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It’s time to admit it.

April 24th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 67 Comments

I have a thing for odd animals, especially of the oversized variety.

My latest love? The Coconut Crab.

    coconut crab

It’s the biggest land-dwelling arthropod in the world. So if he wants to eat your garbage, mister, you let him.

And why the name? Because they’re actually strong enough to break coconuts with their claws.

    coconut plus crab

Aren’t they adorable?

….And the first one to make jokes about huge pots of boiling water and drawn butter answers to this guy:

    Coconut Crab

Tags: RiffTrax

67 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Ninjew on Apr 24, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    You’re not fooling me.

    That’s a monster from the new season of Doctor Who!

  • 2 Teaser on Apr 24, 2008 at 6:51 pm

    Head Crabs from Half-Life

  • 3 Onil on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    Spiders from Mars?

  • 4 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    We had an outbreak of crabs when I was in high school back in ‘78. A waggish friend dubbed them Pubic Enemy No. 1.

  • 5 miss chii on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    ill be the first to say it….”holy…CRAB!”

    mmm…butter and crab meat. ill take all 3…though i dont know if they are fit for human consumption.

    its why they have king, snow, and blue crab.

    where is the decorative plumage? take one, smash the crab…instant din din!

  • 6 The Professor on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:13 pm

    I had to google Coconut Crab because I thought you were making it up. Wow. But seriously, are they edible? I’ll make some clarified butter and we’ll feast for weeks.

  • 7 Botchinator on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    I wanna arm wrestle the bastards.

  • 8 Natureboy (Ken) on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    Meh, there were bigger ones than that found on Paris Hilton’s toilet seat.

  • 9 wakachiwaka on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    I prefer my butter a bit vague, myself.

  • 10 MikeP on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Isn’t that one of the little face-hugger dudes from Cloverfield, bro?

  • 11 SarahCanuck on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    Well. I’m horrified.
    And I like crabs! I made pets of them at the beach! They’re great! They’re adorable! But I will not accept anything with more than 4 legs being bigger than a plate.

  • 12 Bill Corbett on Apr 24, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Oh dear. Oh my.

    Oh…dear.

  • 13 MonkeyCheezPants on Apr 24, 2008 at 8:08 pm

    Okay, this makes my list of terrifying animals. Of course, it’s no where near the top of the list; the number one spot is and always shall be:

    THE DREADED CANDIRU!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru

    (Bonus points: the WP entry mentions RiffTrax. It’s a beautiful circle.)

  • 14 MonkeyCheezPants on Apr 24, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    According to Wikipedia, yes. But can be toxic, depending on what they eat.

    And they are considered an aphrodisiac.

  • 15 MonkeyCheezPants on Apr 24, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    This makes my list of terrifying animals. Of course, it’s no where near the top of the list; the number one spot is and always shall be:

    THE DREADED CANDIRU!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru

    (Bonus points: the WP entry mentions RiffTrax. It’s a beautiful circle.)

  • 16 ShutterBun on Apr 24, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    Sweet merciful crap! If I were one of the locals who encountered these, I’m pretty sure I would have come up with a slightly less endearing name than “coconut crab” for these guys. Something more Maurice Sendak-ian like “Poop-inducing Gargantu-crab”

    Good thing Bert I. Gordon never found out about these things.

  • 17 ShutterBun on Apr 24, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    Hmmm…out of curiosity I did a quick search for any other coconut-related crustaceans, but it turns out that the variety of shrimp named for them are not nearly as frightening.

  • 18 ShutterBun on Apr 24, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    Crebain from Dunland?

  • 19 Katie M. on Apr 24, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    Oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

    On the other hand, I bet he’s delicious. Especially WITH coconut.

  • 20 C-Nug on Apr 24, 2008 at 9:55 pm

    Looks like this guy won the “oh dear” competition. First prize is the 8 point buck that Nick Cannon shit out.

  • 21 Roper on Apr 24, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    Let’s hope Johnny Knoxville never hears of this creature.

  • 22 Tork_110 on Apr 25, 2008 at 3:06 am

    As an arachnophobe, I’d like to see less giant animals with 8 appendages.

    It looks like it should be in a Resident Evil game.

  • 23 Jacob_Taylor on Apr 25, 2008 at 3:27 am

    Dude, that’s what I was thinking!

    maybe a relative though

  • 24 Yanni on Apr 25, 2008 at 4:31 am

    Technically, it’s a crustacean, not an arachnide, and it has 10 legs, not 8. So you have no reason to fear it.

  • 25 Tim D on Apr 25, 2008 at 5:33 am

    “….And the first one to make jokes about huge pots of boiling water and drawn butter answers to this guy:”

    Ha! I bought out the local Shop – Rite’s butter stock and have started the fire under my neighbor’s above ground pool! We shall have a feast of…

    GAAAAA!!!! MY COCONUT!!! MY HEAD!!! HE”S SPLITTING IT OPEN!!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!!PARIS, WHAT DID YOU USE TO GET RID OF THESE THINGS? BRAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

  • 26 Bill Corbett on Apr 25, 2008 at 5:44 am

    Quick! Sing Paris’ hit single, “Stars are Blind!” They flee like they’re on fire.

  • 27 Mellified Man on Apr 25, 2008 at 5:46 am

    You think that’s scary? I’ll give you nightmares (if I can post thie link right…damn you, lack of preview!):

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg

  • 28 wurwolf on Apr 25, 2008 at 6:10 am

    Awww! Cute! I can’t wait until they come out with a Beanie Baby for this thing.

  • 29 Tork_110 on Apr 25, 2008 at 6:57 am

    It has an extra two legs!? I don’t know how to feel about that.

  • 30 andrew on Apr 25, 2008 at 7:31 am

    I can’t wait for the inevitable SciFi original movie about these things.

    From the director of Landshark, Chupacabra 2, Bad Kitty, and Banana Slug: The Vengeance, comes the ultimate in trashcan-climbing terror…

  • 31 Kris on Apr 25, 2008 at 8:00 am

    The first one is just Oscar the Grouch before he puts on his makeup. Big deal.

  • 32 SaucyRossy on Apr 25, 2008 at 8:51 am

    Flip the crab over. So you hit its center spot for massive…damage!!!!!!!

  • 33 Yanni on Apr 25, 2008 at 9:19 am

    Yeah, they’re really thin, just anterior to the abdomen. You can’t see them in those pics because they’re usually kept in a body cavity

  • 34 MonkeyCheezPants on Apr 25, 2008 at 9:24 am

    That would be historically accurate.

    RIDGE RACERRRRR!

  • 35 Yanni on Apr 25, 2008 at 9:26 am

    I think that my level 61 Voltorb ought to take care of that thing!

  • 36 Lemslaw on Apr 25, 2008 at 10:47 am

    It can crack coconuts, but it will never win a game of ro-sham-bo.

  • 37 Adam on Apr 25, 2008 at 10:55 am

    I was looking up information on hermit crabs for work (which makes my job sound stranger than it is) and stumbled upon that first image with the giant crab on the garbage can.

    It remains exactly as terrifying now as it was a few months ago when I first saw it.

  • 38 SarahCanuck on Apr 25, 2008 at 10:57 am

    This is totally one of those animals that God made just for the heck of it, and to see us do double-takes.

  • 39 Neb on Apr 25, 2008 at 11:26 am

    Ding!

  • 40 edgewriter on Apr 25, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Aren’t those the things that ate the gunslinger’s fingers?

    At any rate, I would totally eat those suckers. Free crab!

    Maybe we could get Discovery to do a Deadliest Catch on land.

  • 41 RemmieBarrow on Apr 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    I am just wondering what that first crab that was hanging off that trash can was trying to do. Was he/she trying to get the can open to get at some scraps of food on the inside of the can, or was he/she just bored and had nothing better to do than to just hang around.

  • 42 MikeP on Apr 25, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    It was trying to get inside so that it could lie in wait for an unsuspecting victim. Duh.

  • 43 Rowsdower on Apr 25, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    “Didda-Chum” “Didda-Chee”
    Indeed they are quite the lobstrosity

  • 44 Take5 on Apr 25, 2008 at 11:37 pm

    God, it looks like a video game boss…

    And speaking of which:

    Snake! SNAKE! SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!

  • 45 QuackersnCheese on Apr 26, 2008 at 8:32 am

    You do know they have medicine for that?

  • 46 QuackersnCheese on Apr 26, 2008 at 8:36 am

    An aphrodisiac?

    some guy: Hay baby! Lookee what I got!
    some gal: Oh my! I’ve heard of them thar crabs you better go to tha docter quick!

  • 47 QuackersnCheese on Apr 26, 2008 at 8:37 am

    lol whats second prize, Paris’s toilet seat?

  • 48 QuackersnCheese on Apr 26, 2008 at 8:49 am

    Ok so I skimmed through this but from what I gather Bill you caught crabs from Paris’s toilet seat, correct?

    All I can say is you better get a big arse can of raid my friend, oh and some garlic, holy water, a priest an exorcist, and the pope. Not that cheap pope on a rope either he’s a scam artist. Get ready to hunker down next to old man Crenshaw and pray bigfoot’s mommy doesn’t decide to help the evil crap … err crab people from neptune break in your house. If they do however, what ya wanna do is call up Godzilla, Rodan, and Gamera. By now you should have them on speed dial if not you better hurry man there isn’t much time left. Now take all that crap I mentioned above and forget about it. Throw old man Crenshaw at it, leap over Mr. Peirce and the girls head for the back door. If the back door is stuck just use Tim as a battering ram it won’t hurt him much he’s indestructable. Now that your outside just run as fast as your legs will carry you too the edge of the cliff. I know they are comming for you but after eating old man Crenshaw they have slowed down from all the acid he was on. You have to time it just right otherwise Mike won’t be able to swoop down to your rescue. He’ll just miss and end up crab food along with you. So timing is everything …… and jump ….. good you made it now have Mike to fly you to somewhere other than that giant …. oh no GODZILLA!!!!!!

  • 49 QuackersnCheese on Apr 26, 2008 at 8:52 am

    No no no it heard Oscar the Grouch lives in trash cans and wanted to get his autograph.

  • 50 QuackersnCheese on Apr 26, 2008 at 8:53 am

    I love that song….

    Snake, snake, snake….. snake on your booty … biting your booty….. run for your life, run don’t strife …. snake on your booty …. snake on your booty, yea yea yea!!!

  • 51 Beautiful Houndstooth on Apr 26, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    erm… Joey Pants?

  • 52 Coconut Crabs - Giant Land Crustaceans « The Mantis Shrimp on Dec 21, 2008 at 1:04 am

    [...] – It’s time to admit (Image: source [...]

  • 53 crabby on Jan 15, 2009 at 6:29 am

    They are, they taste even better than Atlantic King crabs. Their flesh has a subtle aftertaste of coconut oil, as such, it is better to use unsalted butter, so the “crabby” flavor does not get overwhelmed.

  • 54 crabby on Jan 15, 2009 at 6:34 am

    Nope, heard its a coupla Crabby Patties from Paris’ crabs LOL

  • 55 Phil E. Drifter on Jun 23, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Forsooth! Yonder portrait appearseth to have been modified, photoshoppically!

  • 56 robb on Jun 24, 2009 at 8:22 am

    holy craB !!!
    imagine they’re the one who is in Christmas Island.

  • 57 anonymoose on Jun 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    OL Head Crabs from HL was my first thought!

  • 58 Annie Cook on Jun 24, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    Will they ever get eaten?

  • 59 Nicole on Jun 25, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    Jesus Christ, kill it with fire!

  • 60 anonymous on Jun 25, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    SHOPPED! THE GRASS IS ALL WRONG, TRUST ME IVE SEEN SOME PHOTOSHOPS IN MY DAY

  • 61 anon on Jun 26, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    Aw, who tore the mushrooms off those poor Paras? That’s mean!

  • 62 come on on Jun 26, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    You know the first is fake, right? See the hamburger at the bottom?

  • 63 come on on Jun 26, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    The first is a fake. See the hamburger at the bottom?

  • 64 Rixoli on Jun 26, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    Actually they were all OVER the place on Guam in the Mariana islands, the natives (Chamaros) used to put their houses on these large hourglass shaped stones called “Ladi” stones (spelling may be wrong) which said crabs had difficulty or couldn’t climb up at all.

  • 65 moi on Jun 27, 2009 at 9:34 am

    i have this super huge urge to eat one now…seriously, i just stared at it and said “i want to eat you, right now…now!”…no thinking about it just “BAM! I must find a giant pot and 10 gallons of water”

  • 66 :) on Jul 7, 2010 at 2:27 am

    crab

  • 67 Lund on Oct 15, 2010 at 11:05 am

    I grew up in Guam and yes, these things are all over the place. We do eat them, its like cooking regular crabs, but you’ll need a bigger pot ;P