As a child I suffered through a series of recurring nightmares during which a small blob of congealed milk fat with matchstick legs and a hideous carrot-like nose would dance horribly and sing songs lauding cheese. With the aid of recently-developed nightmare capturing software, I am able to recreate them for your enjoyment.

Why? Why “Timer”? […]

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Ladies and gentlemen, when I begged you to create a Drew Carey / Sir Ian McKellen movie, you did not fail me. Ditto when I was in sore need of a Jean-Claude Van Damme / Havey Fierstein vehicle.
But this — THIS, my friends — is the biggest one yet….

PLUS

Yes, those very same […]

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I love art, and I love punching people. But I’ve never seen the connection.
This visionary did:

Please help this important artiste continue his work, by punching him. Often.

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While we were working on our latest Riff of Ocean’s 11, the nagging thought that I had seen the guy who plays obligatory Techno-nerd Livingston Dell before.

Turns out that he was the star of one of Bud Light’s famous early 90’s ad campaigns, the “Yes I Am” guy:

This was a simpler time, when […]

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I’ve always thought that the South American capybara is underrated as a potential pet. It’s the world’s largest rodent, for one thing, and that’s not something you get with every rodent. (To those with non-rodent pets: I won’t even pretend to understand you.)
Oh sure, you can think of capybara as giant […]

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After a not so successful attempt at comedy (”The Pacifier”), it’s good to see Vin Diesel bounce back with this:

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Once again, we comb the airwaves to bring you the music you don’t want to hear. This week:
AKON: Lonely

Yo…all. This one goes out to all my players out there, who sleep too heavily to hear their girlfriends banging around the loft, packing all their belongings and vacating the premises; and who then drown their […]

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There’s some new talent over at RiffTrax helping us to kick off our iRiffs section. Our thanks to Josh Way, Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, and Riff Raff Theater for some very funny stuff (and more to come, right guys…?)

So, what is iRiffs (besides being a painfully derivative name, I hear you saying, so just stop […]

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Our first single as the, um, RiffTones!
Ken Plume at Quick Stop Entertainment gave out the assignment, then we and our estimable opponents had one week to write and record a song. Our challenge, terrifying in both its specificity and lack thereof: write a song about the moon.
And bless us, for […]

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My old pal Peter Sagal, host of National Public Radio’s WAIT WAIT DON’T TELL ME, has been up to no damned good.

In case you missed it, Peter recently wrote a book about the human propensity for bad behavior titled “The Book of Vice.”
When I first heard the title — before I saw […]

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Commenter justhesh reminded me that we haven’t reported on the other, vastly more interesting McConaughey in some time. I attempt here to correct this most grievous error. (Sorry, I can’t embed this video.)
http://video.accesshollywood.com/player/?id=263879

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We’ve all read Goodnight Moon, or at least had it read to us.  It turns out that contrary to popular belief, the Old Lady Whispering ‘Hush’, is not the most intriguing character in the Goodnight Moon saga.  This interesting Wall Street Journal article by Joshua Prager (his book about Bobby Thomson’s Shot Heard Round the […]

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Matthew “Sahara” McConaughey (pictured*) is auctioning a few items off on eBay. Among them, his Commemorative Texas Longhorn National Championship Motorcycle. (Yes, to answer your question, there really is such a thing.)
His reason for selling? The June bug welts on his chest were too frequent and too painful. He briefly considered wearing a shirt while […]

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Stinky the Hutt-mania is not deterred by the Clone Wars dismal showing at the box office!
Leaving the gun and taking the cannoli was never too big of a problem for Jabba the Hutt, but who knows how these recent events will affect the crime boss!

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I’ve gone ahead and purchased stinkythehutt.com.  Sorry for not consulting with everyone ahead of time, but I felt it was necessary to take quick action.  Any ideas about how to best put it to use would be appreciated.

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