As much as I hope you’ll take our newly-released BEOWULF Rifftrax for a spin, it’s only fair to warn you that there is a very frightening beast rampaging through the film. You’ve no doubt heard about the monster Grendel, either from reading Beowulf in high school / college, or just by the movie’s reputation.
But ladies and gentleman, I’m here to tell you — unless you’ve seen the movie, you have no idea how terrifying and grotesque its Grendel is. I’ll post some pictures under the cut in case you want to prepare yourself, but please know that these aren’t for people easily spooked. The CGI Grendel offered by Robert Zemeckis’ BEOWULF is pure, undiluted, duty-free nightmare fuel.
Here goes…
O.K.
Here’s (* shudder *) the CGI monster Grendel, eyes devoid of true life, under his satan-worshippers’ hood:
And two more thumbnails of the hellspawn digital creature, below. (Be careful, now!)
(<----- in the middle)But if I’ve led you away from trying our BEOWULF Rifftrax, read on….
Luckily, this is a hero’s tale. And the story gives us an able protagonist, who’s ready, willing and able to battle such a foul monster: Beowulf. (You know, from the title.)
And as frightening as director Robert Zemeckis makes Grendel, he matches it with Beowulf’s pure nobility, humanity, and courage. Actor Crispin Glover does a great job portraying the legendary warrior:
The presence of Glover’s Beowulf comforts viewers of this movie, in the end — knowing that any dark force afoot in the world will ultimately be answered by the indomitable human spirit.
I knew Crispin Glover made a fine leading man after his work in CLOWNY CLOWN CLOWN, but I didn’t realize he could so ably embody a warrior-king.
Bravo, Mr. G!! Well done, good sir.
20 responses so far ↓
1 Walter on Mar 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm
STOP SCARING ME!!!
[Reply to this]
2 Su Fabie on Mar 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Aha! I saw what you did there Mr. Corbett. tsk tsk…
[Reply to this]
Reply from Bill Corbett on March 18, 2008:
Dearest Su Fabie,
Sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Reply from gammer on March 19, 2008:
now, I see what you are doing here Bill…and I don’t like it!
(JJ)
3 Rob T Firefly on Mar 18, 2008 at 4:19 pm
What I really want to know is, does Beowulf finally gain the self-confidence to stand up to that bully Biff?
[Reply to this]
Reply from Onil on March 18, 2008:
Nicely done.
Reply from doggans on March 19, 2008:
Depends on which timeline you mean. In the alternate universe they visit in Beowulf Part II, Biff killed Beowulf and replaced him with stock footage and an upside-down double.
4 RemmieBarrow on Mar 18, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Still not as scary as any contestant on any reality show these days.
[Reply to this]
Reply from SEISMIC on March 19, 2008:
Sad but true!
5 karen on Mar 18, 2008 at 5:18 pm
hrmmmm…whats scarier? grendel? or a CGI angelina jolie……hrmmmm…(and the latter isnt even pretty!)
[Reply to this]
Reply from Hugh on March 18, 2008:
You’re a straight female, aren’t you?
Reply from gammer on March 19, 2008:
and the latter isnt even pretty!
My wife says the same thing about Angelina. Deep down I think she is jealous. Because, even though Angelina is TF’d in the head, and she’s into incest, I still find her attractive.
And when she runs into me one day and asks me to spend the night with her (you all know this WILL happen ;)…I’m probably going to have to ‘hit it’…(sorry Brad…well not that sorry…because if I were gay I’d sleep with Brad too…assuming Brad is gay, which we all know he is).
6 To_Servo_Man on Mar 18, 2008 at 6:27 pm
The latter is extremely hot — even in her golden liquid high heels!
[Reply to this]
7 Beautiful Houndstooth on Mar 18, 2008 at 6:46 pm
So monster = jaundiced?
[Reply to this]
8 Dan on Mar 18, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Finally, this movie gives us a hero we can actually believe! Come on, people! Tobey Maguire as Spider Man? To me, if you don’t have rotted flesh and visible organs, you can’t be a beliveable hero.
Long live Beowulf!
[Reply to this]
9 Eddie Colton on Mar 18, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I always thought BEOWULF was the monster, on account of it sounds like a big scary wolf. Grendel on the other hand sounds like either an attorney or a hero with an unfortunate name.
However, this movie despite its title only has a character whose name is Bow-Woof, clearly annunciated by the selfsame person, and I can only assume the reason he’s so grumpy is that everyone keeps calling him “Beowulf.”
As the first English novel, I believe this to be a comment on how needlessly confusing English is, and also a cautionary tale meant to discourage people from using English. Which has only been lately heeded by l33t speak.
[Reply to this]
10 gammer on Mar 19, 2008 at 8:28 am
After viewing Beowulf unriffed, I see that John Malkovitch’s fine acting from Eragon hasn’t changed one bit…its like he just flowed from one movie to the other. His appearance in Beowulf is better though (make-up did a fantastic job!)
[Reply to this]
11 edgewriter on Mar 19, 2008 at 9:03 am
I was confused by Beowulf. I went in ready for the same usual mindless action that hollywood likes to throw at us, but they kept throwing me off with this character crap.
Don’t give me a bad guy to pity and fallable heroes.
Sheesh.
[Reply to this]
12 JackTheRIFFER on Mar 19, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Wait a minute… All this time I thought the naked guy was Grendel. After all, isn’t that the scariest thing in the movie?
[Reply to this]
13 Nelly McDairy on Mar 19, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Naughties! It’s way past this old woman’s bedpan–bedtime, and I’m too scared to go to bed now.
Someone send in that cute little dog doing those nice movie reviews. I would like to be told a funny bedtime story tonight.
Your gracious Gran,
Nell McD
[Reply to this]
Leave a Comment