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Why American children hate vegetables.

October 23rd, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 36 Comments

It started in the mid-1950s, when the Evil Grey Hellspawn Jolly Green Giant first appeared to sponsor the Mickey Rooney Show:

The association between vegetable and leering plant-demon* was forever etched in the young American mind.

And then, for the final nail in the vege-coffin, came THIS.

(* did someone say plant-demon?)

Tags: RiffTrax

36 responses so far ↓

  • 1 secretidcrisis on Oct 23, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    It’s like the most frightening deleted scene from Clash of the Titans. Scarier than Harry Hamlin in a skirt.

    Also scarier than any single moment in The Happening.

  • 2 Ryan on Oct 23, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    It’s the Jolly GREEN Giant. Yes, it’s black and white, but take our word for it kids. You can trust us, we’re the ones trying to trick you into eating icky veggies.

    Also, why is it stop motion animation yet it looks like a guy in a costume?

    You’ve already riffed on a guy in green makup (spectacularly, too, I might add) Please, please riff HULK (2003). Please.

  • 3 Rob T Firefly on Oct 23, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    The strangest component to the Ritual of Greater Canned Goods Summoning is how the cans in his hands disappear, and he leans a bit further forward to re-summon them.

  • 4 Karen Han on Oct 23, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    me no understand linky. it just goes to big giant evil corporation of cheapness.

  • 5 Chris D. on Oct 23, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    Is it just me or does the Jolly Green Giant kind of look like Neil Young?

  • 6 MST3Kelly on Oct 24, 2008 at 2:08 am

    that leviathan must have spawned out of the irradiated dusts of Alamagordo. rising from the Trinitite, he scented the vegetable-perfumed air of the fertile agricultural vistas of Nebraska. leaving the deserts behind, he claimed himself a new kingdom amidst the green rows of nutritious stalks.
    when he tired of can conjuring, he would leave his farmlands to indulge in a lost weekend in Vegas with the Amazing Colossal Man.

  • 7 NavarezElectro on Oct 24, 2008 at 3:42 am

    And here is Dan D. Pea, one of the Green Giant’s leguminous henchmen.

  • 8 ShawnBoy on Oct 24, 2008 at 4:27 am

    No no no and no…. I would rather see the newest Incredible Hulk Movie that came out this year riffed.

  • 9 chrismartindeed on Oct 24, 2008 at 4:35 am

    Are you implying that vegans exist solely to serve the Great Old Ones?

  • 10 ShawnBoy on Oct 24, 2008 at 4:37 am

    Oh yea a giant talking vegetable man in spandex who’s message breaks down roughly to ” Eat Me ” really makes a kid hungry for veggies. The later adds that depicted him saying ” Ho, Ho, Ho, Green Giant ” really makes you think. That is it makes me think he’s a giant green pimp. Then again he could have been giving Santa a run for his money, they did air the commercials frequently during the holidays.

    Kid: ” Oh boy snow, can I go out and play? ”
    Mom: ” Not until you eat all your vegetables! ”
    Kid: ” Ok Mommy, but this little green guy won’t go down, he’s putting up a fight! ”
    Mom: ” For heaven’s sake, stop playing with your food before you get him stuck in your nose again.”

  • 11 Ben on Oct 24, 2008 at 4:40 am

    Wait. Let’s not gloss over something mentioned above. Mickey Rooney had a show? Horrors!

    Combine that with the satanic nature of that commercial (which, by the way, might explain why I spent my childhood years avoiding the consumption of veggies like the plague) and we think we have undeniable proof that the 50s were a dark, evil time in America and not just the age of Chachi plowing Joanie.

  • 12 Ben on Oct 24, 2008 at 4:45 am

    Oh, here is an even scarier version in green. I think it is worse to me than the grey one somehow because it looks like Linda Blair vomited pea soup all over the image.

  • 13 Smuttynose on Oct 24, 2008 at 5:02 am



    *snicker snicker*

  • 14 Smuttynose on Oct 24, 2008 at 5:05 am

    In other news:


  • 15 NanoRiffite on Oct 24, 2008 at 5:12 am

    It’s just you. You look like Neil Young. For one, Neil Young isn’t even grey. Well, except for the hair.

  • 16 BEMaven on Oct 24, 2008 at 5:20 am


    He’s not only freakishly huge, but dyslexic.

  • 17 Adam on Oct 24, 2008 at 5:40 am

    The worst part is when he conjures cans of vegetables in his hands, spins them around…and then they disappear. Then he bends over for some reason…AND THE CANS APPEAR AGAIN.

    I don’t quite know why that horrifies me, but it does.

  • 18 Ryan on Oct 24, 2008 at 5:40 am

    That is the only thing that would make sense of vegans.

  • 19 ShawnBoy on Oct 24, 2008 at 6:04 am

    Well at least we know he’s regular…..

  • 20 Onil on Oct 24, 2008 at 6:05 am

    I bet the music Charles Manson heard in his head sounded just like the music for the commercial.

  • 21 MonkeyCheezPants on Oct 24, 2008 at 10:32 am

    Why not both?

  • 22 MonkeyCheezPants on Oct 24, 2008 at 10:34 am

    “D. Pea?” Am I the only one that thinks that explains Dan’s facial expression?

  • 23 The Tingler on Oct 24, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Good for both, but the first is more stupidly serious.

  • 24 Adam on Oct 24, 2008 at 11:25 am

    There’s nothing regular about that, and no amount of fiber would correct it.

  • 25 RemmieBarrow on Oct 24, 2008 at 12:15 pm

    OK..if I saw a green looking giant that looked like that…I would run the other way…right toward a giant pile of bacon!

  • 26 Jer on Oct 24, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    i decided to freeze frame what i thought was the scariest moment…then add some not-that-funny text…

  • 27 ShawnBoy on Oct 24, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    Damn Criss Angel impersonators!!

  • 28 ShawnBoy on Oct 24, 2008 at 11:18 pm

    That’s odd, the man says it’s corn but the label clearly reads “Niblets” …. Conspiracy anyone??

  • 29 ShawnBoy on Oct 24, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    Well it sucked but at least it was short.

  • 30 Laughing Sal on Oct 25, 2008 at 5:42 am

    Cthulhu loves brussels sprouts.

  • 31 Natureboy (Ken) on Oct 25, 2008 at 9:56 am

    You eat that much vegatation, and it would be just like the Hulk…….COLON SMASH!

  • 32 Fifty "Percent" Kreiger on Oct 26, 2008 at 4:32 am

    Can that “green” THING die?

    Why does he have LEAN in? Like his inhuman sneer and eerie stop-motion ass aren’t horrifically imposing already.

  • 33 Brian O. on Oct 28, 2008 at 10:27 pm

    The Incredible Hulk offers us our first legitimate opportunity to repeat the “He tried to kill me with a forklift!” joke from Fugitive Alien!

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