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Ophidiophobics, do NOT read this.

March 29th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 30 Comments

    python 1

    PYTHON explains: “I was just looking for a TV Guide.”

This Annapolis, MD. website confirms what you’ve always known was true, deep down in your hearts: that giant snakes might emerge from your television any minute, without warning!!

    Python emerges from TV stand

    GLEN BURNIE – A woman was watching television in her Glen Burnie apartment Sunday when a large snake slithered out from behind her media stand, county police said.

    The woman told county Animal Control officers she was in her living room in the 8000 block of Green Orchard Road when the 3-foot snake came out.

    Officers found the snake in the living room.

    The woman said she’s lived in the apartment for two months and does not own the snake. Officers said they believe the snake must have been left behind by a previous tenant.

    The snake will remain at Animal Control in Millersville for five days to give its owner a chance to pick it up. If no one claims it, the snake will be sent to a rescue organization, officials said.

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Yikes. That even sounds creepier than when the komodo dragon popped out of our china cabinet last May.

Really, these are the only pythons I want coming out of my TV:

    python1

Tags: RiffTrax

30 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Take5 on Mar 30, 2008 at 12:07 am

    I’d love that. They could handle the mice that come out from behind the fridge.

    And seeing as it’s 3 AM… happy birthday, Bill.

  • 2 Onil on Mar 30, 2008 at 6:03 am

    *faints*

  • 3 MikeP on Mar 30, 2008 at 6:11 am

    Samuel L. Jackson never has this problem with his TV.

  • 4 Rob T Firefly on Mar 30, 2008 at 7:11 am

    My dear old grandma was right, TV *is* a doorway straight through to hell!

  • 5 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Mar 30, 2008 at 7:21 am

    I’ve had no end of Pythonesque invasions via my computer screen—Spam Spam Spam Spam Eggs Bacon and Spam Spam Spam Spam…

  • 6 Virginia Corbett on Mar 30, 2008 at 7:26 am

    Yes, happy birthday, Bill. I’m making a bacon shaped cake made of bacon for you. I threw out the chorizo one I made.

    I’m glad you’re back.

    Oh, and in case y’allmissed it on the Avenue Q thread:

    “…and thanks for all of your support out there while Bill was….. away.

    I was busy trying to distract the children from the ranting, and eventual disappearance of their father. We actually didn’t know he was gone for a while – just thought he was downstairs Riffing for unusually long, quiet periods of time. After the screaming, the silence was a relief, to tell you the truth. Until I saw that picture from Kevin’s yard. Yikes.

    But he’s back and Things Are Better Now. :)

  • 7 Barry on Mar 30, 2008 at 7:40 am

    Stop that! It’s silly.

    I’d take the non-poisonous python over the highly dangerous komodo dragon – both venomous and rife with bacteria – any day.

  • 8 Jacob_Taylor on Mar 30, 2008 at 7:42 am

    I don’t have a python, but I have a black and white rat that comes out from around my water heater

    and Happy Birthday Mr. Corbett

  • 9 Courtney on Mar 30, 2008 at 8:27 am

    Grendel’s mother keeps arising out from my bathtub. It’s weird and I keep telling her to stop but she never does. I don’t even know what to spray for that.

    Happy birthday Bill!!

  • 10 RemmieBarrow on Mar 30, 2008 at 8:43 am

    Snakes….Why did it have to be Snakes?

  • 11 Indianadelae on Mar 30, 2008 at 8:52 am

    I’d rather have a snake come out of my tv than, say, a creepy dead girl who’s been in a well for decades and now feels it’s her duty to wage a war of vengeance on mankind and will kill me and all those that I love unless I force her spirit on another individual who will be doomed to the same fate (that, and the movie just kind of sucked.)

    And a very Happy Birthday, Bill, unless you’re one of those vain people who doesn’t celebrate their birthdays, in which case, Happy Birthday anyway.

  • 12 JackTheRIFFER on Mar 30, 2008 at 8:57 am

    Happy Birthday Bill!

  • 13 Yanni on Mar 30, 2008 at 9:02 am

    I’d pay good money to have the Pythons climb out of my television!

    And have a happy birthday Bill! May your bacon always be crispy.

  • 14 Bill Corbett on Mar 30, 2008 at 9:53 am

    Thank you all for the b-day wishes. As I enter my octogenarian years, it’s a comfort.

    Can’t wait for the birthday pudding tonight!

  • 15 R.A. Roth on Mar 30, 2008 at 10:50 am

    And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks and two snakes behind his telly.

    Randy

    PS Happy Birthday, Mr. Corbett. Have a second slice of snake pudding just for me.

  • 16 mathey on Mar 30, 2008 at 11:18 am

    “Watch out for snakes!”

    And many contrafibulations on your birthday, Bill.

  • 17 Conor Lastowka on Mar 30, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    To paraphrase Ice Cube, “There’s snakes in that TV stand this big?!?!”

  • 18 Lord-z on Mar 30, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    “Whats on the television, then?”
    “Looks like a cobra”.

  • 19 Olcas on Mar 30, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    I’d quote Jackson, but I just don’t have it in me…

    Happy B-Day Bill!

  • 20 wakachiwaka on Mar 30, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    Except maybe for Chapman – I think by now he smells a bit.

  • 21 Kenny8 on Mar 30, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    I want to know what she was watching to make the snake leave the TV.

  • 22 Lord-z on Mar 30, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    Anything with Samuel L. Jackson.

  • 23 Action Batch on Mar 31, 2008 at 4:47 am

    Due to your Affair D’ Coeur with Bill I figured it’d be more of a production. Perhaps a “Happy Birthday Mr. President” Marilyn style? Hummm?

  • 24 Action Batch on Mar 31, 2008 at 4:48 am

    Birthday Pudding? Wheeeee!

  • 25 Rob T Firefly on Mar 31, 2008 at 7:27 am

    He was cremated, so he couldn’t be “smelled” so much as “inhaled.”

  • 26 Adam on Mar 31, 2008 at 9:32 am

    If it lays an egg it’ll roll down the back of the television set!

  • 27 JackTheRIFFER on Mar 31, 2008 at 11:14 am

    I was just trying to be subtle… I gave him his “Birthday Present” in private.

  • 28 JackTheRIFFER on Mar 31, 2008 at 11:15 am

    (Insert Jack is gay for Bill joke here)

  • 29 Wes on Mar 31, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    They’re not actually venomous, but the bacteria’ll kill ya plenty fine.

  • 30 威哥王 on Jun 13, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    If it lays an egg it’ll roll down the back of the television set!