For the approx. twenty-seven years the Rifftrax Blog has been up and running, I’ve posted on occasion about animals who are freakishly big:
RABBITS that could take on a grizzly.
CRABS that could take on a giant, grizzly-killing rabbit.
So it’s time to acknowledge that not all animals can be gargantuan, intimidating, or existentially alarming. (Thought they all should be.)
Some Creatures are Small, not Great. Some are so frightened of their mortal experience that someone opening an umbrella causes them stark terror.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you God’s natural cowards — the shy tax accountants of Earth’s ecosystem — the Don Knottsiest member of the animal kingdom — the mammal that should rightly be born with its own comforting blue blanket — the Fainting Goat:
(* Rodents of Unusual Size and Deliciousness)
31 responses so far ↓
1 Smuttynose on Sep 10, 2008 at 5:31 am
I have the same response-stimulus apprach to life. You see, when
BOSS!!!!!
…………………………………………………………….
2 Onil on Sep 10, 2008 at 5:48 am
Is that Kevin doing the narration? If it’s not, Kevin should sue for copyright infringement of Kevin’s dulcet tones.
3 Rufus T. on Sep 10, 2008 at 6:28 am
I bet if I tried I could get ten goats to faint all at once. Who is man enough to challenge that?!!
4 greg on Sep 10, 2008 at 6:37 am
You might appreciate this, Bill:
http://img389.imageshack.us/img389/8674/forcegoatsms5.gif
5 Charlie W on Sep 10, 2008 at 7:14 am
I can’t believe it! *falls over*
6 Brian O. on Sep 10, 2008 at 7:41 am
Them thar is some right nice faintin’ goats, one could have a healin’ revahvahl right thayah, yer healed! “Baah” *thud*
7 Brian O. on Sep 10, 2008 at 7:48 am
Oops, speaking of which!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lvU-DislkI
8 MonkeyCheezPants on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:25 am
Goats, you say?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7607460.stm
BBC – For all the latest in goat news.
9 MonkeyCheezPants on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:26 am
Goats, you say?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7607460.stm
The BBC – World Leader in Goat News.
10 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:30 am
Bill,
That reminds me of my wedding day, what I can remember of it anyway, when my lovely bride didn’t say “I do” but “You’ll Do”.
11 Ryan on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:32 am
THe Mythbusters just had an episode about this. It was hysterical.
12 Nerf on Sep 10, 2008 at 8:41 am
Why is Disney wasting time with chihuahuas when they could be making movies about fainting goats?!?!
13 Smuttynose on Sep 10, 2008 at 9:09 am
Maybe they’re fainting because of the singing chihuahuas?
14 Neb on Sep 10, 2008 at 9:20 am
Is anybody else bothered by the stupid bipeds running at and terrifying those poor little ruminants for the sake of a couple of minutes of fame? Poor little goaties! I’d make a terrible subject for a spot like that if I were a goat rancher:
TV Director: “OK, so, what we need is a lot of footage of these guys falling over. Could you or your husband run at them and startle them with props over and over for about 20 minutes?”
Me: (frozen stare)
TV Director: “OK? How’s that work for you?”
Me: “Git off my land.”
15 Ben on Sep 10, 2008 at 9:48 am
I agree. I’d be more amused by footage of the camera crew trying to escape my truck as I chased them across the countryside.
16 Ben on Sep 10, 2008 at 9:52 am
Now if they could just take this gene and encode it into dealers at casinos…
17 R.A. Roth on Sep 10, 2008 at 10:32 am
I raise reeling caterpillars and startled hamsters. Not as lucrative as the thrashing wallaby business, but it pays the bills.
Randy
18 Olcas on Sep 10, 2008 at 10:35 am
They should have that narrator continuously talk to the goats. They’d be so bored they’d never faint!
Dear God, please tell me that wasn’t on the NEWS?!
19 MST3Kelly on Sep 10, 2008 at 10:59 am
I have a hallucinating hyrax and a constantly puzzled panther; both are doing fine, in their way. my tribe of passive-aggressive bush babies is turning out to be a disaster. they won’t mate, bite each other constantly, and then pretend everything is fine.
must call Russ Weatherwax…
20 Smuttynose on Sep 10, 2008 at 11:13 am
Wow, this could go all day…
Wary waxworms?
Skittish cuttlefish?
Fearful frogs?
Passed-out penguins?
I’ll go away now…
21 Neb on Sep 10, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Now THAT’s infotainment!
22 RemmieBarrow on Sep 10, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Nah, if they had seen the singing chihuahuas, they would not be fainting but instead would be throwing up.
23 Queen Shadowrama on Sep 10, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Right-clicked, saved.
24 Mr. Slick on Sep 10, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Because tipping cows has gotten old we present – the Fainting Goat!
25 justhesh on Sep 10, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Tennessee Meat Goats?!
That’s the most deplorable act against animals that I’ve heard today (not counting when the GOP insulted swine kind everywhere by falsely claiming that Sarah Palin was called a pig).
26 Invisible Cracker Mom on Sep 11, 2008 at 4:23 am
The Tennessee Meat Goats opened for Insane Clown Posse on one of those Wacken music festivals, I believe.
27 R.A. Roth on Sep 11, 2008 at 11:56 am
Xenophobic zebras, yowling yellowtail, wailing walrus, vituperating voles, ululating ungulates, terrified tigers…
Randy
28 MST3Kelly on Sep 11, 2008 at 10:33 pm
very nice!
29 NavarezElectro on Sep 11, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Benny Hinn can make most life forms faint.
30 MST3Kelly on Sep 11, 2008 at 10:35 pm
I’m gonna get me a goat costume, and chase me some people ’till they fall over.
31 NavarezElectro on Sep 11, 2008 at 10:38 pm
peevish pangolins… abusive aardwolves… mawkish marmosets… tempestuous tarsiers…
Leave a Comment