Explained in this comment thread. (As much as the following actually can be explained, that is.)
Here it is, Beautiful Houndstooth:
“A spatula nosed old freak-beaver
Came down with a case of hay fever
He sneezed with such might
That his body took flight
And knocked out a golden retriever.”
In happier days: a PLATYPUS before it became the subject of an insulting, name-omitting limerick by some riffclown.
Now let’s pretend this never happened, go back down the page, and watch some funny political ads.
(I’ll be hiding in shame for a few weeks, so the hot young screenwriter / stripper Demonia Hickok will be taking over my screenwriting Q & A tomorrow night. Subjects to be explored: the three-act screenplay structure; creating vivid dialogue; managing your career; pole dancing.)
30 responses so far ↓
1 Dan on Mar 4, 2008 at 6:55 am
Wow! What a great limerick
If there’s a stripper hosting the screenwriting Q & A, count me in!!
Yipee!!
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2 Duddits on Mar 4, 2008 at 7:00 am
Demonia Hickock’s credits include:
(2009) Step Up 3: Takin it to the Streets
(2007) Showgirlz (V)
(2004) Untitled Lorenzo Lamas Project
— AKA Alan Smithee Presents Lamas
Couldn’t we have gotten Joe Pantoliano’s less talented brother to fill in on such short notice?
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Reply from Dan on March 4, 2008:
Thanks, Duddits! Makes you wonder, how is there an untitled Lorenzo Lamas Project from 4 years ago, and a movie coming out next year already has a title? I know it’s a sequel, but huh?
Just something to make you think and keep you up at night
Reply from Dan on March 4, 2008:
I wanted to take this time to apologize for my earlier comment, i.e.: “If there’s a stripper having the screenwriting Q &A, count me in!!” I really shouldn’t have jumped to the conclusion Demonia Hickock was just a stripper, and I apologize to her and human beings everywhere for my hurtful comments. I know I hurt everyone with my remarks.
Thanks to Duddits, I have now realized the immense output DH has as a screenwriting genius! Who else could lend their talented pen to the unforgettable “Untitled Lorenzo Lamas Project,” known to some as “Alan Smithee Presents Lamas?”
Once again, I apologize to humanity. the planet and Demonia Hickock for my very hurtful and painful remarks.
Shame to me!
3 MikeP on Mar 4, 2008 at 7:04 am
Bill, have you been hitting the bacon flavored vodka again? Can’t say I blame you. That stuff’s delicious and intoxicating.
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4 SEISMIC on Mar 4, 2008 at 7:04 am
BC-
that was better than my poem!!!
P.S-did sir Hickok become a stripper for me? wahoo!!
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5 Rob T Firefly on Mar 4, 2008 at 7:21 am
In other news, Bill will be taking over the upcoming exotic dancing Q&A over on her blog.
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Reply from Mr. Slick on March 4, 2008:
Say that is good news!
Reply from Bill Corbett on March 4, 2008:
Do you realize how many readers you just made vomit?
Reply from karen on March 4, 2008:
me 2 and im not even a guy!
Reply from Rob T Firefly on March 4, 2008:
Result!
Reply from SEISMIC on March 4, 2008:
but it depends on who is doin’ the strippin!!!
6 Mr. Slick on Mar 4, 2008 at 7:50 am
Bill when will the bacon Q&A be scheduled?
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7 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Mar 4, 2008 at 7:52 am
There once was a brown platypus from Nantucket
Whose snout would much better a tan duck fit
Whether she’s more mammal than fowl
Or more like a camel than owl
She’ll be trapped and eaten by some Canuck twit.
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Reply from Bill Corbett on March 4, 2008:
D N-K,
I’m subcontracting my next limerick to you.
Reply from MikeP on March 4, 2008:
some Canuck twit
I hope you’re not referring to me. I would never eat such a magnificent creature.
Unless it tasted like bacon.
Reply from Dan Noutko-Kennedy on March 4, 2008:
If laughter is truly the best medicine
And all cares and woe it will jettison
Then Mike J., Kevin and Bill
Are like a heveanly pill
That give more joy than R. Basehart and D. Hedison
Reply from wakachiwaka on March 4, 2008:
LIMERICKMANIA!!!
Now with extra syllables for added value!
Reply from Dan Noutko-Kennedy on March 4, 2008:
Drat! That should be “heavenly”. Here I lampoon those “lousy,stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards” and yet when it comes to spelling I’m just a stupid American’t.
Reply from Beautiful Houndstooth on March 4, 2008:
That was an AWSOME limerick DNK! I’m gonna put Bill’s in my signature line but that was a great one.
8 R.A. Roth on Mar 4, 2008 at 12:12 pm
A limerick from my last book, Tall Tales, that is in keep with the exotic animal theme:
There once was a man named Nick
Who pissed in the Amazon crick
Before buttoning his fly
A candiru came by
And swam up the shaft of his prick.
Randy
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Reply from MikeP on March 4, 2008:
Inspiring. I got shivers.
Reply from SEISMIC on March 4, 2008:
it caused me to cross my legs and I am not even a guy!
Reply from R.A. Roth on March 5, 2008:
For the record, candiru are wormy parasitic catfish that live in the Amazon river. They are wired to seek HEAT, which is why pissing in the Amazon while swimming is a no-no, unless you’re into that sort of thing, having parasitic catfish make a home in the spongy walls of your urethra.
This was NOT a major plot point in my book, for reasons I need not discuss.
Randy
9 Beautiful Houndstooth on Mar 4, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Mr Corbett,
Now I really do hope everyone gets back to find the brilliant political ads which you stepped on for lil ol’ me.
You sir are a god! I can’t believe you actually wrote my nigh impossible limerick. I knew if anyone could do it you could. I’m gonna go stick it in all my signature lines now. With full credit to the brilliant author of course
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10 bob the hog on Mar 4, 2008 at 6:24 pm
That is the perfect ode to the platypus.
Bravo.
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11 To_Servo_Man on Mar 4, 2008 at 7:40 pm
You might say, an odepus? Seems rather complex to me…
Thank you, I’m here all week.
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Reply from wakachiwaka on March 4, 2008:
We’ll just blame your parents for that one…
12 Demonia Hickok on Mar 5, 2008 at 1:10 am
I am Demonia Hickok and I love and forgive you all.
BUY MY NEWEST DVD: Breakfast at Tiffany’s Dumpster (Amazon: buy it used for $2.05 plus $33.45 shipping and handling).
Catch you all on the flip side (of the pole).
D.H.
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Reply from Dan on March 5, 2008:
Dear Ms./Mrs./Mr./Dr./Prof. Hickok:
Thank you for your forgivness, Demonia. I am interested beyond any sense of normalcy in your “Untitled Lorenzo Lamas Project” from 2004. What is it and why is it untitled? More importantly, where can I get it on DVD, VHS, laserdisc and will there be a criterion release of this soon?
Sincerely,
Dan
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