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Peace be with us all. IS THAT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU?!

February 26th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 34 Comments

In a recent post, I shared a beautiful — and very personal — meditation for inner peace.

I got little but grief for my generosity, frankly. People objected to me using nature imagery to put their minds at ease.

This still mystifies me. The boll weevil may be a notorious destroyer of cotton crops, but to the best of anyone’s knowledge it doesn’t feed on the flesh of humans. I mean, please! It seems like a relaxed, and very relaxing insect, to my mind, despite its tendency towards pestilence.

(It’s also held in sufficient regard by the University of Arkansas at Monticello to be their school mascot. I’m in complete synch with that! Good for you, UAM! We boll weevil lovers are in this together.)

    weev_spur1.JPG

    In happier days: a BOLL WEEVIL before it found out it was loathed by the Rifftrax community.

On the other hand, you Haters of Boll Weevils will be gratified to know that the imported fire ants sweeping across the country are causing a real decline in the boll weevil population. Happy now? Yes, you are. Don’t pretend otherwise.

But in my journey towards peace, I realize that I must stay light of heart, and flexible in practice. So I’m trying to serve my community here by developing a fire ant meditation for us all.

And to be honest, I do confess to a certain thrill at the movement of nature in its manifestation as the ruthless, Borg-like red fire ant armies, which march ahead and REND and CRUSH and KILL all… all non-peaceful feelings, in their way.

Stay tuned for some serious serenity…

    image.jpeg

    Peace be with us all! NAMASTE.

**MIKE ADDS**

Bill, the peace was overtaking me, total relaxation flooding my body as I visited the Boll Weevil restaurant right here in beautiful San Diego, near beautiful-ier still Point Loma and enjoyed their life-giving and love-giving 1/2 pound steer burger.

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(The Boll Weevil, sadly, is closed, as far as I can tell, overrun by fire ants.)

**UPDATE BY MIKE**

Tremendously Good News!!

Phorid Flies Found in North Texas

Here’s the relevant quote: “This month phorid flies, a natural enemy of fire ants, were found on the county line between Denton and Wise counties…This parasitic fly lays its eggs inside a fire ant worker,” Engler said. “The larvae eats its way into the head capsule and eventually decapitates the ant. It then completes its development in the fire ant’s head and emerges from there fully grown

++

UPDATE by Bill: That’s fantastic news, Mike. Of course phorid flies have also killed hundreds of thousands of people in N. Texas this week alone, but…still!

Phorid fly meditation now being developed.

Tags: RiffTrax

34 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Ranika on Feb 26, 2008 at 9:17 pm

    Ants are cool though. Unlike the dreadful weevil. I bet it doesn’t even like bacon. Ants? They love bacon. Clearly the superior insect.

  • 2 Take5 on Feb 26, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    Wait, so now we find serenity through fire ants? What’s next, Io moths?

  • 3 Take5 on Feb 26, 2008 at 9:25 pm

    Hey, “ants” rhymes with “Pants!” Coincidence? No way.

  • 4 Yanni on Feb 26, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    Will a decrease in weevil population cause a decrease in serenity?! Only your fire ant meditation can bring us peace!

  • 5 Barry on Feb 26, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    Awww, how could anybody hate the boll weevil? Just look at it! It’s like the adorable aardvark of the textile world.

  • 6 Tim on Feb 26, 2008 at 10:18 pm

    Finally my years of hard work importing all of those fire ant colonies has begun to pay off. Everybody called me a fool back then, but look at the results now, baby!

    I’ve had this in the works for some time, Corbett. I received secret reports years ago about your love and admiration of boll weevils. I then set the wheels in motion for my fire ant importing machinations. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

  • 7 Neb on Feb 26, 2008 at 11:35 pm

    Anyone who has ever encountered fire ants has no love at all for them. They make killer bees seem like the posers they are. Their bites are painful and raise welts. Worse yet, they launch stealth attacks wherein they climb onto their victim and wait for some chemical signal, whereupon they all bite AT ONCE! Their nests/hills are like concrete and will break plow blades. They are evil. They are truly the Borg of the insect world. They may be serene, but they do not in fact impart serenity upon their surroundings. Two thumbs down from me.

  • 8 Mr. Slick on Feb 26, 2008 at 11:53 pm

    Here’s a thought for you to ponder during your next meditation: Boll Weevil Bacon.
    Think about it won’t you?

  • 9 AmandaGal on Feb 27, 2008 at 12:58 am

    UAM’s “motto” used to be, “Ain’t nothing more evil than a damned boll weevil.”

    I don’t think they use it anymore. It’s pretty catchy though.

    This fella used to run around the field, but I don’t know if he still does. I haven’t been to a UAM game in ages:

    http://www.sugarscostumes.com/galleries/39/images/BollWeevil.jpg

  • 10 Natureboy (Ken) on Feb 27, 2008 at 1:17 am

    I wonder if there is any money in Boll Weevil ranches. I already tried Naitch’s Ant Farm, but it didn’t do very well. I even located next to Rock City. would you guys come out to Natureboy’s Boll Weevil world?

  • 11 Teaser on Feb 27, 2008 at 5:11 am

    I gotta try me one of those 1/2 lb steerburger cocktails….

  • 12 SEISMIC on Feb 27, 2008 at 5:39 am

    I must say I appreciated your gesture and felt at ease after using your amazing meditation practice! Thank you Bill-I hope my appreciation somewhat eases the cruelty of the other posters!

  • 13 Daddy-O on Feb 27, 2008 at 6:31 am

    I’m going to meditate on the Boll Weevil and the Fire Ant…at the same time! If you don’t hear from me again, well, don’t try it.

  • 14 MikeP on Feb 27, 2008 at 6:33 am

    How about earwigs? They like the dark, and they’re quiet and stealthy. Very serene.

    Also, it’s a complete myth that they climb into your ear and burrow into your brain and take control of you like Checkov in Star Trek II. No truth to that at all.

    The just look like that’s the sort of thing they would do… and probably only do when entomologists aren’t looking, hence maintaining the facade of benign, non-ear-burrowing behaviour.

    Peaceful. Mind-controlling. Scientologists Earwigs.

  • 15 MikeP on Feb 27, 2008 at 6:34 am

    “Scientologist” is supposed to have a strikethrough. Curse this comment technology!

  • 16 Inspector Dim on Feb 27, 2008 at 6:36 am

    Yes, but can you make bacon out of boll weevils?

  • 17 Bill Corbett on Feb 27, 2008 at 6:40 am

    Monster!!

  • 18 Bill Corbett on Feb 27, 2008 at 6:42 am

    A tad reminiscent of The Noid.

    http://www.tvacres.com/admascots_noid.htm

  • 19 gammer on Feb 27, 2008 at 6:48 am

    More importantly, can you make bacon out of Kevin Bacon?

  • 20 SEISMIC on Feb 27, 2008 at 9:01 am

    I would SO like some of THAT bacon!! Yum!!

  • 21 Daddy-O on Feb 27, 2008 at 9:02 am

    Visions of cottony soft, fiery armageddon. Apocalyptic and beautiful. Recommended!

  • 22 Riff-Martian on Feb 27, 2008 at 9:18 am

    Perhaps we need to import more aardvarks to vindicate the Weevils and decrease the fire ant population?

    (Just don’t swallow a horse of course)

  • 23 karen on Feb 27, 2008 at 9:32 am

    3 words: bacon, bollweivil and ants. mmmmmm….
    add to pieces of bread and mustard…delicoius!

    bacon from kevn bacon…thats gross!

  • 24 Courtney on Feb 27, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Look, can’t we all just think about adorable precious puppies?

    http://www.affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/rabid_dog_small.jpg

    Aw. Bless.

  • 25 SEISMIC on Feb 27, 2008 at 9:45 am

    Little angel! = )

  • 26 amanda on Feb 27, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    So what are the Texans going to use to get rid of the soon to come overinfestation of phorrid flies?

  • 27 SEISMIC on Feb 27, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    spam

  • 28 R.A. Roth on Feb 27, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    Good news! The phorid flies natural enemy is the boll weevil, thus proving Nature is the longest and largest ongoing game of Rock/Paper/Scissors.

    Randy

  • 29 Livia on Feb 27, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    Bill, it’s not that I don’t like boll weevils, it’s just I find it really difficult to concentrate on my meditation when I feel so itchy.

    Any suggestions?

  • 30 Eddie Colton on Feb 27, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    You can talk about the latest
    The latest of your own
    These boll weevils
    They gonna rob you of a home
    They are looking for a home
    They’s a looking for a home

    The first time I seen a boll weevil
    He was sitting on a square
    The next time I seen a boll weevil
    He had his whole family there
    He’s a looking for a home
    He’s a looking for a home

    The farmer had taken the boll weevil
    And he put him on the sand
    The boll weevil he said to the farmer
    You are treating me just like a man
    I’ll have a home
    I’ll have a home
    Then I’ll have a home
    Then I’ll have a home
    Then I’ll have a home
    Then I’ll have a home

    Yes the farmer he said to the merchant
    I never made but one bale
    Before I let you have that last one
    I’ll suffer and die in jail
    And I’ll have a home
    And I’ll have a home

    And the old lady said to her old man
    They been trying that old level best
    Keep one of these old boll weevils
    Out of my brand new cotton dress
    And it’s full of holes
    And it’s full of holes
    Yes, it’s full of holes
    Yes, it’s full of holes
    Yes, it’s full of holes
    Yes, it’s full of holes

    Yes, the farmer had taken that boll weevil
    And he put him in the ice
    The boll weevil said to the farmer
    You’re treating me mighty nice
    And I’ll have a home
    And I’ll have a home

    If anybody should come along and ask you people
    Who come told this song
    Tell ‘em it’s Huddie Ledbetter
    He’s done been here and gone
    And he’s looking for a home
    He’s a looking for a home
    He’s a looking for a home
    He’s a looking for a home
    He’s a looking for a home
    He’s a looking for a home

  • 31 Daddy-O on Feb 28, 2008 at 6:54 am

    Enjoy a pic of the Phorid Fly looking mete out punishment on some deserving Fire Ants.

    http://www.usda-sabcl.org/images/IFA/ifa4.jpg

    Now, witness the resultant carnage of said punishment.

    http://www.usda-sabcl.org/images/IFA/phorid3.jpg

  • 32 Bill Corbett on Feb 28, 2008 at 7:02 am

    The “itchiness” is your mind distracting you. It’s “itchiness,” not true itchiness. Understand?

    When boll weevils crawl on you, it’s more scratchy and pinch-y. So concentrate on THOSE feelings instead.

    Namaste.

  • 33 amanda on Feb 28, 2008 at 7:24 am

    Well at least they’re very tidy killers. Neatly lining them up in a row like that. What symmetry!

  • 34 Daddy-O on Feb 28, 2008 at 9:39 am

    How many roads must an ant walk down
    Before you call him a ant?
    Yes, ‘n’ how many mounds must a Fire Ant build
    Before he sleeps in the sand?
    Yes, ‘n’ how many times must the Ortho grains fly
    Before they’re forever banned?
    The ants were my friends, they’re blowin’ in the wind,
    The ants are blowin’ in the wind.

    How many times must an ant look up
    Before he can see the Phorid Fly?
    Yes, ‘n’ how many eggs must be oviposited
    Before he can hear people cry?
    Yes, ‘n’ how many deaths will it take till he knows
    That too many ants have died?
    The ants were my friends, they’re blowin’ in the wind,
    The ants are blowin’ in the wind.

    How many years can an ant mound exist
    Before it’s washed to the sea?
    Yes, ‘n’ how many years can some ants exist
    Before they’re allowed to be free?
    Yes, ‘n’ how many times can a man turn his head,
    Pretending he just doesn’t see?
    The ants were my friends, they’re blowin’ in the wind,
    The ants are blowin’ in the wind.