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Swayze Regional Semi-Final

October 9th, 2008 by Conor Lastowka · 14 Comments

After a brief cooling off period, let’s finish this thing up!  What the hell am I talking about?  Started reading the blog within the past six months did you?  Catch up with the project here

Swayze Regional Round 2

CA winner vs MA winner

The Bay State vs. The State that Contains the Bay Area.  The Bay State rolls off the tongue much easier, but while we all know where the “Bay Area” is, many of us would not be able to identify The Bay State.  So the competition must come down to this:  how awesome is Massachusettses gun?  For while it is definitely sweet to but a really big gun on your state quarter, is that negated at all by the fact that it looks like the soldier holding it was modeled after a plastic army man?  I say yes.  I say that negates the awesomeness of the quarter immensely.

Winner: California – Though it may be possible to argue that the freaky, bearded John Muir may have greatly inspired Devendra Banhart, at least Mr. Muir and his scenic surroundings don’t melt into a pile of goo after 15 seconds in the microwave

Nebraska vs NH winner

These two these quarters both depict rock formations that would easily qualify as grounds for divorce without visitation rights if a parent were to make them the destination for a summer vacation. They are two “attractions” from the “stand around looking at them for a while, then go home” school of attractions.  The Nebraska quarter, in fact, depicts the first family to ever have the kids refuse to get out of the backseat of the car to go look at a monument (I tried to do this at Abraham Lincoln’s birthplace and my dad nearly pulled me out of the car through the window.)  However, one can’t help but deduct immense amounts of points for the contrasting sentiment of New Hampshire’s “Live Free or Die” slogan with the fact that it’s rock formation of choice now ceases to exist.

Winner: Nebraska - In the kind of victory that Charlie Brown’s baseball team would hope for every week, Chimney Rock wins by being the only one able to show up

Swayze Regional Semi-Final

8 state quarters remain!  Who will emerge victorious!  We’ll find out in the next round, and hopefully it won’t take half a year this time!

Tags: RiffTrax · bracketology · currency · state quarters

14 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Kyle from Maine on Oct 9, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    First my home state of Maine doesn’t win, now the state that I currently live in, Massachusetts, is out of the running. When will the horror end?!?!?!

  • 2 Suzanne on Oct 9, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    I demand you take this post down immediately.

    I mean, seriously, just the other day you were completely ignoring my obsessive calls for state (quarter) reform and instead bitching about Cat Fancy and cooking up mountains of bacon. Now you gotta go and post this. You remove my reason for existence by giving into my demands, and I hate you even more for it.

    Besides, what the hell am I supposed to do with this Facebook group now?!

  • 3 RemmieBarrow on Oct 9, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    So, which state do you think cooks up more bacon, California or Nebraska?

  • 4 Heather on Oct 9, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    Turn it into a site loudly protesting his judgment if Alaska loses? Or, if it wins, turn it into a campaign to have Conor appointed Treasury Secretary, replacing Mr. Paulson.

    If all else fails, petition for the Currency Olympics. I predict the Euro would go down in the first round.

  • 5 gojikranz on Oct 9, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    california is gonna breeze by the next round. but alaska all the way.

  • 6 Smuttynose on Oct 10, 2008 at 4:38 am

    Massachusetts HAS A GUN! Way cooler.

    You’re a homer, Conor. So obvious.

  • 7 blablover5 on Oct 10, 2008 at 5:52 am

    You’re kidding right?

    We’ll throw in a side of steer to go with that bacon.

  • 8 Conor Lastowka on Oct 10, 2008 at 7:19 am

    If only Axl Rose had someone like you Suzanne, Chinese Democracy would have been released years ago…

  • 9 Nerf on Oct 10, 2008 at 7:22 am

    Yay! Now I can go back to using my quarters as action figures!

  • 10 Ben on Oct 10, 2008 at 8:17 am

    Hmm…I thought the California quarter had one of the survivors of the Donner Party…and I thought the Nebraska quarter showed the Donner Party on their way to California.

    Doesn’t Nevada’s quarter feature just a pile of bones and the word “burp”?

  • 11 Tv Miller on Oct 10, 2008 at 8:32 am

    Directed to Conor and not his clearly homosexual agenda with rolling “Bay Area” off the tongue…

    Check this out —

  • 12 euphoriafish on Oct 10, 2008 at 2:59 pm

    Man, now it ends. But really I stopped caring when I found out Kentucky was no longer in the running. How DARE you eliminate our talking horse! You are not WORTHY to yackety yack or speak, or to waste the very TIME OF DAY of our talking horse!!!!!

    However, I don’t fault you at all for not wanting to visit Lincoln’s birthplace. If I’ve ever been to Hardin Co. KY, my brain doesn’t want me to remember the experience. And as for Lincoln, the boyhood home in Indiana is a much better monument. You can pick cotton and play with chickens there!

  • 13 Kyle on Oct 14, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    Whoa now! I didn’t just get out of the vehicle to see Chimney Rock, I climbed it. Not the best idea since it is made from limestone and it crumbles easily. In fact, now it is fenced off so you can’t steal chunks from it and write your name over some long dead settlers name. I like to think I contributed to the saving of this state attraction through my vandalism.