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Bacon?

September 30th, 2008 by Mike Nelson · 29 Comments

 

Look, if this is what it takes to make bacon, I’ll live with it. But somehow they’ve managed to make bacon… boring. This site, one that I highly recommend (a site I found while looking for beef salivary glands, if you must know) puts bacon in its proper perspective.

Chef Chris Cosentino

Tags: RiffTrax

29 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Mr. Slick on Sep 30, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    Say what they will I love bacon in all its forms!

  • 2 justhesh on Sep 30, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    Beef salivary glands? Leotards? Spiders?

    Just what are you up to, Mr. Nelson? More God-playing, I suspect.

  • 3 justhesh on Sep 30, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    By the by, I used to work in a grocery store and I dealt with smoked pork products in many forms.

    If anyone else has ever done that, then you know, that is what heaven smells like.

  • 4 Eeliza on Sep 30, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    And hell is the odor created by that woman who cooks fish in the microwave every day at lunch combined with the smell of pancake syrup thanks to that IDIOT WHO EATS NOTHING BUT EGGO WAFFLES DAY IN AND DAY OUT…whoa nelly, had a moment there. Gonna go take my medication and have a nice lie down.

  • 5 justhesh on Oct 1, 2008 at 1:20 am

    Find solace in the fact that a rotting potato was not in that equation. The single worst smell I have ever touched.

  • 6 Casey on Oct 1, 2008 at 3:29 am

    Is bassy techno music really appropriate for bacon?

  • 7 Queen Shadowrama on Oct 1, 2008 at 4:04 am

    Okay, how come NONE of those bacon factory workers were morbidly obese? They work in a bacon factory for crying out loud, shouldn’t they be tempted to eat bacon for breakfast lunch and dinner?

    Unless…they did over indulge in the heavenly goodness that is bacon early in their career, and have since become desensitized to bacon…perhaps even HATE bacon!!!!

    I think I just came up with an idea for a new charity. Would Rifftrax like to be a sponsor for Crunchy Promises, my new bacon rehabilitation center?

  • 8 NavarezElectro on Oct 1, 2008 at 4:07 am

    Me, I prefer a big ol’ chunk of smoked thymus. Just seems to start the day off right.

  • 9 MST3Kelly on Oct 1, 2008 at 4:13 am

    it’s a re-working of a tune from Martin Denny’s 1959 album ‘Baconique’ I believe.
    or it could be the mellow rave hit from 1992, ‘I’m Smoked’ by the Baconics, as heard on ‘Hearts of Space.’
    either way, it spells yum.

  • 10 Siskita on Oct 1, 2008 at 4:57 am

    What the hell is “liquid smoke”?

  • 11 Invisible Cracker Mom on Oct 1, 2008 at 5:26 am

    I found this entry on Wikipedia:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liquid_smoke

    I love where the description reads, ‘By removing the tar from solution, the carcinogen level [of liquid smoke] can be reduced considerably.’
    When I was a kid we had a small bottle of this substance in the cupboard. I unscrewed the cap, smelled it, and put some on my finger. The taste was like rancid teriyaki sauce mixed with ethanol and motor oil. My fingertip reeked of this hideous substance through multiple washings for hours.

  • 12 Karen Han on Oct 1, 2008 at 5:33 am

    I love this show. I dont have cable, my fiance does but its definitely very inteesting. discovery channel=awesome!

  • 13 Tim on Oct 1, 2008 at 5:43 am

    You could have just said “found while looking for the most awful subject that can be brought to mind”, and many (if not all) of us would have immediately assumed you meant “beef salivary glands”.

  • 14 Adam on Oct 1, 2008 at 5:46 am

    I imagine the management keeps a very close watch on these poor people, like that one Kids in the Hall sketch about the sausage factory.

    Imagine having bacon around you all the time and being unable to sample it for fear of losing your job. Those people are unsung heroes.

    Also, crunchy bacon? Gross.

  • 15 Adam on Oct 1, 2008 at 5:46 am

    The title of my forthcoming lounge album.

  • 16 Casey on Oct 1, 2008 at 7:11 am

    I just thought that Baconoramma’s “I want Bacon” infinitely more appropriate and dignified than the Bacon rave tunes.

  • 17 Bill Corbett on Oct 1, 2008 at 7:21 am

    “Would Rifftrax like to be a sponsor for Crunchy Promises, my new bacon rehabilitation center?”

    I’d actually like to check in. IF there’s bacon.

  • 18 blablover5 on Oct 1, 2008 at 7:26 am

    Ah come on, you can’t have a video about how bacons made without the exanguination of the pig carcass or the acid bath. It’s like a bouncy, bloody ride to flavor.

    As for offal, I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not but a lot of it (especially bull testicles) reminds me of meat we got in our school lunches in grade school.

  • 19 Smuttynose on Oct 1, 2008 at 7:33 am

    “It’s into the Drench Cabinet for a shower in liquid smoke.”

    Man, that brings back soooo many college memories.

  • 20 camcat on Oct 1, 2008 at 7:59 am

    I didn’t know you could “bombard” anything with smoke, liquid or otherwise. That fact, combined with the mile long microwave, makes me feel extra educated today. Thank you so very much.
    PS, I imagine that working in a bacon factory is much like working in an ice cream parlor (only redder) in that the smart bosses encourage you to eat all you want, and by the end of the week, the smell of the product alone will make you wanna barf. Shades of “a Clockwork Orange”!!

  • 21 Tim on Oct 1, 2008 at 8:04 am

    Jazz flute?

  • 22 Ninjew on Oct 1, 2008 at 9:31 am

    Wow! To hell with Bacon – this whole “Pork Rinds” thing they make sounds MUCH more interesting!

    In fact, I might just give up bacon for pork rinds, unless the two great tastes taste great together, that is.

    Hmm… pork rinds with a side of bacon…

    Now THAT’S a meal!

  • 23 Ninjew on Oct 1, 2008 at 9:34 am

    Best of all, now that Rosh Hashanah is over, I can dig in!

  • 24 Smuttynose on Oct 1, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Now THAT’S funny!

  • 25 jason on Oct 1, 2008 at 11:53 am

    In celebration of October, the month of Halloween and his death, I give you Vincent Price’s ode to pork…

  • 26 jason on Oct 1, 2008 at 11:54 am

    Oh yeah, the link:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amICZ1aVaCg

  • 27 RemmieBarrow on Oct 1, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    That is a big if.

  • 28 Auntie Maim on Oct 1, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Wow…can you imagine being a Bacon Inspector? How cool would that be? Getting PAID to stare at, and judge the merits of, bacon all day?

    I’ll bet those bacon factory workers have the most affectionate dogs in the world.

  • 29 Jeff Possberg on Oct 9, 2008 at 2:04 am

    These comments are a lot of fun to read. I work in Quality Assurance IN a bacon factory. Although there are some differences between our process and the one videotaped above (we’ve experimented with liquid smoke, but have found burning actual wood chips in smokehouses to be more effective), the finished product doesn’t stray too far from what’s shown above.

    Working in a bacon factory is fairly similar to Willy Wonka’s factory. Except more children survive the tours.