Occasionally my dog Boomer feels compelled to review a movie, generally when that movie includes a dog or dogs, and this fall’s releases promise to keep him busy.
BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA: No Paws (out of four)
Okay, let’s get this straight: Chihuahuas are not dogs. They’re long-legged mutant rats developed by Nazi scientists in the 1930s and smuggled into Mexico with the hopes of spreading Bubonic Plague across the North American continent. This opinion has been widely held by most breeds and cross-breeds of dogs for decades. So for us to tart up these plague-ridden voles in diamond collars and set them dancing is like having a chorus line of Khmer Rouge perform selections from “Gypsy” on rice paddies.
Just watch these little bastards as the movie unfolds. They love being treated like royalty. They make jokes about humping, scratching and excretion as if those were bad things. And as if that’s not sinister enough, they amass in ordered groups to perform lock-step close-order drills that pass as “dance numbers.” I felt my flesh crawl.
Oh and by the way, Chihuahuas don’t sound anything like Paul Rodriguez, Cheech Marin or any of the other fine Latino actors and comics who were duped into participating in this sham. Chihuahuas sound like Hitler. Every last one of them. If I could work an MP3 player I’d show you. Slow down their shrill incessant yips and you’ll hear the frothing demands for a new order. But no, go on, keep spending your hard-earned money, laughing at the little parade of rodent stormtroopers, spreading their message of hate and world dominance. Don’t listen to me; what do I know? I’m just a friggin’ dog.
33 responses so far ↓
1 Kyle from Maine on Oct 7, 2008 at 3:13 pm
My dog would say the same thing, if she could write movie reviews, or even comprehend what a movie is.
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2 RemmieBarrow on Oct 7, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Jeeze, althought I agree with Boomer about the movie, some of his comments sound a tad bit racist. Maybe Boomer needs to look at “Skipper Learns a Leason” for just a moment.
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Reply from Erik on October 7, 2008:
I know, especially where he calls Paul Rodriguez a “fine Latino actor.” The nerve!
Reply from Boomer on October 7, 2008:
Racist? I don’t know what that means. Breedist? Probably.
-Boomer
Reply from Nanobots on October 9, 2008:
Racist: That’s where you prefer dog-breeds which can consistently run faster than Chihuahuas.
3 Auntie Maim on Oct 7, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Once again, I am proud to align myself with the canine party. Thank you, Boomer, for speaking out against ignorance.
Hey, does either of our main presidential candidates even own a dog? Why have we not heard about this? What’s wrong with this country??
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4 Olcas on Oct 7, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Eh, I’m a cat person myself. My cat would probably eat one of these Hitler dogs, which I have NEVER seen in real-life, and therefore consider to be a conspiracy…
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Reply from Nanobots on October 8, 2008:
WRT cats, consider:
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-orange-jabba-cat.jpg
5 LINDSEY on Oct 7, 2008 at 6:06 pm
BOOMER
LOOKING FOR SINGLE DOGS IN YOUR TOWN — LOOK NO FURTHER - WE ARE READY ADN WILLING TO FULFILL YOU EVERY DESIRE - KAKARTA PRESIDENT MUBAI FROM THE FINANCIAL SITUALRIO FROM THE JAKARTA BORDER MET TO ABSCOND NINE STEREO EQUIPMENT. PERSIAN SAIL BOATS IN THE CONGO FURTIVE RETROACTIVE LED POLICIES
http://lh6.ggpht.com/_fYJJCmrTu-w/RleUSdD9sVI/AAAAAAAAAys/VZ7Y4lVVOU0/P5160071.JPG
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6 Onil on Oct 7, 2008 at 6:30 pm
If you could work an MP3 player? If?
Do you mean to tell me, Boomer, that Kevin hasn’t yet bought you an iPOD touch? For shame. Shame on you, Kevin.
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Reply from Boomer on October 8, 2008:
Nice sentiment, but I’d probably chew it up, as I did to his phone.
-Boomer
7 jonthi on Oct 7, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Beverly Hills Chihuahua a well made movie that contains lot of action
Though it is based on pets grab any ones heart by dubbing. Fantastic and fascinating movie for anyone can enjoy I thought. It is on http://www.80millionmoviesfree.com
Suite to my needs took it from there very easily and even had many options to fallow like burn it to ipod.
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Reply from Boomer on October 8, 2008:
Thank you, jonthi. I’ll just assume you’re from China. Say hello to “Suite to my needs.”
-Boomer
8 Mr. Slick on Oct 7, 2008 at 9:56 pm
I couldn’t agree more with Boomer!
Good boyBoomer! Good boy!!!
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9 Ben on Oct 8, 2008 at 4:33 am
Sorry, but Boomer will never be up to the levels of Zack the Dog’s reviews for Toyfare magazine. “That is all. Poop.”
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10 MSTJedi on Oct 8, 2008 at 4:42 am
My kids keep talking about this movie as if it’s a good thing. I just try to change the subject. I figure if I do that long enough, the next super hero movie will come out and make them forget about it.
And is it just me or has this comments section been spammed a couple times?
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Reply from Smuttynose on October 8, 2008:
“And is it just me or has this comments section been spammed a couple times?”
It seems so!
I mean, what the heck is “Though it is based on pets grab any ones heart by dubbing”.
Sheesh.
Reply from Danni on October 8, 2008:
LOL -
“options to fallow like burn it to ipod”
TIME FOR GO TO BED!!!
Reply from Auntie Maim on October 8, 2008:
I thought it was real commenters trying to be funny…but maybe I was confusing this with engrish.com. They do both have bacon.
11 Tim S. Turner on Oct 8, 2008 at 5:36 am
Happy Birthday, Mike! What are ya, 25, 26?
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Reply from Danni on October 8, 2008:
I thought Mike’s birthday wasn’t until Saturday?
12 ldt on Oct 8, 2008 at 5:51 am
the dog is right…
http://www.worth1000.com/entries/117000/117263HMOL_w.jpg
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13 blablover5 on Oct 8, 2008 at 5:52 am
It is a wonder that the little Nazi rat dogs made it at all. I mean they were clearly a little slapped together towards the end, what with them requiring sweaters to keep from freezing and baubles on their collars so their heads stay balance on their toothpick necks.
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14 Mystok on Oct 8, 2008 at 5:56 am
This is nothing but propaganda by the Chihuahua elite to bring down the work of the war kittens. They are in cahoots with the suicide squirrel squads and ninjas (the ninjas are only in so far as their hatred of pirates).
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15 Katie M. on Oct 8, 2008 at 8:21 am
Before I even read the review I knew it wasn’t good news — Boomer looks pretty dang cheesed-off in that photo.
BTW, I thought dachshunds were the Nazi dogs…..?
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16 Botch on Oct 8, 2008 at 9:04 am
Boomer needs a hug.
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Reply from Heather on October 8, 2008:
Boomer needs a life jacket, if he’s going to go pontooning in that picture. Safety first, little dude– we need you! The world must know the truth about chihuahuas (and movies)!
Reply from Boomer on October 8, 2008:
Thanks, but I prefer a belly scritch. Hugs make me paranoid. Oh, and I’m a damned good swimmer.
-Boomer
17 R.A. Roth on Oct 8, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Boomer is da man, and by man I mean dog.
Randy
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Reply from Anthony on October 9, 2008:
He’s the man now, dog?
18 Krepta on Oct 9, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Hey, is Boomer related to Humphrey? Or did you just like cockers so much you got another one?
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19 musichyper on Dec 2, 2008 at 2:19 pm
This movie was a lot of fun. A great kids movie with plenty of humor. The only gripe I have is the story not being very original. I love George Lopez.
I Hyped Beverly Hills Chihuahua on Everhype and gave it 89% which I think is fairly accurate.
http://www.everhype.com/hyper/mikeborgia?X=M771
I wouldn’t mind getting some opinions on it . If you get on there, rate me a 5 & request friendship.
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20 Jackson on Mar 4, 2009 at 2:11 am
Great movie. Nowadays hollywood has done a great job for launching new movies like batman, ironman … and a lot of cartoon movies. Quite enjoy watching movies on theater and sometimes online. I just go here http://www.fullmoviesonline.org to watch movies online. You have better recommendation?
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