’t nominated for best editing.

    Still, I love watching Jon Stewart host, because of his pure, unfiltered irreverence for the celebrity institution.

  • 8 Nick on Feb 24, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    This blog has no Pants
    Why are you depriving us?
    More Pants, if you please

    And hey, everyone,
    At least the Oscars aren’t as
    Bad as the Grammies

  • 9 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Feb 24, 2008 at 8:56 pm

    Oh, no. A crushing defeat for Michael Clayton. Clayden…Clayden…Clayden…I love Mary Jo. Sorry, there isn’t a Dueling Jo Ban is there (that’s the lamest Oscar joke I could think of).

  • 10 Courtney on Feb 24, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    An alien burst
    Forth from Bill Hurt’s chest. So gross.
    Ah, shit that’s John Hurt.

  • 11 MonkeyCheezPants on Feb 24, 2008 at 10:59 pm

    Obviously that means that no one who died this year has a Q-rating of note. It’s all politics deciding the death reel.

  • 12 MonkeyCheezPants on Feb 24, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    Mike and Kevin were eligible for MST3K: The Movie, but Oscar snubbed them. Probably because the scenes involving Tom Servo’s underpants collection were too blatantly erotic for mainstream audiences to handle.

  • 13 Nick on Feb 24, 2008 at 11:18 pm

    Oh, shit, I just saw
    That my haikus have no Hurt
    I am a moron.

    Let’s try again, yes?

    William Hurt went
    To school with Christopher Reeve
    Who would have guessed it?

  • 14 Mr. Slick on Feb 25, 2008 at 12:01 am

    I boycott any awards show that doesn’t recognize the brilliance of Yahoo Serious!

  • 15 Natureboy (Ken) on Feb 25, 2008 at 12:32 am

    So, that means you boycott all of award shows ever created on planet Earth, right? Every one, except of course, The Incredibly Unfunny Douche Nozzle Man of The Year Award……

  • 16 Katie M. on Feb 25, 2008 at 12:42 am

    If I were older,
    “The Big Chill” would make more sense.
    “Lost in Space” sucked too.

  • 17 Beautiful Houndstooth on Feb 25, 2008 at 1:36 am

    Damn the academy! Don’t they know the difference between smut and art?

  • 18 Beautiful Houndstooth on Feb 25, 2008 at 1:37 am

    Oh and surely Bill was on the movie’s writing staff wasn’t he?

  • 19 Onil on Feb 25, 2008 at 4:42 am

    So far, best haiku
    Featuring William Hurt.
    His tears fall like rain.

  • 20 Onil on Feb 25, 2008 at 5:10 am

    Roommates at Harvard
    Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore
    Both have Oscar wins.

  • 21 Nerf on Feb 25, 2008 at 6:56 am

    Body Heat was gross.
    I don’t like to think about
    William Hurt’s wenis.

  • 22 MikeP on Feb 25, 2008 at 6:57 am

    My favorite Oscar moment was from a few years ago, when cutiepie-du-jour Dakota Fanning stepped up to the podium to the award for Best Sound Editing. She froze for a moment, staring out over the faces of Hollywood’s best and brightest, then whispered cryptically, “The dogs are here…”

    The she snapped out of it and gave the award to Air Bud IV: The Crotch-Sniffing of Jared-Syn. Weird.

  • 23 Sampo on Feb 25, 2008 at 7:45 am

    Good things about last night:

    In a rare, perhaps even unprecidented moment in Oscar history, somebody who got cut off by the orchestra–Marketa Irglova, who won for best original song for “Falling Slowly” from “Once” (a wonderful movie, by the way)–was permitted to return and have her say. She said nothing memorable, unfortunately.

    The world learned that the Academy thought the latest Bourne movie sounded GREAT!

    Gary Busey scared the hell out of Ryan Seacrest.

    Jennifer Hudson’s dress, which reminded us that she has a balcony you could do Shakespeare from.

    The periscope and binocular montage. Long overdue.

    Bad things:

    In any given category, if you had “There Will Be Blood” in your Oscar pool, “No Country for Old Men” won, and vice versa.

    John Stewart was uncharacteristically unfunny most of the evening, with the lowpoint coming when he unloaded that toe-curlingly bad clunker about Harrison Ford either being a famous movie star or a car dealership. Oh my sides.

    On the E pre-show show, Seacrest was interviewing Colin Farrell and asked him what he would do if he couldn’t be an actor (an eventuality Colin may someday have to come to grips with). Colin replied with a banal but heartfelt comment, something about being an visual artist or something like that, to which Seacrest,, completely misreading him, replied “I’m sensing sarcasm.” Recalibrate that sarcasm sequencer, Ryan.

    Nobody fell after slipping on the slippery spot.

    Group winners of Oscars failed to learn the lessons of the past: That the first person in the group who speaks will be the only person in the group the orchestra will ALLOW to speak unless you LEAP in and start talking very fast after the first person finishes. If you wait for the audience to applaud, or you are the third or fourth person in line to speak, forget it.. You’re loving family will go unthanked.

    Roy Scheider just missing the cutoff to be included in the “parade of the dead.”

    That’s all I can think of right now…

  • 24 Livia on Feb 25, 2008 at 8:29 am

    Oh geez…nothing was funnier than Gary Busey and Ryan Seacrest. Greatest red carpet moment in a looong time.

    But I’m sure Jennifer Garner was a lot more terrified than Ryan was. :-P

  • 25 mrbasehart on Feb 25, 2008 at 8:36 am

    So Bill, have you seen any of this year’s Oscar winners? Thoughts?

  • 26 Beautiful Houndstooth on Feb 25, 2008 at 9:15 am

    I don’t know, I’m personally feeling some angst about Bill going off to Hollywood and taking meetings and such. Will (one of) our favorite riff clowns still have time for us? :(

  • 27 Virginia Corbett on Feb 25, 2008 at 9:59 am

    Maybe that’s where Molly’s Dog Army came from….

  • 28 SEISMIC on Feb 25, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    You must have to buy a lot of food for that army!!

  • 29 R.A. Roth on Feb 25, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    I, too, think Billy Jack should have won! Why?

    FOR THE KIDS!

    Randy

  • 30 Bill Corbett on Feb 25, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    We’ve long known that Gary Busey was a severe danger to himself and others. Now the world knows.

    Great wrap-up, Chris. I agree about Jon Stewart. My wife and I saw him perform live here last year, and he was hysterical. Last night, not s’much. Better than your average host, but not his usual self. It’s just too tired a format, I think.

  • 31 Bill Corbett on Feb 25, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    Mr. B,

    I’m seen very few movies this year, since our son was born last summer. But I do have a shelf full of the nominees, since as a member of the Writers Guild I get sent screeners… so that I’ll vote for ‘em. So I’m looking forward to seeing them over the next few months.

    One I did see was JUNO. Had a mixed reaction. I’m guessing it was a victim of its own hype, to some degree. It would have been a better movie to stumble across. The writing was often over-clever and quippy for my taste — you heard the screenwriter working — but I thought it also had some heart (a good thing), and ended stronger than it began. That’s pretty rare.

    Also happy to see those Bluth boys get work.

  • 32 Mr. Slick on Feb 25, 2008 at 8:34 pm

    No I don’t watch the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards either!

  • 33 SuperDragon on Feb 25, 2008 at 10:51 pm

    William Hurt shot dead.
    Rewind. Shot dead again.
    Six more times, shot dead.

    Vantage Point. Rewinding in a theater near you.

  • 34 meg on Feb 26, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    altered states, brilliant
    but now the stinging regret
    why lost in space? why?

  • 35 gojikranz on Feb 27, 2008 at 1:50 am

    so Bill who did you vote for. michael bay woudnt tell us in the unfunny explanation thing but I’m sure he picked all the winners cause he is Michael Bay.