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Louisville Has Happy Balls

June 11th, 2008 by Kevin Murphy · 39 Comments

I found these at the airport:

Happy Balls

Actually they’re delicious. Best balls I’ve ever tasted. They make a great gift.

Tags: Kevin · RiffTrax · Riffer Blogs

39 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Ben on Jun 11, 2008 at 4:42 am

    Have you been to Grand Cayman? The airport there sells “Big Black Dick Rum Balls”. They are very tasty and I highly recommend them.

    Aunt Happy looks to be related to Elvis or the Cash family.

  • 2 Marty on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:06 am

    Aunt Happy doesn’t look too happy in that photo. Not getting enough happy balls perhaps? Maybe she needs chocolate salty balls instead….

  • 3 Botchinator on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:09 am

    Wow, chocolate salty balls.

  • 4 Doug on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:22 am

    Wow…so many jokes. So many possibilities. I don’t even know where to begin.

    Kevin- is this what it’s like when you watch a Michael Bay film?

  • 5 Kevin Murphy on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:29 am

    Indeed. It’s like Christmas morning. Wade in slowly, my friend.

  • 6 Tim D on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:34 am

    If there aren’t at least 30 responses to this blog entry I will certainly be surprised.

    OK, I must tackle at least one of the THOUSANDS of obvious jokes here.

    If Aunt’s Happy, then is Uncle Satisfied?

  • 7 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:35 am

    That reminds me of when the ice cream truck would come through our neighborhood and the toothless driver, Mr. McBadtouch, would ask if we wanted popsicles, fudgicles or testicles.

  • 8 Tim D on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:35 am

    Not the best, I know, but it is early…

  • 9 Jen on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:39 am

    I notice that link reads “,” so apparently was already taken.

    I’d do further research into this matter, but I’m at work and I’m afraid it would be inappropriate.

  • 10 Tim D on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:42 am

    Oh, all right it sucked. It sucked Happy you-know-whats.

  • 11 Onil on Jun 11, 2008 at 6:07 am

    9 Pack?!

  • 12 Adam on Jun 11, 2008 at 6:31 am

    “Guaranteed genuine”? Are there a lot of Happy Balls knockoffs floating around Louisville?

    “Hoppy balls”?
    “Hopeful balls”?
    “Hairy…” ok, I’m done.

  • 13 Doug on Jun 11, 2008 at 6:43 am

    This reminds me of a joke I heard about an Italian’s father and Joe DiMagio….

    Walk-a proud Joe…walk-a proud.

  • 14 Casey on Jun 11, 2008 at 6:52 am

    Aunt Happy must be a sadistic psycho.

  • 15 ms chii on Jun 11, 2008 at 7:18 am

    balls, balls! bouncy bouncy! well, gee im glad that women dont have other nicknames for their various parts!!!

    whenenver I go to the gym and see the excercise balls, I always end up thinking “todd” thoughts(ala scrubs) although not quite as bad as him. LOL!

  • 16 evilash on Jun 11, 2008 at 7:28 am

    I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed. I have family in them parts of Kentucky! I bet they love those balls too.
    Kevin: Did you land at the Cincy airport in Covington, KY or directly in Louisville. I was just at that airport and I did not see any balls rolling around in anyone’s mouths.

  • 17 Rob T Firefly on Jun 11, 2008 at 7:31 am

    Aunt Happy looks a lot like my dad circa 1972.

  • 18 mikeB on Jun 11, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Don’t taunt the Happy Balls.

  • 19 evilash on Jun 11, 2008 at 8:10 am

    But I just want to try their aromatic flavor…the delicious pungency of chocolaty musk!

  • 20 Fnord on Jun 11, 2008 at 9:55 am

    I went to their web site, and with such links as “Get Balls”, “Ball Press”, “Balls of Fame”, and “Ball Talk”, the next-to-the-last link should not be “Why?”, but, rather, “WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY?!?!”

  • 21 suzanne on Jun 11, 2008 at 9:57 am

    Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.

    Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

    If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

    Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

    Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

  • 22 suzanne on Jun 11, 2008 at 9:58 am

    sorry, this is the only circular-shaped object from kentucky i’m interested in.

  • 23 Kevin Murphy on Jun 11, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Right there at Louisville International. I like the fact that they display a mountain of souvenir Slugger bats that people attempt to get through security in their carry-on luggage.


  • 24 Glyn on Jun 11, 2008 at 11:42 am

    I’ll bet she gets tired of people bursting into that one AC/DC song every time they recognize her.

  • 25 Queen Shadowrama on Jun 11, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    I have done the research for you Jen, and it appears to be totally safe for work. sells antenna balls, those little decorations in the form of a football or soccer ball or happy face that you put on top of your car antenna. They also sell accessories for your rear view mirror and tops of your pencils! It truly is a happy ball superstore!

  • 26 evilash on Jun 11, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    Well, it is Kentucky…..did you hear the distant hum of “Dueling Banjos”?

  • 27 evilash on Jun 11, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Click on “Get Balls” and for just $5, you can be the proud owner of a pack of 2 Happy balls! Mmmm!

  • 28 Stacia on Jun 11, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    Those are the most disturbingly smooth pecan halves I have ever seen in my life.

    I don’t trust smooth pecan meats. There, I said it.

  • 29 RemmieBarrow on Jun 11, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    Well, taken out of contects that could be very disterbing.

  • 30 evilash on Jun 11, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    so you don’t like you ball nuts smooth…fair enough. I will only partake of those balls if they are sweet.

  • 31 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 12, 2008 at 6:01 am

    And sure enough, per Tim D’s prophecy, there were exactly 30 responses when I read this entry! That boy is TOUCHED…

    This is my favorite quote from Aunt Happy’s “Balls of Fame” page:

    “What’s rice flour doing in one of our competitor’s balls?”

    I only hope that particular company spy got a hefty Christmas bonus for service above…er, below and beyond.

    (And why only one? ::shudder::)

  • 32 Tim D on Jun 12, 2008 at 7:30 am

    Here in Pennsyltucky we pronounce this kind of prophetetic ability as “Tiched”.

  • 33 Kim Willaman on Jun 12, 2008 at 10:00 am

    I had a friend who worked at that place and gave me a package of bourbon balls for my birthday one year. They were crapped out of God’s own butt, IMO. So delicious.

  • 34 evilash on Jun 12, 2008 at 10:12 am

    Well, I want those tasty balls, and I want them hand-delivered.

  • 35 torgosPizza on Jun 12, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    TV Show Five!

  • 36 euphoriafish on Jun 13, 2008 at 3:07 am

    Well, I’m ashamed. I live in Lexington, 45 minutes away from Louisville, and I was away from this blog just long enough to miss the announcement that Kevin was here. And to think in the meanwhile I was agonizing over not being able to make it to Comic Con and meet everybody, and one of you guys was actually coming to me for a change. I totally blew it.

    If you come back, I’ll bring homemade bourbon balls to the event next time. My boyfriend’s grandmother has a recipe for the best bourbon balls ever.

  • 37 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 13, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    Well, whatever it is, you’ve got some amazing telepathetic energy there, sir.

  • 38 MonkeyCheezPants on Jun 13, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    But what to wash down your Happy Balls with?

  • 39 Herman Doyle on Nov 12, 2008 at 7:35 pm