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Brand new buddy movie challenge!

August 29th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 92 Comments

Ladies and gentlemen, when I begged you to create a Drew Carey / Sir Ian McKellen movie, you did not fail me. Ditto when I was in sore need of a Jean-Claude Van Damme / Havey Fierstein vehicle.

But this — THIS, my friends — is the biggest one yet….

denethor

PLUS

coolio

Yes, those very same Hollywood suits have demanded that I come up with a buddy movie idea for rapper / chef Coolio and the guy who played Denethor in RETURN OF THE KING. And I need it SO soon that by the time I finish typing this sentence, it needs to be on my desk! (…Damn, I finished that sentence — where is it!?!)

Same rules apply as ever:

    50 words or less; no porn; no monkeys over 50 lbs; no cameos by Kid Rock. Though those last two rules are redundant, of course.

    Oh, and Donny Most MUST have a substantial role, or the money people will not only cancel the project, but they’ll have me beaten severely. (And yes, they are allowed to do that, by law.)

One key to success: a buddy film, according to The Complete Film Dictionary, is “a film that features the friendship of two males as the major relationship”.

In this case, those two males are Coolio and the guy who played Denethor in RETURN OF THE KING, hmmkay? So the main event is the relationship between Coolio and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K, whatever you want to do with it.

A decision will be made by 11:59.59 PM EST, Tuesday 9/2/2008.

WINNER GETS A FREE RIFFTRAX.

Remember…

Donny Most

YES!

kid rock

NO!

Leave your pitch in comments below. Go go go go move move move move go peeeeeople go move go!

Tags: RiffTrax

92 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Melman on Aug 29, 2008 at 9:25 am

    Donny gets shot into space by a mad scientist and forced to watch bad movies, while Coolio and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K go on an epic quest to stop a nuclear device starting world war 3 while simultaneously saving Donny, reuniting himself with his long lost son, and winning the tri-county dance contest to get the money to save the rec-centre. The mad scientist is played by a 49lb monkey.

  • 2 Melman on Aug 29, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Oh, and at some point there is a musical number involving the cast of fame singing the lyrics of Death Metal songs to the tune of the happy days theme. And one of the singers has cancer.

  • 3 ERINBOTELHO on Aug 29, 2008 at 9:30 am

    OMG!!! LOLOLOLOL This is great!

  • 4 Krudmonger on Aug 29, 2008 at 9:37 am

    This was hard to do in 50 words, but here goes nothin’:

    In a world where screenplay pitches start with needless geographic exposition, one tragically hip chef (Coolio) must battle his way through the tough aisles of an inner city supermarket, aided only by his gruff but loyal sidekick, The guy who played Denethor in Return Of The King. Co-starring Donny Most.

  • 5 Ariel on Aug 29, 2008 at 9:57 am

    You totally killed my creative genius when you said “no porn.”
    Thanks.

  • 6 BentoBoxx on Aug 29, 2008 at 10:06 am

    A top Government scientist and MIT professor (Coolio) has invented an engine that runs on water. CIA operative Lemming (Donnie Most) has been ordered to kill him. With the help of an out of work Taco chef (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K), they have to get it to Ed Begley jr…..or die trying!

  • 7 Katai on Aug 29, 2008 at 10:07 am

    Best friends Coolio and Denethor are having one last hurrah before Denethor gets married. ROAD TRIP! When they pick up craaaazy hitchhiking Donny Most, they end up being the ones taken for a ride, ending up in Hong Kong, where they marry twin Chinese heiresses and stay friends fo-evah, yo.

  • 8 Katie M. on Aug 29, 2008 at 10:27 am

    Coolio and Denethor are just a coupla high school slackers trying to start their own metal rock band. Enter time-travelling Donny Most to send them back in time to prevent the birth of Kid Rock and save music forever!!!!

    (oops, did I blow it?)

  • 9 Heather on Aug 29, 2008 at 10:51 am

    Coolio stars as the hip young English professor that’s just been made dean of the college of liberal arts at a small Midwestern university. That Guy Who Played Denethor is the dean of engineering that shows him how to manage the colorful faculty, including a history professor that thinks he’s Charlemagne (Donny Most), in exchange for lessons on how to be cool.

  • 10 Charlie W on Aug 29, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Coolio and his father Donny Most must stop T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K. from depositing a bad check. They run into trouble when Coolio is entered into a square dancing contest by T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K. The excitement abounds with Donny Most’s fiddling to help his son win the competition and reach the bank in time.

  • 11 Krudmonger on Aug 29, 2008 at 10:57 am

    Ack, I wish I’d waited to write mine, then I’d have known/realized that T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K. counted as only one word. ‘:P

    Also, is he and Coolio buddies in this? Because I’ve always held to that old addage, “Friends don’t let friends enter square dance contests.

  • 12 Edgewriter on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:08 am

    Superstar Kid Rock(played exquisitely by Donny Most in the role of his lifetime) goes comotose during rehab and sparks fly as his agent (John Noble) and his slovenly best friend (Coolio) have to cart him around LA for a week Weekend at Bernies style to avoid a publicity disaster.

  • 13 Smuttynose on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Coolio is a cop. A loner who plays by his own rules. But he is forced to have a partner… but it’s a dog! An Australian Cattle Dog(Australischer Treibhund) played by T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K. Since Australian Cattle Dogs are known for their herding skills, he quickly begins to round up perps. But out there is an elusive criminal (Donnie Most) who hates dogs…

  • 14 Hayden on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Coolio is the prince of a Denmark and his father, played by T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K, is the king. Until one day when Coolio’s uncle kills his father and usurps the throne. Now A ghost and a prince have to team up to avenge T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K’s death and bang their wife/mom.

  • 15 Edgewriter on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:42 am

    The mom played by Donny Most?

  • 16 Triangle O. Daver on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Black Talladega Knights:

    In this crossover sequel, Coolio (playing Martin Lawrence) time-travels to Talladega Superspeedway and must defeat T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K. to make it back home. Donny Most plays the wise-cracker (pun intended!!!) commentator for the race. Coolio gets second, but is transported home because he learns the power of love (the Huey Lewis song).

  • 17 Bill Corbett on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:55 am

    Superstar Kid Rock (played exquisitely by Donny Most in the role of his lifetime)”

    Man, you are playing with FIRE here.

    “goes comotose during rehab and sparks fly as his agent (John Noble) and his slovenly best friend (Coolio)”

    Who the *%!@#&$%# is John Noble?

    *
    *
    (….I keeeeeed.)

  • 18 Triangle O. Daver on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:56 am

    P.S. Coolio purposely got second because he and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K. have formed such a meaningful friendship.

    I thought that was obvious. That’s why I didn’t include it in my original 50 words.

  • 19 Greg on Aug 29, 2008 at 11:57 am

    Ricky Johnson (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K.) is implicated in an office printer incident, forcing him to take refuge with Liam (Coolio) in the back room of the used hamster dealership. The funny hits the fan in a big way when it is revealed that Liam is the IRA hitman hired by the CEO (Donny Most) to kill Ricky.

  • 20 Nanobots on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    International white-rapper superstar Ice Graywig (John Noble) sees Amish steel worker Alexander (Coolio), who dreams of the stage and works at local clubs on the weekends. IG sees the talent in Alexander, befriends & coaches him, and gets him an audition with a big-wig record producer (Donnie Most).

  • 21 Charlie W on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Coolio’s posse has long since disbanded.

  • 22 Nanobots on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    (extra background in > 50 words) Donny Most, being evil, has a baby chimpanzee as a pet and constant companion.

  • 23 Nanobots on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    Er, the character played by Donny Most is evil. Not Donnie himself….

  • 24 Walter on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    When a new lawyer (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K) gets assigned the client that no one wants to deal with (Coolio), he becomes entangled in web of espionage and deception. Slapstick hilarity ensues as a masked assassin (Herve Villechaize) tries to hunt them down. Donny Most guest stars as a comically childish CIA operator.

  • 25 Nanobots on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Title of the movie: “What a Cold Feeling”

  • 26 Triangle O. Daver on Aug 29, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Relax, Bill. Superstar Kid Rock is the name of Chris Rock’s daughter.

  • 27 Heather on Aug 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Donny Most stars as a milquetoast bookie who kidnaps the families of Euchre partners Coolio and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K. and threatens to serve them dairy products made from milk produced with bovine growth hormone in an effort to rig the World Euchre Tournament. Can they win the tournament and still save their loved ones from turning into giant cows?

  • 28 Dan V. on Aug 29, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    — Coolio tries to rob the mystical John Nobles NYC apartment and accidentally stabs himself with a magic dagger. The blade glows revealing that Coolio is “the one” and must be trained to fight a dark wizard played by Donny Most (think Vigos’ human assistant in GhostBusterss 2).

  • 29 Tim on Aug 29, 2008 at 1:13 pm

    Bill, are we allowed to leave Donny Most out of the film if our explicit objective is to have the money people beat you severely?

    Yes? No?

    I must know this before I start brainstorming my concept.

  • 30 Dan V. on Aug 29, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Idea Number 2..

    Coolio and John Noble play organic farmers in Vermont who discover a new kind of marijuana. John plays himself and wears the LOTR costume everywhere giving it a post-modern feel. Movie ends with 4400 people dressed like John blowing up the Library of Congress — think V for Vendetta.

  • 31 Greg on Aug 29, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    Who is John Noble?

  • 32 Yanni on Aug 29, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King II: The Return of the Steward of Gondor

    After a disfiguring reconstructive surgery, Denethor returns to take revenge on Aragorn. He meets the Hobbit Ralph (Most) and his friend, the wise wizard Gangsta C (Coolio). Despite their personality differences, they learn to work together whilst battling their foes in order to return Denethor as the Steward of Gondor.

  • 33 RemmieBarrow on Aug 29, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    I can understand why you would not want Kid Rock in your buddy movie. Who in their right mind would want to be his buddy anyway.

  • 34 Vicky on Aug 29, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    He’s a successful drag queen with his own Broadway show (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K). He’s an out of work rapper trying to get on the reality show circuit (Coolio). Their mission: take down the head of the robot collective (Donny Most). Co-starring a 42-pound monkey as head of CIA.

  • 35 Dan V. on Aug 29, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    last one..

    Donny Most kidnaps Denethor to find the location of Curly’s Gold. Later Denethor and Coolio (an Eddi-Murphy-like cop) fight Most atop a blimp. Donny falls and is impaled on a Statue of Liberty’ head spike. He turns to dust revealing that he was a vampire.

  • 36 Barry on Aug 29, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    We had this very movie practically in the can. It was sort of a send-up of Dragnet, with Coolio playing the rod-up-his-arse Bill Thursday, and John Noble as Joe “Back” Gammon, the somewhat-less-witty sidekick with a penchant for messily chowing down on cherry tomatoes. Don Most had a cameo as Commissioner Gorton.

    Sadly, though, we were well into post-production when we realized that Kid Rock had found his way among the background extras in the critical Don Most cameo scene. We couldn’t edit around him, and we couldn’t get Don to come back to Cleveland for pickups.

    $400 million down the tubes. Damn you, Kid Rock!

  • 37 Ben on Aug 29, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    At a late Saturday night party at his home, filthy-rich movie mogul and Beverly Hills resident, Davros Chinchilla (Most) makes a wager with party DJ/rapper, Funk DaFunk (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K) and uptight Republican congressman, Whittington Hunt IX (Coolio), that they cannot make their way to the Naples Winery in Compton, break in, take a case of Chinchilla’s favorite beverage and return by dawn through a veritable gauntlet of Crips, Bloods and police.

    (Basically,”Smokey and the Bandit” meets “The Warriors” in the hood)

  • 38 Mike on Aug 29, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    We can start filming tomorrow sir:

    In a far away world, King Artemis (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K.) is the king of the bounty hunters. The law states that he must train his replacement. Enter Deadly C (Coolio). Together Shawn and Deadly C must hunt a murderer named Quickdraw (Most) who has killed Artemis’ heirs….

  • 39 karen on Aug 29, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    coolio rises to stardom through various performances and eventually lands on an american idol type show with the judges as Donny and Denethor (aka D&D) rule with an iron fist.

    coolio goes down in flames and is beaten off by joey pants in a surpirse entry.

  • 40 darkchashy on Aug 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    Coolio is a Cowboy, long gone from the range to work with innercity kids in the Bronx, he returns home to bury his mother. On the way, his horse dies and an alcoholic vet (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K.) sorry for not having saved him,joins Coolio on a thumb-hitching ride into the west.

  • 41 darkchashy on Aug 29, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    I’d of put Donny Most in there but I would have had to squeeze out the first line and that’s My whole selling point

  • 42 GMaupin on Aug 29, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    Enough of this Nobility and Cooliocity! Ladies and gentlemen, I say ye: Shane McGowan Laughing Like Ernie from Sesame Street.

    http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2008/08/shane-mcgowan-l.html

  • 43 Darth Chimay on Aug 29, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    So, is comotose when one gets an overdose of Perry Como?

    Hold on, I’m just getting some news in…. oh, apparently, it’s “Cuomo.” Damn.

  • 44 Darth Chimay on Aug 29, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    Sigh… he played “Sergeant” (no relation to Dick Sargent) in the “Hostage” episode of “Police Rescue.” Don’t you know anything?

  • 45 Erin B on Aug 29, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    LOL GMaupin!!! That’s great! We need more talented people like that… :o )

  • 46 Tom on Aug 29, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    John Noble is an aging Ranch owner in Australia who runs cattle drives for tourists. Coolio who lost the family restaurant to unscrupulous developer Donny Most is hired as the trail cook, serving BACON 3 meals a day. Developer Donny Most moves in on the ranchers with the idea of pacifying the Aboriginies by force. Call it Slickers Down under, the Legend of Quigley’s Gold.

  • 47 Nanobots on Aug 30, 2008 at 12:18 am

    Fred Tileman (Donny Most) is the owner of a small bar in Alaska on a road that connects Juneau to Seattle Washington. His problem is that there are too many old geezers getting into fights over who caught the biggest fish. He calls on the services of Dulltan (John Noble) to stop the fights, and brings in blind rapper Coldy (Coolio) to attract a younger crowd which won’t care about fishing records. CoIt turns out Dulltan and Coldy have worked together in many other bars. Coldy’s big hit is a cover song from Stevie NotSoHot. The bar is called the “Triple Ace”.

    Title of the movie is “Interstate Igloo”.

  • 48 Nanobots on Aug 30, 2008 at 12:21 am

    Ugh! The 50-word limit makes this much too hard. I’ll note that the *rules* take up 60 words! If we have three characters (two buddies and Donny), then ten of the 50 words are taken up just saying who the people are, before one even starts on the actual storyline!

    And in the above, the sentence which starts with “CoIt” was supposed to start with the word “It”….

  • 49 Nanobots on Aug 30, 2008 at 12:49 am

    Coolio grew up on mean city streets, but turned to criminal investigation instead of crime. Over time he teams up with Dr. Stewart (John Noble), a veteran of the Falkland War and prolific blogger. Donny Most runs an extremely profitable basket-weaving company, which employs practically everyone in a small town, at high wages. Donny hires Coolio and Dr. Stewart to determine who is the mastermind of a crime spree in the town.

    Title: “Hoodlum of the Basket Villas”.

  • 50 Nanobots on Aug 30, 2008 at 1:34 am

    Coolio plays Thomas Bucket, buddy of future King John Noble. The friendship sours after the King appoints TB to Archbishop, and TB takes the position seriously. Donny Most plays a knight who mistakes the king’s cry of “Who will stop this priest?”, and kicks Bucket to death.

    Title: “Pail Saint”

  • 51 Nanobots on Aug 30, 2008 at 1:35 am

    Note: “Bucket” should be pronounced “Bouquet”.

    And any resemblance to any persons living or dead, is purely co-incidental. Honest.

  • 52 Edgewriter on Aug 30, 2008 at 4:32 am

    Southern restaraunt reviewer Charlie (Noble) after his wife leaves him (played Dolly Parton) decides to eat himself to death at Scuds’ (coolio) Bar-B-Q Joint. Coolio struggles with his concience as the deathbed review from his new friend would save his restaurant. (Donny most as Dolly’s new boyfriend, restaurant inspector Larry)

  • 53 Edgewriter on Aug 30, 2008 at 4:34 am

    Donny Most as Kid Rock is a fire you have to play with.

  • 54 Edgewriter on Aug 30, 2008 at 5:14 am

    Lots of montages of Denethor eating marbecue with juices all over the place.

    Tasty

  • 55 andrew t. on Aug 30, 2008 at 6:51 am

    Coolio is a down-on-his-luck suburban ventriloquist. Donnie Most plays, but of course, Coolio’s dummy. After moving to Hollywood (motto: “Ventriolquism capital of California!”) to look for a break, he happens upon showbiz promoter Denethor. Denethor shows Coolio that ventriloquism is dead – Joe Pantoliano impersonations are the new rage in Hollywood. Coolio puts Donnie Most away, and hilarity and male bonding ensue as Denethor tries to make Coolio over into a Joey Pants wannabe.

    On the eve of Coolio’s debut at the Joey Pants impersonator national finals, Donnie Most climbs out of the suitcase Coolio had stuffed him in and wanders off on a murderous rampage, killing Denethor in cold blood in front of a live studio audience while teaching Coolio an important lesson about always sticking by your real friends.

  • 56 Jer on Aug 30, 2008 at 7:01 am

    Title: Something’s In the Heir

    Bill Johnson (Coolio) is an up-and-coming weatherman at a local tv station that has just met his dream girl (winona ryder), but he’ll need the help of an aging anchorman, Phil Wiseman (denethor), to win her heart from sports analyst, Flip Machismo (matt damon and/or ben affleck). But is Phil just after the fortune that Bill will inherit from his dying father (Don Most)?

  • 57 I've been faking it- now I feel sick on Aug 30, 2008 at 7:17 am

    Donny Most is an obnoxious tech billionaire with a vision. After visiting his English relatives, who are impossibly staid and proper, he gets an idea. His uncle Alistair, the guy who played T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K, is the stuffiest and most proper of them all. Donny makes a bet via a transatlantic call to his equally irritating tech billionaire rival, played by Pauly Shore, that Most can turn Alistair into an international gangsta rap star- in 24 HOURS. Coolio is enlisted to play his rap Henry Higgins. Hilarity ensues in “Countdown O.G.”

    No it wasn’t 50 words or less. But I never win anything, so whatever.

  • 58 I've been faking it- now I feel sick on Aug 30, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Let’s change “whatever” to “what the heck.” No need for puerility. It’s the back pain talking.

  • 59 NavarezElectro on Aug 30, 2008 at 8:30 am

    It is the year 3015. Earth has become so crowded that humans must store their personalities in “brain banks” and pay rental “carrier bodies” in order to exist freely for an allotted time. The guy that played T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K is “brain czar” of one of the brain banks. Coolio and Donny Most are minor employees in his charge. They stumble across the Brain Czar’s plan to wipe the personalities of billions and abscond with their body-time savings, enabling him to afford to live as a free man (for he too, is renting his body) in one of the last unpolluted outposts on the planet, owned and controlled by only the staggeringly wealthy. In order to thwart his plan, they must somehow infiltrate the command center of the carrier bodies, and create an army of empty humans to storm the Brain Bank.

    The movie ends with smoke rising from the distant super-cities. Cut to a slow-motion close-up of a dew covered daisy while Morgan Freeman reads from Genesis: “Then the LORD God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil.”

  • 60 Hayden on Aug 30, 2008 at 8:33 am

    Sorry, Most in a two part role as the uncle and the mom.

  • 61 Ra-chan on Aug 30, 2008 at 10:13 am

    Not that unusual in Shakespeare.

  • 62 Tv Miller on Aug 30, 2008 at 10:14 am

    Following the epic success of a certain Chihuahua film and Pixar:

    Elmert (voiced by T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K) is a lab rat stuck in the drudgery of mazes and cheese. Charlie (voiced by Colio) is a capuchin, tired of wearing makeup and hair products. The accidental bumblings of a scientist (voiced by Most) lets these two unlikely pairs escape on an adventure home. With Nora Zehetner as the sexy Pickles the Seagull and Sean Bean as Grunger the Chihuaha.

  • 63 Lord Crabington on Aug 30, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Party animal Coolio inherits more than he bargained for when his great aunt leaves him a mansion complete with Denethor the dour gardener. Hijinx ensues resulting in life lessons which loosens up Denethor and Coolio becomes more dour. We end with Denethor and Coolio rapping at a slightly overcast BBQ.

  • 64 Andy McGaffigan on Aug 30, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    coolio plays a tough undercover cop trying to infiltrate the gritty underworld of chalice trafficking. the chief of police – donny most – grows tired of coolio’s renegade ways and assigns him a new partner – a former chalice trafficker and addict named larry (played by the denethor guy).

    after a playful montage in which coolio attempts to replace denethor’s fur gown with various hip-hop themed outfits, they uncover clues that implicate the chief as the leader of the largest chalice trafficking ring in the world.

    following a thrilling segway chase, denethor and coolio corner the chief – where he bludgeons himself on the head with a ruby-encrusted chalice. coolio makes a wise-crack about the chief “losing his head,” they laugh for a few seconds, freeze frame, and then the credits roll.

  • 65 Mr. Alexander on Aug 30, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    Rabbinical student Lenny Witz (Most) loses his tongue in a hilarious traffic accident with foul-mouthed transvestite Mo’Uthful (Denethor), on the night before his big sermon final! After receiving a transplant from an overdosed disc-jockey (Coolio), Witz finds himself able to speak only in ebonic rhymes! Can the would-be rabbi, the she-male, and the tongue’s ghost solve all this tom-foolery before the year’s biggest Torah Seminar?

  • 66 Olcas on Aug 30, 2008 at 7:07 pm

    Deep in the bowels of stereotypical Ireland, don’t go into the woods. (Sound of cackling in steryotypical Irish accent over a shot of empty, bleak woods) There is an evil there, spreading…under the rainbow..(glint of gold coin spinning)

    This Summer…

    (shot of Coolio and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K shouting at each other in mute)

    To Save a village of ten people, two men must go where no sane villagers dare to go. (Shot of clover spinning like shuriken at a old man with sheepdog)

    Starring T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K as the village Priest. (Shot of Noble shouting; There’s no such thing as faeire folk!)

    And Coolio as the Mystical Hunter. (shot of coolio shouting; “We’re gonna need a bigger pot of gold, man!”)

    In, Dances with Leprachauns! Rated PG-17.

  • 67 chrismartindeed on Aug 31, 2008 at 6:37 am

    The Follicle Ultimatum

    Coolio and John Noble, nationally famous hair stylists and bitter rivals, must somehow settle their differences and team up after stumbling upon an extraterrestrial conspiracy: creatures from outer space, disguised as toupees, who have arrived on Earth to take over the various heads of government.

  • 68 chrismartindeed on Aug 31, 2008 at 6:43 am

    Damn, I left my synopsis Most-less. Time for a quick edit.

  • 69 chrismartindeed on Aug 31, 2008 at 6:43 am

    The Follicle Ultimatum

    Coolio and John Noble, nationally famous hair stylists and bitter rivals, are forced to team up after stumbling upon an extraterrestrial conspiracy: creatures from outer space, disguised as toupees, who have arrived on Earth to take over the various heads of government. Narrated by Donny Most.

  • 70 Mr. Slick on Aug 31, 2008 at 9:01 am

    From Disney: The Two Lost Elves!

    The North Pole melting! Santa sends his best elf Tinkles to the his South Pole workshop to prepare it for the big move. Tinkles’ slow brother Shemp stowes away on the sled and ends up crashing it in Compton CA. They meet a street-wise cat who helps them.

    Tinkles- Coolio
    Shemp- John Noble
    Marcus the cat- Donny Most
    Santa Claus- Dick Van Patten

  • 71 BEMaven on Aug 31, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    Smurfocalypse

    The idyllic life of the Smurfs is shattered when the wicked Gargamel (voice of Donny Most) tricks them into financing their huts with sub-prime mortgages.

    Pappa Smurf (voice of John Noble) must re-unite with his half-brother Slappy Smurf (voice of Coolio) to save the village.

    (CGI by Dreamworks.)

  • 72 Shamalama on Aug 31, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    Pimpin (Coolio), a falafel van owner, accidentally saves Denethor (T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K), who was sucked into “reality” from Middle Earth (tie-in$$$) by the mad scientist Dr. More (Most) who is trying to capture Sauron (Schwarzenegger) for his own nefarious means. When Pimpin returns to Middle Earth with Denethor to stop Dr. More their friendship is tested by the pull of the one bling!

  • 73 Nanobots on Aug 31, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    There is a longtime rivalry between neighbors Pernell Cartwright (John Noble), a cattle rancher, and Wilbur Arnold (Coolio), who runs a pig farm. But then both of their livelihoods are put into jeopardy when a CEO of a large agricultural firm mounts a massive ad campaign promoting a totally vegetarian diet. Pernell and Wilbur team up to uncover the CEO’s dark secret: He’s using trans-fat in all the foods he sells. They blow the whistle on the agricultural firm, and the film closes at a barbeque where both families are celebrating and eating Baconators.

    The part of the CEO was originally written for Billy Mumy, but he declined because he’s touring to promote his latest CDs. Donny Most would certainly be a good candidate for the role of CEO, if that guarantees backing for the movie.

    Working title is “Grease”, but we may have to change that.

  • 74 Shamalama on Aug 31, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    Title (always forget this at first!)

    Return to the Hood: The Search for the Bling!

    Also, Coolio’s full character name is Pimpin Tokeblower, a proud family of pipeweed harvesters who lost there ancestors in a “strange storm that consumed them all years ago”!

  • 75 Scooter on Aug 31, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K, an orphan since age 7, has been stealing childrens’ identities to remain in an orphanage to get a free living. Coolio attempts to get money from the government by adopting a child gets more than he bargained for when the owner of the orphanage, wise on both T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K and Coolio’s scams, pairs them up together, site un-seen.

  • 76 MikeP on Aug 31, 2008 at 11:02 pm

    The movie opens with a 51 pound monkey giving Kid Rock a sensual massage and–DRAT! Disqualified in the first sentence!

  • 77 MikeP on Aug 31, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    Okay, let’s try again. Shake off the nerves, here we go:

    Denathor-Guy plays a retired proctologist. Hotshot newcomer Coolio convinces him to come back for One. Last. Job. Donny Most plays the Man With the Million Dollar Colon, whose digestive tract proves irresistible to the unlikely pair of colorectal specialists. They grow to respect and love each other, in the end.

  • 78 G-Force on Sep 1, 2008 at 2:32 am

    Coolio is a teacher who has given up on his students, T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K is a young street wise rapper in class who refuses to learn. Donny Most is the football coach who won’t let T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K play unless he gets better grades. Watch as Coolio and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K unite to get better grades.

  • 79 chrismartindeed on Sep 1, 2008 at 6:16 am

    Super-Turbo-Nag!

    By all appearances, Coolio is a humble driving instructor and John Noble is his trusted chauffeur. No one suspects that they fight crime from inside a super-powered, cybernetic horse costume (with stealth capabilities). Not even Donny Most, the habitually drunk Noble Prize winner who built their costume.

  • 80 Michael on Sep 1, 2008 at 6:59 am

    Coolio plays Pieter, a stuffy professor of medieval economics at the University of Ghent. He plans to propose to his partner, the former actor Don Most (Most), but first needs to win the respect of Most’s father (Denethor) by helping his team of plucky confectioners win the local Bossaball tournament.

  • 81 Olcas on Sep 1, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Crud, forgot Most…

    Umm, he’s the Leprechaun King!

  • 82 RifftraxIsForever on Sep 1, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    Coolio owns a mansion. TGWPD lives with his Mom. A Donny Most hosted show then switches their lives! Coolio has to attend sci-fi conventions! TGWPD has to feed his 49 lb. monkey! The homesick duo attend Rifftrax Live event where the show ends and they return to their normal lives.

  • 83 Ben on Sep 1, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    Now, see behind the scenes of the making of the greatest tv police drama of all time…

    “The Making of ‘T.J. Hooker’:The Movie” starring T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K as William Shatner…Coolio as Adrian Zmed…Donny Most as James Darren…and lovely ingenue Madeleine Albright as Heather Locklear.

  • 84 G-Force on Sep 1, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Here is another one:

    Coolio and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K are sign language translators for the blind. Donny Most plays a loving old janitor named Snopter who mops up the place with a 42.5 lb monkey. Coolio and T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K go on an adventure to save there favorite vending machine from Dr. Wubby and his Weaponised Mold Ray!

  • 85 kt on Sep 1, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    I thought that there was a rule against porn. That ending sure sounds like porn to me.

  • 86 norgavue on Sep 1, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K uses a time machine to go back twenty years to 2005 to save his friend (coolio) from being killed in an automobile accident. I addition to this he must remain unseen by his past self (Donny Most) or cause a time space continium explosion.

  • 87 Enron Hubbard on Sep 2, 2008 at 11:19 am

    Donny Most is a State Trooper gone mad.
    Coolio is his unsuspecting victim.

    Most: “I want you to recite the alphabet, substituting each successive letter for the first letters in “Mork and Mindy’.
    Coolio: “Uh… ‘Aork and Aindy’?
    Most: “That’s right, Cochise.”
    Coolio: “Couldn’t I just take a breathalyzer?”
    Most: “Bork and Bindy! Say it! BORK AND BINDY! SAY IT!”

    Coolio is saved when Cattle Rancher Noble directs his herd of man eating cows to devour Most in retaliation for being forced to scrawl the lyrics to the theme from “The Facts of Life” in chalk on the highway in ancient Persian cuneiform characters.

  • 88 karen on Sep 2, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    oh no! noooooooooooes! joey pants is the wild card guy. HE wins. but of course its up the judges in any case. i never win anyway. would be a big surpised if i did. im sure there are much better ones outside around town.

  • 89 karen on Sep 2, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    wow. what people will do for a free rifftrax. we is KEWL!

  • 90 Dan the Man on Sep 3, 2008 at 10:11 am

    T.G.W.P.D.I.R.O.T.K.

    Coolio.

    Donny Most.

    Gay porn with zero net gravitas.

    “Perplexing Liaison.”

    Christmas 2008

  • 91 Geena on Sep 5, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Wasn’t this the plot to the “director’s cut” of Daredevil?

  • 92 Chihuahua Adoption on Feb 3, 2009 at 11:28 pm

    Thanks for such and useful and important post about Chihuahua and there breed. i need this info for info my family. because my small baba love this Chihuahua dog. i am thinking to but one for my baba.
    Please help me.