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The Cheese-Time Continuum

August 30th, 2008 by · 84 Comments

As a child I suffered through a series of recurring nightmares during which a small blob of congealed milk fat with matchstick legs and a hideous carrot-like nose would dance horribly and sing songs lauding cheese. With the aid of recently-developed nightmare capturing software, I am able to recreate them for your enjoyment.

Why? Why “Timer”? What, I beg of you, is the connection between cheese and time? Doesn’t every snack (e.g. Combos, jerky, fried crickets) exist in time? Cheese, as far as I can see, has no special claim in this regard — so again, why Timer?

What? Put ice cubes in a bowl and add cauliflower, celery sticks stuffed with cheese? How is that accomplished? Then add olives? What the hell is the result, and is it even conceivable that a kid would eat it? Should eating it even be attempted by anyone of any age? Do you eat the ice cubes, too? What is this?


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