I demanded an apology.
Ms. Mary Jo Pehl sort of supplied one. I assume it’s to me, since it’s linked here… but apparently I am still He Who Must Not Be Named, like Voldemort (d’oh! named him!! sorry!!!).
The key passages:
“I’m sorry that your life is so little and you have nothing better to do with your time than arrange your Hello Kitty plush characters and demand random apologies.”
This is a common misconception about we collectors of Hello Kitty plush characters. In fact, our hobby makes our lives meaningful and expansive. Myself, and my Hello Kitty plush characters, are living a HUGE life together, Ms. Jo Pehl. (They agree with me about that, FYI.)
“And yes, I am sorry that I didn’t use my turn signal on the exit ramp that fine June day in 1997 when you were following me to Sabarro’s for lunch because you didn’t know where it was.”
Well, that’s a start. That action of yours 11 years ago was an attack on my very person, since my very person is fond of lunch.
“There. Is your life healed now?”
NO! Because you haven’t addressed perhaps the biggest of your many, many offenses, Ms. Jo P. Which is as follows:
Remember that party we both attended, at that guy’s, some period of time ago in the recent or distant past? Yes, THAT party. I remember very well, as you graciously helped our host clean up from the mess I’d made by crashing into the hors’ dourves table, after a tad too much absinthe, when you looked in my direction and said I was a “bad riffer.”
Yes, OK, maybe — maybe! — you were just looking past me, towards the closet, and asking the host if he “had a Swiffer.” But my Hello Kitty plush toys think you were dissing my riffing prowess — and since, unlike you, they’re in their original packaging, I’m inclined to believe them.
So, Ms. Mary J. P.: an apology will no longer do. I demand a riff-off.
You’ve gotten awfully highfallutin’ lately, private-jetting around the world with the Original Originators who Originally Originated the Origin of All Things; eating your fancy “submarine sandwiches” (la de DAH!!), “kettle” chips, and gourmet cranberry juice; riffing for royalty, barons of industry, and headliners at Branson.
But you must answer my challenge, madam. Honor demands it. Will you agree to a Riff-Off?
WE look forward to your answer.
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!
Mary Jo Pehl has accepted my offer. Stay tuned. Stay VERY tuned.