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I’m a happy little ghost.

June 22nd, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 22 Comments

Oh sure, I’m bound to this earth by some horrible unfinished business. I’d be the first to admit it.

Whether I was a victim of some grisly crime, or a perpetrator, or both, I couldn’t tell you. Hell, if I had that kind of postmortem self-awareness, I wouldn’t be condemned to walk blindly amongst my fellow spectres of dread and horror.

But other than that… things are going pretty good these days. Most of the time I feel excellent, if not downright giddy. See:


Maybe I’m having such a blast these days because I feel smugly superior to fellow ghost Kevin. He lost over 100 IQ points after death, and now he’s mostly just a big, stumbling bloodstain.

Or perhaps it’s my new rugby shirt. It’s not a style that worked for me in life, with or without being drenched in the blood of many — but now that I’m a grey-complected fellow, it all comes together, somehow. I’m liking the look, and it makes me darned happy.

OR it’s just the great time I’m having these days terrifying the still-alive Mike, by snapping his suspenders and threatening to kick him in the junk. Hilarious stuff!

But I suspect the real reason that La Vida Poltergeist agrees with me so much is that it’s incredibly slimming to be dead.

Tags: RiffTrax

22 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Meritsekhmet on Jun 22, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    ” Hell, if I had that kid of postmortem self-awareness, I wouldn’t be condemned to walk blindly amongst my fellow spectres of dread and horror. ”

    I think Bill ment “kind” not “kid”…

  • 2 Michael on Jun 22, 2008 at 9:27 pm

    Poor Kevin. He looks like he just finished watching a Uwe Boll movie.

  • 3 Bill Corbett on Jun 22, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    Good eye. Thanks! Corrected.

  • 4 mst3Kelly on Jun 22, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    You rather resemble Van Johnson in that photo. Perhaps Van Johnson in his current state.
    Honestly, I think you always look handsome [hangs head, cheeks turn pink].

  • 5 Shawn on Jun 22, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    Chicks dig power. The power that only making fun of movies can give a man.

  • 6 mst3Kelly on Jun 22, 2008 at 10:59 pm

    Yes, that is true. But how much we dig you depends on the size of your wit.
    Bill’s, Kevin’s, Mike’s- their wit is HUGE.

  • 7 chrismartindeed on Jun 22, 2008 at 11:30 pm

    “Horrible unfinished business…”

    Did you duck out of the premiere screening of ‘The Love Guru’, Mr. Corbett?

  • 8 Onil on Jun 22, 2008 at 11:52 pm

    Mike has to make tinkles. You ghosts quit watching him, I think he might be a little pee shy.

  • 9 Olcas on Jun 22, 2008 at 11:54 pm

    Is being a ghost better than being an alien/clown/ zombie/ small yellow robot?

  • 10 ShutterBun on Jun 23, 2008 at 1:16 am

    Seems like all that “slimming” has gone to waste, what with those horizontal stripes and all.

  • 11 BEMaven on Jun 23, 2008 at 2:57 am

    Slimming? Quite… but it took a serious toll on Bill’s hairdo.

    Personally, I wouldn’t be caught dead with hair like that.

  • 12 Jacob_Taylor on Jun 23, 2008 at 3:36 am

    well Mr. Corbett, you’re hair isn’t black and you don’t look like a Japanese woman (or child), so I feel I can safely say that you are not a Grudge-ghost-thing.

  • 13 Mr. Slick on Jun 23, 2008 at 5:29 am

    I must say Kevin is doing an excellent impression of Bruce Willis for the cover

  • 14 Bill Corbett on Jun 23, 2008 at 5:43 am

    As much as I resent this…

    “you don’t look like a Japanese woman (or child)”

    …I’m grateful for the info.

  • 15 Ryan on Jun 23, 2008 at 8:12 am

    Bill just watched Meet Dave. That’s what did him in.

  • 16 chrismartindeed on Jun 23, 2008 at 8:36 am

    Perhaps… but will he visit us in our dreams and kill us?

    Do you have bizarre fingernails, Mr. Corbett?

  • 17 seanf on Jun 23, 2008 at 9:01 am

    Is it just me, or does this look like it could be the cover of Home Alone Part 15: Cannibals’ Revenge! (Tag line: They’re Coming for Christmas Dinner, but They May Have Bitten Off More Than They Can Chew!) In fact, I’d say Mike looks more like Macaulay Culkin than Macaulay Culkin does these days. And Bill– I think you’d make a great low-rent Daniel Stern. Kevin’s “Joe Pesci after realizing how far his career has fallen” looks suitably mortified.

  • 18 camcat on Jun 23, 2008 at 10:11 am

    And since they have such huge wits, no one has to bring forth that mealy mouthed platitude about it’s not the size, it’s how you use it, right? Because we know it really is the size.

  • 19 Rob T Firefly on Jun 23, 2008 at 11:01 am

    Poor Kevin’s looking a bit worse for wear, but Bill seems to be enjoying a business-casual, Old Navy sort of death.

  • 20 Adam on Jun 23, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Clearly Bill is so happy because of the box of cherry-flavored ghost-popsicles he just ate.

  • 21 DoughyGuy on Jun 23, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    Well, Bill looks happy… But Kevin looks kinda happy in that shot too… The kind of happy where an Ernest fan first find out that all of his beloved movie are available in a box set

    Or the kind of happy where someone just told him that Larry “The Cable Guy’s” (how do you punctuate that, anyway?) new feature has cameos from his favorite NASCAR stars…

    You know… A Wal-Mart kind of happy…

  • 22 RemmieBarrow on Jun 23, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    I guess ghost do not have many choises when it comes to barber shops.