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Knute Rockne I’m not.

June 30th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 40 Comments

Something I actually said to my three year old daughter this AM:

    See honey? Trying sometimes works.

What I didn’t add, thankfully:

“Note that I said ’sometimes,’ honey. Rarely, in fact. Come to think of it, honey, we all rot eventually… so what’s the point of ANY effort?”

    knute rockne

    KNUTE ROCKNE a.k.a. “not me.”

Next: Daddy’s Power Point demo showing that hard work and exemplary behavior MAY result in a crust of stale bread someday. (Though not likely.)

Tags: RiffTrax

40 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Onil on Jun 30, 2008 at 10:27 am

    It’s not over till…well, just give up already because the game is rigged to begin with so don’t even bother.

  • 2 Smuttynose on Jun 30, 2008 at 10:35 am

    So, plaigarising is fair game then. So somewhat akin to a previous blog entry regarding personal time machines, there really is no hope at all so I may as well stop typ

  • 3 Bill Corbett on Jun 30, 2008 at 10:44 am

    Plagiarizing? Please explain.

  • 4 Smuttynose on Jun 30, 2008 at 10:50 am

    The winner of the “What would you do with your own Personal Time Machine?” blog wrote “I’d go 10 seconds in the past to stop myself from typ”.

    I thought that was pretty clever too, and since it has been resolved that trying, or original thought, isn’t really worth a hil of bacon in this world, I decided to lazily copy someone else’s humor. Which is what I always do anyway.

    Blah, blah, blah, etc.

  • 5 Smuttynose on Jun 30, 2008 at 11:15 am

    OH! I didn’t mean YOU were plaigarising! No, no, heaven forfend.

  • 6 Bill Corbett on Jun 30, 2008 at 11:38 am

    Well, people have accused me of that. esp. after my epic fantasy series LORDS OF THE RING.

  • 7 Smuttynose on Jun 30, 2008 at 11:52 am

    So YOU’RE J. R. R. Tollkeen!

  • 8 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Jun 30, 2008 at 11:54 am

    Chuck E. Cheese, Inc. should hire you as a motivational speaker for every 8 year old’s birthday party. “Hey, kids it’s Frowny, The Bring You Down Clown. He doesn’t make balloon animals because they’ll just die anyway.”

  • 9 R.A. Roth on Jun 30, 2008 at 11:55 am

    What you should have said is:

    “See, honey, when a bee loves a flower, it angrily jams its stinger into Daddy’s arm and Daddy swells up like a marshmallow in the microwave and has to check himself into the hospital before the anaphylactic shock kills him.”

    That always straightens out my kids, if I had any.


  • 10 chrismartindeed on Jun 30, 2008 at 11:57 am

    Somebody please give Bill a cookie.

    But make sure it has the correct number of chocolate chips first.

  • 11 MikeP on Jun 30, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Fortunately, my 4 year old has a very strong grasp on the concept of “sometimes”, almost to a fault. As in, “I’ll always love princesses, except sometimes I don’t.”

  • 12 Rob T Firefly on Jun 30, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    If icky baby don’t learn about the football signals, icky baby gonna cwy.

  • 13 Marty (Gromit) on Jun 30, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    I’ve got to go, BILL. It’s all right. I’m not afraid. Some time, BILL, when the team is up against it, when things are wrong and the breaks are beating the boys, ask them to go in there with all they’ve got and win just one for the GROMIT. I don’t know where I’ll be then, BILL. But I’ll know about it, and I’ll be happy.

    Oh, you’re NOT him… Never mind… Besides, I’m just going out to the store, don’t know where the big speech came from.

  • 14 Neb on Jun 30, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    I’m guessing this had to do with a “Daddy, would you do/find…” situation, where the precious little one was perfectly capable of doing/finding something themselves. Am I close? Blessings upon you for encouraging a “Can do!” spirit, instead of a “I’ll jump whenever you say ‘frog’, because the world obviously revolves around my little angel!!!” mentality. Go, Corbett family!

  • 15 Yoda on Jun 30, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    Beg to differ with you, I do.

  • 16 RemmieBarrow on Jun 30, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    You should be an insperational speaker.

  • 17 Andy McGaffigan on Jun 30, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    Hey Bill – I said the exact same thing to my four-year-old, only there was more shock in my voice, something akin to:

    “Wow – trying ACTUALLY worked!” *pats kid on head*

    I spent the rest of the day laughing softly and shaking my head.

  • 18 Lord Bob on Jun 30, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    That makes much more sense. But, then, there is another theory here.

    Smuttynose is using his personal time machine to write this blog post before you can. So if you see somebody ten years ago looking oddly smug at Golden Bowling Pin-Shaped Robot Auditions, [i]run[/i].

    Back in time, I mean.

  • 19 mathey on Jun 30, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    If I ever had a kid (God help them), I’d be the Droopy of motivational speakers, the Harlan Ellison of inspiration, the Debbie Downer of enlightenment. Consider:

    “I’m as shocked as you are that Santa let you sit on his lap. Did you pay him?”

    “Well. At least you’re not .”

    “Look, I know you want to try out for varsity, but you’ve got MY genes. Stick to Dungeons and Dragons, kid.”

  • 20 mathey on Jun 30, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    Ah, darn. There’s a ‘(insert unpleasant debilitating condition here)’ after the ‘not’ in the second one. There. Fixed it. Now its HILARIOUS.

  • 21 Adam on Jun 30, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    Well, she’s 3 now. She’s old enough to know how the world really works; that life is just a ceaseless, hopeless march toward the abyss.

  • 22 To_Servo_Man on Jun 30, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    I think a girl like you could understand plenty…

  • 23 To_Servo_Man on Jun 30, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    A list of people Bill’s not:

    1) Kevin Murphy
    2) Kevin Bacon
    3) Bacon
    4) Knute Rockne


  • 24 Guin on Jun 30, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    I’m….pretty sure he’s not me…right?

  • 25 Beautiful Houndstooth on Jun 30, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    I dunno, coulda been the old “NO! I don’t have to go to the bathroom!” line. In my house the response to that one is always “Well try!”

  • 26 Beautiful Houndstooth on Jun 30, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    General Tso of Chinese chicken fame.

  • 27 To_Servo_Man on Jun 30, 2008 at 7:30 pm

    Former President Martin Van Buren

  • 28 To_Servo_Man on Jun 30, 2008 at 7:30 pm

    Frighteningly, “pretty sure” is about as sure as any of us can really be.

  • 29 Glyn on Jun 30, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    Trying is not worth the effort and making an effort is rarely worth trying

  • 30 Mr. Slick on Jun 30, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    Ever think of using puppets to talk to her?

  • 31 Mr. Slick on Jun 30, 2008 at 10:40 pm


  • 32 MVP on Jul 1, 2008 at 3:51 am

    Where is Groucho’s witty repartee when you need it?

    SPOILER ALERT – the password is ’swordfish’.

  • 33 MVP on Jul 1, 2008 at 4:04 am

    Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? I’m almost positive.

  • 34 Ben on Jul 1, 2008 at 4:26 am

    Well, this is still a cut above the wonderful advice Judge Smails dished out in “Caddyshack” : “Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.”

  • 35 wakachiwaka on Jul 1, 2008 at 4:51 am

    Now go, and never darken my towels again!

  • 36 Mystok on Jul 1, 2008 at 6:26 am

    I’m pretty sure I’m not Bill Corbett, nor Knute Rockne, nor me… so by that logic I will trying works all the time for my daughter… or the universe is about to implode.

    Parenting is an exercise in futility, but they are always saying exercise is good for us.

  • 37 seanf on Jul 1, 2008 at 6:39 am

    Bill– on the bright side, kids can’t really form permenant memories until about the age of 4. So you’ve got about a year to think of a witty explanation. As an added benefit, you also won’t have to worry about getting all those fancy things for your kid until then, like “LIGHTS,” and “A BED,” and “LOVE AND AFFECTION.”

  • 38 Smuttynose on Jul 1, 2008 at 11:55 am

    Oh, and I want my bread scrap now, please.

  • 39 To_Servo_Man on Jul 1, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    Alex Haley? The writing ability is a dead giveaway.


  • 40 To_Servo_Man on Jul 1, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    I’d horse with you if I had a horse!