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Are you Legend?

April 29th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 30 Comments

I am. In the neighborhood where I grew up, my skills on a pogo stick were indeed the stuff of Legend. People gathered around to watch as I did hundreds of bounces in a row. My god, did the masses adore me!

Likewise, I am Legend for the amount of um, sickness, that I produced after a night of too much Rolling Rock and White Castle sliders. (This is a dark, dark Legend indeed, which undid the previous Legend quite efficiently.)

Will Smith? Oh, he’s Legend all right. Officially.

    10125585 gal

    Will Smith looks out the window, anxiously wondering if he is still Legend.

Are you Legend? If so, tell us why.

If not… well, go become Legend! Good grief, what are you waiting for?!?

UPDATE: (Sigh.) Yes, if You Are Beowulf, then you are automatically Legend, I suppose. But I really don’t want a lot of unseemly bragging about it on this thread. (… “then I cut myself right out of that big fugly sea monster-thing’s eye, man, popped up yelled…”)

So yes, if You’re Beowulf, you’re grandfathered in to being Legend. Those are the rules. But I don’t have to like them.

Tags: RiffTrax

30 responses so far ↓

  • 1 gammer on Apr 29, 2008 at 9:36 am

    “In the neighborhood where I grew up, my skills on a pogo stick were indeed the stuff of Legend.

    Bill please…
    I really hope this is not a homo-erotic sentence, because there is probably a few who will take it that way!
    ;) Just Joking

  • 2 Courtney on Apr 29, 2008 at 9:49 am

    I am not Legend. That movie scared me too much. Tim Curry in his devil makeup was just too hard to handle. I thought I was Willow for a week back in the late 80s, but it turns out I was just short.

  • 3 Casey on Apr 29, 2008 at 9:53 am

    I AM LEGEND at local IHOPs because shortly after a surgery I attempted to have a normal dining experience but instead had a vaso episode and awoke with most of my clothes stripped in a pool of sweat…. I don’t know what took place… but since that time I have been LEGEND.

  • 4 R.A. Roth on Apr 29, 2008 at 10:01 am

    I am Legend because without me nobody could read a map. I provide the scale and a short description of the symbols. Never forget it.


  • 5 Brian on Apr 29, 2008 at 10:17 am

    Well I’m Legend for being the one to fold the map back to it’s origional form.

  • 6 JoshWay on Apr 29, 2008 at 10:38 am

    I was Legion for a while, but that cleared up. Never been Legend.

  • 7 Kip on Apr 29, 2008 at 11:09 am

    For drinking out of the side of the bottle or can. Something that began as pure affectation–anyone’s guess is better than mine as to why I thought that might impress–but now, like Robert Hays in Airplane, I have a drinking problem (two! if you count my drinking problem.).

  • 8 MikeP on Apr 29, 2008 at 11:22 am

    I am Mike Legend, from Econ 101? You remember me, right?

  • 9 Walter on Apr 29, 2008 at 11:27 am


  • 10 MikeP on Apr 29, 2008 at 11:29 am

    Maybe I’m missing something, but how do you drink out of the side of a bottle?

  • 11 Ukujiku on Apr 29, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Ok, ok. I may not be legend, but I am Spartacus.

  • 12 SarahCanuck on Apr 29, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    I am Legend for being the crazy gal with the pet chicken.
    I am Legend for sleeping 11 hours a night, every night. (I’d rather be unlegendary, truthfully)
    I am Legend for starting to drink coffee when I was 10 years old!!
    I am Legend for for managing to hit my head on a doorknob.
    So there.

  • 13 Daniel on Apr 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    I AM LEGEND because I made a puppet movie when I was 8 years old. Well, my dad and brother helped me, and it wasn’t so good…. but I made it, and it’s pretty legendary in my own family.

  • 14 Jim Dandy on Apr 29, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    I am Legend. You got the pogo stick. I got that plastic lemon thing that you spin around your ankle hopping over the lemon as it twirls by.

    Look out I’m serving lemonade on your ass!


  • 15 Meredith on Apr 29, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    I am not Legend, but I was Saga for a while, after a misunderstanding over some pillaging.

  • 16 Kris on Apr 29, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    I used to be Legend, but then decided my parents had bottomlessly stupid ideas about how to name a child properly. I have since changed my name to 4Real, and speak only with my mother and father through a team of lawyers.

  • 17 Scooter on Apr 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    I don’t mean to brag, but I am from Boggy Creek

  • 18 RemmieBarrow on Apr 29, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    Being a legend is not always a good thing. Remember “The Legend of Bagger Vance” or “the Legend of the Lone Ranger”? I bet they do not want to be remembered as a legend.

  • 19 Barry on Apr 29, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    I’ll readily admit that I’m not Beowulf. But how much Legend do I qualify for if it turns out that I’m Spartacus?

  • 20 Barry on Apr 29, 2008 at 2:30 pm

    We was TOO LATE! Somebody else’s earlier Spartacus joke hit the ceiling.

  • 21 Indianadelae on Apr 29, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    I am not Legend, but I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.

  • 22 Bill Corbett on Apr 29, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Not bad, not bad. Nice gig.

    (Though not Legend, FYI.)

  • 23 Neb on Apr 29, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    I yam what I yam.

  • 24 Ben on Apr 30, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    It is not “Legend”. I was Charles Le Gendre (1830-1899) in another life. So…I am Le Gendre.

    The Possessing Soul of Shirley MacLaine

  • 25 mss chii on Apr 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    i am not legend but i intend to be a rifftrax master legend!

  • 26 mss chii on Apr 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    er rather mistress

  • 27 Libby on May 1, 2008 at 7:00 am

    That title does not sit well with me. Shouldn’t he be legendARY? Or A legend? Granted, I didn’t see the film, but I heard there were zombies and a dog dies, and that gives me enough justification to be able to complain about the somewhat wonky English in the title.

    I am, however, a legend in that I lived through repeated viewings of Sidehackers.

  • 28 Rowsdower on May 2, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    I am ‘The Legend’ and as such, prepared to fight anyone who says otherwise to the death….

  • 29 Scooter on May 3, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    sometimes I’m not feeling quite up to “Legend”
    on those days, I am more of “Omega”

  • 30 Connie on May 3, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    I am MAJOR Legand back in the glorious days of Pac Man. I could play well over an hour on one quarter. Even then I wouldn’t lose, I just had to leave. The masses would gather behind me to witness icons/level indicators on the bottom of the screen that they had never seen before. I’d probably choke now but my pacman fan base was fun while it lasted.