It will all have been a big sad joke if after these earthbound days are over, my final resting place is not listed in Find A Grave.
Good to have an pre-arranged exit, in case you plan on going zombie (as I do).
And if I still live in Minnesota — more accurately, if I still don’t live here — please bury me next to famed marathon dancer Callum L. de Vellier. I hear he has good parties (if a bit long).
What are your post-life ambitions?
33 responses so far ↓
1 Jason Goldtrap on Jul 17, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I’d like to be stuffed and posed in the living room. That way my wife won’t have to buy any new Halloween decorations. And, when Christmas comes around, I’m a healthy-weight Santa.
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2 Tom S on Jul 17, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I’d like to be buried in a parisian graveyard where my legions of admirers will vandalize everyone’s graves, such that I will eventually be dug up and probably tossed in a sewer
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3 Glyn on Jul 17, 2008 at 10:01 pm
I hope to die at my computer playing World of Warcraft so that as my body rots and decays I can look more like my level 70 Undead character.
Although technically I’d be dead not undead.
Aye there’s the rub!
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4 Heather on Jul 17, 2008 at 10:33 pm
I’d like my death to be a catalyst for the inhabitants of a charming Irish town to come together to perpetrate fraud and claim my lottery winnings.
Wait, that’s already been taken.
I plan to serve at least 2 and 1/2 terms in the Senate after I die. My final resting place will be at the Adair Rest Area off of Interstate 80 in Iowa, and the smiley-face water tower will bear my epitaph. I’m still working on it, but it will probably be some kind of slam on the Florence Y’all water tower that I had to drive by so often in my youth.
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5 Shawn on Jul 17, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Is there any kind of possibility that I can maybe not die? I don’t expect anything, really, just throwin’ it out there. There’s something really interesting about the idea of seeing the year 2136, for exapmle.
If, at some point in the future, I decide that I’ve seen it “all”, and that life bores me, I will want the standard services of the time: to be ground up and fed to the Megahyenas of Africa II, in accordance with the solid-waste disposal initiative of 2097.
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6 Hugh on Jul 17, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Bill, you should know that any zombie worth his proverbial salt should be able to push his way out of the grave without the help of fancy trap doors. Hatches are only for amateurs and people on Lost.
As for my plans, I hope to be the world’s first human Olympic torch, if only so I can finally see the world, albeit posthumously. They might need several runners, though. This torch is not light.
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7 Mr. Slick on Jul 18, 2008 at 12:48 am
Going to a dead man’s party? who could ask for more? . . . No really who?
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8 Anthony on Jul 18, 2008 at 1:49 am
Buried with my copies of Summa Theologica, Lord of the Rings, the Annals of Connacht, and a collection of comics (some intentionally of poor quality) just to throw off whoever finds my body, which will be buried in an absolutely air-tight, sterilized steel casket in a random part of a forest. Hundredof years later, I’ll be found. There will be found great works of literature and history, a dog-eared copy of Sam and Max Surfin the Highway, and a bunch of really bad issues of Spiderman and Superman as well as crappy black and white self-published comics from the 80’s stained with coffee and beer. My casket, further, will have a spring-loaded setting, so, once opened, my lifeless, emaciated corpse will be hurled at my discoverer.
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9 BEMaven on Jul 18, 2008 at 2:35 am
A grave with a back door is kind of creepy.
Especially since there’s a little door for the cat.
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10 chrismartindeed on Jul 18, 2008 at 2:45 am
I heard the next generation of TomTom will allow you to locate any grave while driving.
Including your own.
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11 CinemaslaveJoe on Jul 18, 2008 at 3:18 am
I plan to donate my body to medical science, then have my wife deduct my net value from her taxes.
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12 Kleenex on Jul 18, 2008 at 3:52 am
I’d like my grave to be marked by a twelve foot high black monolith of pure obsidian. No writing on it at all. Just something for future archaelogists to ponder.
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13 Ryan on Jul 18, 2008 at 5:15 am
Zombie. Definitely. Constantly walking the earth, getting good exercise. Meeting lots of new people. Going on an Atkins diet (and sticking with it!). Finally able to truly appreciate women for their brains.
Sounds like zombification will be good for me.
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14 Jer on Jul 18, 2008 at 6:28 am
I would like to appear on Ghost Hunters…International if possible. And when they record their EVPs, I’ll say dirty words so they can’t use them on TV.
Or I’ll give them fake winning lottery numbers…
I dunno, I haven’t worked out all the details yet.
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15 SecretIdentityCrisis on Jul 18, 2008 at 6:53 am
“Here Lies Bill ‘Pyrophosphate’ Corbett, Voice of Gold Puppet”
I’ve never given much thought to what I want to happen to me, mostly because I probably won’t be able to know or care. Mummification might be pretty cool though.
My wife, however, wants to be thrown to the wolves when she expires. She’s practical. And crazy.
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16 Smuttynose on Jul 18, 2008 at 6:56 am
I want my cremated ashes thrown in the faces of all of those who have wronged me. I have several volunteers already.
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Reply from Ben on July 18, 2008:
“For thy heart, for thy heart who hast wronged me.” You’ll need Farslayer for that.
17 Ben on Jul 18, 2008 at 7:04 am
My post-death ambitions? “Vengeance from the grave, killed the people he once saved.” Though I have saved really nobody I can remember, so I will just use my “boots of lead” to rampage through Tokyo, New York and Kokomo and squish hapless commuters.
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18 Botchinator on Jul 18, 2008 at 7:41 am
I want to move up the underworld corporate ladder to middle management over the lost souls.
Pending it’s existence anyway.
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19 waffen on Jul 18, 2008 at 8:20 am
After I die I want these things to happen.
I want lie in state for five days while the Rush song “Xanadu” plays non-stop over all TV and Radio stations nationwide.
I want the police to wonder why they havent found any bodies of hitchikers out by the interstate since I passed away.
I don’t want to have a newspaper obit saying that “He lost his brave fight with cancer”. I want it say that “cancer kicked his skinny, dried up ass for two years and he left this earth screaming, crying like a child”
I do want my last words to be something along these lines:
“Nah, it isn’t loaded”
Hey you guys, watch this!”
“soup is good food”
“My life is a hollow lie”
“I died inside long ago”
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20 Jacob_Taylor on Jul 18, 2008 at 9:38 am
I have decided to go the way of my English teacher, and choose not to die, therefore becoming Immortal.
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21 Tim on Jul 18, 2008 at 10:25 am
I believe that’s known as a “Vincent Price Door”, Bill. Gained a lot of popularity with the undead, Thriller crowd.
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22 Michael on Jul 18, 2008 at 11:35 am
After I am torn apart by wild dogs I want my skeleton encased in titanium and shot into space.
On second thought, to avoid icing issues I better make that a gold titanium alloy my skeleton is enscased in.
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23 RemmieBarrow on Jul 18, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Geeze, Bill, grim and depressing much?
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24 Spookette on Jul 18, 2008 at 3:07 pm
This was originally proposed by a Youtube commentator, and I have to agree with him/her: I want Torgo’s theme playing as they lower me into the ground.
Also, after my imminent zombification, I hope my dance skills will greatly improve.
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25 Rob III on Jul 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm
I guess you don’t need a Zombie Plan if YOU are the zombie.
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26 Katie M. on Jul 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm
When I die, I wanna be cut up and fed to a great white shark. CHUM!
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27 To_Servo_Man on Jul 18, 2008 at 8:38 pm
To live in a realm free of Topher Grace. Or anyone named Topher for that matter.
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28 Brian O. on Jul 19, 2008 at 7:03 pm
I want the following epitath:
My other grave is Jim Morrison’s.
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29 R.A. Roth on Jul 20, 2008 at 1:51 pm
My cremains shall be placed in an old Folgers can centered in the middle of a sixty four square mile park dedicated to the sport of curling. People will propel large rocks (with handles) at the can and refer to it at all times as “the button”, “button head”, “cute as a button” and “Old Pudding Breeches”.
Randy
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Reply from R.A. Roth on July 20, 2008:
That last AND should be an OR. Saying all four nicknames at once all the time would be cumbersome and silly. I take it back. Leave the AND. People must say all four nicknames all the time OR my ashes will reconstitute AND rise up in hellish fury OR stir slightly AND douse the air in the sweet aroma of canned coffee. Have I made my point? Good.
Randy
30 William Benton on Jul 21, 2008 at 8:37 am
I want to be put in a large jack-in-a-box and every funeral-goer will have to walk up, turn the crank, and watch in horror as my cold, stiff corpse is launched towards them. I want to be dressed as a clown and hold a sign that says “See You Soon, Kids!!!”.
I like the idea that every person would know what was coming- standing in line, watching each person do it…and the reload process which I haven’t quite figured out…
I also want carnival music blaring to where no one can hear anything else or converse.
After that…just get me out of the way: burn, grind, eat…I don’t care what happens to my body. I’ll be dead, you know.
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31 Karen Eckhoff on Aug 25, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I hope animals eat me, finally absolving me of my white guilt, because I could never get around to recycling.
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