For the approx. twenty-seven years the Rifftrax Blog has been up and running, I’ve posted on occasion about animals who are freakishly big:
RABBITS that could take on a grizzly.
CRABS that could take on a giant, grizzly-killing rabbit.
So it’s time to acknowledge that not all animals can be gargantuan, intimidating, or existentially alarming. (Thought they all should be.)
Some Creatures are Small, not Great. Some are so frightened of their mortal experience that someone opening an umbrella causes them stark terror.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you God’s natural cowards — the shy tax accountants of Earth’s ecosystem — the Don Knottsiest member of the animal kingdom — the mammal that should rightly be born with its own comforting blue blanket — the Fainting Goat:
(* Rodents of Unusual Size and Deliciousness)
31 responses so far ↓
1 Smuttynose on Sep 10, 2008 at 5:31 am
I have the same response-stimulus apprach to life. You see, when
BOSS!!!!!
…………………………………………………………….
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2 Onil on Sep 10, 2008 at 5:48 am
Is that Kevin doing the narration? If it’s not, Kevin should sue for copyright infringement of Kevin’s dulcet tones.
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3 Rufus T. on Sep 10, 2008 at 6:28 am
I bet if I tried I could get ten goats to faint all at once. Who is man enough to challenge that?!!
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4 greg on Sep 10, 2008 at 6:37 am
You might appreciate this, Bill:
http://img389.imageshack.us/img389/8674/forcegoatsms5.gif
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Reply from Queen Shadowrama on September 10, 2008:
Right-clicked, saved.
Reply from MST3Kelly on September 11, 2008:
very nice!
5 Charlie W on Sep 10, 2008 at 7:14 am
I can’t believe it! *falls over*
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6 Brian O. on Sep 10, 2008 at 7:41 am
Them thar is some right nice faintin’ goats, one could have a healin’ revahvahl right thayah, yer healed! “Baah” *thud*
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Reply from Brian O. on September 10, 2008:
Oops, speaking of which!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lvU-DislkI
Reply from NavarezElectro on September 11, 2008:
Benny Hinn can make most life forms faint.
7 MonkeyCheezPants on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:25 am
Goats, you say?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7607460.stm
BBC - For all the latest in goat news.
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8 MonkeyCheezPants on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:26 am
Goats, you say?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7607460.stm
The BBC - World Leader in Goat News.
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9 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:30 am
Bill,
That reminds me of my wedding day, what I can remember of it anyway, when my lovely bride didn’t say “I do” but “You’ll Do”.
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10 Ryan on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:32 am
THe Mythbusters just had an episode about this. It was hysterical.
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11 Nerf on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:41 am
Why is Disney wasting time with chihuahuas when they could be making movies about fainting goats?!?!
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Reply from Smuttynose on September 10, 2008:
Maybe they’re fainting because of the singing chihuahuas?
Reply from RemmieBarrow on September 10, 2008:
Nah, if they had seen the singing chihuahuas, they would not be fainting but instead would be throwing up.
12 Neb on Sep 10, 2008 at 9:20 am
Is anybody else bothered by the stupid bipeds running at and terrifying those poor little ruminants for the sake of a couple of minutes of fame? Poor little goaties! I’d make a terrible subject for a spot like that if I were a goat rancher:
TV Director: “OK, so, what we need is a lot of footage of these guys falling over. Could you or your husband run at them and startle them with props over and over for about 20 minutes?”
Me: (frozen stare)
TV Director: “OK? How’s that work for you?”
Me: “Git off my land.”
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Reply from Ben on September 10, 2008:
I agree. I’d be more amused by footage of the camera crew trying to escape my truck as I chased them across the countryside.
Reply from Neb on September 10, 2008:
Now THAT’s infotainment!
Reply from MST3Kelly on September 11, 2008:
I’m gonna get me a goat costume, and chase me some people ’till they fall over.
13 Ben on Sep 10, 2008 at 9:52 am
Now if they could just take this gene and encode it into dealers at casinos…
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14 R.A. Roth on Sep 10, 2008 at 10:32 am
I raise reeling caterpillars and startled hamsters. Not as lucrative as the thrashing wallaby business, but it pays the bills.
Randy
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Reply from MST3Kelly on September 10, 2008:
I have a hallucinating hyrax and a constantly puzzled panther; both are doing fine, in their way. my tribe of passive-aggressive bush babies is turning out to be a disaster. they won’t mate, bite each other constantly, and then pretend everything is fine.
must call Russ Weatherwax…
Reply from Smuttynose on September 10, 2008:
Wow, this could go all day…
Wary waxworms?
Skittish cuttlefish?
Fearful frogs?
Passed-out penguins?
I’ll go away now…
Reply from R.A. Roth on September 11, 2008:
Xenophobic zebras, yowling yellowtail, wailing walrus, vituperating voles, ululating ungulates, terrified tigers…
Randy
Reply from NavarezElectro on September 11, 2008:
peevish pangolins… abusive aardwolves… mawkish marmosets… tempestuous tarsiers…
15 Olcas on Sep 10, 2008 at 10:35 am
They should have that narrator continuously talk to the goats. They’d be so bored they’d never faint!
Dear God, please tell me that wasn’t on the NEWS?!
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16 Mr. Slick on Sep 10, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Because tipping cows has gotten old we present - the Fainting Goat!
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17 justhesh on Sep 10, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Tennessee Meat Goats?!
That’s the most deplorable act against animals that I’ve heard today (not counting when the GOP insulted swine kind everywhere by falsely claiming that Sarah Palin was called a pig).
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Reply from Invisible Cracker Mom on September 11, 2008:
The Tennessee Meat Goats opened for Insane Clown Posse on one of those Wacken music festivals, I believe.
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