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Arnold Regional Semi-Final

February 25th, 2008 by Conor Lastowka · 18 Comments

Four coins are left in the Arnold Regional. Which two will move on? Follow all the previous action here.

Arnold Regional Round 2

washington vs kentucky

Kentucky has made a decent run for a rather mundane quarter, based pretty much entirely on my enjoying the quirky quote marks around the phrase “My Old Kentucky Home.” Going up against the laws of perspective, however, their run is going to come to an end. We’ve all had the nightmare where The “Big Mouth Billy Bass” we were given as a gag gift eight years ago wrests free of it’s fake wood mount, grows larger than a mountain and performs a wriggling rendition of “Take me to the river” before smiting our entire state. But Washington took it upon themselves to act as the canary in the coal mine and warn everyone about the threat on their State Quarter. Even if it is just so once it happens, they can gloat and say “I told you so”, if even one person is prepared for the menace of giant singing, dancing fish, Washington’s quarter will have done its job.

Winner: Washington – You know the other song the Big Mouth Billy Bass sings? “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Think of me while you’re humming it to yourself later tonight.

kansas vs illinois

 

Winner: Illinois - Unless Kansas’ bison were to proclaim the superiority of San Dimas High School football, (in quote marks), he is no match for the recognizableness and impact of Lincoln, be it Hard Drinkin’ or not

Arnold Regional Semi-Final

Tags: RiffTrax · bracketology · currency · state quarters

18 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Melman on Feb 25, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    The Regional Semi-Finals begin.

    I think Washington could go the distance, I really do. The giant fish is going to be hard to beat.

  • 2 Melman on Feb 25, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    Here’s melman’s prediction: Washington’s giant fish goes up against Arkansas’ giant diamand in the final. Washington takes it, but it’s a close battle.

  • 3 Beautiful Houndstooth on Feb 25, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    ‘S getting down to the wire!! :D

  • 4 Mephisto the Great on Feb 25, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    Sorry, but Giant Mutant Grizzlies EAT Giant Mutant Fish so Alaska is going all the way.

    Take THAT, Lower 48!

  • 5 Melman on Feb 25, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    But Alaska will have to face Arkansas before it faces Washington, and I don’t think it can stand up to the bling.

  • 6 Rob T Firefly on Feb 25, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    Yes way.

  • 7 Onil on Feb 25, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    Hmm.. The Land of Lincoln vs. a state named after the first president. Very interesting.

  • 8 Fortis on Feb 26, 2008 at 12:15 am

    So, March 1st just happens to be a holiday my sister made up called…”Most Triumphant Day!” This holiday is in tribute to Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure…Once a year we watch this movie, exchange hand made cards, and eat chocolate pudding.

    Huzzah!

  • 9 SEISMIC on Feb 26, 2008 at 7:08 am

    I like it!!!!

  • 10 Mephisto the Great on Feb 26, 2008 at 9:32 am

    But the “bling” represents man’s addiction to materialistic wealth, capitalism gone horribly wrong, where we worship a piece of hardened carbon as our false god.

    Alaska, on the other hand, demands we respect the Bear because he will eat your face.

    Far more compelling, frankly.

  • 11 bob the hog on Feb 26, 2008 at 10:47 am

    Washington should be disqualified for depicting bass as salmon.

  • 12 Neb on Feb 26, 2008 at 10:48 am

    The grizzly is scary, but don’t forget that WA has a volcano backing up that titanic salmon! A volcano vs. bear thing. Remember: the volcano is not dead, only dormant (hm, kinda Lovecraftian, sort of…).

  • 13 SEISMIC on Feb 26, 2008 at 11:09 am

    Yeah and I’m sure we’ve all watched about Pompeii!!

  • 14 Brandon on Feb 26, 2008 at 2:17 pm

    The fish on the Washington quarter is intended to be a salmon.

  • 15 bob the hog on Feb 26, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Then how can Washington ever gloat and say, “I told you so”?

  • 16 Mephisto the Great on Feb 26, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Oh yeah, I forgot about the volcano…which is funny, because though I was raised in Alaska I currently live in the shadow of Mt. Rainier, which means the giant mutant fish AND the The Firey God are in my backyard. Oops.

    Obey Those Who Live in Your Backyard, I always say. Come on Face-Eating Bear! SAVE ME!

  • 17 Alicia on Feb 28, 2008 at 1:55 am

    I want to see Washington against Jersey in the for the final. George and his troops beat the crap out of a regiment of Germans, but do they have what it takes to defeat the giant Flying Fish of Puget Sound?

  • 18 威哥王 on Jun 13, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    But the “bling” represents man’s addiction to materialistic wealth, capitalism gone horribly wrong, where we worship a piece of hardened carbon as our false god.

    Alaska, on the other hand, demands we respect the Bear because he will eat your face.