Another in an infrequent series of movie reviews submitted by my Cocker Spaniel pup, Boomer. A note of warning though, Boomer tends to give away the plot, and he’s a bit biased.
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: One Paw
No Movie for Young Dogs
As far as I can tell, this is a movie about very angry people who live in a really crappy place. Josh Brolin stars as a guy who finds a suitcase full of money and then waits about half a day before giving a thirsty guy some water. Right away, I don’t like the guy. If somebody waited half the day before giving me some water, they ought to be reported to the guys on Animal Cops (A brilliant show, by the way.)
Anyway, this guy who finds the money is chased by an energetic Pit Bull mix, probably to retrieve the money, which after all doesn’t belong to the guy. So what does the guy do? Does he lower his head and look away from the approaching dog, like any idiot should do? No. Instead he just shoots the poor unsuspecting dog. Point blank. That’s all it took for me, I stopped watching. I understand that the guy who shoots the dog dies in the end. That’s fine by me.
There is one other dog in the film, but he’s dead from the get-go. What kind of a movie is this anyway? hurling dead dogs around like candy wrappers, shooting spirited dogs engaged in a harmless game of chase? I play chase every day, nobody aims a pistol at me. I didn’t like this film at all, except for Tommy Lee Jones, who looks like he’d be a good owner, and his voice sounds like a friendly growl.
I’ve just been told that telling you about the guy who dies at the end is a “spoiler.” This means nothing to me. The only thing that is spoiled is that a dog is dead. You’ll never win any points with me that way. And I don’t care that American Humane gave the movie an Outstanding rating in its treatment of Animals. It’s the story that ruins it. The dog could have joined the guy on his cross-country chase, but I guess the Coen Brothers were too busy littering the place with dead dogs to think about that.
My recommendation? Save your money and spend it on Bully Sticks.
29 responses so far ↓
1 R.A. Roth on Mar 17, 2008 at 10:24 am
My cat Cubby Bear gives NCFOM four paws up for gratuitous dog violence, human violence and all around ickiness.
Randy
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Reply from Kevin Murphy on March 17, 2008:
This seems typical, coming from an animal that cannot digest its own hair.
-Boomer
Reply from R.A. Roth on March 17, 2008:
And this seems typical for an animal that forages in the front yard for its own poop.
- Cubby Bear
Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
Have you ever tried your own poop? You cats are so quick to rush to judgement.
-Boomer
Reply from gammer on March 17, 2008:
Don’t forget that cat poop is toxic and can kill you if you eat it.
I won’t eat cat poop for that reason…even if it did taste ok
Just joking
Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
See? Leave it to a cat to have poop that’s poisonous.
-Boomer
Reply from R.A. Roth on March 18, 2008:
Hey, Dog Genius…ALL poop is toxic, and if you had access to cat poop, you would eat it and rejoice.
Cat poop is the discerning choice of fecal-munching dogs (that would be all dogs) everywhere!
- Cubby Bear
2 gammer on Mar 17, 2008 at 11:36 am
Josh Brolin certainly has had a “brilliant” movie career since he played the ’stupid’, older kid in the Goonies to this new endeavor.
p.s. Boomer, I think in the future you should rate your movies on “tail wags” as appose to “paws”. I think it has more of an effect.
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Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
Excuse me, but somebody cut my tail off when I was very young, and without my permission, thank you. I’d have to score in “stump wags,” which might sound strange. Let me think about this, there’s a finch on the bird feeder I have to bark at.
-Boomer
Reply from gammer on March 17, 2008:
You’re right, “stump wags” is too strange. How about “leg humps”? I’d go for leg humps…for sure.
3 Shawn on Mar 17, 2008 at 11:53 am
Does Boomer take suggestions? I’d like to see him even-more-infrequently reviewing older movies, such as “Good Boy”, or possibly “Look Who’s Talking Now”.
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Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
I have a problem with movies that make dogs talk like people. If we could talk like people, we would have ruled the world ages ago. Cars would have no windshields, every house would have a poop room, and we wouldn’t have wars - we get too distracted. They never show that stuff in movies.
Reply from Shawn on March 17, 2008:
I can’t imagine “Cats & Dogs” would go over well, then. Though it does put dogs in the more favorable light, it ALSO stars Jeff Goldblum (but on the plus side, it has a voiceover by Joey Pants!).
4 Walter on Mar 17, 2008 at 11:56 am
At least Anton didn’t kill the dog!
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Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
This is a good point. I liked Anton, she was my favorite character.
-Boomer
5 karen on Mar 17, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Meh-the academy is overrated.
Rifftrax are mucho better!
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6 JackTheRIFFER on Mar 17, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Boomer, you might want to be careful. I just bought me an Smith and Wesson M&P-15 AR15 assault rifle and my cat Sox has been looking to test it out. Stay away at all costs, he has a bad temper and good aim!
(P.S. Though JacktheRiffer is a cat person, he also loves dogs and does not condone the psychopathic chaos that his cat Sox causes in the neighborhood)
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Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
Let me know where you live so I can stay away.
-Boomer
Reply from JackTheRiffer on March 17, 2008:
Just stay out of Michigan, Boomer, and you will be OK. If you are ever going to set paw in this (wonderfully) crappy place, let me know in advance and I will lock my insane cat in a cage for the duration of your visit… And take away all his ninja stars.
Reply from SoxTheInsaneCat on March 17, 2008:
MEOW!! LET ME AT HIM!! Wanna go for a walk little doggie? As for you, dada, you senile old buffoon… You can take my nija stars from my cold, dead paws! And you will never find my stash of Glocks. They’re buried in the litter boxes and you never clean them!
Sox
Reply from JackTheRIFFER on March 17, 2008:
Hey little kitty… You better watch your mouth! And those Glocks better be registered with the State of Michigan. You just stop threatening other people’s pets or you’re going to get it. And by the way, where did you learn to type??
7 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Mar 17, 2008 at 2:03 pm
The only movie I went to see at the theater last year, one that I eagerly anticipated, was this fetishistically violent, backstory-less, audience-loathing steaming pile of celluloid. Licking myself would have left a better taste in my mouth. My wife wants to know why the Coen Bros. hate her.
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8 Onil on Mar 17, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I think if any of the characters had a cute cuddly dog when they were children, the movie would have been a much happier affair.
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9 SoxTheInsaneCat on Mar 17, 2008 at 6:01 pm
MEOW!! LET ME AT HIM!! Wanna go for a walk little doggie? As for you, dada, you senile old buffoon… You can take my nija stars from my cold, dead paws! And you will never find my stash of Glocks. They’re buried in the litter boxes and you never clean them!
Sox
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Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
Dear Sox.
Go has a Cheezburger or something.
-Boomer
10 Chris D. on Mar 17, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Great review Boomer! Tell your master I hope his new hard drive is working out for him.
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Reply from Boomer on March 17, 2008:
I don’t know what a hard drive is, but he keeps coming home with these bags with a picture of a half-eaten apple on it. I think he’s up to something.
-Boomer
11 Dan on Mar 18, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Nice review, Boomer! I already saw No Country, so you didn’t “spoil” it for me. By the way, kudos to your human father, Kevin Murphy on making himself look so much like Josh Brolin in the picture above!
What’s that you say, gentle doggie and gentle reader of rifftrax blog land? That’s the real Josh Brolin? Oh, no no no, my dear Watson! It is none other then Kevin Murphy in yet another one of his “resemble fest celebrity look alike thingies” pretending to be Josh Brolin! And I have foiled your plot again my dear sir!
Better luck next time, Moriarity!
Dan
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12 victor on Mar 24, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Maybe I will share it with those boomerfriends on boomermingle.com. They must like it.
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