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Bad Song of the Week

June 17th, 2008 by Kevin Murphy · 64 Comments

Thanks again to my niece Laurel, who combs the airwaves to find the juiciest musical nits. Apologies in advance for the ad accompanying the video. This week:

Gretchen Wilson: REDNECK WOMAN

 

Believe me when I say I don’t look down on Gretchen Wilson, primarily because if I did she might hit me with her baby and run over me with her Yamaha Rhino. Yet I too leave my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long, and I know too many of the lyrics to too many Charlie Daniels songs, although I’ve been trying to eradicate them of late and I’m considering electro-convulsive therapy.

So hats off to you, Gretchen, although I daresay that among the company you keep no one ever removes his hat.

Do YOU have a bad song you’d like to nominate for bad song of the week? Send us your nominees, we’ll pick only the very worst! Make sure it’s a song in regular national airplay, or at least in annoyingly constant rotation on your local station. Oh, and no filthy lyrics, please.

Tags: Bad Music · In the Media · Kevin · People Kevin Doesn't Resemble · RiffTrax · music

64 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Ariel on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:11 am

    “Beautiful” by James Blunt.
    WORST. SONG. EVER!

  • 2 Dallas on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:24 am

    “Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

    Not only is it a bad song, it’s terrible driving advice. What kind of idiot, on hitting a patch of black ice at freeway speeds, lets go of the steering wheel and says, “Okay Jesus, you drive.”? (You think I’m making this up. I’m not.) I mean, how are you so sure he isn’t a panicky driver? And what would make you think Jesus even knows how to drive in icy conditions? After all, the dude grew up in a desert. I’d think you’d at least want to go with one of the Norse gods in that situation (Odin, Take the Wheel?).

    And yes, I’m aware that it is a metaphor; my point is that it is a really stupid one.

  • 3 Tim on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:41 am

    I wouldn’t go with Odin either- no depth perception.

  • 4 Ben on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:42 am

    I think I cut myself off from so-called new music by around 1999. I couldn’t tell you who the hot bands are right now.

    My theory is that the music industry as a whole died with the coming of Y2K and therefore it was the one true victim of what most people saw as a non-event. If the music industry is indeed a slowly-decomposing, bloated corpse in a ditch somewhere, then shows like American Idol are the scavengers picking at the remains, trying to find a last juicy morsel before the bones are picked clean.

    I predict that the next big wave in music will take a page from all the gunshot rappers out there and will be recordings of the death throes of musical artists set to music and played in clubs for people to dance to. I also predict that the “Death Dance of Justin Timberlake” will be the all-time number one hit. His cause of death? My guess is blood-loss from a severed organ at the hands of Cameron Diaz, who shall not be ignored.

    Since I believe in resurrection, I await the day when the industry starts over and a rock band composed of real rocks banged on other rocks sits at the top of the charts. It’ll start with caveman music and work its way along. Somewhere when it hits the Baroque period again, I may dust off my radio and tune in once more.

  • 5 Casey on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:48 am

    If hideous dogs, a practically nude Gallagher and… other horrors I can’t recall of the top of my head… weren’t enough! Now there is the acknowledgement most loathsome “music” you will ever hear in this life, or even the next! (Hell has boycotted this song)

    Welcome to the RiffTrax Blog fellow masochists!

  • 6 Walter on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:50 am

    I’m not even going to hit play.

  • 7 Casey on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:50 am

    I think that it is one of the signs… I recall reading something like “… and in the latter days men will call good music bad and bad music good.”

  • 8 Glyn on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:52 am

    You know the economy is in trouble when major celebrities like Gretchen Wilson start shopping at Wal-Mart.

  • 9 Courtney on Jun 17, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    I was slightly tan-orexic during high school, and hit the tanning beds a few times a week. All they ever played in there was new-country and it hurt, burning me so much worse than those bulbs all around me.

    The years of that never prepared me for this song. And my dad freakin’ loved it when it came out. Sad really.

    That aside, I nominate the blonde chick from that High School Musical thing the kids seem to like’s cover of the Rick Astley hit “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Wow. She Rick-Rolled my soul.

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=-h7jhDVOxP0

  • 10 Michael on Jun 17, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    ANY song by Nickelback makes me stabby

  • 11 peri on Jun 17, 2008 at 12:15 pm

    I would like to nominate Rihanna’s “Unfaithful” for being possibly the most narcissitic thing ever set to nausiating music.

  • 12 Scooter on Jun 17, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    heh, I was (and I guess still am) going to nominate If Everyone Cared by them.

  • 13 Jacob_Taylor on Jun 17, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    so, let’s see if I understand this, after I slap ma gramma fer wearin’ them britches with my low hangin’ chainz, I have to go down to a Wal*Mart and find a sexy woman?

  • 14 mathey on Jun 17, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    I nominate whatever song will play in the end credits of the murder-is-totally-awesome movie “Wanted”. I don’t know what this shall be, as the movie has yet to be released, but its GOT to suck.

  • 15 Natureboy (Ken) on Jun 17, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    Even though I like this band for the most part, Foo Fighters cover of Baker Street originally done by Gerry Rafferty is one of the worst songs I have heard in a while. Just listening to it made me feel like my soul was being destroyed, a little at a time.

  • 16 RemmieBarrow on Jun 17, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Anything from Celine Dion makes me barf!

  • 17 Adversary on Jun 17, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    I’d like to nominate Toby Keith’s “She’s a Hottie.” Although there are tons of songs out there that grate on my nerves, none of them seem to carry the extremely painful effect that this song somehow yields. I’m not sure if it’s the way the slang is used, or the excessive repetition, or the shallow subject matter, but it just makes me shudder with disgust.

    Lyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/shes-a-hottie-lyrics-toby-keith.html

    Audio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPvsYn6bvhs

  • 18 Invader_Quirk on Jun 17, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    “I Love This Bar” by Toby Keith – (Well thank you, Toby, that’s very nice… wait, you’re wanting to sing about it? N– no stop that. Sit down. Just shut up and drink your beer.)

  • 19 Shadoestar on Jun 17, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    Lil’ Mama-”Lip Gloss”

    Avril Lavigne-”Girlfriend”

    Anything by Gwen Stefani or the Pussycat Dolls.

  • 20 Mr. Slick on Jun 17, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    That song thats out about some lame ass riding his bike with no handle bars! It’s called a unicycle moron!!
    It makes me want to run over innocent pedestrians so they too can suffer as I am, but instead I change the station.

  • 21 BassBone on Jun 17, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    No, a unicycle has one wheel. Riding a bike with no handlebars means taking your hands off the handlebars. Engage brain, please.

  • 22 wakachiwaka on Jun 17, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    “…Keepin’ it coun-TREE!”

    Evidently Gretchen’s Redneck-ness (which must be considered independently of her hot-ness, though both appear to be prodigious, and cancel one another out so as to render her a complete non-entity) extends to not knowing upon which syl-LAB-ble to place the em-PHAS-is.

  • 23 Coderjoe on Jun 17, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Awhile back, I had noticed a THIRD song that fits with that nickelback-to-back thing. Now I can’t remember what it was.

    They seem to keep reusing the same song over and over with slight changes.

  • 24 Coderjoe on Jun 17, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    No, that’s riding without using the handlebars. The phrasing makes it out to seem like the bike doesn’t HAVE handlebars. Jed the Fish even made that comment on his show.

    It still wouldn’t be a unicycle, though. while it doesn’t have handlebars, it also only has one wheel.

    BTW, here is this song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs

    And for an official video upload by universal music, the video quality sucks.

  • 25 Katiespana on Jun 17, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    ‘I Got It From My Mama’ by Will I Am.

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=APHm8DbYkL0

    … I haven’t the words…

  • 26 Flint Ironstag on Jun 17, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    I’d like to nominate “God Bless the USA” by Lee Greenwood…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RssIN3ustUw

    but I’m afraid my contact information would be immediately forwarded to an FBI watch list, so……

  • 27 Thom_Serveaux on Jun 17, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    That’s not so much a reflection of the economy as it is a tribute to her own personal style…

  • 28 Thom_Serveaux on Jun 17, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    Ghaaa! It took me about 5 seconds to identify the song she was singing , and about 3 seconds later to turn it off….

  • 29 Thom_Serveaux on Jun 17, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    “Pork and Beans” by Weezer Not necessarily because it’s a bad song per se, but just an example of putting a host of internet phenomenon together to make a surprisingly good song. Definitely a case of the whole being a whole lot better than the sum of it’s parts, and my nomination for title track for “YouTube: The Motion Picture” soundtrack…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI

  • 30 MikeP on Jun 17, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    On a slightly related note, here’s a more recent version of that kickass song by the Magma dude:

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=RS0pKRBdHFA

  • 31 Scooter on Jun 17, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    on a somewhat related note, I find this pretty funny: http://youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

  • 32 Nanobots on Jun 17, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    Well, “Weird Al” has his spoof of it, in “Pitiful”…

  • 33 Nanobots on Jun 17, 2008 at 7:09 pm

    As heard in this fan-video done to Al’s parody song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgfpJWUYgbg

  • 34 Mr. Slick on Jun 17, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    I think I touched a nerve with Bassbone, did I pick a song you like? That’s it I’m taking out perdestrians now.
    You’re right Coderjoe about the unicycle but I was assuming the singer was intelligent enough to ride one if his bike had no handlebars, obvious I gave him too much credit.

  • 35 Chris D. on Jun 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    If you can find a “redneck woman” who looks even remotely like any of the dancing women in that video I will eat my John Deere trucker hat!

  • 36 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 17, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    My review, verbatim, of “Redneck Woman” for rateyourmusic.com:

    Her voice sounds too polished to qualify as a bonafide Redneck Woman. And if she reads this and automatically knows the meaning of “bonafide”, it’s best that she never ventures south of the Mason-Dixon line ever again.

    I also propose a karaoke moratorium.

    Rating: .5 star (lowest possible)

  • 37 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 17, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    BTW, there’s an embarrassment of…er, embarrassments to be found on this list for future BSoTWs. Numbers 1 and 8 have my nomination.

    http://rateyourmusic.com/charts/bottom/single/all-time

  • 38 MikeP on Jun 17, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    Off-topic but vitally important:

    Behold the glory that is Bacon-Flavored Dental Floss.

  • 39 Kelly on Jun 18, 2008 at 4:37 am

    I don’t know if this has hit the Top 40 but it is all over the alternative stations on XM –

    The Black Kids, I’m Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaa4eGOtrTg

    Gosh, it’s terrible. They appear to be from my home town of Jacksonville, Florida. Oh, the shame.

  • 40 Invader_Quirk on Jun 18, 2008 at 5:43 am

    *MAXIMUM CRINGE!!*

    *MAXIMUM SEIZURE!*

    *MAXIMUM BARF!*

  • 41 Kelly on Jun 18, 2008 at 6:30 am

    Wow, that is bad!

  • 42 Tim D on Jun 18, 2008 at 6:37 am

    Are you an “Edison Hate Future” kinda guy?

  • 43 ms chii on Jun 18, 2008 at 7:38 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhIqKrldJmM

    this is pretty bad. this one was in the movie “she’s all that.”

    but its also REALLy repetitive. no actual lyrics. does it count? but then most songs are about repetition. same song. same chorus. same genre.

  • 44 ms chii on Jun 18, 2008 at 7:43 am

    also, it appears to be by the group “Fat boy slim” in some techno style ugh. but the gist is there. dizzy repetition. i was getting a headache just wathing it for a few seconds…

  • 45 Scooter on Jun 18, 2008 at 8:04 am

    speaking of Fatboy Slim
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WW8flwpH-Q

    look at Walken go!

  • 46 jewishcarpenter on Jun 18, 2008 at 8:06 am

    This might have been nominated already or even posted but Redneck Woman is on par with the awfulness of Trace Adkins ’s “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”. That was unnecessary, Trace.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9VzEulip9Q

  • 47 Tim D on Jun 18, 2008 at 9:00 am

    AND there’s a cameo by Kid Rock! This is in direct violation of Bill Corbett’s rule.

  • 48 marioking12 on Jun 18, 2008 at 9:36 am

    I don’t know if this has been tossed out yet, but I heard the latest Pussycat Dolls song “When I Grow Up” and my ears started to bleed and leak pieces of my brain on the ground.

    This song made me so violent, that I killed one of my staff when It came on the radio and had to be shot with an elephant tranquilizer before my killing spree continued.

  • 49 BEMaven on Jun 18, 2008 at 9:41 am

    There HAS to be something worst out there than this song, Mr. Murphy.

    Her number didn’t even give me a headache. The only effect it had was to make me postpone trimming my ear hairs till the weekend.

  • 50 chrismartindeed on Jun 18, 2008 at 10:22 am

    Good song or bad song, it’s been an inspiration for my new enterprise… Karaoke-mounted ATMs.

    Picture it: Some fine mud honey ripping up a sylvan glade, screeching tires (and vocal chords) to the tune of Duffy’s ‘Mercy’. Yowza!

    More environmental havok than handing the Department of Interior over to Ted Nugent.

  • 51 Kingtos on Jun 18, 2008 at 12:48 pm

    I have a few;

    - As I’ve said before, look up the lyrics to Toby Keith’s ‘As Good As I Once Was’, which include, “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was.” Take asprin as needed for ensuing headache.

    - Puddle of Mudd’s ‘Psycho’. Once again, you’ll have to read the lyrics to appreciate. You will then shout, “‘Cause you know we’re gonna win again’?! Win WHAT? Is there a schizophrenic psycho contest?!”

    - and lastly, I’m sure all are aware of Soulja Boy Tell Em. Even a brief listen to ‘Crank That’ will indeed leave you feeling like something was cranked, and there may be internal damage.

    I should probably get out from behind the counter of this store more often…

  • 52 Coderjoe on Jun 18, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    The song, without listening that closely, reminds me of The Cure.

  • 53 Coderjoe on Jun 18, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Crank That?

    Try ‘Whats Hannenin’: http://youtube.com/watch?v=6i-fgnMb8eo

  • 54 Finchstalker on Jun 18, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    My boss has this as one of her cell phone ring tones (and her phone “rings” constantly). I may cite this as my reason for quitting once I have a new job and can flee.

  • 55 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 18, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    I reviewed this one, too:

    http://rateyourmusic.com/collection/kingofgrief/rating15022311

  • 56 Melissa on Jun 19, 2008 at 9:26 am

    I have to change the station everytime “i kissed a girl” by Kate Perry comes on or i’ll punch my radio. worst. song. evs.

  • 57 Doktorsleepless on Jun 21, 2008 at 1:12 am

    What about that kissed a girl song by umm, Kate Perry? That’s is offensive on many levels.

  • 58 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 21, 2008 at 3:54 am

    Yeah, Jill Sobule said it first and (only comparatively) better.

  • 59 Junker on Jun 21, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    Ok kinda of a late entery, and by late I mean about 17 years late…..but the level of bad here is pretty earth shattering, so I think it deserves consideration. Allow me to briefly explain how this abomination in musical history was unearthed.

    Tonight my sister and I had a bit of a jousting contest, seeing who could come up with the most ridiculess musical number from the early nineties. And let me tell you, she won, in a big way. And now we can all be winners, in a sort of mind numbingly stupid and painfully nineties way.

    After digging through Marky Mark, the New Kids on the Block, Crstal Waters, MC Hammer, Paula Abdual, Snow, Roxette, Salt and Pepper, and Milli Vanilli…shudder…..we hit on this:

    Only the brave tread forward from this point. You have been warned.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APYWY1O5v-I

    p.s. I have come to the conclusion that the success of the above metioned artists has something to do with shoulder pads…..have yet to determine how exactly they contribute…but they are certainly the one common element.

  • 60 Junker on Jun 21, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    p.p.s Forget to mention, I think this meets the no filthy lyrics requirement, save for that one bit about sushi around 0:40…..

    Could they really say that in the early 90s???? Yikes.

  • 61 Junker on Jun 21, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    p.p.p.s Is that Seinfelds Newman at 2:42?

  • 62 A.M.P. on Jun 22, 2008 at 8:58 am

    It does my heart good to see this song formally linked to the word “Bad”. My parents love today’s awful country music, and this song has long since caved my skull in with lame.

  • 63 Dann on Jul 15, 2008 at 7:45 am

    Those big hoop earings give her a place to hook her ankles!

  • 64 ginbot on Mar 16, 2009 at 10:24 am

    Take note, that months later. Somebody inexplicitely stumbled upon this comment, and got a chuckle.

    Do you think Tunsis gave Fenrir any driving tips?