The RiffTrax Blog header image 1

Let the hazing begin!

August 22nd, 2008 by Mike Nelson · 33 Comments

There’s some new talent over at RiffTrax helping us to kick off our iRiffs section. Our thanks to Josh Way, Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, and Riff Raff Theater for some very funny stuff (and more to come, right guys…?)

icwsp ladyF featured
speed banner
thoughtful banner

So, what is iRiffs (besides being a painfully derivative name, I hear you saying, so just stop it)? It’s your chance to make a RiffTrax, share it with the world, and then bath in the bathtubs full of money you’ll make off it. (All the info you need is on the iRiffs page.)

Now, on to the hazing. As any of our new talent can tell you, the easiest part of the day-long ritual is being roused from your bed at 3:00AM by fire extinguishers and potato guns (fired directly into your face at point blank range. HA! New meat!) Then, after a light and ironic breakfast of fried potatoes, your choice of juice, coffee, skim milk or a serious ass-kicking, you’ll be blindfolded, taken to an undisclosed location (probably the alley behind the Green Burrito very near RiffTrax World Headquarters), tossed a box full of various costume pieces and ordered, sharply, to dress as your favorite cast member of “Gary Unmarried”. Get it wrong and you die.* After that, 20 minutes or so of uncomfortable silences and strained conversation as we try to think up something else to do, then we break for a restorative lunch of hoppy beers – while you sit there WATCHING! Drinking the hoppy beer OF YOUR CHOICE! And it’s ON US so DON’T EVEN TRY TO PAY!

Then, naps all around, we bum a ride back to RiffTrax in your car, and Bob’s your uncle, you’re one of the RiffTrax team!

Join us, won’t you?

*Don’t worry, you won’t die. There is no wrong answer.

Tags: RiffTrax

33 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Suzanne on Aug 22, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Is this what happened when you hired Conor? Potato gun point blank would explain a lot. (Like this Facebook group, which also explains a lot.)

    And Bob’s your uncle? Oh my god, Mike, you’re speaking British. I thought you loved America. I question your patriotism. How many houses do YOU own?

  • 2 clarkem on Aug 22, 2008 at 10:14 am

    So that’s all well and good, but when does the actual HAZING start?

  • 3 Enron Hubbard on Aug 22, 2008 at 10:33 am

    You misunderstand. There is a clause in the IRiffs agreement that all submissions entitle any man named Robert to marry any riffer’s aunt of his choosing.
    I say “any man named Robert”, but we all know this clause was originally intended solely for the benefit of Mike’s dear friend Bob “Who Framed Jar-Jar Binks…I mean Roger Rabbit?” Hoskins.
    The Healing can now commence…

  • 4 Charlie W on Aug 22, 2008 at 11:07 am

    I wish I could do something like that, but, alas I am on the other side of the country with no microphone.

  • 5 Tim on Aug 22, 2008 at 11:11 am

    “After that, 20 minutes or so of uncomfortable silences and strained conversation as we try to think up something else to do…”

    Silences which are all the more uncomfortable due to the pain of receiving multiple potatoes in the face at half the speed of sound, which have no doubt resulted in at least one shattered orbital bone, and perhaps a detached retina. But all in good fun.

  • 6 Smuttynose on Aug 22, 2008 at 11:15 am

    (Sound of loading potato gun)

    “Thank you sir may I have another!”


    “Thank you sir may I have another!”


    “Thank you sir may I have another!”


    Alright, now gimme the hoppy bear! Gimme gimme gimme!!!!

  • 7 Ben on Aug 22, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Hrrrhm…if you’d said “blanket party” or “fragging”, you might have enticed me.

  • 8 MSTJedi on Aug 22, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    I’m so glad to see ICWXP and Josh Way officially under the Rifftrax banner. I’ve never sampled Riff Raff Theater (other than the sample offered here, of course), but what I saw amused me, as well. So are Josh’s DVDs of earlier shorts going to be available any time soon?

  • 9 JoshWay on Aug 22, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    The hazing was rough, but boy was it worth it! (Mr. Nelson, your laundry is almost ready. Again, I’m sorry it was “too damn clean” the first time…)

    Oh, and more to come indeed! I’m just finishing my riff of “A Man For All Seasons.” You’re toast, Scofield!

  • 10 TeeJay on Aug 22, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Wow…who wouldn’t want to join in on that fun?!

  • 11 JoshWay on Aug 22, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    You’re too kind, MSTJedi! I’m not sure about the DVDs (they’re still available from me), but I will be releasing more classic stuff AND new stuff on iRiffs.

  • 12 Courtney on Aug 22, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    At what point do the paddles come in? I refuse to sumbit an iRiff unless I get to paint flowers and ladybugs on a paddle to give to my Pledge Mom (possibly Kevin).

  • 13 RemmieBarrow on Aug 22, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    I just want to ask if this was something you guys used to iniciate “New Meat” during your MST3K days or is this a new concept for you.

  • 14 SecretIdentityCrisis on Aug 22, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    I’m not sure what I’m more titillated by; the chance to try out my riff skills and fail miserably in front of my childhood heroes, the potential hazing ritual, or getting the chance to use the word titillated in a blog comment!

  • 15 AWD! on Aug 22, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    I hope you’ll give me enough time to finish mine, guys… But I have to admit, I need a co-writer.

  • 16 Ryan on Aug 22, 2008 at 8:05 pm

    Where is Quiptracks in all of this? I don’t see any mention of them, and they have the best output (in both quantity and quality).

  • 17 norgavue on Aug 22, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    I’m interested from both sides. Definatly want to get some material out and see some material on here. Alas it’s so late and I can’t type right or I would put something funny on here as well.

  • 18 Spookette on Aug 22, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    I think I’ll give this a try as well, despite the intense, crippling dread of inevitable embarrassment and the hazing. I’m pretty sure the hazing will the less painful of the two.

  • 19 Adam on Aug 23, 2008 at 8:56 am

    This iRiffs thing is so fantastic. I started doing fan riffs on YouTube a few months ago with a friend of mine (and thanks to some helpful advice and encouragement from Josh Way), but this looks to be a cool new home for them.

    Also, the tips on audio/video are enormously useful!

  • 20 Chris on Aug 23, 2008 at 10:29 pm

    My Group the “Celluloid Shinobi’s” will be bringing you an iRiff of “STREET FIGHTER” starring Jean Claude Van Damnit … it will be all done by the time iRIFFS launches.

    We Promise!

  • 21 Mr. Slick on Aug 23, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    I’m sorry but if Mike, Kevin &/or Bill aren’t involved then I’ll pass. If I wanna listen to MST3K wanna-bes then I’ll go on Youtube

  • 22 Tim on Aug 24, 2008 at 12:00 am

    Way to keep an open mind.

    Lord knows none of the rest of us can be the least bit talented.

  • 23 Mike Nelson on Aug 24, 2008 at 10:45 am

    Sweet! Everyone who Van Damme has hurt over the years (and I think that means every living human) thanks you.

  • 24 TeeJay on Aug 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    Remember – we were all “trained” by the masters. We were spawned by the RiffTrax crew.

    Hopefully that will make Mike, Kevin and Bill proud…

  • 25 Mr. Slick on Aug 24, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    Sorry I meant no offense to any potential riffers.

    “There is no wrong answer.” I guess there are

  • 26 Natureboy (Ken) on Aug 25, 2008 at 9:09 am

    Dude, you really could have kept that shit to yourself. People are busting their asses writing stuff, recording it and doing something they think is fun. You haven’t tried even one of these products and you are passing judgement? For shame.

  • 27 Isaac S. on Aug 25, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    Eh, you know, there were (and still are) people who refuse to buy RiffTrax because it’s not MST3K (or any number of other preconceived notions — it’s too hard, etc.). They don’t know what they’re missing.

    iRiffs won’t reach everybody, but for those open-minded enough to try, I have a feeling they’ll be in for many a treat. And maybe a few duds, too (I’ll just apologize in advance for my own contributions*), but that’s just part of the process.

    *Kidding! I’ve set a goal of at least mildly amusing 85% of the time or more, which I currently believe is attainable according to my latest spreadsheet.

  • 28 Tim on Aug 25, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    85%, eh? Not bad, Isaac.

    Have you gotten the focus group results back yet?

    I know your last public sample survey indicated that people thought there were “too many references to asparagus.”

  • 29 Mr. Slick on Aug 25, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    I admit I was closed minded but I’ve seen the error of my way thanks to TeeJay & Isaac S. Their maturity opened my eyes to the fact that once upon a time Mike, Kevin & Bill were unknowns and people gave them a chance.

  • 30 ERINBOTELHO on Aug 29, 2008 at 5:32 am

    Well do the riffs that other people do have to be approved by Mike, Bill or Kevin first? I’m sure if that is the case then it has to be some what funny for it to pass. I myself have always wanted to try but I am waaaaaaaaaaaay too random for anything to work out.. :o )

  • 31 Krudmonger on Aug 29, 2008 at 10:52 am

    I think this is awesome news, because I’ve always wanted to try my hand at this, but I didn’t want to be accused of “ripping off” MST3K/RiffTrax, or of being a wannabe/poser, or “I know Mike Nelson/Kevin Murphy/Bill Corbett, and you, my friend, are no Mike Nelson/Kevin Murphy/Bill Corbett.” (Not that anyone would word it so awkwardly.)

    This way, not only do I get the implicit blessing of RiffTrax, but they get to keep tabs on the competition! Er, I meant the loyal subjects. Or something. *tries to look inconspicuous*

    Also, I share some of your riff prejudice, Mr. Slick, because there IS some real crap out there. Hopefully it will remain out there, while the cream of the crap — er, crop — floats up to iRiffs.

  • 32 ERINBOTELHO on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    I think people need to concentrate on being themselves and try less to be like our Riff heros. Most people who are fans are going to be a little biased. So just be ya’lls selves and have fun with it. Sorry Mike, Kevin, Bill… I didn’t mean to sound too much like “This is what you need to do so says me!” …LOL

  • 33 Olcas on Sep 1, 2008 at 10:35 am

    I would LIKE to try this, but I’m not sure if it works for us PAL people. Can anyone clarify?