The human body’s softness and vulnerability is a fundamental design flaw. We’re inadequate. We’re weak, frankly, and the giant insect invaders (it’s inevitable, come on!) are put together in a much sturdier fashion.
So it’s good to see that the market is poised to address this problem, and give those of us who want exoskeletons what we’ve been demanding for years: exoskeletons.
Some exoskeletons specialize in running fast, and jumping…
…Others in brute strength:
Personally, I’m holding out for one that does everything my beloved masters the giant insects can do. And if can also help me make top-notch sushi rolls, that would be a fine bonus.
What do you want your exoskeleton to do for you?
29 responses so far ↓
1 JackTheRIFFER on Mar 19, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Huh?? Insects? No my friend. There will be a zombie holocost… And should hell have a lot more space in it that I think, there will be a robot holocost. Either way, I’m ready. I’m got lots of bullets and supplies… Maybe I should add Raid to my list in case the insect thing happens… Can’t be too careful.
Jack
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2 captian phil on Mar 19, 2008 at 8:43 pm
but do u have survival training?
i would want a robot that can be more versitly then the sonic screwdriver and tougher then the borg and terminators combained and it will be in the shape of bill corbett’s poppet
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Reply from JackTheRIFFER on March 20, 2008:
Yes, I have survival and comabat training. No way will those insects/zombies/robots get me!
3 Daniel on Mar 19, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I want my exoskeleton to transfer all my family home movies from VHS to DVD, and then start on all of the horrible movies I’ve taped off TV onto DVD. Maybe there would be an attachment at it’s head that inserts the VHS and then pops out a completed DVD, without botherin me at all!!
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4 mathey on Mar 19, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Exoskeleton, I command thee to make me a sammich!
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Reply from seismic on March 20, 2008:
that is all i need mine to do also,..well,..crack open a can would be nice too!
5 Chris D. on Mar 19, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I want my exoskeleton to help me with my bowling game. I’d have it equipped with powerful laser scopes for pinpoint accuracy and specialized rotating claws for proper spin. The pins would probably explode just like that scene in Superman III!
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6 Su Fabie on Mar 20, 2008 at 12:08 am
I like how a lot of the promotional materials and mockups appear to appeal to the hardcore gamer. Some look like straight out of the Halo universe.
If I had an exoskeleton it would most likely help me do my household chores; like dusting a 20 ft tall cathedral ceiling or reaching the Captain Crunch from the top shelf or wrangling the pesky kids down from the roof top.
Of course we could also just let this little guy carry our crap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1czBcnX1Ww&eurl
And while I wait maybe this one can get me a drink.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kIs9H0WFus&eurl
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Reply from Su Fabie on March 20, 2008:
I also just occurred to me that the promotional material is actually a well thought out future campaign targeted at internet users doing nothing more than pushing around a 50 gram mouse all day. Decades of FPS playing have left them so atrophied that they will require exoskeleton assistance to take groceries (i.e. sacks of Hot cheetos and Mountain Dew) home.
It will be a bleak and betty-spaghetti armed future. *sob*
7 Dave-o on Mar 20, 2008 at 12:52 am
i would like an exoskeleton with an extra set of appendages (to be able to go the equivalent of 200 mph), curb feelers (to be able to go that fast without running into things), and the ability to survive a nuclear holocaust
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8 Zach Daniel on Mar 20, 2008 at 2:47 am
Uh oh … Haven’t these guys seen The Sarah Connor Chronicles? In our haste to protect ourselves from invaders, we’re actually CREATING our own enemy. As soon as the soldier steps outside of the exoskeleton you know it’ll become self aware, and wage war against mankind.
I think we’ll have to ally with the super-bugs to battle against the termina- …uhm … I mean, machines.
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Reply from Tim D on March 20, 2008:
I’ll be (buzz, click, whirrrrrrr ding ding ding) back.
9 Melman on Mar 20, 2008 at 5:26 am
I wa my exoskeleton to give me the power to DAAANCE!
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10 Beautiful Houndstooth on Mar 20, 2008 at 5:45 am
My exoskeleton will be a size 4 and it will handle all my workout needs whilst I enjoy a delicious cream pie a la mode.
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11 Chris T. on Mar 20, 2008 at 5:48 am
I want my exoskeleton to teach me how to love.
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12 karen on Mar 20, 2008 at 6:04 am
MAKE ME FLY AND A PIE!!!!!
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13 MikeP on Mar 20, 2008 at 6:16 am
I’d want an exoskeleton made entirely out of gold. 18 karat would be fine — don’t want to be greedy, after all.
Not only would it confer most if not all of the advantages of an exoskeleton made of loser metals, I could sell off parts of it in a pinch. It’d be recession-proof.
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14 Rob T Firefly on Mar 20, 2008 at 6:18 am
I accidentally misread the package and bought an exo-Skellington. Now I sound like Danny Elfman, Tim Burton is threatening to sue, and the kids in Hot Topic won’t leave me the hell alone.
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15 Indianadelae on Mar 20, 2008 at 6:55 am
I’m going to second your suggestion Bill, and choose an exoskeleton with abilities similar to those of our new Insect Masters. That way, I can earn their trust and be selected to be the Insect Overload-Human ambassador for the new regime. When I’ve risen high enough in their ranks, I’ll stage a coup, freeing mankind from the bugs and allowing me to rule with my own exoskeleton-fist.
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16 Onil on Mar 20, 2008 at 7:37 am
My exoskeleton needs wi-fi, play 8 tracks, and it needs to do all my parallel parking for me.
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17 gammer on Mar 20, 2008 at 7:47 am
I want my exoskeleton to help sync my RiffTrax for me.
ZING!
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18 Deldobuss on Mar 20, 2008 at 8:08 am
What happens when our kids start asking for exoskeletons and then become more adept at them? What happens then? Huh?? I already am having trouble keeping up with my 7 year old on technology, forget the insects. I’m worried about my exoskeletal kids!!!
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19 Conor Lastowka on Mar 20, 2008 at 8:45 am
I believe Mr. Burns utilized one of these very devices to help track down his beloved teddy bear Bobo:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31lc078XhRL._AA280_.jpg
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20 edgewriter on Mar 20, 2008 at 9:18 am
here is a dude that hade an exoskeleton for grizzly bear attacks and now has made one for military use
Here is test footage from his grizzly suit. Dude actually had his buddy hit him with his truck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3CzYw5-qdA&feature=related
His newest creation for military use.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPS2l5fQ55A
here is his own promotional video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApdlThgxN6U&feature=related
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21 R.A. Roth on Mar 20, 2008 at 11:00 am
I want my exoskeleton to make me a sandwich. Oh, and bring about world peace.
Randy
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22 Darth Chimay on Mar 20, 2008 at 11:00 am
Is “get me laid” a choice?
If not, then I’d have to use mine to walk around and glare at passers-by, saying, “Get away from her, you BITCH!”
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23 Riff-Martian on Mar 20, 2008 at 11:09 am
I’m waiting for these to hit the open market before I start selling the exoskeleton fuzzy dice I’ve invested in.
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24 Jeffy on Mar 20, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I want my exoskeleton to make me more attractive to womens. I need all the help I can get.
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25 MarkAndrew on Mar 21, 2008 at 10:45 am
to quote the exceedingly-straight movie Top Gun: “This gives me a hard on”.
I wish Robert Heinlein were alive to see this.
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