The title above pretty much describes the business plan of this clothing company, Lochers. It eponymous founder, Nicole Locher, describes herself as “an innocent Swiss girl straight out of ‘The Sound of Music.’ ”
Her speciality is women’s clothing with lovely embroidery. Though I could be fooled, embroidery-wise — I’m a hillbilly when it comes to fashion. Without guidance from my wife, I’d walk around in burlap sacks.
But if you look closely on Ms. Locher’s excellent stitching, you are treated to risque sayings — some with board-certified cusswords!! (None in the thumbs below, FYI.)
Click on thumbnails to read the (giggle!) naughtiness.
The young woman in the pictures above is very purty, of course. And the clothing sans naughty phrases seems quite nice, allowing for my gorilla-like asethetic judgment.
But I want in on this racket. Anyone else? If we can undercut the Locher line’s prices for a slight dip in quality, we might rake in the moolah. I’m talking about buying some non-stained used clothing (or mostly non-stained) from Goodwill or someplace, getting out our magic markers, and thinking up some outrageous sayings with which our customers can announce their highly individual styles… styles which we will reproduce in bulk, baby!
I’m thinking the first item we offer is a line of sexy spring evening-wear. Written in thick magic marker across the front:
-
“My Flatuence is Out of Control.”
Eh?
Any other ideas? (Keep them reasonably non-filthy, please… despite the premise of this post. A challenge, I know.)
71 responses so far ↓
1 captian phil on Mar 7, 2008 at 11:17 am
showers are for the weak and dying
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2 captian phil on Mar 7, 2008 at 11:24 am
dam girl my testicals are bigger then your breast
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3 Barry on Mar 7, 2008 at 11:31 am
“I was going to eat nine Baconators today, but I puked after the eighth.”
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4 Teaser on Mar 7, 2008 at 11:33 am
If on fire…..Please Put Me Out
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5 captian phil on Mar 7, 2008 at 11:35 am
Uwe Boll is a good director
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Reply from Bill Corbett on March 7, 2008:
Disgusting!!
Reply from Melman on March 9, 2008:
That’s crossing the line man.
6 Dallas on Mar 7, 2008 at 11:38 am
I’m thinking if we can combine this with the trend of infantilizing women with their clothing styles, we would make a mint. For example, our “baby doll” style dresses could read:
“Time to change my diaper!”
Or for the cartoon-emblazened t-shirts:
“I’ve got a boogie in my nose!”
Hang on, I know I’ve got a sharpie around here somewhere. . .
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7 gammer on Mar 7, 2008 at 11:38 am
I saw one online recently that said:
“I’m kind of a big deal”
The only reason I like that, is I can hear Ron Burgandy’s voice when I read it.
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Reply from Dallas on March 7, 2008:
That’s from this season of Project Runway; it’s a catchphrase for one of the contestants.
Reply from Courtney on March 7, 2008:
Actually Dallas that shirt’s been out since Anchorman came out. I saw it when I bought my brother his “two tickets to the gun show” t-shirt a few years back. Good times.
Reply from Natalie on March 7, 2008:
So did Project Runway just steal it from Anchorman, then? That’s funny.
Reply from Courtney on March 7, 2008:
Damn you, Prodge Run and your filthy lies! Sorry, I’m just bitter. I wanted Chris to win. Seriously, if I hear the word “fierce” one more time I’m going to cut a bitch. But yeah, Will Ferrell should probably sue.
8 MikeP on Mar 7, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Insert Coin. No, I won’t tell you where.
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9 SEISMIC on Mar 7, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Who does number 2 work for?
Ouch-my hemroids are really flairing up!
I have a vibrating crab! (this is a truth on my part-I got it from Joe’s crab shack)
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Reply from SEISMIC on March 7, 2008:
I (heart) Carrot Top!
10 Courtney on Mar 7, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Let’s engage in pre-marital kissing.
SCANDALOUS! I’m so controversial.
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Reply from Natalie on March 7, 2008:
Ha! Love it.
11 Ariel "Digits" on Mar 7, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Maggie from www.Mightygirl.com has a shirt that says “I F*** like a girl”. Bought it. Love it. If anyone can do something better than that I will buy it too.
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Reply from SEISMIC on March 7, 2008:
I don’t think that can be topped unless it has to do w/ bacon!
Reply from Bill Corbett on March 7, 2008:
“Maggie from www.Mightygirl.com has a shirt that says “I F*** like a girl”.
Fart?
sincerely,
Bill “Only Has One Joke, and A Cheap One at That” Corbett
Reply from SEISMIC on March 7, 2008:
Hey-I’d by that Mr.one joke!!
Reply from Virginia Corbett on March 7, 2008:
Oh, god help me, I laugh every time, too!
12 SEISMIC on Mar 7, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I found a saying on-line-”Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal!” I love it and would so love it scribbled in sharpie on a stained up t.shirt!
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Reply from Adam on March 7, 2008:
That’s a line from a standup act. I want to say it’s Demitri Martin’s but I’m not 100% sure.
Reply from SEISMIC on March 7, 2008:
Cool-thanks! It is frickin’ funny!!
13 Tim D on Mar 7, 2008 at 1:22 pm
You want scandalous? How about this blasphemy… “Bacon isn’t really all that good.”
There. That should rile up the masses.
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Reply from Bill Corbett on March 7, 2008:
You are now BANNED from this site, mister.
14 Adam on Mar 7, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Will Work For Ham.
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15 LemSlaw on Mar 7, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Carpet Bagger.
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16 SEISMIC on Mar 7, 2008 at 1:51 pm
(For a pregnant woman’s shirt)
Elijah Wood’s baby!
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17 Chris D. on Mar 7, 2008 at 1:54 pm
“Has anyone seen my Trapper Keeper?”
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Reply from SEISMIC on March 7, 2008:
Has anyone seen my fanny pack?
18 Chris D. on Mar 7, 2008 at 1:56 pm
“I’d like to get to know you (in the Biblical sense)”
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19 MarkAndrew on Mar 7, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Adjust my willy, will ya?
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20 Shawn on Mar 7, 2008 at 2:05 pm
“I Smell Like Pickles”
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21 MikeP on Mar 7, 2008 at 2:18 pm
No no, ladies. My penis is down there
|
V
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Reply from SEISMIC on March 7, 2008:
That would be funny for a girl to wear!!
22 Mike Nelson on Mar 7, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I’d Like to Joe Her Ezterhas!
That Smell is Coming From My Lap
Who wouldn’t I Lick?
(Okay, back to work)
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Reply from Courtney on March 7, 2008:
Okay Nelson, the first and third are all well and good but the second one (I almost said “number two” but refrained) is genuinely horrifying. Well played. I have to go vomit now.
23 Erik on Mar 7, 2008 at 3:05 pm
WWJPD?
(What Would Joey Pants Do?)
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Reply from Bill Corbett on March 7, 2008:
Hooray!
Because it really doesn’t matter what Joey Pants does. It only matters that it’s him doing it.
(sigh) He’s dreamy.
24 Walter on Mar 7, 2008 at 3:07 pm
“I’m F***ing Ben Affleck
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25 Adam on Mar 7, 2008 at 3:58 pm
My Other T-Shirt is Made of Hair
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Reply from Virginia Corbett on March 7, 2008:
….Speaking of Chris from Project Runway….
loved the clothes, but eeeeeewwwwww
Reply from Adam on March 7, 2008:
…wait…am I to believe that someone on Project Runway designed a T-shirt made of hair?
And here I thought I was being all surreal and unique.
Reply from wurwolf on March 8, 2008:
I have to agree with you, Virginia. The clothes were great, but the human hair embellishment was disgusting. How the models actually put on those outfits and got down the runway, I’ll never know. Professionals, every one of them.
Still love Chris, though.
Reply from Chris from Project Runway on March 8, 2008:
It walks down the runway or it gets the hose.
26 Jen on Mar 7, 2008 at 4:48 pm
“Enemas are for pussies”
“WIll rotate clockwise for food”
“I’m panting like that because I want you off me. . . it’s too hard to breathe!”
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27 Beautiful Houndstooth on Mar 7, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I can tie cherry stems with my tongue!
(That’s actually true but it’s not nearly as sey looking as you might think)
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28 Mr. Slick on Mar 7, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I went to Chuck E. Cheese and all I got was the plague! . . . and this T-shirt.
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29 Darth Chimay on Mar 7, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I hope none of these goes over the edge (hurray for drinkin’ at work):
“Rhymes with ’slurpees.’”
“What does ‘discharge’ mean?”
“I bedded Joey Lawrence!”
“My teeth met.”
“Dangit, now all the fish will smell!”
“Akiva Goldsman is a very good writer.”
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30 Chris T. on Mar 7, 2008 at 9:16 pm
“Taft in ‘08!”
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31 Krunchy on Mar 7, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I always thought the worst thing I ever heard in a totally “normal” context was a newscast from a number of years ago, that when referring to Olestra, that stuff that Lays was using to make fat free potato chips, echoed throughout the room, and stopped both conversations that were being had …
“May cause excessive ANAL LEAKAGE !”
I’m just upset that they never had to put THAT on their nutritional guide. It certainly would beat the surgeon general warning on cigarettes. My dad stsill mentions that when we ask him to quit smoking, he’ll say, “yeah, it can cause lung cancer, but at least I won’t have ANAL LEAKAGE!”
Krunchy
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Reply from wakachiwaka on March 8, 2008:
I once bought a package of cookies made with Olestra. I can testify - the results were not pretty.
32 Chiliking20 on Mar 7, 2008 at 10:05 pm
My other shirt is from Abercrombie & Fitch
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33 Adam on Mar 7, 2008 at 10:38 pm
This Is My Skin
I Stitch to Forget My Desperation
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34 Chiliking20 on Mar 8, 2008 at 3:36 am
Do I look fat in this Shirt?
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35 Arthurpod on Mar 8, 2008 at 5:54 am
Just get a band T-Shirt, and write “I Hate” on it. Instant punk rock look! Unless it’s a punk band’s shirt.
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Reply from wakachiwaka on March 8, 2008:
Worked for Johnny Rotten.
36 karen on Mar 8, 2008 at 8:44 am
the shirts designs are cute but a bit long and the same flower pattern ges annnoying. i’ve only seen a few i would like but its amazing to see how fast it gets sold out….
how about “bite my shiny metal ass?”(courtesey of bender) or “DO NOT WANT YOU OR ANY OTHER BEING!” ah the choices are endless
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37 wurwolf on Mar 8, 2008 at 8:54 am
I’m stealing my idea….
“I WANNA BEAR YOUR CHILDREN! HAAAAA!”
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38 The elusive Robert Denby on Mar 8, 2008 at 11:41 am
“Michael Bay Fan Club President”
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39 Tierney on Mar 8, 2008 at 12:14 pm
For Valentine’s Day a few years back, my boyfriend, romantic devil that he is, replicated the “I’m A Virgin” shirt from Pod People. He also made me one that said, “I’ve Got Crabs!” Thankfully, he wasn’t trying to tell me anything. (It had come from a conversation we had regarding the multitude of “Brat,” “Princess,” etc. tshirts that the young people liked to wear back in the good ol’ days of 2002.)
I think both would make excellent shirts in mass-production.
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40 LemSlaw on Mar 8, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Der T-shirt, I know it’s wrong, but it feels so right.
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41 anais.jude on Mar 8, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I would actually wear a shirt that says “I heart Porn”
because i do love me some porno
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42 Yanni on Mar 8, 2008 at 2:13 pm
how about the ironic ‘Shirts are for losers’?
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43 R.A. Roth on Mar 8, 2008 at 4:26 pm
“I’m the Master of Zamphere’s Pan Flute”
See, this is dirty because a pan flute is sometimes referred to as a “bone whistle”.
Randy
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44 Melman on Mar 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm
“If I had balls, they be bigger than yours.”
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45 Junker on Mar 9, 2008 at 8:01 pm
“All your bacon are belong to us”
That’s right, I went there. Alternately:
“All your cotton double knit cardigans are belong to us”
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46 Lisa on Mar 18, 2008 at 10:48 pm
“shoot. fist. ask questions later”
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