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Dear Cinematic Titanic

June 24th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 105 Comments

TO: The Sailors upon the S.S. Cinematic Titanic

FROM: The Rifftrax landlubbers

RE: Things Riffological


    cinematic stones


Dear Joel, Josh, Trace, Mary Jo, Frank, and Anson Williams:

This is an open invitation to come riff with us. Any, or all of you; whenever mutually convenient. There will be snacks.

One of you has already done so. She even rejoined your august group for more of your own work, none worse for the wear. (We hope… But please do check with her.)

We tried to get a game going already, but to be fair… you needed to launch before doing anything else. And that you did, with great fanfare and success. Bravo, sirs. And lady.

Now that you’re very much afloat — we’d like you all to know, on the record*, that our door** is open. Come and play. We’re not going away anytime soon, and neither are you.

Shooting one of your episodes takes longer, with its visual component, we understand. But when your schedule lightens up, and you’re between shoots, come do a Rifftrax with us in the meantime. Any of you — even Mary Jo. (Really MJ, we’ll have an actual chair for you this time.) Lots of movies out there, lots of riffer combinations possible, and many schedule-friendly shorts still beg for riffing. We could even do a flash animation of some sort. It boggles the mind!

To repeat: there will be snacks. Of fairly decent quality. Not amazing, but really… fairly decent, all in all.

Life is too short to pretend that our fellow MST3K alums don’t exist. That might be awkward anyway, if we run into each other at some big event wearing the same outfit. (“Oh, you have an internet-based riffing thing these days, too? Hunh.”)

So please, come play.


Bill Corbett

on behalf of, Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Ted’s Famous Chicken Restaurant

Ted  the famous chicken

(* We don’t really have a “record.”)

(** We don’t really have a “door.”)


Ditto from me, you are all welcome. I would just like to add a clarification: the phrase “there will be snacks” should be taken in its most passive sense, i.e., “snacks will still exist”. You know, just in case we can’t afford to bring snacks.

Tags: RiffTrax

105 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 24, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    Seeing as I might be the first to respond (unless someone beats me to it), may I just say…

    “What Bill said.”

    Really, though, a collab on this order could serve as concrete evidence that there’s no hard feelins’ among (between?) the two camps. It would also prove to me and my wife at long last that Kevin really was too sick to make it to Dallas in May and didn’t mean to break our hearts.

    Whatcha say?

  • 2 Radiofreewill on Jun 24, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    When you say “fairly decent snacks”, can one assume that this will include cheez Doodles?

    I’m not a famous riffer or anything; I just want to know what to expect to find while picking through your garbage.

  • 3 Bill Corbett on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:01 pm

    “can one assume that this will include cheez Doodles?”

    Yes, or a perfectly adequate generic version. Really, not so bad at all.

  • 4 NotMerrittStone on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    When Cinematic Titanic was first announced, and there was all of the murmerings about competition and spite and the evils of flash cartoons, and all that silliness, I was busy in a dark corner of my photoshop, building a dream….

    I know, I know, it will probably never happen ‘quite’ like that, but anything even close would be pretty awesome as far as I’m concerned.

  • 5 Tyrant on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    So which Rolling Stone represents you, Bill? Seriously? It’s not….Keith Richards, is it?!!

  • 6 Bill Corbett on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    “It’s not….Keith Richards, is it?!!”

    Nah, he’s way too coherent.

  • 7 Mario "Asteroid" Panighetti on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    As a viewer/listener/smeller of your riffing projects, to what sort of snacks am I entitled? Chicken in a Biskit?

  • 8 euphoriafish on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    Your crossover marketing is working. I used to think I would only ever be a Joel/Cinematic Titanic fan, but after discovering the RiffTrax blog I eventually was tempted to actually try RiffTrax as well. The X Files one won me over, and now I’m a fan of both camps. I plan on watching Glitter later today. And here’s hoping for some more CT/RT collaboration. Definitely it’s a good time to be a MSTie.

  • 9 Bill Corbett on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    Thanks, euphoriafish. We’re glad to have you here.

    (Excellent nom de forum, by the way.)

  • 10 Robyn on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    Oh snap!

    Wait, I guess this post doesn’t really warrent an “oh snap.”

    Man, what happened to the days of trash talking and iceburgs? You’ve changed, bro.

    Unless…since they didn’t respond to good-natured ribbing, you’re now trying to kill them with kindness! Brilliant!

  • 11 To_Servo_Man on Jun 24, 2008 at 10:49 pm

    Jimmy Carter’s got nothing on you, Bill. Way to bring people together.

    I’ve said it before, and damn it, I’ll say it again: humanity needs more Bill Corbetts. Not that many more, mind you. Perhaps four of them so they could sing barbershop. Or five so they could field a streetball team.

  • 12 Neb on Jun 24, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    A slick jazz combo?

  • 13 G-Force on Jun 24, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    May the unification begin!!

    It might be a little early, but may I suggest Van Helsing? Does that please you Mr. Corbett?

  • 14 Barry on Jun 25, 2008 at 3:11 am

    So you don’t have a “record”, and you don’t have a “door”, but you expect MJP to believe you’ll have a “chair” next time?

    Ah, well. At least you have “snacks”.

  • 15 Tork_110 on Jun 25, 2008 at 3:19 am

    I still want to see you all wrestle at some point.

  • 16 RVR II on Jun 25, 2008 at 3:43 am

    My ‘Sailor Moon’ gals could welcome you to the reunion of sorts..

  • 17 attaturk on Jun 25, 2008 at 3:43 am

    I’m pretty sure I’d want to bet on the team Kevin wrestled on.

    …although there are more of them…

  • 18 Ben on Jun 25, 2008 at 4:13 am

    Can’t we all just….(long dramatic pause while hands cup in the air and jaw turns)……………………get along?

    Nah…Just don your eyepatches, raise the Jolly Roger and take over their Titanic…”Arrrrr, it be a piratin’ we do we will pirat’ do do all over you!”

    Hostile Takeover…it’s the only way to be sure. No wait, nuke them from orbit…that’s the only way to be sure. Yeah.

  • 19 Ben on Jun 25, 2008 at 4:14 am

    BTW That first line was in William Shatner mode. For some reason it dropped off.

  • 20 Derek on Jun 25, 2008 at 4:18 am

    Awww! How nice. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Yay! I don’t like it when mommy and daddy fight.

  • 21 Joel Hodgson on Jun 25, 2008 at 5:03 am

    Oh, OK, I guess.

    Ha! It’s not really Joel. But you knew that already.

    Cruel? Maybe a little.

  • 22 MikeP on Jun 25, 2008 at 5:12 am

    Hey, maybe you guys can riff a CT episode, and they can riff a Rifftrax. Too meta?

  • 23 Rob T Firefly on Jun 25, 2008 at 5:33 am

    I’m still holding out for a “Battle of the Network Stars” revival where you all play tug-of-war and have relay races and stuff.

  • 24 Rob T Firefly on Jun 25, 2008 at 5:34 am

    Or they can all get together and riff “MST3K: The Movie.”

  • 25 Rob T Firefly on Jun 25, 2008 at 5:34 am

    I’m Joel Hodgson and so is my wife.

  • 26 Courtney on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:16 am

    Bill is actually Gabe Kaplan. It might bring back too many bad memories.

  • 27 Onil on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:19 am

    Bill = Protector of Fuckparades, Ombudsman, Bridge to Terabithia, Father, Hero

  • 28 Courtney on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:20 am

    You left off the PS which said “do you guys think I’m cute? Check the left box for yes and the right for no. Joelyou’resodreamy.”

    I want a CT/Rifftrax collabo kablammo in the worst way. But please, net nerds, there will be NO CT/RT slash!fic. Seriously. None.

  • 29 Heather on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:33 am

    May I just add: PRETTY PLEASE WITH RIFFING ON TOP! I’ve been enjoying both Cinematic Titanic and Rifftrax immensely and I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of either.

  • 30 Jacob_Taylor on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:35 am

    If only I could suggest a movie, or 3, for you all to take into consideration for this possible Rifftrax Titanic Extravaganza Palooza.

  • 31 Walter on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:36 am

    Did you hire Dave Barry to write this?

  • 32 Michaela on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:57 am

    No slash…Are you sure?

    Not even just a little?

  • 33 Courtney on Jun 25, 2008 at 6:59 am

    OKAY FINE, just a little though. And it must involve Torchwood in some way to make it that much more nerdily slashtastic.

  • 34 Tim D on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:00 am

    The last time I had a slash!fic I had to wait 5 hours in the emergency Room. Very painful.

  • 35 Ninjew on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:32 am

    The food sounds good, but what beverages will you be serving?

    That alone could clinch or break the deal

  • 36 Ryan on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:37 am

    Van Helsing pleases noone.

  • 37 Chuck Woolery on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:49 am

    Fine. But first you must ALL bow down before ME!!!!!!!

  • 38 Len on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:56 am

    I really hope Anson Williams responds. He was my favorite Monkee.

  • 39 Mike Nelson on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:56 am

    *sigh* Fine, Chuck. We’ll bow down to you – again.

    ‘Zat better?

  • 40 Dustin on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:01 am

    The thought of Mike and Joel potentially riffing together is heavenly. I really wish I lived near San Diego to check out the panel at Comic-Con.

  • 41 trumpysmagicsnout on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:02 am

    Fairly decent quality snacks? Hell I’m in. Now if only I was a member of CT that would make your day!

  • 42 MikeP on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:29 am

    I worry about how well Bill’s olive branch will be received, after the unfortunate incident at Fuckparade 2006 in Groton, South Dakota.

  • 43 Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief] on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:36 am

    I doubt it…no gratuitous jokes about lawyers or rap music. No mention of weasels, either.

  • 44 Ryan on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:37 am

    Bill, you guys just want a free cruise, don’t you?

  • 45 To_Servo_Man on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:54 am

    How awesome would it be if he really did post a reply? Something along the lines of, “I actually once, in fact, sat on it, and it was mushy. Ralph sends his best. Keep it real, Anse.”

  • 46 Ross on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:58 am

    This would be great. Personally I want a rifftrax with Joel and Mike, a rifftrax with Kevin and Josh, and one with Trace and Bill…..

    Oh Bill since you put this out there, would you and the rest of your cohorts make a guest appearance on a CT dvd?

  • 47 Onil on Jun 25, 2008 at 9:01 am

    That’s gonna be a crowded silhoutte.

  • 48 Onil on Jun 25, 2008 at 9:02 am


    Yuck on my lousy spelling and typing.

  • 49 Ninjew on Jun 25, 2008 at 9:10 am

    And if you think THIS stuff is good, check out the cool stuff Jim Mallon has going on over at

    I’m sorry. Did I say “cool stuff”? What I meant to say is “recycled humor” and “nothing original” and “the stuff that was original wasn’t funny”.

  • 50 Andy McGaffigan on Jun 25, 2008 at 9:28 am

    I cried a little bit when a read this. A joint venture between the two camps would be about 50 billion times better than Hands Across America. All that hand holding was so lame.

  • 51 Glyn on Jun 25, 2008 at 9:46 am

    I’d be happy if either side (team?) Riffed or Sunk the movie
    Richard III (1995)
    starring Ian McKellen, Annette Bening & Robert Downey Jr.
    Then perhaps it would make some freaking sense.
    But yes, by all means, Come Together!

  • 52 Darth Chimay on Jun 25, 2008 at 9:47 am

    I’m sure I could modify my Rifftrax/Star Trek slash. You see, Harry Mudd gets a couple of new slaves and has to “break them in.”

  • 53 Mr. Slick on Jun 25, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Please please please please please please!
    Don’t make me beg!

  • 54 Lord Bob on Jun 25, 2008 at 11:36 am

    I’m highly disappointed at the near-total lack of hostility evident between the Rifftrax guys and the Cinematic Titanic guys-plus-one-gal. I mean, what is this, preschool?

    I want to see Joel standing in front of a raucous crowd declaring that next Tuesday at RiffoMania XVIII, he will send Mike Nelson onto the Satellite of Pain. I want to see Kevin put J. Elvis through the Spanish announcer’s table. I want to see Frank as a sleazy manager smoking the fattest cigar available in the western United States and throwing sand in Bill’s eyes while he wrestles against Mary “Samoan” Jo Pehl.

    Instead, all I get is “hi, we’re capable of working together in a friendly and professional manner”. You guys make me sick.

  • 55 mathey on Jun 25, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Let’s keep our heads and remember that in the show with puppets Joel wore red jumpsuits and Mike didn’t. Or I don’t think he did. These kind of critical differences, these fundamental indications of animosity and simple incompatability will take more than “open and friendly discussion” or “basic human decency” or even pork rinds to overcome.

    Imagine if you will that Blur would suddenly collaborate with Oasis on producing mediocre British pop music! Or that Loni and Burt got together to make Hooper II! Sure, we’d LOVE to see these things happen, but history tells us that it would only end in bloodshed, lawsuits, and discarded Cheeze-Its.

  • 56 Melman on Jun 25, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    That’s awesome.

  • 57 RemmieBarrow on Jun 25, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Wait, if you guys represent the Rolling Stones, what do the Cinematic Titanic represent.. the Beatles?

  • 58 attaturk on Jun 25, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    Could you all get together and make fun of Mallon’s ‘Bloodhook’ or whatever the hell it was?

    …or does that make him money?

  • 59 G-Force on Jun 25, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    true, true…

  • 60 Bill Corbett on Jun 25, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    Herman’s Hermits, maybe? I dunno… heh heh.

    Anyone want a picture of Joey Pants?

  • 61 Bill Corbett on Jun 25, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    You’re an evil genius.

    “…or does that make him money?”

    As long as I’m still making money for Jim, I’m a happy man. Really, little else matters to me.

  • 62 R.A. Roth on Jun 25, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    I have a mighty serious hankering for some riff succotash. Bring it on!


  • 63 Amanda on Jun 25, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    The only time to do this is when all families everywhere have reunited. The holidays. And I don’t even celebrate holidays! But still, this MUST be done at a Thanksgiving or Christmas time setting. But please, no flash animation. Unless it’s the target.

  • 64 Glyn on Jun 25, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    Slightly off-topic but I’m replying to myself so who cares?
    Not to suck up, but I just bought Bill’s play “Big Slam”
    from Amazon (no plug intended)
    and I for one think it should be made into a major motion picture.

  • 65 Libby on Jun 25, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    I will personally ensure that snacks of mediocre to above average quality arrive at the steps of Rifftrax on time and still warm for the collaboration.

  • 66 euphoriafish on Jun 25, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Hee hee, I like to call it MST3K.Store myself. Cuz that’s all that is really there. That and some clips that are easily found on YouTube. But you can’t recall the circulated tapes. They would sprout heads like a hydra.

    Glitter was hilarious by the way. With the riffing, I didn’t have to feel guilty about watching it.

  • 67 euphoriafish on Jun 25, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    SOMEday, SOMEDAY, SOMEday…


  • 68 Spookette on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    I’m hoping against hope that this happens. It would be so many kinds of awesome.

  • 69 Russ Rogers on Jun 25, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    Might I suggest that Al Roker mediate any remaining disputes between the RiffTrax Gang and the Cinematic Titanic Crew in the forum of Celebrity Family Feud!

    Remember how Sonny and Cher reunited on Late Night with David Letterman? Maybe the gang could get together for one of those mass interviews on “Inside the Actors Studio”! Larry King? You could all wear suspenders!

  • 70 MSTJedi on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    I was thinking perhaps something in the bacon arena. Perhaps some nice BLTs.

    And for the love of all things holy, please let’s see more (I was pleased to see MJ return) CT collaborations.

  • 71 Nanobots on Jun 25, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    I’m very happy with both projects. As long as the results continue to be both funny and fun, I’m happy to see more releases from all of the MST3k alumni. (and I wouldn’t mind a few more “The Film Crew” releases too).

  • 72 Internet's Rob on Jun 26, 2008 at 4:09 am

    I don’t understand why there would be a schism between the two parties anyway. Or maybe all of this bad-blood is just hype. I could sure use a debriefing. Why would there be discontent between the Forefathers of Riffing?

  • 73 Ryan on Jun 26, 2008 at 4:55 am

    Now THIS would be a great episode of Celebrity Deathmatch! Mike, Bill and Kevin vs. Joel, Josh and Trace.

  • 74 seanf on Jun 26, 2008 at 7:38 am

    To the CT crew:


  • 75 Chris on Jun 26, 2008 at 8:43 am

    Is that show still on the air? I thought the clay dried out years ago….

  • 76 Bill Corbett on Jun 26, 2008 at 9:24 am

    Admiral Ackbar?

  • 77 Ben on Jun 26, 2008 at 9:36 am

    Anybody remember the Laff-a-lympics? Maybe they could bring that concept back. Kevin is too obvious a choice to be Grape-Ape, but I am not sure about the rest.

  • 78 Chuck Woolery on Jun 26, 2008 at 10:24 am

    Lower, Nelson. LOWER, go on…

  • 79 seanf on Jun 26, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Just call me George “Sorry I pissed all over your childhood memories, but those Porsches don’t pay for themselves” Lucas.

  • 80 ShutterBun on Jun 26, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Well, you fail to grasp the most fundamental of fanboy rules: the absence of outright public collaberation and/or admiration = possible, nay PROBABLE schism.

    To put it in simpler terms: the amount of (perceived online) drama can *only* be either decreased or confirmed by forthcoming data. (put that in your .sig file and smoke it!)

  • 81 ShutterBun on Jun 26, 2008 at 7:55 pm

    “Is that show still on the air? I thought the clay dried out years ago….”

    …says the guy who’s secretly hoping for a christing MST3K reunion!

  • 82 ShutterBun on Jun 26, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    I will be happy with both projects, too, as soon as Cinematic Titanic begins to be funny.

  • 83 ShutterBun on Jun 26, 2008 at 8:05 pm

    “I’m highly disappointed at the near-total lack of hostility evident between the Rifftrax guys and the Cinematic Titanic guys-plus-one-gal. I mean, what is this, preschool?”

    Had ‘one side’ of this rivalry not found themselves in the unenviable position of not only admitting that “riffing was the only thing they ever did well” but also admitting that they “rejoined the party late, and did a far lesser job of it” we might have a genuine rivalry.

    What we have instead is more akin to Meadowlark Lemon leaving the Globetrotters, then trying to pit his “Bucketeers” against them.

  • 84 ShutterBun on Jun 26, 2008 at 8:09 pm

    “Wait, if you guys represent the Rolling Stones, what do the Cinematic Titanic represent.. the Beatles?”

    The Plastic Ono Band, if I can help it. (bah, this woulda worked 10 times better if Rifftrax represented “Wings,”)

  • 85 ShutterBun on Jun 26, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    In this case, Rifftrax are clearly the Scooby-Doobies to CT’s Yogi Yahooeys (if I’m remembering correctly) And I guess all the fanboys know who the Really Rottens are…

  • 86 JT on Jun 27, 2008 at 10:57 am

    In the famous words of Rodney King:

    “I’ll eat your children.”

    Dang, I got my 90’s icons mixed up, but you understand my sentiment.

  • 87 John on Jun 27, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    Hope that meeting happens! But you know, putting Cinematic Titanic in your blogroll – even though it’s not a blog – might go a little way closer to that. Just sayin’…

  • 88 Bill Corbett on Jun 27, 2008 at 1:39 pm


  • 89 The Tingler on Jun 28, 2008 at 3:08 am

    That’s not fair, I wanted to shout that hysterically in a fish voice!

  • 90 The Tingler on Jun 28, 2008 at 3:11 am

    I hope you all success with this, and a Riff with all the MST3K guys is the stuff that dreams are made of.

    And remember, only eat from the snack bowl that you brought yourself!

  • 91 Internet's Rob on Jun 28, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Well, if I’m sure of ANYTHING, it’d be that fanboy data isn’t skewed.

  • 92 Matt on Jun 29, 2008 at 12:07 am

    This would be the most epically awesome thing ever. Honestly, it would prove to me not only the existence of God, but of happiness in general.

  • 93 Myriad on Jul 1, 2008 at 5:20 am

    Bit late, but I just had to add to the chorus of ‘this would be absolutely awesome’. I, for one, would love to see Mike/Joel, Trace/Bill, and Kevin/Josh duo Rifftrax. Not to leave out the others, of course, but I think any one of those pairings would be the ultimate for us MSTies/Rifftrax-ies/CTies. :P

  • 94 Henk on Jul 7, 2008 at 12:34 am

    fairly decent snacks= Rat poison
    Far more effective than kindness.

  • 95 Henk on Jul 7, 2008 at 12:37 am

    “Gals” should read G.I.R.L. ?

  • 96 Henk on Jul 7, 2008 at 12:39 am

    They are not FIGHTING.

  • 97 Henk on Jul 7, 2008 at 12:45 am

    Serial mutilations are lame now?

  • 98 AWD! on Jul 17, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    Did someone say Flash animation? =D

  • 99 Random stuff I missed, because I didn’t post it « deep ape on Jul 18, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    [...] extended an invitation to the Cinematic Titanic [...]

  • 100 Sandy Frank on Jan 1, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    Yes … please get together…. I will have the turtle meat snacks. MJP can sit on my chest if we are a seat short. I promise not to cry.

  • 101 Dave on Aug 5, 2009 at 7:09 am

    Two words: Yes Union

  • 102 Insert RiffTrax/Cinematic Titanic Plug Here « Voice Actors in the News on Jan 15, 2010 at 3:57 am

    [...] if you are wondering if there are any hard feelings between the two groups, RiffTrax has at least said there isn’t any on their part. I believe there’s plenty of room for both. And I also [...]

  • 103 Sam For Viceroy on May 6, 2010 at 12:33 am

    Wanted: Joel/Mike Rifftrax and or Cinematic Titanic!!!!

    I don’t know why but I have the feeling that Mike and Joel should work out this dick measuring contest and realize that they are so similar that the would be a powerforce when joined. I know there is no official rivalry but looking at the body language between the two on Soultaker and the Allan Harvey interview make me think that I have been RIGHT ALL ALONG! We love both of you. (But I love Joel more. [Sorry Mike {You're still great.}])

  • 104 Penguinface on Aug 1, 2011 at 1:59 am

    I’d really love to hear Joel on a Rifftrax. CM is funny, but it feels too formal, with people standing an all. There’s no real banter or chemistry between riffers, and with five of them up there, the whole thing feels a bit crowded.

    Joel has never riffed side by side with Mike or Bill, so I think those three would make an amazing track together.