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Your ride to the moon tower

August 18th, 2008 by Mike Nelson · 25 Comments

matthew mcconaughey hook em hornsMatthew “Sahara” McConaughey (pictured*) is auctioning a few items off on eBay. Among them, his Commemorative Texas Longhorn National Championship Motorcycle. (Yes, to answer your question, there really is such a thing.)

His reason for selling? The June bug welts on his chest were too frequent and too painful. He briefly considered wearing a shirt while riding but dismissed it when he remembered that shirts are for non-awesome dudes.

*Though attending a Texas Longhorns’ game, contrary to what you might think Matthew is not signing “hook ‘em horns” but rather is preparing for that night’s Dave Matthews concert.

Tags: RiffTrax

25 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Kyle on Aug 18, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    Riding a motorcycle with a shirt makes a person not awesome? I’d better inform the local motorcycle gang of this…

  • 2 MST3Kelly on Aug 18, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    it appears he is paying homage to the black forces that enabled him to have a career, and to breed.

    ‘Hail, SatanDude!’

  • 3 Tim on Aug 18, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    Somebody should have helped poor Matt out and turned him around, pointing out to him that the field is behind him.

    “Matthew, the game is going on in the other direction, man.”

    “Beef!!! It’s what’s fer dinner!!! Wooo!!!”

  • 4 ZB on Aug 18, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    Looks like he’s about to get hit by a car from space. Or maybe he’s the goalpost in a game of Dorito football.

  • 5 Heather on Aug 18, 2008 at 5:32 pm

    I thought that preparing for a Dave Matthews Band concert involved a lot more pot than seems to be depicted… although upon closer inspection of the facial expression of the McConaughey-creature (not something one should attempt on a full stomach) one must assume that the doobage is just off-camera and that there is indeed a LOT of it.

  • 6 Charlie W on Aug 18, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    “Dude toss those peanuts into my mouth while I toss up the devil horns. Trust me I can totally catch it.”

  • 7 Mr. Slick on Aug 18, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    PACKERS!!!! WHOOO!!!

  • 8 justhesh on Aug 18, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    He had to get rid of his bike because they’re raising emission standards in the land of lean beef.

  • 9 jason on Aug 18, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    Just caught him in Tropical Thunder. It was pretty good, but he was much better in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4

  • 10 zoidberg on Aug 18, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    From reading the headline I thought someone was sending McConaughey to the moon… That was a happy thought.

  • 11 Smuttynose on Aug 19, 2008 at 4:16 am

    Hey suzanne…McConaughey…Isn’t that a division in the whole state quarters thingy?

    Cruel? Perhaps.

    Funny? Not really, no.

  • 12 Ben on Aug 19, 2008 at 4:36 am

    All I want to know is if I can ride the bicycle naked and stoned, while playing my bongos? Dude…that is like, important and everything.

  • 13 Ben on Aug 19, 2008 at 4:38 am

    ooo Dude…I meant motorcycle…heh hah heh hheeh… yum…funions

  • 14 Onil on Aug 19, 2008 at 4:59 am

    He’s obviously doing shadow puppets what with those spotlights behind. The McConaughey cannot resist.

  • 15 Mystok on Aug 19, 2008 at 5:17 am

    No, he is rehearsing a scene from the new remake of The Giant Spider Invasion. In this scene, he is celebrating not getting killed in a car crash and seconds later he is put up the giant spider’s butt.

  • 16 karen on Aug 19, 2008 at 6:22 am

    In the immortal words of rifftrax-”who wants to scale mount mcconaghey” & “lookit my chilsed arms!” best lines ever! (it was from that dragon movie-ring of fire? or something)

    another option for his face is “I, like, so, rock!”
    plus he’s got this boyish charm. something about the hair. mmmm…hair.

  • 17 Casey on Aug 19, 2008 at 7:16 am

    creepy.. is that a giant semi truck behind him?

  • 18 Gamera on Aug 19, 2008 at 8:52 am

    According to IMDB, Matthew “doesn’t wear deodorant or cologne.”

    Bravo on not wearing cologne, but no deodorant?

    Can you see the stink lines creeping out from under his leather jacket? I bet he smells like an Italian hoagie.

  • 19 Teaser on Aug 19, 2008 at 9:04 am

    OOOoooohhhhh…Dave Matthews…..How Cooool,Somebody should give this guy an education in music………..the devil horns don’t belong there

  • 20 RemmieBarrow on Aug 19, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    I will just take your word for that.

  • 21 Ra-chan on Aug 19, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    HA! I doth laugh at your MST3K reference

  • 22 Mr. Slick on Aug 19, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    Well they also did that recently in the short “If Mirrors Could Speak.”
    Bill, you are a delight. : D

  • 23 jason on Aug 19, 2008 at 11:19 pm

    Seriously; somehow he managed to play a deranged, murderous, possibly inbred redneck wrecker driver almost perfectly!

  • 24 MSTJedi on Aug 20, 2008 at 8:24 am

    Yeah, it seems rural Wisconsin and rural Texas are disturbingly similar.

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