Questions I would ask the Pharaohs
- Thoth? Come on, really?
- What specifically endows a mummy with the ability to curse someone? Is it a specific way you wrap the toilet paper or…
- Did you guys have a “Jinx” type scenario where if you cursed a mummy at the same time it was cursing you, one of you couldn’t curse someone for a long time?
- Was that King Tut guy really as big a dick as I guess he would be?
- Have they ever thought someone was dead who was actually just really fast asleep, and they started mummifying him, and they got all the way to the point where they pull his brain out through his nose, and he woke up right then and just started screaming?
- Wow, did your brother say that hurt?
- What is worse, ten small plagues or one giant plague?
- Papyrus - where can I get some?
- If your first born son was named “snake snake staff pyramid eye snake bird”, and he wanted to change it to “snake bird moon egyptian guy snake”, would you ground him?
- You sure that nose is attached well? You don’t wanna double check it? Hey, it’s your eternal monument to your own greatness…
- If you were starting a chain of stores named “The Fertile Crescent”, would you make it some sort of erotic bakery, or would you consider that too obvious?
- I bet the eleventh plague would have been an endless Oud solo, am I right?
- Is living on the Nile River as cool as it sounds, or is it just the same as any other river?
- Did it ever bug you the way Aaron would just stand there looking all smug while Moses was arguing with you?
- How many times a day did Cleopatra exasperatedly threaten to let an asp bite her when she wasn’t getting her way?
- Is this honey still good? I didn’t see an expiration date on it. What do you mean “Where did I get that?”
Other posts by Conor Lastowka
Tags: RiffTrax · silly
6 responses so far ↓
1 Mario "Asteroid" Panighetti on Apr 21, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Hey, I like oud solos!
Best name for an oud-based song: “Oudalolly”
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2 Patti on Apr 21, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I would definitely ask:
(1) If you’re at a museum in Britain and there’s a lost child, do you always respond to their cries of “Mummy???” with “What is it, for crying out loud?!?!”
(2) So the pyramids… aliens, right? It’s okay I won’t tell anyone…
(3) How exactly does an ‘immortal’ king explain ED to his wife and his sister (same person)?
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3 RemmieBarrow on Apr 21, 2008 at 4:01 pm
If Oud solos were the eleventh plague, just what would the 12th plague be. I am guessing it would be a plague of cats, you know, endless hairballs and overflowing kitty litter boxes.
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4 MikeP on Apr 21, 2008 at 4:39 pm
“So, eternal life, huh? How’s that working out for you?
“Why did Sam the Sham get first billing? Was he sleeping with the manager or something?”
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5 karen on Apr 21, 2008 at 6:59 pm
did you really make up the song “walk like an egyptian?!!!”
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6 R.A. Roth on Apr 22, 2008 at 10:45 am
• Is it true that the size of your pyramid doesn’t matter it’s how you decorate it with the bodies of slain servants and tiny boats?
Randy
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