Perhaps you’ve wondered where I’ve been for the past week, friends. More likely, you didn’t notice, or care.
Your indifference, I can live with. Your scorn, ditto.
WHAT I CANNOT LIVE WITH IS TYRANNY.
(…Let me back up.)
I’ve just emerged from a week-long Dark Night of the Soul. Running through the chilly woods with naught but mud smeared on myself, baying at the moon, lashing myself with branches… I’ve come to a terrible but wonderful yet awful decision.
I REJECT BACON.
I reject bacon and all that it stands for.
I reject bacon in all its forms, all its subtleties, all its variations and permutations and brand names, and all its crispy deliciousness. This deliciousness is vast, and yet now it enslaves us. (Don’t you see? Don’t you GET IT?)
I remove Bacon.com from our blogroll starting now, with no concern for any consequences, though consequences there may be.
…You want an explanation?
It must be brief, since I’m on the run. In short:
I learned some things about bacon, man. What its purpose is, what it hopes to gain from our devotion, and what it thinks of us.
Bacon is not our friend, friends!! (You should have heard what it called me. My God, you should have heard what it called YOU!!)
Hey Bacon!!!! Yeah, over here, you bastard!!!
I will no longer serve you.
I will no longer eat you.
In fact: Eat me, bacon.
From now on I recognize only CHORIZO.
I will post more when possible, but it may be difficult, as I’m traveling underground. More soon. Stay strong! Stay alive! I will find you! Reject bacon!
(…And do try some chorizo, it’s quite good. Especially the Portuguese kind, which might be labeled as “Chouriço.” Hell, it’s no bacon*, but it’s not half-bad.)
(* Which is evil, I realize. I’m not wavering!)