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Art! Punching! Finally together.

August 27th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 27 Comments

I love art, and I love punching people. But I’ve never seen the connection.

This visionary did:

Please help this important artiste continue his work, by punching him. Often.

Tags: RiffTrax

27 responses so far ↓

  • 1 MikeP on Aug 27, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Brings new meaning to the term “Martial Arts”. Not to be confused with “Marital Arts”, which involve your wife smacking you in the face with a paint brush for stopping for a beer on the way home instead of attending the birth of your first child.

  • 2 Courtney on Aug 27, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Wow. It really happened. A lovechild of Jackson Pollack and Johnny Knoxville. And they said it would never happen.

  • 3 Laughing Sal on Aug 27, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    This guy totally stole his act. In San Francisco (my home town) in the late 19th century, a man christened “Oofty Goofty”- a name he acquired in an act in which he portrayed a tar and fur covered raw meat eating”wild man”- rose to fame after finding he was immune to physical pain. He discovered this after being ejected from a Barbary Coast beer hall after performing his act. Viz:

    “Oofty Goofty was kicked with considerable force, and landed heavily upon a stone sidewalk, but to his intense surprise he discovered that he was, apparently, insensible to pain. This great gift he immediately proceeded to capitalize, and for some fifteen years, except for occasional appearances at the Bella Union as a super, and a short engagement as co-star with Big Bertha, he eked out a precarious existence simply by letting himself be kicked and pummeled for a price. Upon payment of ten cents a man might kick Oofty Goofty as hard as he pleased, and for a quarter he could hit the erstwhile wild man with a walking-stick. For fifty cents Oofty Goofty would become the willing, and even prideful, recipient of a blow with a baseball bat, which he always carried with him. He became a familiar figure in San Francisco, not only on the Barbary Coast, but in other parts of the city as well. It was his custom to approach groups of men, in the streets and in bar-rooms, and diffidently inquire: “Hit me with a bat for four bits, gents? Only four bits to hit me with this bat, gents.”

    –From Herbert Asbury’s The Barbary Coast.

  • 4 Darth Chimay on Aug 27, 2008 at 5:21 pm

    So, wait… did this guy get his MA from the Acme School of Art?

  • 5 Heather on Aug 27, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    Next time on Classic Arts Showcase, Mumblety-Peg Sculpting and Russian Roulette Macramé.

  • 6 Charlie W on Aug 27, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    I personally can’t wait to see the guy who can paint the mona lisa in three rounds.

  • 7 Mr. Slick on Aug 27, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    Well know all we need is Mike Tyson to get his finger paints and watch them go 12 rounds.

  • 8 Smuttynose on Aug 28, 2008 at 4:39 am

    I have many random thoughts:

    How much funding did he recieve from the NEA? I’ll pitch in more if he gets that device to do rapid combinations.

    Take off the boxing glove and put a pointy stick on that thing. Or some rasberries (continue Monty Python reference here…)

    Note the Jack Daniels’ T-shirt…’nuff said there.

    Also note the guy from Mental Health Services was applauding. What was he thinking.. “This is the most fun I’ve had watching a mental defective in all my years in the service. I’ve always wanted to be that boxing glove”?

    Did he sell the painting, and if so, how much did this guy get for it? Would it be enough to pay for the medical bills and therapy?

  • 9 Doug on Aug 28, 2008 at 5:18 am

    Wait…did you hear that?

    Oh yes, the sound of a legitimate artist somewhere, howling out in agony and embarrassment.

  • 10 Onil on Aug 28, 2008 at 6:17 am

    He also stole his act from Ted ” The Bayonne Reader” Grant. Ted would recite from the yellow pages whilst getting kicked in the balls.

  • 11 Ben on Aug 28, 2008 at 6:44 am

    Why don’t people paint like Julianne Moore’s character in “The Big Lebowski”? Swing them in naked on a rope while they are flinging brushes to make splatters on canvas laid out on the floor.

  • 12 suzanne on Aug 28, 2008 at 8:32 am

    This is a clever contraption to get Conor to finish the damn state quarters race.

    DO IT OR WE’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY MAKING PRETENTIOUS PAINT PATTERNS AND CALLING IT ART!!

  • 13 MST3Kelly on Aug 28, 2008 at 8:44 am

    There was a bit of violence in the name of “Art” at my art college. Two guys walked into classrooms and threatened teachers and students with a sword as their “performance piece.” Another student killed a chicken in class. Protesting the war, a student set fire to various objects around campus (not himself, though.) A student in his “piece” cornered a student and abused her verbally until she cried, then he slapped her. Two students filled one of the gallery spaces with a foot deep layer of damp horse manure, which I had to walk through daily to get to my job at the school post office- not actively violent, but revolting. And it goes on and on-
    But the most painful memory that I carry with me from art college are– the student loans.

  • 14 Heather on Aug 28, 2008 at 10:02 am

    I don’t think violence is the answer here. I think you should start one of those online petitions. Call it “STOP GLOBAL WARMING and finish the state quarters competition, Conor!”

    Or promise him cookies. BACON cookies.

    I don’t have a bacon cookie recipe, but I will make these and ship them to Rifftrax Galactic headquarters if Conor finishes the contest for suzanne. I’ve made these half a dozen times or so for people at work. Grown men have wept for love of them.

  • 15 Danni on Aug 28, 2008 at 10:41 am

    Holy cow there actually IS a recipe for bacon cookies:

    http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Bacon-Cookies/Detail.aspx

    I would make some but something tells me that Mike, Kevin, Bill and Conor wouldn’t trust food mailed to them…

  • 16 Danni on Aug 28, 2008 at 10:43 am

    Although now that I actually read through that recipe, it’s not really a cookie…no sugar. More like a bacon biscuit…I’ll have to keep searching.

  • 17 Heather on Aug 28, 2008 at 11:16 am

    You make a good point. Oh well, guess I should cancel that massive steak gift order at Lobel’s of New York.

  • 18 Ra-chan on Aug 28, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    At the very least, he’s only hurting himself.

    And it’s more interesting that someone throwing paint at a canvas.

  • 19 Yanni on Aug 28, 2008 at 1:44 pm

    you know, i think that contraption would work just as well without him getting hit…

    either way, his work had better be in the Louvre soon

  • 20 norgavue on Aug 28, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    I will hit this guy… my muse tells me I must

  • 21 RemmieBarrow on Aug 28, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    It’s more interesting than most preformance art.

  • 22 Krud on Aug 29, 2008 at 7:23 am

    Okay, so I get the appeal of punching someone who claims that random paint splattering equals art, but why the see-saw effect? (Or teeter-totter, whatever the more common term is.) Is that really a pivotal element? (Yes, I’m deeply ashamed of that pun.)

  • 23 BadTouch on Aug 29, 2008 at 8:51 am

    Just be cautious when walking into this guy’s gallery.

  • 24 Scarlett on Aug 29, 2008 at 9:00 am

    When did Jackass start doing a Finger Painting for Morons series?

    You never got this kind of crap from Bob Ross aka Tree Painting Dude on the Joy of Painting. He always had little stories about all his little painted trees, the painted little woodland creatures and the fields of pot, just over the next fuzzy, happy hill or lake he just painted.

    Tree Painting Guy would have painted some lovely little trees, mountains and little bird who’s living a life of quiet desperation in his little cute nest on this guy if he just wanted to have some paint on him and the canvas…right after taking the swing we all want to take at that guy and anyone who paid to see that spectacle, yeesh…..

  • 25 Erin B on Aug 29, 2008 at 7:07 pm

    Wow! That looks like the artful McD’s I ate 3 days ago…..

  • 26 Erin B on Aug 29, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    You know I really ought to learn how to snort and sneeze paint….I could make a million!

  • 27 Thumbelina on Aug 29, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    I don’t know much about art, admittedly – this could be the greatest painting of all time, and I wouldn’t know it. I’m suspicious, however, that the cheers of the (offscreen, but presumably authentic) crowd stem solely from the satisfaction of watching this guy get punched repeatedly in the face.

    One thing I do know, however – that ridiculous squeaking is making me insane with rage. Would a can of WD-40 compromise his artistic vision?