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August 24th, 2008 by Kevin Murphy · 23 Comments

Once again, we comb the airwaves to bring you the music you don’t want to hear. This week:
AKON: Lonely

Yo…all. This one goes out to all my players out there, who sleep too heavily to hear their girlfriends banging around the loft, packing all their belongings and vacating the premises; and who then drown their sorrows by listening to Bobby Vinton at chipmunk speed. You know who I’m talking about.

Tags: Bad Music · In the Media · RiffTrax · Riffer Blogs · Trends · video

23 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Matt on Aug 24, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Wow, that’s bad. Also, I like that he is wearing sunglasses at night, in the rain, and is bone dry.

  • 2 RemmieBarrow on Aug 24, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    It would have been a bareable song if only they had killed off the singing chipmunk in the background.

  • 3 MonkeyCheezPants on Aug 24, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    It would have been better if they Chipmunk’d Akon and left the sample alone.

  • 4 Charlie W on Aug 24, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    He basically stole this. It was a relatively unknown chipmunks song where Simon sung the chorus and Alvin rapped it.

  • 5 Nanobots on Aug 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    Ah, c’mon. This isn’t all that bad. You have to give him credit for trying something original. It’s not like we have a million rap songs that start with the chipmunks.

    Not that I’m going to run out and buy this, but it’s decent enough that I wouldn’t change the station if it came up on the radio. And given how many times I *do* change the radio station, that’s something.

  • 6 Ariel on Aug 24, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    You think THIS is bad? Listen to his “Don’t Matter”. Another gem.

  • 7 Oofty Goofty on Aug 24, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    Reminds me of the Westward Connection/Slim Whitman collaboration back in 1996. Who could forget these lyrics, combined together to produce pure emotion?

    Slim Whitman:
    “I remember you-ooh
    You’re the one who made my dreams come true
    A few kisses ago

    I remember you-ooh
    You’re the one who said “I love you, too”
    Yes, I do, didn’tcha know?

    I remember, too, a distant bell and stars that fell
    Like the rain out of the blue-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo”

    then Ice T:
    “Did I mention I think about you when I’m benchin’
    And running my trigger finger all through your extensions
    It’s intense dreamin’ of a black picket fence
    His and her nine’s teach you how to rhyme on the mic
    You Tina I’m Ike”

    Then Slim warbles again while the beat pounds.

  • 8 Scooter on Aug 24, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    Funny. Just a few days ago (yesterday, in fact) I heard someone playing this in their car, and I just thought to myself “People still listen to this song?”

  • 9 Neb on Aug 24, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    This music video is obviously meant to be heart-rendingly full of pathos (the song along couldn’t possibly be), but the sorry fact is that the singer is out-acted by the giant medallion around his neck. His droning vocals aren’t that emotive, either. While not on par with the offensive “Honky Tonk etc.”, it’s still pretty awful, imo.

  • 10 Mystok on Aug 25, 2008 at 7:05 am

    My guess if he pulled up his pants while he was on stage he wouldn’t be so lonely.

    What kinda of crap are they forcing on the rappers these days? I can just hear the producer… No, it doesn’t have enough emo… let’s use cowbells. What no cow bells! Then get the Alvin in here and sing the lyrics!

  • 11 Smuttynose on Aug 25, 2008 at 7:37 am

    Needs more cowbell.

    I’ve got a fever, and the only cure is MORE COWBELL!

  • 12 karen on Aug 25, 2008 at 9:26 am

    alvin and the chipminks were invovled in this. i know!!!!! how COULD THEY?!!!! bah. what a playah! a sad player @ that.

  • 13 Danni on Aug 25, 2008 at 9:34 am

    OMG soda just came out of my nose – what is Christopher Walken doing these days, anyhow?

  • 14 R.A. Roth on Aug 25, 2008 at 11:04 am

    Much to the chagrin of my ears, my entire being, I am regularly treated to this ball of shrill crap once or twice a week at my “health” club. What could be less healthy than listening to chipmunk-backed rap? Hitler-backed rap? No, that I might enjoy for its stern barking quality.


  • 15 MSTJedi on Aug 25, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    Wow . . . I wonder if anyone’s cornered the Hitler rap yet?

  • 16 Casey on Aug 25, 2008 at 12:44 pm

    Anyone who seriously derives any form of enjoyment from this song… should not be surprised by their loneliness. Much like those who listen to ICP.

  • 17 Jic on Aug 25, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    The Chipmunks… that is exactly who i think of when i think thug life sucka… ya think Alvin was in bed with some cheap trick sleeping off a night o boozing it up when he got a call from Akon’s people asking him to pop into the studio to help them on this project?

  • 18 Heather on Aug 25, 2008 at 3:02 pm

    The chipmunk bit keeps running through my head, dammit. I can’t believe it, but… I actually find myself wishing I could remember ANYTHING that Akon was singing over the damn high-speed ‘Lonely’ chorus. Was that his intention? Or was it accidental that Akon got upstaged by Alvin?

    I’m going to go hum “Mambo No. 5″ loudly to myself until I can banish it from my brain. Then I suppose I’ll have to swallow a bird to catch the spider.

    I congratulate your niece once again on finding us the worst, ear-wormiest pop radio hits, and I wish I could give her my extra copies of They Might Be Giants albums so that the healing might begin.

  • 19 Glyn on Aug 25, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    Ok, I admit it.
    I didn’t ‘listen’ to this, but I know Shatner could have done a better job.

  • 20 Chris D. on Aug 25, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    Have we done “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock yet? Because that song* is terrible.

    *If by “song” you mean stealing other people’s riffs and singing your own stupid lyrics.

  • 21 Doug on Aug 26, 2008 at 4:59 am

    You have to love a song that makes you violently punch your finger at the scan button to try and make the hurting stop.

    I think this song was one of the driving forces in buying an ipod and a sirius satellite radio.

    Just to insure that I would never…EVER- have to hear this song A-gain.

  • 22 Scooter on Aug 26, 2008 at 11:11 am

    not exactly a rap…but…well….

    see for yourself

  • 23 Nanobots on Sep 3, 2008 at 9:35 am

    Alvin has upstaged many a singer.