The other morning I received an offer for herbal Viagra (with hoodia, I think, and an extra boost of mangosteen) from a gentleman with the unlikely name of Caliphate Hoyt. I remarked to Conor that if he was going to launch that ironic alt/country alter-ego that he’s always threatening to launch he could do a lot worse than to name him Caliphate Hoyt. He countered with the delightful news that Matthew McConaughey’s brother Rooster — yes, Rooster — McConaughey had just landed his own reality show.
|And Matt Damon’s older brother “Spleef” Damon. That’s him on the right.|
|(Matt loves him dearly but doesn’t talk much about him.)If you discover anymore, please let me know.|
Scarlett Johansson’s half brother, Chris “iPhone” Johansson.
Everyone who grew up around tennis star Andy Roddick will tell you that his brother StomachAche was the one who should have made it big on the tour until an ankle injury abrubtly ended his career.
I don’t want to give short shrift to William Shatner’s brother “Spud Man” Shatner.
|And Skeet Ulrich’s brother “Skeetch” Ulrich:|
**Conor would also like to contribute**
Conan’s brother, Bryan “Yule Log” O’Brien, upon hearing the news that his brother would take over the Tonight Show, commented “Aloha, ladies”
**BILL adds what he can to this vital research project:**
Brad Pitt’s younger brother, SLIM, is more of a stay-down-on-the-farm kinda guy:
Deepak Chopra’s beloved brother CHUCK has a harder time getting people to buy his self-help books:
Ian McKellen’s twin brother SOUPY did a far more powerful LEAR than his brother, but got tired of acting. He retired to the humble life of darts-wrangler at a Manchester pub:
Neil Gaiman’s estranged brother WHIZZER promises to make his brother’s entire oeuvre, quote, “look like total f***ing dogs**t, man,” unquote… as soon as he can get himself together and finish his own book about an interdimensional gnome-hunter named Whizzer:
[** BILL corrects a terrible oversight!! ** We left out the individual below, who objected as politely as could be expected, given our unforgiveable lapse in judgment. A thousand apologies, sir! ]
Ralph Fienne’s whitepower / hip-hop loving sibling SEXmastAH Fiennes thinks his brother is a bit uncouth (“Maid in Manhattan?…oh dear…” whispers SEXmastAH, with a gentle chuckle). Despite that, he loves Ralph very much: